Planet of the Drop Bears, Curious Stories of the Ridiculous Options

[fistandantilus4....]

JM Hardy has said good things, but hasn't commited yet. It's a start.

[Demon_Bob]

Considering this seems like the thread that will never die I have to suggest.

Brain Eating Zombie Drop Bears

[nezumi]

I'm continuing to make changes to the rest of the doc, gradually working stuff out. I was sort of in a haze during some parts of this, but rereading it, it seems more or less okay as a starting point. As always, comments are welcome.

Falling Laterally

[ Spoiler ]

TELL IT TO THEM STRAIGHT

The route south through Seattle gives you time to say goodbye to all of your favorite stripper joints, scummy bars and BTL dens as you approach the Salish border. Hopefully the DBC has been good to their word and these visas will check out, because otherwise your party will likely be arrested, tortured, and finally killed, all without giving you time to find out if you're really the father of Busty LaRoue's ugly love child. Oh well, you weren't keen on fatherhood anyway (Gamemaster's note: in the case that the PC is actually a lesbian elf, 'motherhood' would obviously be the right noun. Isn't modern medicine great?) The border stop is a pair of low huts occupied by the sort of elves that should star hemorrhoid cream ads, although they could probably do without the combat shotguns. He runs the SIN check briskly, pausing only long enough to ask your reason for visiting Salish-Sidhe, all the time keeping the look of painful constipation. Eventually he nods and waves the party through without another word.
The remainder of the drive in is fairly straightforward, although a little jarring. No one tries to cut you off. People respect the traffic laws. There's no sound of gun fire in response to perceived slights. Some people wave (until they realize you're of an inferior race anyway). The land is deeply forested with interspersed small towns and spacious estates. While Fortuna's estate takes some time to get to, it isn't especially hard to find, and is actually quite pleasant to take in.

BEHIND THE SCENES

The runners' SINs are subjected to a rating 5 check. If their SIN fails to check out, the guards figure it would be funnier and create less paperwork to just kick the low-lifes back into Seattle. After all, if they gunned down every low-life, impersonating thug they encountered, every non-elf in Seattle would be dead in a week. Should the runners have any obviously illegal gear on them, they'll probably confiscate the gear THEN kick them back out.

As the party drives through Salish lands, the GM may take the opportunity to throw a few monkey wrenches in the works. A police officer pulls them over for littering, they get a flat tire, etc. Regardless, they are likely to face racism and hostility. Should anyone realize they're there illegally, they'll enjoy a long stay at the expense of the state.

DEBUGGING

Should the runners decide, for whatever reason, to use some other crazy method to enter Salish territory, simply tell them you don't have time for their so-called ideas and to get in the car. Alternatively, refer to whatever book is appropriate and make up what sort of threats they'd face fence-jumping into a wealthy but paranoid border state. If the runners try to attack the border guards, the number and skill of the guards depends on whether the players bought you pizza or not, and of what quality said pizza was. Each slice of pizza you deserved but didn't get warrants one cyberzombie. Beers count double.

Next section is Fortuna's McMansion, which I'm waiting for data on. Once I get the floor plan and whatnot, I'll write the section.

Oh the Bearmanity!

[ Spoiler ]

GAMEMASTER'S NOTE: The party has undoubtedly botched the simple job presented to them and have had to make a quick and violent escape back across the border. While the DBC prognosticators could have given chapters and instructions precisely anticipating your group's every move, we have found such things cause indelible harm to the fragile, human brain. Therefore, we leave it up to the GM to narrate the party's return to Seattle and subsequent contact with Brother Witness.

TELL IT TO THEM STRAIGHT

The meet is set up immediately, an old warehouse in Ft. Lewis, the DBC will be awaiting them. Rolling up to the warehouse, it's really nothing to look at. One more non-descript, run-down warehouse amid numberless non-descript, run-down warehouses. The only exception being that the gate of this weary building has been left ajar. No security greets you as you drive up the driveway and park near the loading dock entrance. Peering through a musty window reveals only the dark shapes of crates.

When the runners enter the warehouse, read the following:
The doors to the warehouse are unlocked, allowing easy access. As the party enters, lights on the ground faintly glow, deepening and defining the shadows. Familiar, metallic voices can be heard;
"... the Drop Bear Inquisitors found nothing. That isn't to say that he was truly innocent."
"Of course, Elder Gyro, they never are. We can allow for no leaks of Elder Ophis' success taking both of the theme parks. His surfing ninja pirate commandoes are too valuable for the world to know of them yet."
"Elder Fistyantilus, I believe we have company..."
"Ah, keen ears, Elder Angelone. It's a wonder you still can't get my name right. Shadowrunners, enter please, tell us what news you bring."

