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Dumpshock Forums _ Shadowrun _ [RL] "Street Sam" for Hire
Posted by: Mr. Man Apr 23 2006, 06:25 AM
I'm no criminal mastermind, but it occurs to me that anyone in posession of skills (any skills) worth $10M probably wouldn't need to advertise them on eBay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4455852432
In case it gets removed (which seems likely):
| QUOTE |
| BODYGUARD,MECHANIC,WHEELMAN,HENCHMAN,BAGMAN MY LOYALTY, FRIENDSHIP AND SKILLS ARE FOR SALE Advertised price: US $10,000,000.00 List date: Apr-14-06 18:17:24 PDT Location: Boulder City, NV, United States Seller: cyclepartsrus ( 1 ) Feedback: 100% Positive Member: since Jan-26-04 in United States HERE'S WHAT YOU GET! 35 YEAR OLD PROFESSIONAL RACER QUALITY DRIVER FAMILIAR WITH DEFENSIVE AS WELL AS AGGRESSIVE DRIVING SKILLS. PROFESSIONAL MECHANIC AND AUTOMOTIVE MAINTENACE SPECIALIST WITH OWN TOOLS AND EQUIPTMENT. I HAVE A SPECIAL GIFT FOR MOTORCYCLES! PERSONAL SECURITY SPECIALIST FAMILIAR WITH ALL TYPES OF HAND TO HAND AS WELL AS WEAPONIZED COMBAT! WHATEVER THE SITUATION MAY CALL FOR! PROFESSIONAL QUALITY CRIMINAL MIND WITH VERY MENACING SIZE AND PRESENCE WITH A HISTORY OF MULTIPLE FELONY AS WELL AS MISDEMEANER CONVICTIONS.I AM CANDID ABOUT MY PAST BECAUSE ANYONE WORTH WORKING FOR WILL PEFORM BACKGROUND CHECKS AND FIND OUT ANYWAY.I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO BE "ASHAMED" OF! I CONSIDER THESE TO BE ASSETS. MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE LEGAL SYSTEM HAS TAUGHT ME HOW TO QUICKLY SIZE UP SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE! LETS JUST SAY I AM NOT AFRAID TO DRAW OUTSIDE THE LINES! I AM SEEKING PERMENENT EMPLOYMENT WITH SOMEONE WHO NOT ONLY CAN AFFORD MY SKILLS BUT IS DESERVING OF MY LOYALTY AND FRIENDSHIP. I WISH TO PROTECT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FROM WHATEVER SITUATIONS YOU MAY ENCOUNTER AND AM WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE SO TO SPEAK ! I WOULD PREFER SOMEONE WHO SHARES MY FETISH FOR AUTOS ,MOTORCYCLES AND OTHER TOYS. THAT WAY YOU CAN TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF ALL OF MY SKILLS.I AM A STRAIGHT FORWARD GET IT DONE KIND OF GUY AND BELIEVE THAT THE BEST WAY FOR YOU TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY FROM THE "BOOGEYMAN" IS TO HAVE HIM IN YOUR EMPLOY! I AM WILLING TO TRAVEL OR RELOCATE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD INCLUDING THE "HOT" ZONES ! I AM EXCELLENT WITH CHILDREN AND PETS. DONT LET THE 10,000,000 PRICE FOOL YOU, IT IS A MEANS TO REACH A DEMOGRAPHIC. IF YOU ARE LOOKING AT 10 MILLION DOLLAR HOMES THEN YOU MIGHT NEED MY SERVICES. EMPLOYMENT CAN BE ON A CONTRACTUAL BASIS WHICH CAN BE NEGOTIATED DEPENDING ON YOUR PARTICULAR NEEDS. REFERENCES AND CRIMINAL RECORD WILL BE SUPPLIED AFTER INITIAL INTERVIEW . MAKE NO MISTAKE I AM NO "SCUMBAG" BUT A PROFESSIONAL WHO LIVES BY A CODE. I AM HIGHLY INTELLEGENT AND COMFORTABLE IN ANY SITUATION. YOU CAN CONTACT ME AT 702 219 4811 TO SCHEDULE AN INTERVIEW ASK FOR SCOTT |
Posted by: Kyuhan Apr 23 2006, 06:28 AM
....Whoa. Any Batmen out there need an Alfred? 
Posted by: Dranem Apr 23 2006, 06:29 AM
Makes one wish that e-bay were a little more selective and screened auctions better...
Like the handyman for sale (George needs a vacation, and we need a vacation from George) auction, this one is clearly bogus.
If not then whoever posted this needs serious psychiatric help.
Posted by: mfb Apr 23 2006, 06:31 AM
the all caps makes me want to trust him.
Posted by: nick012000 Apr 23 2006, 06:35 AM
*emails link to Blackwater Security's human resources division*
Posted by: fistandantilus3.0 Apr 23 2006, 06:50 AM
seems somehow appropriate that he's in Vegas.
Posted by: frostPDP Apr 23 2006, 07:42 AM
Wow. 1337 much? I guess you can't get arrested for this sort of thing, can you? The best part is this:
"REFERENCES AND CRIMINAL RECORD WILL BE SUPPLIED AFTER INITIAL INTERVIEW"
I mean really. That just takes trying. Just the kind of person I, as a corporate yuppie who rakes in over 10 million a year, want to have watching my children.
