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Wounded Ronin

Feb 20 2007, 12:31 AM

Post #1

Great Dragon

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I just found a role playing blog entry which I thought was hysterically funny and sad at the same time. The blogger claims that every time the GM doesn't accomidate your hopes and dreams for your character which represents you in some way he inflicts "psychic scars" which causes "damage".

Good thing he's never sat down for a game of Warhammer 40K. "Sorry, but Commissar Yarrik dies horribly as the chaos spawn shreds his mind with a lucky roll." "NOOOOO I AM DAMAGED MENTALLY NOW!"

In fact, the logic almost recalls the infamous Chick tract, Dark Dungeons. GM: "Black Leaf fails to find the poison trap. Therefore, I declare her dead." Player: "NO, NOT BLACK LEAF!!!!" *commits suicide*

http://brand-of-amber.livejournal.com/55814.html

Here's the text with the juicy stuff bolded:

QUOTE

As I passed through my day, I suddenly and for no apparent reason thought of the anthology "Life on the Border," edited by Terri Windling. It’s a collection of urban fairy-tales that all share a setting, a city on the boarder between the real world and faerieland. In the book there are stories good, bad, and fun – even the worst are generally a hoot, and the best are occasionally truly touching. I found myself wondering what happened to my copy when a line from one of the stories hit me.

The story in question is a series of vignettes that runs throughout the book, giving a sense of coherence (barely) to the work. It deals with a girl come to Boarder Town with hearts and stars and unicorns in her eyes, the horrible things that happen to her, and her eventual healing process. Now I don’t remember it perfectly, but I do remember that there was a point at which she was being put up by some fae, and one of them was nice to her, spent hours talking with her about her dreams, and then used those dreams to hurt her in the classical type of fae as dream-rapist. In this particular case the fae made her look into a mirror and she saw herself as she’d described in her dreams, but twisted, wrong, and impotent. The first person narrator says to the audience that you can’t understand what it’s like, that she can’t describe the image because you couldn’t get it unless you’d known the dreams that went wrong.

But I do get it, and I’m sure that many of my RPing friends get it too, because all too often that’s what happens in our hobby. We make a character that is, in some way, a bit of our hopes and dreams, and then watch them be ground into insignificance by the dysfunctional shit we’ve built into the hobby. I used to joke that you could tell the experienced RPer in a group because they were the one that made characters whom they had no personal connection to, no investment in. They’d been burned and ravaged enough times that they’d learned not to stick their hand into the fire, and the marks showed through loud and clear.

The number of ways that a GM and bad group of players can show you that twisted dream in the mirror, then laugh while you die a little inside, is legion. From low grade things like railroading to major grade attacks vs. values and goals the number of dysfunctional, harmful apparatus that we’ve all seen is really shocking. I’ve even played with any number of groups that take a perverse pride in how much they can hurt each other, and how much they can be hurt by their friends while playing a game and still not show any outward signs.

I currently play with a really tight group of really good players. These are folks who are still willing to take chances and invest in their characters, people with good senses of character and story, who want something more out of RPing than just a read-aloud choose your own adventure. And even in them there are signs of damage. I’ve got one player, a creative, passionate girl who has been so damaged by past games that it’s rare for her to be able to make it through a full session of a game without having to leave the room on the verge of tears. [Editor's note: And this is clearly because a GM killed her character? And not because of other broader emotional issues stemming from actual real life occurances?] My wife, a successful intelligent woman, often has moments in game where she’s nearly paralyzed because she feels that if she makes a “wrong” decision (when she isn’t even sure what the “wrong” thing could possibly be) everyone at the table will mock her stupidity. There’s a guy who hates speaking in character because he’s afraid people will mock him for being a pansy. In fact, there isn’t anyone I game with (including yours truly) who doesn’t have some visible form of damage from the experience of RPing in world where games are used to give you the kind of emotional scars usually reserved for high school and bad breakups.

It’s remarkable to me that a group like mine, which includes the sorts of people not known for taking shit from anyone at anytime, would have let themselves be abused like they’ve been. But it shouldn’t be. It happens every night around a table somewhere, as people gather to play games, have fun, and tell stories and end up fucking each other in the psyche. So this is a warning to all those who think that bad gaming is better than no gaming: it isn’t. If the game your playing isn’t rewarding you, fix it or leave. If the game you’re playing is hurting you, even a little, fix it or leave. Life is to short, and if you let yourself get fucked it’s only gonna make it harder to get the game you’re looking for down the line.

Some of the comments made *me* die a little bit inside:

QUOTE

I was scarred in high school, I showed up late to a session, and my GM killed my character in retort. That was just a situation of a bad GM, though. Took me awhile to get over, but I laugh about it now.

Gee, my first intro to Shadowrun was a killer GM who on average killed my character every other session. OMFG I'm SCARRED AND CAN'T PLAY PROPERLY!!!

