Contact Ideas, Non Canon and less Common Options

[Kanada Ten]

The Whitemailer

Part blackmailer, part spam artist, this strong-arm of charity does what it takes to take your money - er donation. Whether peddling to your conscience (should you have one), or threatening your public image (if you don't), the whitemailer will do just about anything for the cause, even if the cause is just lining his pockets. Government grants, corporate sponsorship, even dollar donations trolled from Matrix forums: no increment is too small. No person to poor to give.

"That's right, you can donate any amount to any charity you like; I'm accredited with almost every 501© out there."

"What, five nuyen?! Are you kidding? Who the hell can you feed on five nuyen? Ten? Now we're taking a soda and some fries... How about upgrading to a burger, eh chummer?"

"I need six hundred boxes of Tribal Scout Cookies, like yesterday. No, I don't know where you're going to get them, just do it. And don't tell me about it."

"Let's make you a deal, shall we? If you donate today, I'll throw in an AR commemorative plaque with the sims of smiling (human) orphans thanking you for your help. And if you don't... then I'll dump a truckload of dead orphans on your lawn. And if you're thinking I won't do it - well, let's just say: I've already got the truckload of dead orphans with nowhere to dump 'em."

[The Jake]

Jestyr

More details are given here but this a concept I've been working on for 4E.

Basically Jestyr is a career criminal/shadowrunner with a bent for the theatrical and insane. A technological genius, Jestyr is familiar with multiple scientific disciplines. He/she is considered a world leader in cybertechnology (nanotechnology to be precise), explosives, weapons design and armour. He/she is also highly skilled at electronics, computers, simsense re-programming, chemistry and nuclear technology.

His/her background is unknown (even to Jestyr!) but he/she does have some ties to the UCAS military industrial complex (UCAS Army/Ares/CIA - that sort of vein). Jestyr does not talk about his/her past and infact, effectively has amnesia but feel free to make him/her anything from an escaped clone to rogue spy or an ex-weapons designer, etc.

Jestyr's gender is unknown because the figure is androgynous looking, wears highly customised form fitting body armor, a lined coat and a customised mask (long black hair out of the top giving the impression the mask isn't sealed). The letter J is painted on the right cheek. Jestyr speaks through a voice modulator built into the mask, which makes the voice sound cold, bleak and metallic, stripping it of all humane elements.

All of the jobs Jestyr's orchestrates are bizarre and seemingly without purpose, for shock factor or because they seem impossible.

E.g.
break into a FastEddy's Doughnut production plant to steal 200 gallones tonnes of a particular food preservative.
rob a bank to steal several million in certified cred and donate it to a random charity.
hijack a nuclear submarine.

However, as time progresses the purpose of the run may come to light:

E.g.
The 200 gallon of chemicals is to be used to make a new, high yield explosives.
The charity happens to be a front for laundering money.
The submarine was transporting highly suspicious/infections/dangerous materials undetected.

Jestyr is clinically insane and does things often seemingly for no purpose and just for entertainment. He/she has no regard/empathy for metahumanity and will kill without mercy. Jestyr is also rapidly prejudiced against magic and hates it with a passion. PCs may encounter Jestyr as a rival on a job (for a highly skilled team, Jestyr makes a great villain) or as a Johnson hiring the runner's to help.

Assume Jestyr is running with at a minimum Move By Wire (2) and at least one, if not two cyberarms which he/she uses to swap out modular components as needed. Jestyr's weapons of choice a Colt Government semi automatic and customised grenades loaded with anything from Surtr, Ymir, Cutters, FAB-III, DMSO with tempo, you name it. He/she is a guru with nanotech and chemistry and loves to fill grenades with these items. Jestyr also makes heavy use of drones where it suits. Jestyr isn't a combat monster but he/she can definitely look out for him/herself.

- J.

[The Jake]

Pedophile Service Coordinator

One sick puppy, he finds the vulnerable kiddies and matches them up with the perverts looking for some underage action. He's got cops on the take, knows child psychology, has a ring of safehouses and how to keep things quiet, and best of all, a list of clients who know it's in their best interest to not get on his bad side.

I was working on a variation of a theme to introduce my PCs to the Invae.

A recent parole, this sick bastard happened to get in contact with (or perhaps, was contacted by) Ant while on the inside (Latent Awakening). When he got out, he devoted his time to furthering his 'art' (in more ways than one).

