Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format
Dumpshock Forums _ Shadowrun _ List of stupid/ funny wireless boni
Posted by: Medicineman Aug 23 2013, 04:32 AM
Hey everyone
since I'm a little mad at the wireless boni in SR5 (and I guess I'm not the only one) I thought it would be fun to start a thread to collect some "silly" bonuses
If You want to participate You're welcome 
But please stay civil
I'll start with someone else's Bonus:
Ladies Handbag WiFi Bonus
You need only 1d6 Rds to find an Item instead of 1d6 Minutes
with a funny Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 23 2013, 05:13 AM
Airline Life Vests WiFi Bonus
Inflates automatically upon hitting the water, as opposed to whatever action is necessary for you to pull the little red cords.
Posted by: Rubic Aug 23 2013, 05:41 AM
Mr Studd wireless bonus:
Provides +2 body dice for teamwork tests involving it, even if this increases your Body over the +4 Stat boost limit. Wearing a synched biomonitor adds an additional +2 bonus.
Posted by: Umidori Aug 23 2013, 05:44 AM
Penile Implant
Wireless Bonus: Adds its Rating as a positive modifier to its Concealability.
~Umi
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 23 2013, 06:04 AM
Wireless Bonus: Adds its Rating as a positive modifier to its Concealability.
~Umi
Wireless Bonus: Adds its Rating as a positive modifier to Seduction tests.
Posted by: Isath Aug 23 2013, 06:20 AM
Comlink
Wireless Bonus: Wirelessly connects you to the matrix
Posted by: Makki Aug 23 2013, 06:33 AM
Rollerskates
Wireless Bonus: Increases Accuray for performing stunts by 2.
Microwave
Wireless Bonus: Provides a +2 Bonus to all Cooking tests.
Posted by: Dancer Aug 23 2013, 06:49 AM
Cat: You may specify the species of dead bird it leaves on your pillow.
Posted by: FuelDrop Aug 23 2013, 10:32 AM
Bullet.
Wireless bonus: Informs you when your gun jams.
Flashlight.
Wireless bonus: Informs you when it is dark.
Socks.
Wireless bonus: Informs you that your feet smell. (do not allow an AI to inhabit this node)
Posted by: Medicineman Aug 23 2013, 10:36 AM
Socks
WiFi bonus tells you wether its the right or left Sock
with a barefoot Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: FuelDrop Aug 23 2013, 10:40 AM
WiFi bonus tells you wether its the right or left Sock
with a barefoot Dance
Medicineman
That's useful! I can never tell the difference!
Posted by: Makki Aug 23 2013, 10:46 AM
Toiletseat
When Wifi enabled it automatically syncs with household's commlinks and biomonitors and goes either up or down depending on the next user.
Posted by: Dolanar Aug 23 2013, 10:48 AM
Toiletseat: Wifi- detects the presence of a woman & automatically lowers after every flush if a woman is present
Posted by: thorya Aug 23 2013, 11:05 AM
Cybernetic tongue, wireless bonus: Talking is a free action
Beer Bottle. With wireless you can monitor the amount of beer remaining. If wireless is disabled, you will have no idea how much beer is in the bottle.
Framing Hammer- Laser guide. Increases accuracy on each swing by 2. Wireless bonus: Gives a +2 dice pool modifier.
Bar stool. Wireless allows you to sit down as a free action.
Closed circuit T.V. and wired alarms. Wireless bonus: Your system can now be compromised by hackers.
Posted by: Umidori Aug 23 2013, 11:08 AM
Hamburger - Wireless Bonus: You may eat a portion of the hamburger as a Free Action instead of a Simple Action.
~Umi
Posted by: mister__joshua Aug 23 2013, 11:13 AM
Wireless bonus: Informs you when it is dark.
Can this be accompanied by an 80s text adventure style pop-up?
It is dark. Would you like to use Torch? Y/N
Posted by: Umidori Aug 23 2013, 11:29 AM
> N
You have been eatten by a wireless-enabled grue.
~Umi
Posted by: Fiddler Aug 23 2013, 11:53 AM
Credstick- allows access to money as a... hey where did it go?
Posted by: Umidori Aug 23 2013, 12:03 PM
That's... that's actually a legitimate thought.
If you connect one device to another with a wire, but the second device is Matrix enabled, the first device can be hacked. Consequently, a credstick could, in theory, be hacked during the brief time in which it is slotted into a commlink or similar.
~Umi
Posted by: Medicineman Aug 23 2013, 12:21 PM
Shoes :
Wirelesss Bonus
warns You when you're about to tie the shoestrings with an "unopenable" knot
HougH!
Medicineman
Posted by: Mach_Ten Aug 23 2013, 12:45 PM
Sun-Glasses : connects to a Matrix database of witty one liners, also adds +2 to any investigation / interrogation rolls
Posted by: Blade Aug 23 2013, 01:05 PM
Wire: You can connect to it without plugging it in.
Skinlink: You can get hacked. And where did you get that Skinlink in the first place?
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 23 2013, 01:28 PM
If you connect one device to another with a wire, but the second device is Matrix enabled, the first device can be hacked. Consequently, a credstick could, in theory, be hacked during the brief time in which it is slotted into a commlink or similar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DT7bX-B1Mg
Dog:
Wireless bonus: will curse obscenities at you when you try to give it any form of medication. Yes, even the stuff that makes his skin stop itching like his mother. Without wireless enabled, it will hide under the porch instead.