QUOTE

Thanks. It was probably a little much for it's point, but I'm tired of seeing people treat game lightly because it's just a game. Yes, it's just a game. No, this isn't Iraq. Yes, I am magnifying it beyond context. But that's because games are important to people, especially in a social and emotional way, and sometimes we need to express the fact that shit isn't okay just because it takes place around a game.

Damn straight it's not.

Shadow View Member Profile	Feb 20 2007, 01:24 AM Post #2
Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006	He was being a little melodramatic but I understand his point. Your their to have fun. What he is saying is that playing with people who are essentially griefers, is no fun and it ruins the experience to the point where you take it with you to other games. I get what he is saying. A little melodramatic, but I get it.

Wounded Ronin

Feb 20 2007, 02:11 AM

Post #3

Great Dragon

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QUOTE (Shadow @ Feb 19 2007, 08:24 PM)

He was being a little melodramatic but I understand his point. Your their to have fun. What he is saying is that playing with people who are essentially griefers, is no fun and it ruins the experience to the point where you take it with you to other games.

I get what he is saying. A little melodramatic, but I get it.

I don't think I agree with your assessment. The whole point of his piece was actual psychological scars which are allegedly caused when bad things happen to your character. The purpose of his writing wasn't to tell us about how you might not be having fun...it was to suggest that there are actual consequences when you don't get to make your character do what you want all the time.

That's why he brought up the example of the woman in the gaming group who leaves the room in tears before the end of each session (and yet still keeps coming back). Because he's attempting to demonstrate the psychological damage and trauma which supposedly occurs.

Shadow View Member Profile	Feb 20 2007, 04:10 AM Post #4
Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006	Hmm possibly. But all his examples are not about characters, but players. I think he means the bad things that happen to the players not the characters. He just doesn't know it :D

hyzmarca

Feb 21 2007, 06:11 AM

Post #5

Midnight Toker

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QUOTE

We make a character that is, in some way, a bit of our hopes and dreams

And this is the issue. People who use RPG characters as an outlet for their hopes and their dreams have problems from the beginning. They should be using themselves as the outlet for their hopes and their dreams. The fact that they are not suggests a heightened fragility, at the very least.

QUOTE

I used to joke that you could tell the experienced RPer in a group because they were the one that made characters whom they had no personal connection to, no investment in.

An idiotic statement, for sure. The inexperienced roleplayer plays himself with big muscles, pointy ears, and/or magical powers. The experienced roleplayer knows that he is a separate entity from the characters that he creates and he knows that it is interesting to play characters that are not just an idealized version of himself. A total lack of personal investment is impossible, without resorting to generic archetypes. If the character is created or played by the player, then the player has some investment in that character. While the inexperienced roleplayer may see the character as an extension of himself and may see attacks on the character as attacks on himself, good experienced roleplayers see attacks on their characters as attacks on their characters.

I will agree that there is such a thing as going to far in an RP, and it depends strongly on the group. Most would condemn an explicit PvP rape scene, no matter what the dice say about it. For that matter, most would equally condemn NPC-on-PC rape.
Something like that can really hurt someone who isn't prepared for it. There are lines that just shouldn't be crossed in roleplaying, but those lines are different for every group and for every individual.
Crossing an individual's lines can be a real violation.

Aside from the blatantly obvious stuff, there are also issues of group power dynamics and intentional harassment using characters as a proxy. A game can be used as a way to ostracize an individual, forcing the least-liked member of the group to always play the worst position, for example. The same is true for an RPG. Consistent harassment of the character can easily be used as a way to harass the player in some cases.

Also, we really need to find some English-speaking Iraqi SR players to play an online game with, if for no other reason than to ignite an FBI investigation.

ErrosCallidus

Feb 21 2007, 07:14 AM

Post #6

Target

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From: Kabul, Afg.
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QUOTE (hyzmarca)

QUOTE

We make a character that is, in some way, a bit of our hopes and dreams

And this is the issue. People who use RPG characters as an outlet for their hopes and their dreams have problems from the beginning. They should be using themselves as the outlet for their hopes and their dreams. The fact that they are not suggests a heightened fragility, at the very least.

hyz, I do use SR as an outlet for hopes and dreams. If I went around jacking cars and running guns like I'd like to I'd be in a lot more trouble than I am now :D . though you still could be right about having bigger issues... :twirl:

On a serious note, I've been living in Kabul for about a year and a half now looking for players EVERY-where. Life's still too much on the survival end of the spectrum even in the capitol for a whole lot of RPing to go on. That and in a traditional culture it's kinda tough to get people to see that RPing is more fun than drinking tea and watching Indian Soap Operas. It takes a LOT to introduce new ideas, let alone get them to stick. (Ever worked Relief and Development?) I realize Afghanistan is a different than Iraq, but I suspect that the its similar enough for that broad generalization.

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