Things the publishers will tell and do to freelancers Options

[Bob Lord of Evil]

Only fair... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/grinbig.gif)

The check is in the mail.

*Royalty Payment*: No, really we only sold a couple hundred copies of X.

No, we are not going out of business.

[Bob Lord of Evil]

We are having a temporary cash flow problem. Man those distributors are screwin us big time!

Can you finish up on X by X date? Its just 30,000 words.

You going to be at Gen Con? Can you run a few demos of X for us?

*Freelancer calls for clarification only to find out that X was completely altered and the last three days work is not in sync with the new vision.*

[The Jake]

First.

- J.

[Draco18s]

The check is in the mail.

That's not exclusive to publishers...

[Chrysalis]

I work as a freelance proofreader and translator. Please do not get me started on the rampant and anxious purse string holding and yet demeaning behaviour of clients. At least when I worked as an escort there was at least the hope of satisfaction at the end.

[paws2sky]

My Wife: "Hi, I did some freelance art work with your company. There seems to be a problem with the payment."

Company Rep: "What seems to be the problem?"

MW: "Well, I think there was a mix up. I was expecting a check, but I got a box with fifteen copies of the book instead."

CR: "No, that's right - we pay in product. You're free to sell or distribute those copies however you like."

MW: "Wait. Your website clearly states freelancers are paid cash."

CR: "That hasn't been the case in a couple years."

MW: "I'm looking at your website right now. Its very clearly stated."

CR: "The website is out of date. Sorry."

MW: "This isn't acceptable."

CR: "Did you sign for the package?"

MW: "What? Of course. How else would I know what's in the box?"

CR: "The books are yours now. We can't take return product, sorry." (hangs up phone)

-paws

[Draco18s]

Note, the work being done is simple flash animations.

My Boss: "I'll pay you by the hour"
Me: "How much?"
My Boss: "By the hour."
Me: "How much, give me a number"
Boss: "As much as I paid the last guy. You're really pushy about this, is your dad a lawyer?"
Me: "How much did you pay the last guy? Give me a number"
Boss: "I'll pay you as much as I paid the last guy."
Me: "And how much was that?"
Boss: "$12 an hour"
Me: "Alright, thank you for the number. I'll get back to you about whether or not I'll work for you at that price. You'll hear from me by tomorrow."

Later (I did accept the job, as it was the only offer I had at the time)

Boss: "How about I pay you per project? This last stuff you were going, since it was mostly learning the ropes of this job I can't pay you for all the hours that you spent."
Me: "Ok, how about $150?"
Boss: "That's not an answer to the question I asked."
Me: "What was the question again, I thought we were discussing how much you were going to pay me for this work."
Boss: "We are, and I don't think you did quite as good as job as I would have liked. I'm willing to give you $100 for it. Now, the next project, how much do you think that one is worth?"
Me: "I don't know, I thought you were paying me by the hour?"
Boss: "I am, but I'd like to pay you per project. You know, estimate how long it'll take, and I'll pay you when it's done."

It should be noted that I haven't actually received that $100 yet (the project "isn't done yet"). Though I have been paid for the "next project" at $192, but that's it.

[Backgammon]

I work as a freelance proofreader and translator. Please do not get me started on the rampant and anxious purse string holding and yet demeaning behaviour of clients. At least when I worked as an escort there was at least the hope of satisfaction at the end.

Ba-ta tchiiing!

You know, you're lucky cause you can use that punchline in many situations, but wherever you use it, there isn't much of a bigger put-down.

[Bob Lord of Evil]

That's not exclusive to publishers...

I know...yet...it (or themes and variations of that) have been uttered and muttered by publishers.

I am not saying that publishers are out to screw freelancers. If you want to see Dwarin at work the game industry is a perfect place, the margins are small, costs high, and the room for error like an eye of a needle.

[HardSix]

CR: "No, that's right - we pay in product. You're free to sell or distribute those copies however you like."

That definitely ain't just the publishing biz...

Before he retired from his stairway business 11 years ago, one of my dad's (and mine, since I worked for him) last jobs ended this way. Contracts were signed (stating the amounts to be paid US dollars) and the minimal deposit/downpayment was made by the home owner. We built the custom winder stairway, and per SOP, applied for a draw when 75% of the work was done (also stated in the contract). Only then did the homeowner tell us we would have to accept payment in bottled wine from the homeowner's own "winery". Negotiations quickly degraded from there. When my dad threatened to rip out the stairway and refund the deposit, the owner called the cops. Because the house was a remodel and not new construction, we legally couldn't remove the stairway because it was the only fire egress from the second floor addition.