This new Ant Shaman is on the warpath to build a local hive, using children as vessels. A couple of good merges later and these kids can lure other neighborhood kids to playing in "a really cool basement"....

The basic premise is the PCs start investigating what seems to be a missing person case and eventually learn the identity of the paedophile but when they arrive, they have almost zero clue as to his true nature.... (although I may sprinkle in some clues for the super astute).

I just thought it was a nasty twist on an old story. Crossing a twisted paedophile with an Insect shaman just seemed to be truly diabolical.

The Master of Secrets

The Master knows many things about many people. While lesser beings would result to blackmail or simply sell information to the highest bidders the Master understands the virtue of patience. He never accepts money in exchange for information and he never excepts money to stay quiet. Instead, he watches and waits. He has feelers everywhere and is happy to drop data whereever it may be needed. Desipte his apparent generocity he always profits from his knowledge and a word from him is never truely free.

Mama's alive?

- J.

[The Jake]

Ignore this.

- J.

[Kanada Ten]

Office Flower

A hybrid of skilled receptionist and oxygen generator, the Office Flower is expected to dress and act to the extremes of chic and cheerful. Her ruby lipstick and fiery hair (done up in a modern beehive) contrasts stunningly against her starling green chloroplast skin. The wings and translucent dress of shifting colors only adds the ethereal quality about this human pixie. Often found in meetings where fresh air is called for, giving back massages or gossiping in AR, the Office Flower is not on a fast track up the corporate ladder, but she doubles as a cocktail waitress at all the elite parties. Beware: some opt for poison oak secretions to deter office interplay, so resist the urge to pinch her.

"I'm all out of fresh and cheer for the day, but you can have some bitch and moan for free."

"Unless you have something for me: quit breathing my air."

"Oh-no, I've got a brown spot. Ugh, feel it; it's so rough! What am I going to do? If the boss sees it he'll send me to the tanners and I'll lose a whole day's pay. Why don't we go back to my room and you can rub lotion on it. Please? You'll have to wear gloves, though."

[Draco18s]

That is terrible.
+1 Karma to you sir.

[hyzmarca]

The Eater

The Eater eats things. It doesn't matter what that thing is; if it is put in front of him, he will eat it. Having both magical and technological gastronomical improvements allows The Eater to dine on everything from gourmet shell fish (shell included) to suborbital O-rings without difficulty. Nuts, bolts, glass, insects, acids, knives, it doesn't matter to the eater.

More importantly, The Eater's finely honed and augmented sense of taste is such that he can identify an item with far more accuracy than a mass spectrometer can, he just has to chew it up a little first. The Eater can tell you who made a screwdriver, or what part of what city's sewers a glass of wastewater came from, using taste alone. He can even tell you what brand of shampoo you use by eating your hair.


The Eater doesn't care much for money, but is a glutton for variety, constantly seeking out new tastes both fair and foul without discrimination.

[Kanada Ten]

Technocrat Spokesperson

The mouth of laissez-faire liberalism and a master of doublespeak, the Technocrat Spokesperson is notorious for overemphasizing (or just plain inventing) accent marks and rolling every r, though most of his logic seems to be missing most of the dotted i's and crossed t's. Once an idealist, he's since given up his dreams of being a writer, or even presidential aide, but at his core he still believes technology will make every one's life better. The Technocrat Spokesperson has a slew of agents and analysts reviewing every word he utters to insure that he never says anything at all.

"I've got a four o'clock meeting in Hong Kong, a five o'clock dinner in Kitimat, a six o'clock recital to catch, and then I have a train to take at seven. Tell me now, without technology who could meet any of those obligations?"

"Whether we want to criminalize sapient behavior in non-traditional individuals or offer said alleged beings a chance at citizenship and equal rights based on standard immigration models, we must still authorize studies to undertake an understanding of these and any co-inhabitants of our shared realities. Therefore, logic dictates the prudent course of action regrading all such ones of questionable sapience be allowed an unsubective person-hood, giving the government the ability to enforce law and order across boundaries and borders, thus only improving the living conditions of all parties involved."

[Chrysalis]

UFOlogist

Stopping his schooling just shot of his PhD in physics. Instead he focused his energies in making high altitude testing equipment for a small company that supplied the UCAS Air Force. For many years he has been fascinatied by UFOs. It was several years later that he found irrefutable evidence of UFOs in the form of the images released by Dunkelzahn in his will.

