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> Can You Tell Me How to Get to a Shadowrun?, A pice of fiction
hyzmarca
post May 29 2006, 12:01 PM
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"Five! One, two ,three, four, five. Five of my best, my most loyal, disciples are dead because of them and you don't know where they are!" The vampire expressed his anger by shoving two fingers into the hapless pawn's nose and yanking hard. There was a sick half-tearing and half-crunching sound as the vampire twisted the human's head off his shoulders. Part of the human pawn's destroyed spine still hung from the skull when the body fell. The vampire screamed in rage and hurled the head at his minions as if it were a lightweight bowling ball. "I want their heads just like that. I want them dead. Kill the motherfuckers before the sun rises or that will be you."

It was then and there, as I clung to the cold stone ceiling of a vampire's dinning room with failing gecko gloves that I I decided to change me career. The money just isn't worth the bad things that would happen to me if one of the bloodsuckers were to look up. My mind began to wander, which I suppose is natural. There isn't much to do while hanging from a vampire's ceiling with two-dozen bloodsuckers below except think about random crap and wet yourself from fear. The latter isn't very productive; they would smell the urine with their unnatural senses. I wondered why this vampire built a classical European castle in the middle of Seattle. It was like a giant neon "I'm a highly cliche vampire sign." I wondered if our decker was free for a date this weekend. I wondered who I should return these defective gecko gloves to; my fixer doesn't have a return policy but the manufacturer requires proof of purchase. Most of all, I wondered what was taking my backup so long.

I learned later that they were taken so long because Ernie, from his vantage point in the control van, was using all the micro-cameras and sensors I set up to direct them towards every vampire in the place systematically. He didn't think that maybe it was a good idea to take out the leader that I was hanging above first. No, he had to make sure that none could escape. The guy was my friend but he could be a real bastard.


It was at that point, with this tacky cliche caped vampire called "The Count" dining on a naked blond woman about 16 meters below me that my gecko gloves gave out and my upper body swung free. The gecko pads on my knees still held my fast but my torso was dangling and blood was quickly rushing to my head. Worse, the Count had heard me. I readied my gun when he look up and his face vanished in a spray of blood as he leaped towards me. It didn't make a damn bit of difference; it didn't even slow him down. He just kept going like having his face blown off was a normal every-day occurrence and yanked me off the ceiling with his incredible strength. By the time we landed there wasn't so much as a scratch on him and his claws were digging into my throat. "Your death will not be swift.", he assured me.

Lucky for me he didn't have a chance to keep his promise. As soon as he spat those words his hand was yanked away from my throat, leaving me to fall flat on my ass. A second yank pulled the bloodsucker off balance and a third tore his arm from his shoulder. BB made Animal invisible. Animal is a viscous motherfucker. We don't know what he is; we just know that he isn't metahuman and he'll happily beat you to death with your own arm if you look at him the wrong way. That is exactly what he did to the count. I almost felt sorry of the vampire as the invisible monster swung the arm down again and again. The cracking and shattering of the vampire's bones was like thunder to me ears. Just as soon as his wounds healed Animal caused worse injuries. I used the time to mop up the last of the vampiric pawns and behead the woman that the Count was eating.

Animal was still beating the Count when BB showed up. Apparently he didn't understand that a vampire can't be killed with a club. BB set him straight and unleashed his mojo on the vampire. By the time the bright light went away nothing was left of the bloodsucker by a pile. As Animal's gore-encrusted visage faded into view BB turned and aloofly walked out muttering, "I need to take a shower." Yeah. I have no idea how he'll get all that blood out of his feathers.

I ran after him and activated my radio for the first time in nearly an hour. "What the fuck took out so long, Ernie! They nearly killed me." He responded with the same happy go lucky attitude that he always has. "Well Bert, we had to kill all of them and I didn't think it was a good idea to fight eight vampires at once." No shit it wasn't a good idea to fight eight vampires at once. It wasn't a good idea to go into a building where eight vampires live period. "Do you have any plans this weekend, Ernie? I was thinking that we could get away, just the two of us."
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Witness
post May 29 2006, 12:40 PM
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Hehe. Nice!
Is this based on a game of yours?
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hyzmarca
post May 29 2006, 01:42 PM
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I have never played or GMed a game with these characters.
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Catsnightmare
post May 29 2006, 11:32 PM
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ROTFLMAO
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Wounded Ronin
post May 29 2006, 11:47 PM
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Wow, it had a naked person. You should make it into an indie film! See: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter.
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hyzmarca
post May 30 2006, 05:43 AM
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I'd love to make it into an indie film but I'm afraid that Jim Henson's estate would sue me.
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