Instead of one 10-million goon, why not hire 10 1-million dollar goons? I don't know what top-of-the-line bodyguard prices run, but its gotta be less than that!
Posted by: Kyuhan Apr 23 2006, 09:21 AM
I think it might be a lifetime price or something.
Posted by: Dranem Apr 23 2006, 09:39 AM
If I was in the market for a 10 million $ home, I wouldn't be scouring e-bay for crackheads who claim they are professionals.. I'd seek a known reputable agent.
Posted by: fistandantilus3.0 Apr 23 2006, 10:26 AM
| QUOTE (Kyuhan) |
| I think it might be a lifetime price or something. |
who wants a body guard for a lifetime!? Really, what good is a 70 yr old body guard? And what, are they supposed to pay the 10M up front, or in installments? Seriosuly, this guy might be able to get some work if he dropped off some zeroes. But otherwise, he's either just wasting his time, or posting a stupid joke and wasting some money.
Posted by: Grinder Apr 23 2006, 10:29 AM
If I understand his text correct, he don't want 10M.
Just call him and ask for details, including the price for his service 
Posted by: Thanee Apr 23 2006, 10:48 AM
| QUOTE (mfb) |
| the all caps makes me want to trust him. |
C'mon, he has a 100% positive feedback.
Bye
Thanee
Posted by: fistandantilus3.0 Apr 23 2006, 11:03 AM
| QUOTE (Grinder) |
| Just call him and ask for details, including the price for his service |
I still don't think I agree with is credentials. I mean really, he gives having a criminal record as a reason to hire him. A criminal record says that he did something bad, and got caught doing it. And if I read this right, he did something bad, and got caught, multiple times. That doesn't really inspire confidence in me. Maybe he should list exactly what it was that he did wrong and got caught doing. I mean, if he was a shop lifter that didn't pay his taxes, and was an a occasional peeping tom, I don' think his services are going to be that high in demand.
Posted by: Kremlin KOA Apr 23 2006, 01:44 PM
hey If I get convicted I will have a serious record soon
for severe violence perpetrated on a serial child rapist
should I be ashamed?
Posted by: Grinder Apr 23 2006, 02:05 PM
| QUOTE (Kremlin KOA) |
| hey If I get convicted I will have a serious record soon for severe violence perpetrated on a serial child rapist should I be ashamed? |
This debate shouldn't be discussed here, please.
Posted by: Kagetenshi Apr 23 2006, 02:13 PM
| QUOTE (Kremlin KOA) |
| hey If I get convicted I will have a serious record soon for severe violence perpetrated on a serial child rapist should I be ashamed? |
Yes, and what Grinder said.
~J
Posted by: toturi Apr 23 2006, 02:14 PM
| QUOTE (fistandantilus3.0) | ||
who wants a body guard for a lifetime!? Really, what good is a 70 yr old body guard? And what, are they supposed to pay the 10M up front, or in installments? Seriosuly, this guy might be able to get some work if he dropped off some zeroes. But otherwise, he's either just wasting his time, or posting a stupid joke and wasting some money. |
Hey, look at it as an investment. All it takes to break even is Leonisation.
Posted by: Kem Apr 23 2006, 02:45 PM
I wouldn't trust any bodyguard that wants to be paid a large sum up front for a lifetime.
Doesn't give him much incentive to actually guard me.
Posted by: Platinum Apr 23 2006, 03:08 PM
| QUOTE (fistandantilus3.0) | ||
I still don't think I agree with is credentials. I mean really, he gives having a criminal record as a reason to hire him. A criminal record says that he did something bad, and got caught doing it. And if I read this right, he did something bad, and got caught, multiple times. That doesn't really inspire confidence in me. Maybe he should list exactly what it was that he did wrong and got caught doing. I mean, if he was a shop lifter that didn't pay his taxes, and was an a occasional peeping tom, I don' think his services are going to be that high in demand. |
You find out after the interview that his crimes where FRAUD related.
Posted by: Dog Apr 25 2006, 04:08 PM
I'd want a guy who could use spell check.
"Misdemeaner"?
Posted by: emo samurai Apr 25 2006, 04:25 PM
Heh, "Invalid Item."
Posted by: Dog Apr 25 2006, 04:28 PM
Ooh, ooh! I just had a great idea:
Chargen contest! 3ed rules. 120 points. Or whatever. Who can create the best version of "Scott" that thoroughly captures what you think of when you read his ad?
This should be fun....
Posted by: emo samurai Apr 25 2006, 04:33 PM
He'd be, like, 10 BP, tops.
Posted by: Kremlin KOA Apr 25 2006, 05:53 PM
10BPs in SR4
Posted by: Dog Apr 25 2006, 06:58 PM
Careful, Scott might hear you.
Posted by: bustedkarma Apr 26 2006, 07:04 PM
Scott would make an awesome fall guy for a Run.
He's got a record, advertised "less-than-legal" services (in a public forum) and doesn't seem like the brightest star in the sky.
Posted by: emo samurai Apr 26 2006, 07:05 PM
And if you ever need someone to spam forums with posts in all caps, all you need is 10 million dollars, and he'll do it for life.
Actually, that doesn't seem like a bad deal.
Posted by: Dog Apr 27 2006, 03:29 PM
Perhaps "Scott" is a little-known alias for Chuck Norris.
Posted by: emo samurai Apr 27 2006, 03:39 PM
Nah, Chuck Norris is worth, like, ten times that much.
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