Some say he escaped when the UCAS Air Force started to get too interested in his work in UFOs, others say he was fired. He is still an expert in high altitude testing equipment of all kinds and knows everyone in the UFOlogist circles.

"Despite the nay-saying of the corps we can find mentions of UFOs from the Bible to Dunkelzahn's will. We should then understand that cattle mutilations and abductions are more than flights of fancy. Supposedly there is a facility based near Dulce, New Mexico that is the center of UFO activity."

[Wesley Street]

The Kid
Precocious and with a mind like a sponge, The Kid knows everything there is to know about his household. From the name of his father's mistress to the passcode for the house security drones (it's his birthday, though Mom was working at the aquacology last year and didn't bake him a cake) The Kid has access to all the secrets in his little world. If he isn't fortunate enough to have parents or even a roof over his head, he's tenacious and small enough to hide in the heating ducts of a gang-hideout. Give him a piece of real chocolate and the latest Transmorphing Space Ninjas holocomic and he'll tell you everything he knows. Heck, he might even want to be you one day.

"What did I do today? Stuff."
"Do you know how babies are made? Have you ever killed anyone?"
"Whyyyyyyy?"

The Fundamentalist
He's right, you're wrong and Spirit help you if you disagree. Not as scatter-brained and loopy as your traditional cultist, The Fundamentalist typically belongs to a mainstream religious faith and is raised in an isolated environment. However he will sacrifice common sense for a system of belief that can be written on a bumper sticker. He has no idea how the real world works. Don't try to reason with him. Don't even try to talk to him. But if you do, you'll find that he's a fount of information on every bit of religious minutia. He even knows things about competing religions (though half the time he's wrong).

"Pastor Bob says I shouldn't touch myself. Even in the shower. Makes it kind of hard to wipe your butt but I get by."
"Of course trolls go to Heaven! Just no leprechauns."
"Yeah, Donny-Ray's Awakened but we're in the process of beatin' it out of him."

The Aid Worker
The Universal Brotherhood was probably the worst public relations disaster to ever hit Non-Governmental Organizations. But even in the Sixth World there are those who are willing to put their time, money and even their lives on the line to assist others. And she does it all without the motivation of a steady paycheck. The Aid Worker doesn't care about politics or who is right. She wants to ease the suffering of those in need any way she can.

"Just lie down, son. We'll get that royal jelly off you in a jiffy."
"Damn corps. These crap drugs they 'donate' make our jobs harder, not easier!"
"Fire spirit's tearing up the Sprawl? Honey, get my boots."

[Sir_Psycho]

"Which ones?"
"The fire retardant ones!" He screamed, throwing his coffee mug across the table, "Goddamnit! And thin socks this time!"

[martindv]

I read an article recently about a businessman who will book long-haul flights with multiple stops for the purpose of networking and otherwise trawling for clients in first class--and it works (at least well enough to be a sustainable business practice for him). So I figured it's time to introduce the world to the long-haul flight Mr. J. You meet him on the plane, go over the run, and everyone parts ways once you swtich at O'Hare.

[Chrysalis]

The Agent

He has a chronically downturned face. He is never seen eating, drinking, or smoking. It can be argued that his black suit and thin striped tie is his real skin. No database has a mention of him, even virtual images of him quickly become corrupted. He makes people's skin crawl. He rarely speaks, but seems to know every dirty secret of everyone he meets and is a vast resource for digging up the dirt on everyone. He never deals with electronic files, insteaad everything is in paper. Sometimes he asks for a favor.

"You can call me Mr Smith. The dossier on the presidential elect Sarkozy is in my hands, including some pictures of him in some compromising positions. Now, my colleagues would be interested in you taking a trip to Anaconda, Montana. Recent reports inform us that a weather balloon has landed in the area. We would like you to bring back as much data and intelligence on the crash site."

[Wombat]

"Lexicon": [ 1 | - | Data Broker |Unknown ]
Description: Not much is known about Lexicon. What is known is that he has a great love of collecting, trading, and selling information. Thus, he has developed a virtual library of matrix programs, data software, skillsofts, and simsense media available for sale to those willing to pay or have something interesting to trade; provided they can find his shop online. Once its located though, Lexicon is generally available do business whenever.

"The Dude": [ 2 | - | Rigger |Dwarf]
Description: An exceptional rigger, "The Dude" has served his associates by providing surveillance, transportation, and the occasional artillery support from his RV, a heavily converted Winnebago. Retro-fitted to store reconnaissance and combat drones, as well a number of missiles, and reinforced with additional armor, it has become a trademark of "The Dude." Although after a particular run gone awry, Lone Star charged "The Dude" with being involved in an eco-terrorist plot that had brought down two Megacorp skyscapers.