CD/DVD/Blu Ray:
Wireless bonus: does not need to be inserted into slot.
CD/DVD/Blu Ray Player:
Wireless bonus: you may select which CD/DVD/Blu Ray is currently playing, from across the room, as a free action.
Geosynchronos satellite:
Wireless bonus: You may update the firmware, enable/disable the wireless bonus, and perform course corrections. Without this bonus the satellite may also veer off course. Once a month the satellite must make a Pilot + Navigate (Areospace) [Pilot / 2] (4) check (+2 accuracy if wireless enabled), if it fails, consult the following table to calculate the result.*
*Limit written in this manner as I figure government satellites are going to be running pretty high software ratings. Thus giving hilarious results for civilian satellites.
Posted by: Chance359 Aug 23 2013, 02:04 PM
Is it wrong I'm worried how many of these will make it into the matrix splat book?
Posted by: Medicineman Aug 23 2013, 04:21 PM
Thats ok with me, that way even more people can have a laugh
with a funny Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: Jaid Aug 23 2013, 05:30 PM
some of these i think are actually good examples of a wireless bonus. being able to play your music and videos from across the room is exactly the sort of thing where convenience actually is worth more than the security risk. letting your microwave connect to an online database of recipes that work well in the microwave cross-referenced to things like elevation, humidity, etc based on your current location doesn't bother me in the slightest.
it's when the black ops team is trivially detected by a wireless scanner because someone decided that high-grade military gear should be designed to be wireless (and have some of it's functionality dependant on being wireless) that i get annoyed.
i do find it ironic that in the thread for stupid and funny wireless bonuses, i look at many of them and i'm forced to think "Wait, that's not nearly as stupid as the ones that are actually in the main book".
coming up with ideas as bad as the official wireless bonuses is apparently not easy. you gotta *work* to make something that dumb.
Posted by: Fiddler Aug 23 2013, 05:37 PM
Candle- change scent and color of candle as a free action.
Troll- argues constantly just to get people upset.
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 23 2013, 05:39 PM
coming up with ideas as bad as the official wireless bonuses is apparently not easy. you gotta *work* to make something that dumb.
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 23 2013, 05:41 PM
You realize that technology has been capable of that since like 1950, right?
It's called a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote_control.
Posted by: Bigity Aug 23 2013, 05:58 PM
I'm thinking: If you are in Miami, you automatically become as cool as David Caruso.
WARNING: This may in fact lower your coolness. If fact, it surely will.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAA
Posted by: Dancer Aug 23 2013, 09:49 PM
Chameleon suit: Compatible image-links will automatically blur you out.
Posted by: Fiddler Aug 23 2013, 10:20 PM
That reminds me...
Remote control- changes channels even when lost in couch cushon.
Couch- find lost objects in cushions as a free action instead of complex.and adjust firmness of cushions to sitters prefrence.
Posted by: Mach_Ten Aug 23 2013, 11:18 PM
Vehicle, Drivers Seat : Adjusts between Troll > Human > Dwarf as a free action ... on a Critical Glitch it swallows the occupant and ejects them into the nearest moving traffic.
Posted by: Jaid Aug 24 2013, 03:33 AM
It's called a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remote_control.
you realize that i'm referring to specific posts that mention having wireless DVDs, CDs, Blu-rays etc and players be wireless, enabling you to choose what you want to play without getting up, walking across the room, and putting the DVD/CD/etc into the player, right?
because last i checked, remote controls don't physically move the DVD/CD/etc from your shelf into the player *today* and i'm pretty sure they didn't in 1950 either.
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 24 2013, 03:38 AM
I was poking fun at remote controls, but in that sense:
Meh. Maybe. I hardly use my "entertainment system" as it is. Sure I have a 42 inch plasma TV...but I still prefer watching my shows on my 21" computer monitor.
Posted by: Makki Aug 24 2013, 07:34 AM
the shadowrunner's all-time favourite doesn't have a wireless bonus!!
Katana, wireless bonus: ???
also missing: Miniwelder, Monofilament Chainsaw
Radio signal scanner:
Wireless: You can help search for extraterrestrial life.
Light stick:
wireless: Range is doubled if you are connected to electronic imaging devices that adjust to the chemicals' wavelengths.
Stim patch:
wireless: an ARO is displayed, counting down the the period of time.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Aug 24 2013, 03:24 PM
because last i checked, remote controls don't physically move the DVD/CD/etc from your shelf into the player *today* and i'm pretty sure they didn't in 1950 either.
Don't forget that today, you can have Mufti-DVD/CD Changers in the Multiple hundreds of disks (I actually had one that was 400 Disks huge). And as for modern technology, my parents have several thousand 's of movies on their Media Center, with probably twice that in Music CD's. It will only get more efficient in the 2070's.
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 24 2013, 05:29 PM
Then a change on the media player posted previously:
Entertainment Center WiFi bonus: changing your media before you even realize you want it changed.
Posted by: Sengir Aug 24 2013, 10:15 PM
Photon: Increase speed rating by 1.
