1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. When they're ready.
b. When you're not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both).
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain't neutral.
46. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
47. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
48. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go'.
49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren't.
57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
117. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
118. Mine fields are not neutral.
119. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
120. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
121. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
122. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
123. Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous.
124. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
125. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
126. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. (or "on order")
127. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
128. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring,
he has fallen back too far.
129. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
130. If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.
131. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
132. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
133. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't.
134. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
135. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
136. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
137 When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be to long
138 Smart bombs have bad days too.
139 Uncrating and assembly instructions are always inside the crate.
140 If you have a personality conflict with your superior: he has the personality, you have the conflict.
141 If you enter the CO's Presence with an idea, you will leave his Presence with the CO's idea.

142. All or any of the Murphys Laws above combined.

I always liked those. Most are very true.

Also, If you see a M203 launcher arch past you, someone got their shoulder strap across the muzzle before firing a live round. (actually seen this happen!)

Is it sad that I started applying Patton against each of those situations just to see how many he defied?

And meanwhile, you get a free launcher?

I need to remember that problem next time someone removes the minimum safe distance controls.

which makes me very happy i dont play in your game Nezumi....

Patton was the exception to many of these rules, but at least he wasnt as pompous as ol Monty who basically said he invented them for other people because they didn't apply to him.

I found it odd however that the platoon Sargent was a bit miffed when i switched around the order of my fireteam wedge in MCT, (Marine infantry training for non infantry personel). I put the 203 at the back of the group, the 249 on the flank and he though i was nuts. He got even more miffed when another group tried to ambush us and i dropped a sim grenade in the middle of the group of them while diving for cover. (i had the 203)

edit: law 143 Always strike with your most powerful small arm first, you may not need air support

With Patton, it's mostly that the rules for war that he wrote and followed completely contradicted the behaviors of Murphy's laws. So he's probably the exception that proves the rules.

Or he really did have a connection to the Almighty $Diety.

Also appropriate to Shadowrun is this.

For the second time in 2 threads in 2 days...this is utter bunk.


However, the rest of that list is painfully true.

That is all.





~R~

Since when?! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/nyahnyah.gif)

For the record, this is where this infamous saying originated/became popular.

Ahh, so it's the *original* bunk. Good to know then. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/grinbig.gif)





~R~

Taunt not the Demon Murphy, for he is vicious and angry! And was an Engineer. They play with explosives.

We atheists fear no demons, no matter how angry!

Engineers on the other hand...Well, let's just say I'm healthily wary of anyone who can make my breakfast cereal explode.



~R~

Engineering: It's like math, but louder.

"With the rank and pay of the Sapper."

Quoted and sigged. That's just awesome.

Not my quote, though. Click.

Dully noted and fixed.

So you are wary of Homer Simpson?

I grew up in a mining town. I'm wary of 2/3 of the population.

One night, years ago, I was woken up by an earth-shattering kaboom. Volunteer firefighting units were on the scene in no time, putting out small sub-fires that had started when the dynamite one of the older locals was storing in his basement for the previous thirty years or so went...unstable.

After about ten minutes of setup, they were surprised to find the local still in his armchair. Across the street. Somehow he'd managed to get blown out of his house when the explosives cooked off. The only injuries he sustained were dismounting from the chair.

His TV set though, that was a total loss.

Idiot. You store explosives correctly and it doesn't do that! And that's exactly why you store it correctly! Or, you know, dispose of them safely (And fun!) before the "Best Before" date.

My story, however, was a transport truck with a box trailer full of mining explosives (And, apparently, illegally carrying blasting caps as well, but that could never be proven), that exploded. The whole trailer. The only part of the truck and trailer they found was the front axel. Six kilometres away, IIRC.

Aside from hearing loss, no injuries. The road, however, took a month to fix, and the crater was quite impressive for a non-shaped charge. Especially considering that the terrain around there is made up entirely of hard rock. Be more impressive if the road was concrete instead of asphalt, but, hey, can't have everything.

I didn't say it wasn't stupid, but the crater he left was pretty neat, too. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/nyahnyah.gif)

All hail the mighty ENGINEER! Essayons!

I have no tales really. Just all the fun times I had throughout my Army career. Like making water impulse charges with a gallon jug of water and a large knot of detcord. Or the time we wrapped a whole roll of detcord around a 2x4 just to use it up before dry time. Or how we used a bolo of C4 to blast through a concrete wall ... Explosives are FUN! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/vegm.gif)

Sorry, knee-jerk reaction from when I was growing up. Explosives Safety was taught through osmosis and ingrained into us pretty deep in a lot of ways. Think of it as the same reaction you'd get from a Range Safety Officer even if he isn't working and hears about something stupid like looking down the barrel of a rifle from the muzzle.


Oh the fun you can have with Det-Cord.

While working on my character for the game I hope will happen (YAY! I may get to play at long last!), I had to reign in my wishes to give him Demolitions skills, just because I could scare the hell out of people with what I know.

I kept up in a conversation with an retired military engineer about Demo work and held my own petty well, and have never touched anything more explosive than a large capacitor. I'll leave it at that.