I realized I'm too anal retentive to enjoy CRPGs, Reflections from years spent gaming Options

[Wounded Ronin]

I finally realized that I'm too anal retentive to enjoy most computer RPGs, such as Ultima.

Although I typically like the ideas behind a well-developed computer RPG I always am afraid when I'm playing that I'm not being optimal in terms of statistics. I always end up downloading a walkthrough after playing for a day or two and then I freak out when I see that I haven't been very efficient. I end up reading the entire walkthrough and getting stressed out trying to mentally plan out each step the walkthrough tells me to do and then I stop playing the game.

That's what happened to me with that Raymond Feist Sierra RPG, Betrayal At Krondor. It got to the point that I was on Chapter 3 and my 3 party members all had the best armor and weapons in the game even though it was still the beginning of the game. They had most of the good spells, tons of money, because I kept walking around in circles trying really hard to not miss a single bonus. I was reading an extensive walkthrough on the internet and was sweating over missing one or two quests that may have bugged out. Then when I didn't want to start over and spend all those hours again getting the best possible equipment on the possibility that a couple sidequests might have bugged I stopped playing.

That also happend with Ultima Worlds of Adventure: Martian Dreams just now. Somehow my main character seems to have misplaced one of his guns (I have no idea how) and the thought of being sub-optimal made me stop alltogether since I also don't want to take the time to start over and invest all that time in going around killing things again.

On the other hand, "easy" RPGs where they are made to be beaten and are almost impossible to screw up, such as Knights Of The Old Republic, I actually play and enjoy because I know I don't have to play cautiously and just relax and don't think about it when things fail to be totally optimal. The same sort of dynamic applies to things like the old Final Fantasy titles and so forth.

I just noticed this now after years of playing games. It's funny that I feel as though I'm pretty relaxed about my performance in tabletop RPGs like Shadowrun, and I don't necessarily super munchkin or anything, but for statistically difficult CRPGs I mentally implode given a couple weeks.