Posted by: FuelDrop Aug 25 2013, 11:06 AM
You just went and broke Physics, didn't you?
You know who else broke Physics? The Pklksjadijr!
Who are the Pklksjadir? Well, you know that cluster of black holes in the center of the galaxy? That's all that's left of them after they broke Physics.
Just like you did. You monster.
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 25 2013, 11:26 AM
Re: Remote control
Meh, when you are married with kids your chance of controlling what channel/song/movie is playing is already remote.
Posted by: Sengir Aug 25 2013, 12:41 PM
I thought that was the whole point of the wireless bonus concept (and speed ratings)?
Posted by: hermit Aug 25 2013, 12:52 PM
But unless you rig it, it's still slower than a rigged GMC banshee with movement cast on it.
Stuffer Shack
Wireless Bonus: Items purchased cost 10% less
Pretzels
Wireless Bonus: if activated while being swallowed, does 10P damage
Firecrackers
Wireless Bonus: Does damage like a Stun Grenade [SR5 Core Rules p. 123]
Napkins
Wireless Bonus: same effect as using the disinfect spell [SR5 Core Rules p. XXX]
Soydogs
Wireless Bonus: counts as a one-day ration bar if ingested
Soykaf
Wireless Bonus: +2 to all decking tests for one hour after ingestion
Cigarettes
Wireless Bonus: +2 dice to addiction resistance tests
Stopwatch
Wireless Bonus: Time Travel
Unicorn
Wireless Bonus: can resurrect characters
Perianwyr
Wireless Bonus: Teleport
Women and children
Wireless Bonus: If raped/maimed/killed, double the reward points for unethical behavior
The Free Marine Corps
Wireless bonus: allows to use the Marisoo archetype as a PC [The Best Ever, p.XXX]
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 25 2013, 01:55 PM
Wireless bonus:
Wireless bonus: Crack jokes. Wirelessly.
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 26 2013, 04:55 PM
Rumours abound of a new Move-By-Wireless system being field tested by some certain parties.
Building on the original MBW system, they have worked out some of the kinks by utilizing the constant uplink to the Matrix to help keep the constant fly by wiring of the nervous system more balanced along with advances in the overall system have made it a bit more body system friendly. Is incompatible with all other enhancements to Reaction, including wired reflexes and Reaction enhancers.
Wireless Bonus: Well, considering the whole thing is built to be run wireless the stats for the system are the bonus and yes some of the bonuses will exceed the normal +4 limit.
Again, THIS SYSTEM WILL NOT PROVIDE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING BONUSES AT ALL IF SWITCHED TO OFFLINE.
Level 1: +1 Agility +2 Reaction and +1d6 Iniative +1 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 2.15
Level 2: +2 Agility +4 Reaction and +2d6 Iniative +2 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 3.35
Level 3: +3 Agility +6 Reaction and +3d6 Iniative +3 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 4.55
Level 4: +4 Agility +8 Reaction and +4d6 Iniative +4 dice for skill tests from the Athletics and Stealth skill groups. Essence: 5.75
Device Rating is considered to be Rating 1 per Level and has 4 levels of noise reduction built in.
Note each level of noise over the ability of noise reduction to reduce will reduce effective level of system performance by one.
Example: Jimmy 'Speedy' Rodriguez has a Rating 2 Move By Wireless system. Normally he enjoys the +2 Agility, +4 Reaction and +2d6 Initiative but today he is going to a little black market electronics event on the edge of the sprawl where anything and everything is going up for sale. The Noise from the sheer density of all the odds and ends electronics and other devices is creating a level 5 Noise rating. Jimmy gets 4 levels of Noise reduction from the system, but the remaining point of Noise sends the system skittering a bit and now his effective bonuses are just that of a level 1 system. Now Jimmy is having some shakes as he isn't moving as smoothly as he should.
If the Noise around Jimmy climbs to 6 or more its bye bye bonuses as normal for any device being jammed by Noise vs Rating. The only difference here is the system degrades as the noise climbs since it is pretty tightly wound and even small errors creeping in tend to snowball a bit.
As to Long Term effects, there are case studies showing some neurological and muscular damage over time, the body simply can not handle being in a constant state of seizure, the incessant wear and tear takes it's toll both mentally and physically.
Worse is the fact the system seems to be addicting as the test subjects grow to enjoy the jazzed up feeling and they have shown signs of resentment when forced to turn the system off and will turn it back on at the earliest possible opportunity.
Addiction Rating equal to 4 plus Level of System, Addiction Threshold 2.
Crazy thing to even think of using.
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 28 2013, 01:29 AM
Felt Tipped Pen (a.k.a. Sharpee)
Wireless Bonus: Marks your opponent without generating OS.
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 28 2013, 02:01 AM
Monofilament Whip
Wireless Bonus: None, it's now just a handle.
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 28 2013, 02:18 AM
Wireless Bonus: None, it's now just a handle.
+1 Internet to you, sir.
Posted by: Fiddler Aug 28 2013, 04:16 AM
Mr. Pibb wireless bonus: tastes like Dr. Pepper.
Posted by: binarywraith Aug 28 2013, 04:34 AM
If you connect one device to another with a wire, but the second device is Matrix enabled, the first device can be hacked. Consequently, a credstick could, in theory, be hacked during the brief time in which it is slotted into a commlink or similar.