We eventually got paid a small amount that didn't even cover the materials cost, and that was only in return for not taking the story to the local "troubleshooter/consumer action" guy at the local tv station.

I had forgotten about the guy until last year when the local news reported that they recovered his body in his boat floating about a mile offshore, with five bullets in him. I guess somebody else didn't accept payment in wine either.

[Draco18s]

I had forgotten about the guy until last year when the local news reported that they recovered his body in his boat floating about a mile offshore, with five bullets in him. I guess somebody else didn't accept payment in wine either.

That's the way to do it.

[The Jake]

Don't get me started on my day job.

Boss: "Can you give me a breakdown of your CAPEX vs OPEX hours last week? Rough percentages."
Me: "They're in our weekly reporting and my timesheet."
Boss: "Yeah yeah yeah. Can't you just give it to me?"
(you'd think our boss would know what we're working on, or failing that, how to check the weekly reports he supposedly reviews/approves before they are sent).

--
Email --
Boss: "Can you please give me a list of all the projects you've worked on here in the past two years. Thanks"
Me: "They're all on the shared drive. Anything from me, this date on. <sends shared drive location>. I've also covered this in our weekly reporting, our 1:1 weekly catch-ups, CIO dashboard report and my timesheets."
Boss: "Yeah yeah yeah can't you just tell me the list?"
(you'd think my boss would know what I've worked on the past year given the numerous avenues for reporting that he has to review/approve before they are sent on).

--

Email --
Me: "Hi all, given the confusion over how our shared drive works, I thought I'd give a brief explanation on the hierarchy. See below..."
(note: our boss decided on this existing hierarchy).
Boss: "Hi, the shared drive hierarchy needs to be changed. I've created a new folder for you to put stuff in. Please move the folders yourself, I can't be bothered copying over anything or doing any more work other than creating a directory folder. Thanks."
(just when I try to help the team, my boss decides to be a c*nt).


Honestly, I should post some of my email conversations. It would give DSers no end of laughter.

- J.

[Stahlseele]

Dudes, i work Techsupport. You can probably guess the rest <.<

[The Jake]

Dudes, i work Techsupport. You can probably guess the rest <.<

I did that for four years to pay my way through university. You have my deepest symapthy.

- J.

[Draco18s]

Dudes, i work Techsupport. You can probably guess the rest <.<

Got this once:
"I! I! I...it's not working!"

Same guy:
"I need help! I'm in Perl 604!"
Note: Perl(stein) does not have a room 604. Nor does Perlstein have a 6th floor. Nor was he IN Perlstein. Nor was he in a room that contained either of the numbers 6 or 4.

Fortunately we knew who it was, what the problem was (he'd unplugged the DVD player...again), and where he was.

[Stahlseele]

Kinda. I am doing 1st, 2nd and 3rd level Tech support for 2 major ISP's.
Quote Customer:
"OK, now i got all the devices hooked up. How do i access the internet?"
Me:"What OS are you running on your Computer?"
Customer:"I don't have a computer, why?"

Other time:
Customer:"OK, i have everything hooked up so far, now how do i get online?"
Me:"What OS are you running on your Computer?"
Customer:"A Mac has been ordered, it will be here in about 2 Weeks, why?"

Or the many occassions where they instantly start screaming about not püaying any bills and how they are going to sue if their wireless does not work in 5 minutes.
when they don't have any wireless equipment. neither on the modem/router, nor in the computer.

Yeah, no, i don't really regard mankind as the most intelligent raqce on earth. cats are much more likely.

And just right now, my employer seems hell bent on screwing over me and the other agents. If i heard right, they are going to cut our pay by 20% using a legalese loophole . .

[Bob Lord of Evil]

Along time ago and in a different life, I had a rough financial patch and ended up working at Pinkerton. Now the office honcho was this retired Army Light Colonel who was, to put it mildly, not the brightest crayon in the box. Sure he had a PhD and decades of experience in ass kissing but when it came to getting the actual job done his theory would break down in my reality.

One site (that no one wanted to work) had a series of key boxes that the guard would have to go along a preordained route, put the key in to show that they had done the required number of patrols. Sounds simple enough, 4 patrols an hour, go back to the office fill out the log, repeat until you are done...right? Well this site was a Motel 6 in the rougher part of town. There were prostitutes and drug dealers operating out of the motel. So, a guard would do his patrol and hope that nothing happened, becuase if they got sucked into a problem and failed to make the required number of patrols somebody was going to hear about it.

