 Laughs in the Shadows, Jokes with a Shadowrun twist |
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 Nov 10 2003, 09:33 PM
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#76
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Moving Target  Group: Members Posts: 973 Joined: 3-October 03 Member No.: 5,677  |
A troll walks into a bar and breaks it.
... :D |
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Nov 11 2003, 01:22 AM
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#77
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
@ Siege
Hehehe, I'm going to use the SHA campaign in my game - it's going to be funny if the PCs ever stop to ask the lone volunteer manning the office why he's campaigning for an end to hellhound abuse. @ Abstruse :rotfl: "Nobody cares about the metas!" I'll have to work THAT one into one of my NPCs' lines! |
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Nov 11 2003, 04:34 AM
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#78
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
Siege is going to start a Stop Rigger Abuse campaign soon ....
Ricky Roadkill the Rigger is flying down the road in his new Acura 500 and he flashes over a bridge. Sure enough, a Lone Star officer with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge. The cop pulls him over. He walks up to the guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?" Ricky Roadkill says, "I'm late for work." "What do you do?" the cop asks. Ricky responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher." Baffled, the cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?" Ricky shrugs and says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers ... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" Ricky answers, "Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge ...." |
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Nov 11 2003, 05:52 AM
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#79
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,065 Joined: 16-January 03 From: Fayetteville, NC Member No.: 3,916 |
Bah, riggers are expendable. A good hellhound is harder to find.
On that note: In the lounge, someone posted a link to an online comic. One of the story lines involved a power munchkin being violated by a tree during a LARP. If anyone knows what the hell I'm rambling about, would you kindly post the link? Thanks. -Siege |
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Nov 11 2003, 05:55 AM
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#80
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
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Nov 11 2003, 06:14 AM
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#81
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,065 Joined: 16-January 03 From: Fayetteville, NC Member No.: 3,916 |
Hah! Fantastic, thanks.
-Siege |
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Nov 11 2003, 06:27 AM
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#82
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
Waha! That's hilarious! :rotfl:
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Nov 11 2003, 06:43 PM
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#83
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,156 Joined: 15-March 03 From: Fresno, CalFree Member No.: 4,252 |
I don't get it... |
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Nov 11 2003, 10:18 PM
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#84
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panda! Group: Members Posts: 10,331 Joined: 8-March 02 From: north of central europe Member No.: 2,242 |
err, he was suppose to take the gold tooth from the hellhound...
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Nov 11 2003, 11:15 PM
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#85
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Immoral Elf Group: Members Posts: 15,247 Joined: 29-March 02 From: Grimy Pete's Bar & Laundromat Member No.: 2,486 |
Maybe not, but the hellhound sure did! ;) |
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Nov 11 2003, 11:49 PM
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#86
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,156 Joined: 15-March 03 From: Fresno, CalFree Member No.: 4,252 |
Oh, I get it now. He got it mixed up...haha....
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Nov 12 2003, 04:23 AM
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#87
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,065 Joined: 16-January 03 From: Fayetteville, NC Member No.: 3,916 |
Hey! SHA strongly objects to this wanton, rampant abuse of a noble, misunderstoAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! -Siege |
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Nov 12 2003, 05:30 AM
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#88
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Target Group: Members Posts: 2 Joined: 13-February 03 From: Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory Member No.: 4,087 |
an adaptation of one of my favourites:
A woman comes home from the hospital with her newborn baby girl. On her way into her apartment complex, the troll who runs the soydog stand outside exclaims "Drek! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman bursts into tears and runs inside her building. A man comes up to her in the lobby and asks her what's wrong. The woman says "That horrible trog outside just insulted me!" To which the man replies "You don't have to take that kind of abuse from anybody. You go outside and give him whatfor. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." |
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Nov 12 2003, 08:21 AM
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#89
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Free Spirit Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 3,948 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Bloomington, IN UCAS Member No.: 1,920 |
Whips 1 + monowhip + incompetance, whips = 2 cyberarms + 2 cyberlegs + severe phobia, monowhips
and they said I'd probably cut off my own head. |
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Nov 17 2003, 06:01 AM
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#90
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
While strolling through the sex-toy section of Lacy's latest flagship store in the DeeCee sprawl, one corp secretary asks another:
"Hey, Dina, is there a difference between kinky and perverted?" "Sure," her friend replies. "Kinky is when you use a feather to tantalize your lover. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken." |
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Nov 17 2003, 06:22 AM
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#91
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
A decker is having a drink in a bar. A lot of drinks. A very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"
The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lb. I'm a professional bodyguard and ex-Renraku Red. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2" and 220; she's an ex-Firewatch heavy machinegunner and is now a pro wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lb., and she's an unarmed combat instructor with the UCAS SEALs. Now ... do you still want to tell that blonde joke?" The decker blinks and swallows, thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times." |
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Nov 17 2003, 06:38 AM
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#92
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Immoral Elf Group: Members Posts: 15,247 Joined: 29-March 02 From: Grimy Pete's Bar & Laundromat Member No.: 2,486 |
Or cockatrice! :D |
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Nov 17 2003, 11:54 AM
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#93
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,065 Joined: 16-January 03 From: Fayetteville, NC Member No.: 3,916 |
Or is that a cockatwice? -Siege |
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Nov 17 2003, 01:45 PM
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#94
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 156 Joined: 3-July 02 Member No.: 2,929 |
Someone kill me, please....