~Umi
Don't laugh, I used that as a 2e plot thread. The runners were hired to pose as ATM repairmen and swap out a particular ATM with a replacement that could be used to steal all the personal information off of any credstick slotted into it.
Made impersonating the suit who habitually dropped by that ATM to get cash before going drinking so his wife wouldn't see the charges really easy,
Candy Assortment
Wireless bonus : All chocolate flavors identified in AR overlay, so you can avoid the nougat.
Posted by: Draco18s Aug 28 2013, 12:13 PM
Wireless bonus : All chocolate flavors identified in AR overlay, so you can avoid the nougat.
Worth the hacking risk.
Posted by: Emil Barr Aug 28 2013, 02:05 PM
Pen:
Wireless - Uses advance predictive software to spellcheck your handwriting as you write.
Paper:
Wireless - Add +2 dp on tests to avoid papercuts
Soycaf:
Wireless - Switch between regular and decaf as a free action
Posted by: Louis Ferrouskhan Aug 28 2013, 03:14 PM
Sleeping Bag: Tucks you in and reads Goodnight Moon.
Slapchop (this still exists b/c I say so): +2 DP unarmed vs hookers
Stimpatch: plays eye of the tiger
Armored Clothing: collar pops to protect head when in combat or when Culture Club plays
Foci: Able to be used from remote locations wirelessly
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 28 2013, 09:16 PM
Cement Brick
Wireless Bonus: None, it's already bricked.
Posted by: Fiddler Aug 28 2013, 10:11 PM
Shoes- adjusts fit and cushioning according to your location and weather. Giving a +1 to gymnastics or running depending on the model of shoe.
Posted by: Tommy Gunner Aug 28 2013, 10:44 PM
Inflates automatically upon hitting the water, as opposed to whatever action is necessary for you to pull the little red cords.
At first I thought this was smart, not funny, but then I realized that the reason why a airline life vest is manual only. It is so it doesn't activate in cabin, trapping a wearer in a flooding cabin.
Some things are just better not having a wireless function.
Addendum: This does seem smart though for a boating vest or something to wear when flying something you can eject from. Something to consider for my http://forums.dumpshock.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=38856&view=findpost&p=1230541.
Posted by: thorya Aug 28 2013, 10:46 PM
Shoes Wireless Bonus: You can move your movement speed as a free action. You can run and take a -2 to all actions.
With wireless disabled: Moving is now a simple action. Running is a complex action. You can take no other actions during the pass if you decide to run.
Posted by: SpellBinder Aug 28 2013, 11:10 PM
Addendum: This does seem smart though for a boating vest. ...
And on that note: Umbrella WiFi bonus: Automatically deploys if the weather reports say its raining in your area.
Posted by: Louis Ferrouskhan Aug 28 2013, 11:19 PM
Don't think I saw this one yet.
Cake
Wireless Bonus: Is no longer a lie.
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 28 2013, 11:22 PM
Cake
Wireless Bonus: Is no longer a lie.
Actually it's Having Cake is a Simple Action, Eating Cake is a Complex Action.
The Wireless bonus: Makes Having Cake a Free Action
Thus with wireless on you can Have your Cake and Eat it too.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Aug 29 2013, 12:56 AM
The Wireless bonus: Makes Having Cake a Free Action
Thus with wireless on you can Have your Cake and Eat it too.
Uuugh!!!
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 29 2013, 09:26 AM
What's wrong? Too much cake?
Moving on.....
Larry The Lounge Lizard Suit Ensemble
All pieces are designed with static strips holding the various parts together to operate as a functional full tuxedo outfit while still allowing for fast disrobing in case of getting lucky. Think Chippendales.
Wireless Bonus: Can be stripped off as a Free Action as the static seals all release simultaneously.
Posted by: Dancer Aug 29 2013, 10:57 AM
Cocktail dress: Calculate the angles of view of everyone in the room and adjusts the smart fabric so you never quite experience a 'wardrobe malfunction', despite appearing constantly on the edge of one.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Aug 29 2013, 02:32 PM
Moving on.....
Larry The Lounge Lizard Suit Ensemble
All pieces are designed with static strips holding the various parts together to operate as a functional full tuxedo outfit while still allowing for fast disrobing in case of getting lucky. Think Chippendales.
Wireless Bonus: Can be stripped off as a Free Action as the static seals all release simultaneously.
How much for the Lounge Lizard Ensemble?
Posted by: Voran Aug 29 2013, 08:57 PM
Wireless bra, enabled = saggy. Disabled = Wonder!
Posted by: Emil Barr Aug 29 2013, 09:17 PM
Eyeglasses
Wireless: Senses conditions of surrounding environment and defogs themselves as necessary
Locker
Wireless: Shoving nerds into a wireless enabled locker is a free action
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Aug 29 2013, 09:21 PM
Shouldn't that be the other way around?
Posted by: Sengir Aug 29 2013, 09:30 PM
If that would be "Wireless: Open as Free Action", you might have sold me on wireless boni...
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 29 2013, 09:45 PM
Yeah it sounds good until your on the date and an old fashioned drive in (so I like nostalgia) and just before you make your move, the joker 2 cars over bricks her bra.