After the runners have given their report, handed over the body and received payment, read the following:
"The news of the death of dear Becka is most upsetting. We do not blame you for your terrorist acts, however. People in your position do as they must, which is why we are certain you will assist us with this final job. We must settle debts, remind the loutish elves of their place in things. We wish for you to assist us in killing Fortuna."
"And his family. Don't forget the family."
"And burn down his mansion."
"And kick his dog."
"The Inquisitors will get right on it. They just completed a two day training segment on animal abuse and how best to commit it. We can..."
"Elder Ophis, your eagerness is pleasing, but this is not the time to discuss such measures. First, Fortuna. Expect him to call you in the near future. You see we paid actors..."
"Actually homeless vagrants."
"Don't tell them that, Elder Ophis! It will only discourage them. There, there, shadowrunners. We hired the best acting school had to offer."
"For a bottle of wine a day!" There's some more, barely concealed laughter.
"... actors to break into one of our facilities and steal information indicating drop bears are a result of HMHVV."
A few of the elders snicker.
"An obvious falsehood, but we needed bait. Meanwhile, we're sure Fortuna's spies are reporting the successful run, reporting people who look just like you professionally executing it. He'll be wondering who hired you, but even moreso, he'll know your desperate mercenary hearts require you sell the information to as many buyers as will accept. He will be contacting you shortly. We simply need for you to arrange and attend the meet. Set it for the space needle during non-business hours. After Fortuna is dead, you will be reimbursed, 2,000¥ per person, plus whatever pay Fortuna brings. Brother PTHHHHT," the speakers of his obelisk hiss and crackle as the elder tries to call out the name, "please bring out the data chip."
While he speaks, another of the short monuments rolls out with a data chip on top.
"Thank you Brother PTHHHHT," again the name melts into a wash of static, giving no hint of its true enunciation. "There, simply set up and attend the meet and you get paid in full. Do you accept?"

If the runners check the information on the datachip, read the following:
There are several files tucked away on the chip. The first is a compressed file including reams of biological data. A successful Biology or Parazoology reveals it is a study of recombinant DNA of the feared drop bear and the common koala, tests where koalas have been exposed to HMHVV and other data which would indicate conclusively the drop bear is a result of HMHVV infection. The second data is video data, apparently taken from security cameras. It shows a party dressed almost identically to the PC party, stumbling, laughing and throwing up in some sort of a corporate compound. They eventually reach a data terminal, struggle to fit a data chip in it, and eventually just rip the entire terminal out. What appear to be stuffed koalas are thrown at them, giving the impression of combat. Around half way through their retreat, one of the fellows realizes the ammunition in his big gun is live and begins making his own exit from the facility. It would appear the entire party but one escapes, covered with fake blood, and run off into the night. The remaining one, reviewing the footage, wandered off early on, clearly distracted by a shiny light down a neighboring corridor. Wow, too true! It's a good thing these guys are on your side.

BEHIND THE SCENES

If the PCs have succeeded at their mission, bringing back proof of Becka's death and some other relevant data, they get full pay. If they bring back her body or any of the more valuable data, they each get paid an additional 2,000¥. If they brought the body and all of the valuable data, not only do they get 3,000¥, they each get several bags of eucalyptus drops (+2 to any body tests against chest colds, +1 vs. halitosis).
The DBC is willing to negotiate price for the final job, up to 6,000¥ a piece. Past that, they can only offer more eucalyptus drops. They will not offer any money up front. Should the party decline, the DBC will let them go without further harassment. Fortuna will still call, however, and the GM may decide how Fortuna responds to the party's story. He will not pay for free information, regardless.

DEBUGGING

Most players will never think twice about entering an unsecured warehouse to meet a mysterious circle of powerful entitues and telling them your actions directly contributed to the death of a loved one, but every once in a while you get a smart alek. Should the players decide against going to the meet, gently remind them that they're hopped up on BTLs and cheap cocaine from blowing their recently-found wealth in an orgy of hedonism. The characters are not necessarily going to be coherent enough to determine whether it is prudent to go to the meet, much-less put their pants on the right way around, and if they don't go to the meet, they're metagaming, munchkin scum. To help reducing powergaming in this situation, you're allowed to roll an intelligence test on behalf of the characters to see if they're smart enough to stay away. For your convenience, we've rolled for you. They failed.
The DBC are generally a cautious bunch. As such, the warehouse and surrounding terrain is chock full of drop bears, in excess of sixty of the critters are hidden around the area. Most are in or on the building itself, but some are hiding behind lights, on blimp drones hundreds of feet above the ground, etc. Should anyone show themselves to be aggressive towards the DBC, the drop bears will attack, killing the PCs as quickly as possible and feasting on their corpse. The DBC members themselves will zoom away as quickly as they are able, hiding behind crates. Elder Gyro has actually equiped his obelisk with small VTOL rockets, which will pop out the side of his vehicle and lift him into the air so he can fly to safety (assuming he makes it before the ten seconds' worth of fuel runs out).