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Nov 17 2003, 04:02 PM
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#95
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 637 Joined: 26-February 02 Member No.: 1,528 |
Okay, three berlin dwarfes come into the Hofbräuhaus
"Three halfs" the first calls to the orc barkeeper "I see that. And what do you want for a drink?" Michael |
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Nov 17 2003, 08:38 PM
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#96
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,677 Joined: 5-June 03 Member No.: 4,689 |
:D :D :D
(I spiked these off some advertisements that actually appeared.) The Auburn Humane Society offers a free spay/neutering to senior citizens if they adopt an animal out of the animal shelter. Remember, you get what you pay for. And at Timmy Troll's Furniture Store, you pay less. Why not have the the kids shot for Easter, or have a family portrait taken? What have you got to lose? FOR SALE: Instant coffee table. MUST SELL: 3 grave spaces in Redmond, very reasonable. Plus air-conditioner. PART-TIME HELP WANTED. Must have creative skills, riggers licence and car with outgoing personality SECRETARIAL/CLERICAL - Excellent word processing & typing skills. Conscious, creative and detail oriented FOR SALE: Recently liberated Braille dictionary. Must see to appreciate! call Jerry (On the menu of a Chinese restaurant): We serve dead shrimp on warm vegetables with a smile Channel 16 temporarily off the air due to technical improvements Artie's Restaurant and Yogurt Parlor: "An Alternative to Good Eating" CLASSIFIED: An unexpected vacancy for a knife-thrower's assistant. Rehearsals start immediately. (From a request for a magazine subscription renewal): Dear recently-expired subscriber ... 10 FREE McHugh's Soyshake Certificates for only 1 :nuyen: |
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Nov 17 2003, 09:29 PM
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#97
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Target Group: Members Posts: 2 Joined: 6-March 03 Member No.: 4,212 |
how many times does a troll laugh at a joke?= three, once when everyone laughs, once when it's explained and once when he gets it.
how many trolls can you fit in mitsahama civic? four towo in the front two in the back how do you know if four trolls a on a run?= the civic's parked out side why do troll paint their soles yellow?= so they can hide upside down in custard ever seen a troll hid upside down in custard? see it works what do you call twenty Corp exec's going of a cliff in a van? a waste you can get forty in there if you stack 'em right |
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Nov 17 2003, 09:30 PM
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#98
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 897 Joined: 26-February 02 From: TIME OUT Member No.: 1,989 |
what is the one thing you never want to say to a group of a dozen orks?
ya momma! |
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Nov 28 2003, 05:12 AM
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#99
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 280 Joined: 21-April 03 From: Singapore Member No.: 4,487 |
An adept is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a hellhound. He runs over and starts fighting with the hellhound. He succeeds in killing the hellhound and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who witnesses the scene runs over and says, "You are a hero! I can see the headlines in all the newspapers tomorrow: 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl!'" Still breathing hard, the adept says, "But I am not a New Yorker." "Oh, then the papers will say: 'Brave UCASian saves life of little girl!'" "But I am not from the UCAS." says the adept. "Oh, where are you from, then?" asks the cop. The adept replies, "I am Pakistani - I'm here on vacation." Next day, all the newswires carry the story: "Islamic extremist kills American pet dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored." |
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Nov 28 2003, 05:46 AM
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#100
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 973 Joined: 3-October 03 Member No.: 5,677 |
:grinbig: :grinbig: :D :D :rotfl: :rotfl: "You kicked my dog! I kill you!" |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 27th February 2025 - 12:14 AM |
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