Posted by: FuelDrop Aug 29 2013, 10:24 PM
That means they have at least 50 grand to drop on a deck. most of those people are going to have better things to do than bricking bras.
Most.
Posted by: Sendaz Aug 29 2013, 10:25 PM
Most.
Yep, but there is always at least one.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas".
The computer told me "ninjas cannot be found"
Well played, ninjas, well played
Ninjas
Wireless Bonus: Stays in Hidden Mode, even when their Icon would be normally detected.
You know they are there, just can't seem to be able to find them no matter how well you roll and thus out of reach.
Posted by: Jaid Aug 29 2013, 11:38 PM
woosh!
(that was the sound of the pun flying over your head)
you're thinking of the wrong kind of wire.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Aug 30 2013, 01:17 AM
(that was the sound of the pun flying over your head)
you're thinking of the wrong kind of wire.
Wooosh is right. I hang my head in shame.
Especially since I am married and should know better.
Posted by: Voran Aug 30 2013, 11:10 PM
Pregnancy. Wireless = Normal. Wireless Disabled = errrr....yeah I probably shouldn't go there.
Posted by: Angelone Aug 31 2013, 12:12 AM
Shampoo
Wireless boni: Adds +2 body to head.
Toothpaste
Wireless boni: Teeth can be used as a flashpak.
Posted by: FuelDrop Aug 31 2013, 12:13 AM
Wireless boni: Teeth can be used as a flashpak.
So Richard Hammond uses wireless toothpaste. Good to know.
Posted by: SpellBinder Sep 5 2013, 12:00 AM
Wristwatch
Wireless Bonus: Must be slaved to a commlink or cyberdeck. Actually tells you the time. Does not function otherwise.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 5 2013, 12:10 AM
Waterproof/Diver's Watch
Wireless Bonus: Same as Wristwatch, except when ACTUALLY UNDERWATER more than 50cm of Fresh Water or 5cm of Salt Water.
Posted by: Angelone Sep 5 2013, 12:27 AM
RC Car
Wireless Bonus: You can control the car remotely.
RC Helicopter
Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.
Boomerang
Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 5 2013, 12:29 AM
Kite
Wireless Bonus: You get to watch it sail away. Good going.
Posted by: Angelone Sep 5 2013, 12:40 AM
Oh man, I was trying to think of one for kite. I didn't want to do the crashes into the nearest tree schtick again.
Posted by: Jaid Sep 5 2013, 03:02 AM
Wireless Bonus: You get to watch it sail away. Good going.
oddly enough, for most kites this actually *doesn't* happen. in most cases they'll actually just crash to the ground. the string is actually required for the kite to stay up in the air (certain specific designs of kite may do somewhat better, but in general even if it's shaped for gliding it will still probably crash eventually).
Posted by: Medicineman Sep 5 2013, 05:20 AM
Trees
Wireless Bonus :
Attracts RCs, Kites,Boomerangs,american Footballs, Tennisballs,Basketballs, etc . +2 Dice for these Items to crash into Trees. Bonus is compatible with Wireless Bonus of RCs,Boomerangs or Kites to crash into Trees
with a Treehuggers Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 5 2013, 08:57 AM
Wireless Bonus :
Attracts RCs, Kites,Boomerangs,american Footballs, Tennisballs,Basketballs, etc . +2 Dice for these Items to crash into Trees. Bonus is compatible with Wireless Bonus of RCs,Boomerangs or Kites to crash into Trees
with a Treehuggers Dance
Medicineman
Why does this remind me of the Kite-eating Tree from Charlie Brown?
Posted by: Medicineman Sep 5 2013, 09:11 AM
Kite-Eating Trees
the true reason for the Atzlan-Amazonian War
with a Wardance
Medicineman
Posted by: toturi Sep 5 2013, 09:50 AM
Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.
Wireless Bonus: Will crash into your face on the trip back.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 5 2013, 10:06 AM
Car
Tireless Bonus: Movement reduced to 0, Rigging may increase this.
Match
Fireless Bonus: Can be used to pick your teeth
Church
Choirless Bonus: Blessed Silence
Posted by: binarywraith Sep 5 2013, 12:15 PM
Pornography :
Wireless bonus : Automatically updates your dayplanner to convince your boss you were working all along.
Posted by: Mach_Ten Sep 5 2013, 12:56 PM
Wireless Bonus: Will crash into the nearest tree.
As a free action !
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 5 2013, 12:57 PM
Shouldn't that be a FLEE action?
Or at least cause one?
Posted by: cryptoknight Sep 5 2013, 02:18 PM
It should also reduce the recoil modifier if you swing it in the subsequent initiative pass.
Posted by: cryptoknight Sep 5 2013, 03:06 PM
Wireless - Uses advance predictive software to spellcheck your handwriting as you write.
Pen:
Wireless: Can be used to parry any and all sword attacks with a +4 accuracy bonus
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 5 2013, 03:16 PM
Wireless: Can be used to parry any and all sword attacks with a +4 accuracy bonus
Proof at last that the Pen IS mightier than the sword.
But only with wireless on.
Also:
Money
Wireless Bonus: May be spent (and taxed) as a Free Action
Posted by: DMiller Sep 6 2013, 08:55 AM
Tireless Bonus: Movement reduced to 0, Rigging may increase this.