The next three sections are the chat with Fortuna setting up the meet, the final meet and battle, and the epilogue. Almost done with the initial structure! As always, I need help with stats, especially matrix stats, the floor plan for Fortuna's McMansion, and art, along with the standard proofreading and creative suggestions.

Thanks!

[Moon-Hawk]

[fistandantilus4....]

Today is 4/24. Let the Great Dropping Commence! Read your little minds away, then post your delirious rantings! Push us into the centenial page on this Day of the Great Drop!

*0w, just got fallen on* (Yes, that makes sense. Trust me)

[fistandantilus4....]

Just wanted to bring back this helpful chart hyzmarca created a while back (pg 12) so that we can keep track of who our enemies are.

[nezumi]

Hmmmm... *ponders the mysteries*

[fistandantilus4....]

Must ... keep... reading....*wipes bleeding eyes* hurts ... so... good...

[EphemeralKingOfN...]

*makes use of his exemption from re-reading the holy texts twice in quick succession by keeping all involved in the great dropping well supplied with Drop Beer*

[Magus]

But my surfers...................

[fistandantilus4....]

There there now ... easy there Commander. I'm sure what he meant was the Elder Ophis was directing you as to which targets you could bring your totally bodacious legions against.

[Angelone]

I'd like to point out I've never gotten fistandantilus3.o's name wrong, as I always copy and paste names because it cuts down on my typing. So fi$tandan7ilus3.0, don't listen to their lies. :lick:

[nezumi]

Ah, good catch. I had a problem there because I didn't know whether Magus was an Elder, a Brother or something else. If he's not an Elder, he would, of course, report to an Elder who would represent him at the DBC. I assumed Ophis would take that responsibility.

What is Magus' official rank?

Angelone - yes, but this is done in person, so you can't copy and paste conversations, and Fistanlitus DOES have a pretty tough name to remember right.

[PBTHHHHT]

Just call him Uncle Fist... :-P

edit: had to correct the spelling and add the relevant link.

[fistandantilus4....]

God I wish I could just log in with that. You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is to log in with that, and my computer doesn't seem to remember it. You should see what Grinder thought my name was for a while. All these PMs and emails with "fiastandfaultilus" or some crap on it.

As for ranks, and who's is what's and wiches... I'd fully inteded to start writing everyone's down during the Great Dropping.... but I couldn't find a pen. What with bleeding eyes and all I kinda got distracted. I pushed for it a while back but it flopped. Apparently the Drop Bear Legio s are good on smiting enemies, not so up on book keeping. Go figure.

Anyway, going back to the grindstone writing up Fortuna's Manor. Been toying with the idea of making it some kind of crazy Mario house where the PCs have to jump around and hit floating question mark '?' boxes, but figured an IE would never have something so wonderful. Just have to get my computer back from my wife, the infamous Plan B. Would have by now, but bless he heart she bites.

[Grinder]

[Lady Door]

You say prophetic.. I say sunstroke induced hallucinations.. but hey.. to each his own.

(crazy head)

[Grinder]

We enlightened believers know the difference.

[fistandantilus4....]

"Knowledge confuses even the righteous"?

[Grinder]

Sort of.

[Angelone]

It's cool nezumi, I'm honestly thrilled to be mentioned in the adventure. I actually squeeled when I read my name.

As for the great drop it was completed. There were complications though as I had too much drop beer and kept falling out of my chair, so there were many regular droppings as well as the great one.

[Magus]

[Ophis]

Careful, you're disrupting our disinformation campaign.

[Magus]

Yes Elder. Would you care for Lyptus smoke?

[nezumi]

I know not everyone has the same page settings, but on the default setting, we are only a few posts away from hitting 100! Truly, this is a sign that our beliefs are correct, and the others are wrong. Only if we were blessed by the Great Drop Bear in the sky would this thread have been able to grow at the rate it has. Blessed be!