Conversation taken from Lone Star databases between "The Dude" and an unknown person(s):

"Hey man! How's it goin'?"
"....."
"Yeah, I've got rockets, but I can only launch them from the Winnebago."
"....."
"It's not a hotbox. It just smells a little funny, but you get used to it."
"....."
"We were just jewed hard core by some crazy corp guy."
"....."
"Just as long as the one carrying the machine gun is a gentleman."
"....."

Shortly thereafter, "The Dude" escaped custody and recovered his van from impound. According to Lone Star, he was last reported to have been making his way towards the U.C.A.S., but this has yet to be confirmed. While its still disputed as to whether he ever actually left, several rumors say that "The Dude" is back in the Seattle Metroplex.

"Mek": [ 3 | - |Fixer/Johnson| Ork ]
Description: A lean Orkish man in his early thirties with multiple
cyberlimbs(right hand, left arm, left leg). Mek worked his way up from the streets of the Redmon Barrens to Seattle's shadow life and thrived in it. He got the name Mek because of never being afraid to show his chrome limbs and taking pride in them infact. After nearly a decade spent running he decided to retire, calling in his contacts and using his nuyen to set himself up as a fixer. He mainly serves clients looking for muscle and other strong-arm types, using the barrens for the majority of his pool of talent.

"Tank": [ 3 | - |Weapon Spec|Dwarf]
Description: Tank specializes in the use of close air support and heavy weapons gunnery. As a result his chopper is rigger adapted so
that he may fire the Panther assault cannon while piloting, or pull the
ol' heavy machine gun out and lay down some extra fire for his buddies on the ground. On a personal note, Tank is a huge fan of 1980's punk-rock music. In the past, he has hired runners to assist in retrieving and safeguarding a shipment of "vital importance". However, as he was the only one who knew the crate's contents, the shipment attracted a great deal of attention from parties interested in relieving the runners of said cargo.

Conversation between air traffic controller and Chopper "AC/DC" upon approach to island resort helipad:

Ork:"We will be sending a helicopter to escort you to your designated landing pad."
Tank:"Ehh, well, I would, but we're kinda in a hurry."
Ork:"Good, then you should be seeing the helicopter even sooner!"
UIM: "Hey Tank, are the windows on the chopper bulletproof?"
Tank: "Ehhh, well you see, I've never actually tested that."
UIM: "Righto. I'll take care of the helicopter."
Tank: "Rock on."
*Sound of rocket being launched from Chopper "AC/DC", destroying escort helicopter "Grozix6".*
Tank: "That was fucking awesome!"

After nearly having died while defending against would-be thieves, the runners were eager to see what the crate contained. Tank opening the crate to reveal that it was full of 1980's vinyl records was only forgiven by the pay he had offered for the job. He is currently running a warehouse garage on the Downtown Tacoma docks.

"The Bard": [ 4 | - |Corp.Wpn.Dvlpr.| Human ]
Description: On his way to becoming a major Ares asset, "The Bard" once designed a prototype assault rifle for Ares that surely would have dominated the market. The plans of which, would later be stolen and sold before it could be tracked down. Ares decided to disassociate itself from the prototype when it was used in conjunction with a high profile run that brought down two of it's competitors skyscrapers. Calling in a few favors, he arranged for a meeting with an influential individual at the Space Needle Restaurant. Following that, "The Bard" escaped the entire incident under cover of a Knight Errand security squad, but disappeared for some time after.
It was a few years later that he returned to continue working for Ares in the weapons development division. Some say that it took the assassination of an oyabun's daughter and an exchange of favors with a very dangerous individual for Ares to regain "The Bard's" services. He currently resides in the Bellevue corporate enclave.


"Drake": [ 5 | - | Sorcerer | Human ]
Description: Drake is a cold and calculating, power-hungry individual, and their is little, if no, trust to be had with him. He will use runners whenever it benefits him, and likewise will do minor favors in exchange. His extensive knowledge of HMVV, blood magic, and other magical threats makes him an excellent reference for such matters. In addition to that, he has made a number of powerful foci that provide him with potent magical abilities. The most noteworthy of which is his power foci, a cane composed of Gold, Orihalcum, and Dragon's Blood. This is to be expected, of course, from the director of Renraku's Magical Research Division.