Match
Fireless Bonus: Can be used to pick your teeth
Church
Choirless Bonus: Blessed Silence
This one actually made me LOL. Nice job!
Posted by: Dolanar Sep 6 2013, 09:02 AM
Viking body
Pyreless bonus: rejection from Valhalla
Swampboat
Mireless bonus: beached
Direwolf
Direless bonus: regular wolf
Anything you can sell
Buyerless bonus: earned no money today
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 6 2013, 09:15 AM
Pyreless bonus: rejection from Valhalla
Swampboat
Mireless bonus: beached
Direwolf
Direless bonus: regular wolf
Anything you can sell
Buyerless bonus: earned no money today
LOL
The Enquirer
Enquireless bonus: Real News
Sailing
Gyreless bonus: Dead in the water
Upping the Retirement Age
Retireless Bonus: Still working for McHughs and AzMart at 70+
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 6 2013, 10:43 AM
Retireless Bonus: Still working for McHughs and AzMart at 70+
What is this retirement of which you speak?
Posted by: ShadowDragon8685 Sep 6 2013, 11:47 AM
Book
Wireless bonus: Allows you to search the digital copy and give you page numbers for hits.
Screwdriver (1)
Wireless Bonus: Keeps track of all those damn fiddly interchangeable heads and lets you change them as a free action.
Screwdriver (2)
Wireless bonus: Informs you when vodka-to-orange juice ratio is just right.
Calculator
Wireless bonus: Lets you control it with your commlink. (Yep, still made by Texas Instruments.)
Hot sauce bottle
Wireless Bonus: Tracks your usage habits and recommends an exact amount to use based on what your next meal is and how much there is of it based on the scoville rating of it and other hot sauces you use.
Surgical instruments
Wireless Bonus: Reminds you when you've forgotten one inside a patient. (Who uses hand instruments these days?)
Microphone
Wireless bonus: Transmits recorded audio to another device as encoded data.
Roll of wrapping paper
Wireless bonus: Estimates how much length of the roll you're going to need to wrap a given package based on the dimensions of the package and your previous ratios of over/underestimation and failures resulting in needing to rewrap the package.
Coat
Wireless bonus: Deploys hood and zips up as a free action.
Commlink game
Wireless bonus: Allows access to singleplayer functions. (DAMN YOU, UBISOFT!)
Checkbook
Wireless bonus: Self-balancing thanks to micro-miniaturized internal gyroscope.
Medicine Bottle
Wireless bonus: Provides access to prescription and refill information.
(And that covers a handful of the objects near to/on my desk. )
Posted by: Fiddler Sep 6 2013, 12:44 PM
the true reason for the Atzlan-Amazonian War
with a Wardance
Medicineman
I thought it was because atzlan kept pulling the football away.
Football- wireless bonus allows you to know when exactly to pull the ball away so the kicker lands flat on his back.
Posted by: ShadowDragon8685 Sep 6 2013, 12:48 PM
Questioning the man dancing the Wardance.
Wireless Bonus: The man dancing the wardance can locate you by triangulating your wireless signal.
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 6 2013, 12:50 PM
Football- wireless bonus allows you to know when exactly to pull the ball away so the kicker lands flat on his back.
They said they wouldn't yank it away this time! They promised!
Posted by: Medicineman Sep 6 2013, 02:35 PM
Wireless Bonus: The man dancing the wardance can locate you by triangulating your wireless signal.
Sorry ,but there is no Wireless Bonus for me because I physically removed WiFidelity
He who dances with Skinlink & Cable
Medicineman
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 6 2013, 02:45 PM
Wireless bonus: Self-balancing thanks to micro-miniaturized internal gyroscope.
Ha!
Posted by: ShadowDragon8685 Sep 6 2013, 05:11 PM
He who dances with Skinlink & Cable
Medicineman
You don't have to be wireless to triangulate on a wireless signal, actually.
With an SR4 dance,
me.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 6 2013, 05:26 PM
With an SR4 dance,
me.
But the Wireless Signal you are triangulating on does... and since Medicineman is signal dark, well....
Posted by: ShadowDragon8685 Sep 6 2013, 05:32 PM
You know what they call it when you're not emitting radio signals, have the equipment to receive radio signals, and the other guy is emitting radio signals?
An advantage.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 6 2013, 05:35 PM
An advantage.
Indeed...
Posted by: binarywraith Sep 7 2013, 03:30 AM
An advantage.
Standard Operating Procedure?
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 7 2013, 03:38 AM
WiFi Sniffer:
Wireless Bonus: advertise your position
Posted by: ElFenrir Sep 8 2013, 02:06 PM
Coffee:
Wireless Bonus: Is caffinated. (Without, it's Sanka.)
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 8 2013, 02:51 PM
Wireless Bonus: Is caffinated. (Without, it's Sanka.)
No...
Coffee (also Porridge):
Wireless Bonus: just the right temperature.
Posted by: SpellBinder Sep 8 2013, 06:01 PM
Coffee (also Porridge):
Wireless Bonus: just the right temperature.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 9 2013, 02:33 PM
Of course... Wireless Reheat.
