Coming to America. (Shen's bl0g) Options

[emo samurai]

I like to people-watch. Sometimes I project into a crowd of people, seeing the faces they make when the laughs quiet and everyone turns back to their beers. Sometimes I like to have a clearer view of things and sit in the corner of the bar while invisible or disguised as just another gutter-rat, watching bemusedly the lively anarchy you all are so fond of. And sometimes I just sit in plain sight and look.

Why do I do it? It's not money; I never tell anyone what I see or even that I do this. Why do I do this?

Sure, there's morbid curiosity; people like to watch other people die, even when they hate their lives, but that's not it. There's self-interest, but I have no interest in using you people. It destroys the aesthetic distance, you see. There's voyeurism, but really, where you eat, drink, shower, and piss is not nearly so interesting as what I can see in your eyes when the lights die down. I just want to know, to see between the fine cracks in your facades that nobody can see until no-one's looking. No one but me.

So bluster all you want; wave your gun, drink your beers, have your little fights over who disrespected who. Sure, you fool some people, hell, you may fool everybody. But you don't fool me.

--Shen

[James McMurray]

You might want to instead focus your curiosity inwards, as you seem to be contradicting yourself. You say you cdon't care about other peoples' private lives, but then you go out of your way to intrude upon them.

There's a psychological theory that's been bandied around for generations called "projection." It describes the tendency for people to view the rest of the world through the eyes of their own psyche. Is it at all possible that you look outward for signs of humanity because you're afraid to look inward? Is your concern about seeing through other peoples' illusions steeped in the desire to see throguh your own?

Yes, people wear masks in public. They also wear them in private. Given that you yourself are a member of that lovely delusional and deluding bunch of organisms known as "people" do you really feel that this is not also something you do yourself?

[emo samurai]

I.... am CURED!!! :notworthy: This never really occurred to me before, that, in viewing people's unhappiness, I am most likely myself unhappy! :eek:

Also, my parents beat me when I was little, I was molested by a dragon, fell in love with a girl named Annabel who died of typhoid two months later when I was a boy, and don't remember these things because I have all my memories repressed! How did you know?

>>Shen

[James McMurray]

Ah, the "hide behind being an asshole" approach to self delusion. It's o.k. though, it just places you in the denial phase. After a few cycles through the process, if you're lucky, you'll come to grips with who you really are. It happens to us all, if we take the time to look inward.

If you'd ever care to talk about things, I'm always here. Or there are literally thousands of licensed professionals in the Seattle metroplex alone. Some of them are even good. I can suggest a few names.

I'm not saying you're crazy and need help. I'm saying that everyone can use a little introspection, and that introspection is best when accompanied by an outside viewpoint. A medical professional, girl/boyfriend, parent, or even just a good friend you can trust all work. Having spent years studying the human mind, I think professionals are better qualified to remark upon the human condition in general, but I am admittedly a bit biased.

[Ryu]

So Shen, you lucky awakened you. How is it to read our emotions? How many of us are actually honest when they talk about feelings? How many are just emotionally disabled beeings faking feelings to participate in society?

How do you know what I think over the matrix, what with me shilling on Hawaii ATM?

-Gremlin (who would like to be a fire elementalist, if that term is correct)

[emo samurai]

It's strangely satisfying to know things about people they don't themselves want to know; depressing, yes, and it produces a feeling not unlike what you'd feel if you watched a live video feed of a cute little puppy dying on the other side of the world, but it nonetheless satisfies me in a way that few other people seem to need to be satisfied.

And to you, James. Denial would be my thinking that this makes me happy; I can say with considerable confidence that I am not. At best, it temporarily kills something that gnaws at me. Denial would also be saying that I can do anything but watch; that anything I would do to help them would really last and not be undone by everything dishonest and stupid in this world. Denial would mean ignoring this need to know despite all that powerlessness. So really, if you were me, what would you fragging do?

>>Shen

[James McMurray]

I would find something whose benefits to my life are more lasting. I would figure out what it is that gnaws at me and find a way to fix it. Otherwise you're doing no better than the people you seem to despise, hiding behind the things that work now because finding things that work now and later is too difficult.

[emo samurai]

It's not contempt; it's more an inner need to bear witness.

>>Shen

[Witness]

[James McMurray]

Bear witness to what? The factt hat people hide themselves fromt he world? Why is there a need to bear witness to something that's blatanty obvious to anyone with even a mild understanding of social behavior? Wouldn't it be better t instead focus the energies on trying to help people merge their inner and outer aspects into a stronger whole?

[Witness]

[emo samurai]

It's not just the sad faces people make in the middle of crowds; it's the hopes and fears that their tapestry of expressions betray, the unconscious desires and hates that can be gleaned from detailed observation that are individual to each person. Why biker A secretly loves runner A, how she's mistaken about runner A, how runner A may or may not be able to live up to her love, etc. etc.

[emo samurai]

I watched a woman die today, and I did nothing about it.

Let me give you some background. There's a BTL dealer who I will name Bob, the woman who I will name Clara, and me. Every week, when a local unnamed BTL dealer drops off his shipment, he opens his trunk before walking around to it. In these three seconds, she darts out of the alleyway and steals her bliss. These three seconds are the only times that she ever shows any sort of drive, any sort of life. I float in astral space and watch this all, lingering for some minutes afterwards to get a hint of what sorts of joys and tragedies that could possibly overcome the kind of life she lives. I can only imagine the sorts of things that drove her to this, and I can only hope that I am never right.