Well, one night I had a total of five incidents that put me off my total. When I realized this, I decided to do a patrol every ten minutes for the rest of my shift. Next morning I get a call that I have to get into the office now. So I go in and I get the riot act read to me about how ya can't skip patrols. I point at that the police were called to the site three times that night and we had two other incidents on top of that. That when I realized I was going to miss the total number of patrols that instead of blowing it off, I opted to do additional patrols to make up the difference. Not perfect but at least I was making an effort. Now the Light Colonel stares at me for a minute and then nods thoughtfully.

Light Colonel: "I got the solution I will make out a new form that you fill out when this situation arises."
Me: "On top of the standard incident report?"
Light Colonel: "Yes."
Me: "Your solution for a lack of time is to create more paper work?"
Light Colonel: "It isn't a lack of time, its an interruption to the routine."

This guy, got promoted to regional head of Pinkerton. Amazing...simply amazing.

[ravensmuse]

I work with doctors.

It's enough to make me want to stop going to doctors.

[BIG BAD BEESTE]

Used to work in the academic & medical journal publishing field as a proofreader. OCD aside, I'm quite partial to take care about my work and do my best. OK, I've come up against the old you have to work faster approach many a time. However, I've always bee vindicated in taking an extra few mnutes on a job to do it right than having to spend twice that time in recieving a returned job from another department (mainly because my F**Ktard of a boss decided to speed things up by hiesting some of my workload and stuffing in on another team who didn't use the same protools and worked for a different client), It always takes longer to find out where something else has gone wrong than to start at the beginning - you normally have to do that anyway.

Oftentimes it was a simple disparity between our scanning/import graphics system and the typesetting layout not synching up with the new "improved" software. Othertimes, it was down to the fact that the management hadn't a clue about what we did or how we did it. You'd be amazed at how many people in the management heirachy of printing/publishing who can't spell (or even read, it would seem at times).

Case in point - my supervisor once deposited a whole issue of journal articles upon my desk and stated to stop everything else and do those because they were "mega-" urgent (she really liked that word "mega-"). OK, so I did it and in good time too and sent them on their way to graphics & typesetting. Only to be confronted by her ranting at me for doing them wrong a day later. What do you mean I've done them wrong? "That's not the layout they use" she said. To which I called up the lyout specs on my system and showed her that, in fact, it was. She went of in a huff saying that she'd confirm it with the customer. A week later she back at the desk screaming at me and demanding to know why the article haven't been sent out. I replied that I was still waiting for her confirmation on what the layout was to be. I might have been a little smug at the look on her face.

[Draco18s]

Yeah, no, i don't really regard mankind as the most intelligent raqce on earth. cats are much more likely.

Dolphins. What do they do? Play all day long.
Though cats are a good answer two.

But don't forget about the two white mice.

[Bob Lord of Evil]

Octopi...if they could master fire...they would be running the place.

[Critias]

Oh, I wanna play, too! This game looks fun!

How about "Sure, we like what we've seen so far, keep writing and we'll take it."

Or "Meet me at GenCon and we'll talk," followed by "Email me after the con and I'll get you in touch with the editor, your stuff's been great," followed by months and months of stony silence? I love that one.

[Cadmus]

Sadly I'm not a freelancer and I've been trying but can't get my foot in the door of techsupport, but to the techsupport guys, I work custmer service, I'm a floor tech in a place that serves food, booze, and has over 250 arcade machines. Its not the boss's that are an issue its the people who come in. things like This game owes me 1,000 tickets.! (me) Sir, the jackpot only reaches 100, are you sure its not 100. (guy) no it owes me 1,000!. (me) ok sir which side of the machine did you play? (it had three sides so three people could play)) So he shows me which side. he shows me the side that is currently out of service, now the out of order tag was riped off and on the floor. but.... The card scaner to play as well as the price display are both unplugged, I ofcourse explain this, check his card, show it did not take his money, at which point he demands a manager. And then the ,manager gives him 300 tickets.... lol

I love my job...really I do...never once thought of burning the place down...where did I leave my matches,

More personal favs are conversations like. Sir you played this game? "yes" This game right here? "yes" This game right here with the out of order tag on it? "Ye...oh"" ( get three of those a night))

[Chrysalis]

One of the largest publishers here in Finland sent around a circulation through the union rolls. Basically they said that because of the depression they would be slashing freelance prices by 25% with another possible 25% in the next quarter. WTF?! Since when does a publisher do price fixing?

Welcome to Finland where being in a democracy means that you follow your betters. For we all equal, only some of us are more equal than others.

[tarbrush]

Dolphins. What do they do? Play all day long.
Though cats are a good answer two.

But don't forget about the two white mice.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?