Posted by: Fiddler Sep 10 2013, 05:40 AM
Batman's utility belt- Wireless bonus: get deus ex machina gadget as a free action.
Legion flight ring- wireless bonus: files flight plan with faa.
Green lantern ring- wireless bonus: recharge away from lantern
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 11 2013, 09:24 PM
Mirror
Wireless bonus: Let's you rotate the image in the mirror so you can look at yourself from all angles without having to actually move.
Hacking the Mirror may allow one to access other wireless mirrors to call up their images.
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 11 2013, 10:42 PM
Technomancer
Wireless bonus: Hot SIM addiction.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 11 2013, 11:48 PM
Topic Derailment.............
*hangs head* Not sure where to post this, but my mind is reeling and I am wandering the digital landscape in shock... My son has discovered the Horrors of MLP (and he likes it). Saints save me... 
I must beat the brony out of him... before the rest of my family is corrupted...
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 11 2013, 11:59 PM
*hangs head* Not sure where to post this, but my mind is reeling and I am wandering the digital landscape in shock... My son has discovered the Horrors of MLP (and he likes it). Saints save me...
I must beat the brony out of him... before the rest of my family is corrupted...
I blame http://cheezburger.com/7745970432
Too bad about the boy though, but better to lose a finger than the whole arm.
Willow Switch
Wireless Bonus: +2 Accuracy for tanning hides.
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 12 2013, 12:39 AM
Your best bet is to sit down and watch it with him and comment on how much you enjoy the show.
Either he'll be horrified and stop (childhood rebellion kicking in) or you'll get the infection over with quick and painlessly.
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 12 2013, 12:45 AM
Either he'll be horrified and stop (childhood rebellion kicking in) or you'll get the infection over with quick and painlessly.
Meh, build some robot pals and go all mst3k on his show.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 12 2013, 03:08 AM
It's too late... my wife has succumbed. The infection has spread...
All that is left is Fire...
Posted by: FuelDrop Sep 12 2013, 03:44 AM
All that is left is Fire...
Fire solves everything.
Posted by: ShadowDragon8685 Sep 12 2013, 03:52 AM
*hangs head* Not sure where to post this, but my mind is reeling and I am wandering the digital landscape in shock... My son has discovered the Horrors of MLP (and he likes it). Saints save me...
I must beat the brony out of him... before the rest of my family is corrupted...
All that is left is Fire...
Welcome to the herd, TJ. It is inevitable. Let the Friendship flow through you, and take http://forums.dumpshock.com/index.php?showtopic=35788.
And remember, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrXMOSkBas
Posted by: SpellBinder Sep 12 2013, 04:05 AM
Bump...
Hope you did not spill anything...
Wireless Bonus: Never spill a drop while driving.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 12 2013, 07:02 PM
All that is left is Fire...
Well, thankfully I am pretty immune to it, plus Unicorn are darn tasty as are Pegasi (taste like chicken), but I will keep a Napalm on hand if you should need it.
Maybe you have can bring your interests and that of the infec--errr-- family together in a sort of http://cheezburger.com/7745970432.
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 12 2013, 07:48 PM
Maybe you have can bring your interests and that of the infec--errr-- family together in a sort of http://cheezburger.com/7745970432.
I'm a fan of http://flux-boston.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/my_little_alien_by_spippo.jpg, personally.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 12 2013, 08:08 PM
Maybe you have can bring your interests and that of the infec--errr-- family together in a sort of http://cheezburger.com/7745970432.
Just.... Ummm... Eh... I can't even comment. *shakes head*
About choked on my drink... Just Awesome...
Posted by: Draco18s Sep 12 2013, 08:17 PM
The only way to make MLP: The RPG fun. Set the game on LV-426.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 12 2013, 08:21 PM
Of course the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDYv_AmVtwI has something to offer on the subject as well.
Posted by: Bigity Sep 13 2013, 01:34 PM
All that is left is Fire...
If you read this post without the previous context - it sounds like a dramatic, artsy commercial about STDs.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 13 2013, 01:48 PM
SyphilisRun™
Yeah...we are just going to stop right there.
*walks away*
Posted by: Medicineman Sep 13 2013, 02:01 PM
You should watch
Planet 51
Pixar like Animation Movie ! (my little Alien included )
with a n animated Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 13 2013, 02:23 PM
Heh... Awesome Bigity...
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 13 2013, 02:24 PM
Planet 51
Pixar like Animation Movie ! (my little Alien included )
with a n animated Dance
Medicineman
Seen it... it is pretty good. My son, of course, loved it.
Posted by: SpellBinder Sep 13 2013, 07:38 PM
And on that subject...
Rover drone (or any drone)
Wireless bonus: accepts verbal commands
Posted by: Angelone Sep 13 2013, 11:02 PM
Alcohol
Wireless bonus: Slurs your commands and dials random numbers on your commlink.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 13 2013, 11:15 PM
Wireless bonus: Slurs your commands and dials random numbers on your commlink.
Would also have accepted:
Wireless Bonus: +2 Dice to the CHA of all persons viewed.
