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> Bad Boy, Bad Boys, Watcha gonna do when they come for you.
post Oct 17 2005, 05:26 PM
Post #1

Midnight Toker

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From: Zombie Drop Bear Santa's Workshop
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Cops is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement.

Officer: We are responding to a domestic violence call. According to the report the neighbors hears yelling, screaming, and death threats.
People think that just because tey live in a good neighborhood they are immune to domestic violence. It isn't true. Domenstic violence can happen anywhere.

- clock wipe -

*Knock knock*

Officer: Police! Please open the door.
There is no answer but I can definently hear someone inside.
The door is unlocked. I'm going in.

Sir are you alright? What happened?

Windigo: Slitch bit me. Slitch bit it off!! That what happened!! Slitch bit it off!! Slitch said I cheated and then she bit it off.

Officer: Sir, please calm down. Where is she now.

Windigo: I didn't cheat! You couldn't pay me to touch that skanky ho!!

Officier: Sir, please calm down and answer my questions. Who did this to you and where is she now?

Windigo: My girlfriend, -@#----. I don't know where the slitch is. She just jumped out the window. The slitch is crazy. I don't cheat. I'd never cheat on her. I love her.

Officer: What does -@#--- look like?

Windigo: She's a Banshee, a little shorter than you are. She's got blue hair and humongous fake brestesses. Frag!! It's still bleedin'

Officier: How long ago did she leave?

Windigo: I don't know. What time is it now? Karl Kombatmage was just starting on channel 6057. That starts at 10PM.

Officer: I need an ambulance at **^&%--. A male windigo has had his penis severed and he has been bleeding for at least 14 minutes.

-Commercial break-

Officier: A Banshee fitting the suspect's description has been spotted near here.
There she is! She sees us. Ma'am, please lie face down on the ground and put your hands behind your head.


Officier: She's running. Damn! she's fast. Mike, you go around and try to cut her off. I'll chace her into you.

*Sounds of running*

*Sounds of tackling*

Officier: Stop Struggling. Relax and put your hands behind your head.

Banshee: You pigs!! All of you men!!. You're all stinking distgusting cheating lying pigs!!! I'll kill all of you. ill bite off of your ckocks off and watch you bleed to death. YWWWOOOOOO!!!!

Officier: Ma'am, if you don't stop struggling I will tase you.

Banshee: YAAAAAA!!!! I'll shove that taser up your hoop!!

*crackling sound of taser discharge*

Officier 2: I got the cuffs on her, Joe.

Windigo: %%$^&, %%$^$. You alright?? What you done to her?

Officier 3: Relax sir, she's just been tased. Please stand back.

Windigo: What you gonna do to her?

Officier 1: Sir, your girlfrind is going to jail for domestic assualt and battery, resisting arrest, and terroristic treats.

Windigo: Don't do that. I won't file any charges. I want her to come back home.

Officier 1: The law doesn't work like that, sir. The law says that if she hits you she has to go to jail. It is for her good as well as yours.You'll both have time to calm down and think about what happened and neither of you will get hurt more badly than you already are. She'll have a bail hearing in the morning. If you still want her out in the morning be at the courthouse. Okay.

Windigo: Okay. Ohh, I'm sorry baby. I wouldn't cheat on you. I love you.

Banshee: I'm sorry too, pookie. I didn't mean it. Really. Well get you a new penis. We'll buy one that's bigger and better and more sensitive.

Officier: Sir, please step back.

Officier 2: Do you have any weapons on you ma'am.

Banshee: No sir.

Officier 2: I'm going to pat you down now. Okay.

Banshee: Okay.

Officier 2: What's this tube in your underwear?

Banshee: It's not a weapon.

Officier 2: We need a female officier to check in the suspects underwear.

-clock wipe-

Female officier: This isn't a weapon. It is a part of his- her anatomy.

-clock wipe-

It is a shame that things like this happen. When its an interracial couple it is worse because it makes all interracial couples look bad. I'm just glad that they didn't have any kids.

- credits-

Close Captioning for this episode of Cops was brought to you by NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Orginization. Now with more NERPS.
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Gyro the Greek S...
post Oct 17 2005, 05:46 PM
Post #2

Moving Target

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From: North VA
Member No.: 5,519

Quite clever. I am greatly amused.

This makes me think about the SNAFU that would result in a live broadcast of Lone Star units interrupting a Shadowrun.
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post Oct 17 2005, 10:54 PM
Post #3

Prime Runner

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That's where I thought it would go.
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Lenice Hawk
post Oct 17 2005, 10:58 PM
Post #4


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That is hilarious! And the fact that you captured the essence of these couples...perfect.
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post Oct 18 2005, 12:45 AM
Post #5


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post Oct 18 2005, 01:53 AM
Post #6


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Joined: 16-May 04
Member No.: 6,333

That's funny stuff. Thanks!
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