Today, things didn't happen the way they normally did. Bob had apparently been told about the missing BTL's and had extra safeguards installed. When Clara bent down to grab her weekly handful, an arc shot out and dropped her. Bob had a really sick sense of humor and decided to kill her while she was watching whatever it was she watched. Straight from heaven to hell. Very clever. She smiled even as her face exploded.

I should have done something. I could have summoned a spirit and taken her away; I could have manifested and distracted him long enough for her to crawl away; I could have even taken her to me and reassembled the broken fragments of her mind. But I didn't.

I have to stop this; I have to do something.

[James McMurray]

It seems at first a good thing to find you looking for the things you can do instead of the things you can watch. But it's also scary. While sometimes what is right and wrong is obvious, that is rarely the case in today's world.

What if that woman's life was so dismal she went through her weekly routine becuse she wanted to die and knew that Bob could be the instrument that wouldn't stop att he last second? Saving her at that point means you've destroyed her last attempts at escape. Do you then kill her when she explains?

In the end nothing you do to help the world will fill the void you are feeling now. All it will do is let you push aside those feelings for a little while. But when you go back to your bat cave at the end of the day you'll still have a dark spot in your soul.

Look inside for the things you need, and then you can take your healed psyche out into the world. Physician, heal thyself.

[emo samurai]

I have no right to make that choice for her, and I don't think she was in any position to make that choice for herself.

[James McMurray]

Every being has the right to choose the time of it own death, so long as that choice doesn't infringe upon the rights of others. By interfering in her life you remove that choice.

You have chosen to flee from yourself into the lives of others. She has chosen to do the exact same thing, except that her window into other lives is a technological bridge into her brain. Your window is an astral eye into the soul. You violate peoples' privacy and will soon begin meddling in the affairs of others. She only hurts herself.

Can you honestly consider yourself better than her and more capable of making her life choices for her?

[emo samurai]

How do you know that she got into that life out of choice and not despair? How do you know that she didn't just see a complete lack of options? How do you know that she couldn't have made her life better? No one ever sees every option; nobody ever knows all the ways they could improve their lives, and nobody can do everything for themselves. Humans are, paradoxically, driven by inertia. I am a testament to that.

[James McMurray]

I don't know that she didn't do any of those things, but neither do you know that she did.

Do you think it odd that this old woman, who it would seem has absolutely nothing to live for, would have the decency to keep her personal failings where they won't interfere with the lives of others?

Do you think it odd that you, who seemingly has much to live for, will not?

[emo samurai]

I think the entire point about the incident was that I DIDN'T interfere with her life; I regret it fully.

As for her lifestyle as a choice to "keep her personal failings where they won't interfere with the lives of others," wow. You are absolutely callous, and without even knowing about her life, you have denied any sort of value for it. You have only convinced me to "interfere" more.

[Witness]

To quote a wise woman: Shit or get off the pot!
Get your game on dude, because right now you might as well not be holding the controller.
>>ChunkyMonkey

[emo samurai]

Relax, it takes time to work up to the "Death-Wish Vigilante" stage of existential anxiety.

>>Irreverent Fool

[Witness]

There's 'death-wish vigilante' existential anxiety, and 'sit on your fat astral ass' existential angst, and then there's a whole spectrum in between. But hearing you piss and moan while letting some poor sucker cack it makes me grind my gnashers good and horrible. You're a disgrace is what you are.
>>ChunkyMonkey

Or to put it another, more delicate, way: ‘the only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing' (Burke).
>>Philophile

I'll see your Burke and raise you an Anon. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
>>Witness

[emo samurai]

I took out a gang today. Or rather, I debilitated its ability to do harm.

It started out as an experiment. A few gangsters were in an alley mugging a young boy, so I manifested and spoke to them, asking them why they did what they did. See how well they deal with the unknown yet harmless. I thought I would have a small chat with them about their purpose in life and everything.

They did what any rational man would do when confronted with a harmless projection of the metahuman form: they shot it without a word. So I summoned a very high-force fire spirit and instructed it to lightly burn every member of the gang and destroy their weapons cache while causing no collateral damage outside of their pile o' guns. I gave them a number they could call in case any rival gangs ever tried to seize the opportunity and attack them while they were unarmed; if they did, I'd summon another fire spirit and send it after the people giving them trouble. I also told them I'd check in from time to time to see if they simply downgraded from threatening people with guns to threatening people with bats. So now they're safe, and they can't mug people, either. Win-win.

I won't tell you which gang I hit up, both because I don't want them getting hurt and I don't want you to get your skin burned off.

I feel almost good about myself.

>>Shen

[emo samurai]

Maybe not that much time.

>>Irreverent Fool

[James McMurray]

If you think I was making judgements about the worthlessness of her life you should reread what I said. I was very clear that I don't know the circumstances of her life, only that she is free to choose her own death and she does not visit her ills upon others.

You sound as if you expected something different when a spirit materializes out of thin air in the middle of an armed group. These people live in a violent world. Not shooting first means dying, and appearing in someone's house or work is ample cause for self defense in most jurisdictions.

I hope you did your homework before this. Some gangs serve a purpose in stabilizing the area. It is possible that this gang's lack of an ability to defend itself adequately will draw other gangs into the area. The slaughter that results could easily take out some innocents when the bullets start to fly.

What if the new gang wants a larger amount of protection money, sells more drugs, or rapes more children?

Lack of action is indeed the way evil triumphs, but action without forethought can create evil on its own.

But at least you show signs of wanting to grow. Unfortunately you're growing outwards instead of inward. You can't fix the world if you yourself are broken.