Posted by: Medicineman Sep 24 2013, 09:01 AM
Laser Weapon :
get a +1 Bonus to hit and recharges Online with WiFi open
with a wired Dance
Medicineman
Posted by: SpellBinder Sep 25 2013, 07:01 AM
Shovel :
Wireless Bonus : Tells you everything you don't really need to know, like cubic meters of earth moved, depth, hours worked, etc.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 25 2013, 07:03 AM
Canoe:
Wireless bonus: Locates closest paddle so you are never going up a creek without one.
Posted by: vladski Sep 25 2013, 07:31 AM
Shadowrun, 5th Edition pdf:
Wireless bonus: Timely errata updates, vagary clarifications and .....
oh, who are we kidding? 
Vlad
Posted by: Fiddler Sep 25 2013, 01:19 PM
Wageslave- wireless bonus accepts payment in kitten videos.
Posted by: Sendaz Sep 25 2013, 01:20 PM
Wireless bonus: Timely errata updates, vagary clarifications and .....
oh, who are we kidding?
Vlad
Or maybe the book just got bricked is all.
Posted by: Tymeaus Jalynsfein Sep 25 2013, 01:40 PM
Seems to happen a Lot with CGL. You would think they would have decent Hackers. Obviously they are not professional enough to turn Wireless off.
Posted by: SpellBinder Feb 8 2014, 10:38 PM
Necropost, but something that came to me:
Wireless Bonus : Stick-N-Shock Arrow Heads, recharges the arrowhead in two hours
Posted by: SpellBinder Feb 8 2014, 10:38 PM
Double Post (danged mouse)
Posted by: Jaid Feb 9 2014, 07:14 AM
obviously you should have hooked it up to the matrix for the wireless bonus
Posted by: SpellBinder Feb 9 2014, 07:30 AM
Well, it really is a wireless mouse....
Wireless Bonus : Mouse (or SR equivalent), anticipates your click by clicking for you
Posted by: Sendaz Feb 9 2014, 03:26 PM
Sounds like the basis for a neat variation of an attack action
(COMPLEX ACTION)
Marks Required: 1
Test: Cybercombat + Logic [Attack] v. Intuition + Firewall
You overload part of your target’s memory and cause one of its running programs to repeat it's most recent action over and over.
You need to specify which program you’re trying to cause to loop; you can learn what your target is running either with a Matrix Perception action or by observing the program in action.
If you succeed, the selected program repeats it's last action over and over, potentially tying up the target's actions until the program is shut down, causing the program to crash and cannot be restarted until the device it was running on is rebooted.
Posted by: Draco18s Feb 9 2014, 03:29 PM
You heard about Amazon, right?
Posted by: Sponge Feb 9 2014, 06:56 PM
Katana, wireless bonus: ???
Katana, wireless bonus: Adjusts its swing to avoid damaging particularly valuable cyberware/organs and finds you a buyer for them on the black market.
Posted by: Sendaz Feb 9 2014, 09:15 PM
Another wireless bonus for the Katana is it broadcasts subtitles of what the wielder says to everyone's AR within range.
Posted by: Draco18s Feb 9 2014, 10:51 PM
But only in the same language. A different language requires that the viewer's AR be wirelessly enabled.
Posted by: FuelDrop Feb 10 2014, 12:18 AM
Katana: Wireless bonus: Can cut through a solid steel block.
Posted by: Udoshi Feb 10 2014, 03:54 AM
Katana: Wireless Bonus: Automatically detects what you are cutting and brags about it online for you. Deluxe models put instant replay clips on your shadotube feed!
Posted by: Draco18s Feb 10 2014, 05:36 PM
Katana wireless boni:
Automatically informs people that you're aware that "boni" is not the proper plural of "bonus" and are using the word ironically.
Wireless bonus: Automatically switch between the various wireless bonuses available for the katana.
Normal: Only two wireless bonuses for any given item may be active at one time.
Posted by: psychophipps Feb 11 2014, 02:16 AM
Combat Axe wireless boni-
Wireless Bonus: Adds 2 dice to destroying weak-ass, cliche weapons like Katana.
Wireless Bonus: Transmits a properly orcish war bellow to all audio equipment in the area...no wait, that's just the orc with the axe letting out a war bellow.
Posted by: FuelDrop Feb 11 2014, 03:57 AM
Wireless Bonus: Adds 2 dice to destroying weak-ass, cliche weapons like Katana.
Wireless Bonus: Transmits a properly orcish war bellow to all audio equipment in the area...no wait, that's just the orc with the axe letting out a war bellow.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Katanas_are_Underpowered_in_d20
Posted by: Draco18s Feb 11 2014, 04:40 AM
I started scrolling and only reading the headers.
I burst out laughing.
Posted by: FuelDrop Feb 11 2014, 05:21 AM
are you trying to imply they are not?!?
Posted by: SpellBinder Feb 11 2014, 06:45 AM
For me, the ROTFLMAO moment was the "Lasguns Are Underpowered In 40K" and the ridiculous stats for what they ought to be.
Posted by: FuelDrop Feb 11 2014, 08:06 AM
I think they were lowballing it myself. Gotta say that the ork one post down from him presented a very convincing argument.
Posted by: Draco18s Feb 11 2014, 01:33 PM
Carp are underpowered in Dorf Fortress
That is a ≡exceptional article≡.
Powered by Invision Power Board (http://www.invisionboard.com)
© Invision Power Services (http://www.invisionpower.com)