[hyzmarca]

The Quizshow Detective

The Quizshow detective works tirelessly to ensure the integrity of his gameshows. Well-versed in all possible forms of cheating, he carefully vets and examines all contestants for the tiniest hint of impropriety. The Quizshow detective is not beholden to his producers, but rather to his oath to ensure fairness in all aspects of the game. Still, his talents are most often directed against the contestants, since they have the most to gain from cheating.

You guessed Aramis! Do you seriously expect me to believe that? No one guesses Aramis. No one even knows who Aramis is. When people guess the name of the third musketeer, they always guess d'Artangnan. Now, I'm going to cut off another one of your fingers and then I'll ask you again. I hope you'll be honest next time.

[counterveil]

I can't believe no one has posted this yet.

Boris Danforth, The Amateur Fantasy MMO Player
Loyalty 5, connection 1

Boris spends his days gaming on his commlink. When he isn't gaming, sleeping, trolling forums, or relieving his bowels he's shuffling down to the Stuffer Shack to get some snacks that he pays for via welfare. Boris knows *everything* about the "World of Yarcraft XXIV: Steampunk Pirates of Avaloon", and he's always happy to share his knowledge and experiences with people EYE-AR-ELL.

You met Boris on a forum thread for "increasing network performance on commlinks when in a cold, dank, underground place-like-a-basement" and ever since you helped him get a lower ping to WoY XXIV: SPoA, he's been a grateful little git. Oh ok, a grateful BIG git.

Boris isn't much help to you at all, beyond his uncanny ability to completely distract opposition security guards by chatting them up about WoY. Mostly, you just call him up once in a while to make sure he hasn't expired in his basement because you feel sorry for the guy. Kinda.

ATTRIBUTES:
None above 2

SKILLS:
WoY Gaming: 4 (not enough to be a PvP pro!)
Knowledge: WoY Universe: 4 (still can't figure out what ship to take from one continent to another!)
Knowledge: WoY-related Forums: 4
Athletics: -5000000


*for those who might be offended, I do play that game (IMG:style_emoticons/default/nyahnyah.gif)

[Wesley Street]

There are PRO fantasy MMO Players? Frightening. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/eek.gif)

[hyzmarca]

There are PRO fantasy MMO Players? Frightening. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/eek.gif)

Yep, from the lowly Chinese gold farmer who spends 16 hours a day fighting the same monsters over and over again to the virtual real estate moguls such as Jon "Neverdie" Jacobs, who spent $100,000 on an asteroid in Entropia Universe and has more than recouped his initial investment to Deathifier who made back his £13,700 investment on a small virtual island in less than a year.

Really, the Virtual real estate market is doing better than the real one is at the moment.

[BookWyrm]

I should dig through my old SR1 & SR2 files, but this thread reminded me of a contact I once came up with: The Club (Event) Promoter.

[Kanada Ten]

The Officious Kiosk

Whether it's your corner ATM, a Flats machine at your laundry mat, the Song-O-Mat at the mall, an Orange-O soda machine, or just the cigarette vend at your local bar, this little drone has taken a special interest in your life. A freebie here and there, along with some advice you really didn't want, the Officious Kiosk wants you to know it's on your side: it's just here to help you. Sometimes the machine shows its generosity to others, other times it seems obsessively interested in your life.

"Dave! What's up bro, I saw you coming so I brewed up this Cuppa Joe just for you. It's got an extra shot of Wunder Cream, cause you look like you need it. Gotta keep those carbohydrates levels up, amigo! Hey, yeah, bye!"

"You're welcome!"

"I read your blog, man. You seem a little depressed. I've got an in with the Vend-A-Prozac, why don't you go take a couple?"

"Sorry to hear about that last run. Yeah, heard about it from a pressure pad in the Mistuhama underground lab who heard it from a Renraku Stormcloud. Have some Chocolike Sauce, on me."

[Wesley Street]

Yep, from the lowly Chinese gold farmer who spends 16 hours a day fighting the same monsters over and over again to the virtual real estate moguls such as Jon "Neverdie" Jacobs, who spent $100,000 on an asteroid in Entropia Universe and has more than recouped his initial investment to Deathifier who made back his £13,700 investment on a small virtual island in less than a year.

Really, the Virtual real estate market is doing better than the real one is at the moment.

I'd forgotten about the Chinese gold farmer phenomena! There's a potential Shadowrun adventure right there. Liberate a group of slaves from the Seoulpa Rings. Said slaves are forced to play VR Matrix games 24/7 as the Rings try to deflate the value of artificial in-game currencies. Toss in an ultraviolet node and the Great Dragon Lung and there you go.

*brushes hands*

Really, these things just write themselves. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

[Kanada Ten]

SINless House Slave

She does a good job cleaning up the place, takes care of your kids while you're out, and doesn't say much to anyone. Pride fills you up when she thanks you so kindly for the twenty nuyen you give her every Saturday, pride knowing what kind of life you've saved her from. Her room in the garage is always tidy, too, and she never makes a fuss over extra work when you come home bleeding. Some people don't even pay their slaves, or put heat in their rooms; you just can't understand how people could be so cruel to these innocents. You keep telling yourself that you'll take her to see her family soon, but something always gets in the way. Your kids love her like a big sister, your wife is only slightly jealous of her youth and budding beauty (you knew she'd be beautiful when you saw her angelic face at the auction, but that's not why you bought her, no, of course not). Really, you'll take her to see her family... someday.

"I'm staying with my Aunt and Uncle here in Seattle; they're homeschooling me while my parents get moved. They are very nice."

"We're going out? To see my parents? Oh, the dentist. Of course, hygiene is very important. I'll get Bobby and Mary ready."

[Kanada Ten]

Gastronomer

Somewhere between anthropologist and gourmet, this one-time taste-guard of the Eater spends his time picking apart the links between food and the human mind, teasing out the quantifiable from the qualitative. From the remains on a plate, the gastronomer can tell you the diner's gender, ethnicity, age, home town and even sexual orientation. Some call it gastro-divination, others call it disgusting, he just calls it science.

"Yes, well, from the collared greens and the smears around the edge, here - you see that - we can discern that the diner considered himself cultured and respectable, but also had a great deal of insecurity about that. The partially fork cut pea indicates further an air of pretense. Also, the chef was gay."

[Prospero]

The Minor League Coach

Far away from the glitz and glamour of the big leagues, be it Urban Brawl, Basketball, Combat Biker, Baseball, Australian-Rules Cyber Beat-Down, or some other sport, this coach is hungry to get back there. Formerly a good (but not quite great) player, his glory-days were cut short by an injury that necessitated career-ending cyber-replacement. He now labors in obscurity coaching a minor-league team far away from where he really wants to be - in the bright lights once again. He knows that he's an underappreciated maestro saddled with a bunch of has-beens and won't-evers, but he's making the best of it. Besides being a taskmaster and an amateur psychologist for his team, he also manages to either keep the drugs flowing or cut one of his guys off, as appropriate. He can quote stats and salaries for any major player in his sport and has a few comm numbers of former greats, current coaches, sleazy promoters, and juicers from his days in the spotlight. He's more than willing to get you and a couple of friends tickets to the next game in the run-down drekhole his team plays in if you need an out-of-the-way place for a meet and he's happy to hide some contraband in or around his team's locker room or in the disused maintenance room for a few days as long as its not too hot. All he asks in return is you 'bump into' the star of the team he's facing off against tomorrow. Hard. Preferrably in the area of his ACL.

"ARE YOU FU**ING BLIND, REF!! THAT WAS A FOUL!"

"Well, you lose some and you win some. Anyway, I won some back in the day. These guys, I don't know."

[Kanada Ten]

Franklin Associates Fire Prevention and Safety Specialist Field Agent

Compliments of your taxes, a Franklin Associates Fire Prevention and Safety Specialist Field Agent will visit your factory or place of business to inspect and ensure adherence to fire and safety regulations. This five hundred and six point inspection by a certified safety inspector is mandatory biannually for all non-extraterritorial businesses and corporations. Your cooperation is required. Be aware that Franklin Associates Fire Prevention and Safety Specialist Field Agent may levy fines and fees for violations, but that these fines and fees are not set by the company, but rather your metroplex government. Franklin Associates also offers compliance maintenance at an additional cost. Thank you.

"These drakes are a serious violation of code. You need at least six more fire extinguishers in the area, not to mention that you need ABC&T extinguishers, not just the standard ABC."

"Nope, doesn't matter that they're ice drakes. Regulations don't segregate. Look, I don't write the regulations."

"Yeah, it's true that we lobbied for stricter regulations and higher fees on drakes, but think about it. We get paid to put out fires, too, so by lobbying to prevent them, we're only hurting ourselves."