LMFAO Shadowrun moments, Those Special Moments in Shadowrun Options

[Bushw4cker]

I've posted something like this before but I just had a gaming session that I felt the need to Share. The Runners where meeting a contact in Hawaii, at a small restaurant/bar. They were in search of some research data on a powerful magical item that S-K was also hunting for. An agent from S-K was following them to their meet and was recording the runners conversation. The runners, noticed the woman and as she left to go the restroom, excused themselves and followed her in (Both Runners are Female). The runners confronted the woman took her in a stall and proceeded to interrogate her, just as she was about to reveal her employer, the cranial bomb went off, sending blood everywhere. (Now the runners where rolling incredibly while ALL my NPCs where botching their rolls, and continued to do so) Only one server in the restaurant noticed the noise in the restroom and went to investigate the scene. The Server seeing the blood on the floor critically glitches a Logic + Intuition test and asks "Oh my god, is everything all right in there?" Lydia, the Mystic Adept peeks from the stall holding a tampon (She actually has them written in her Gear) says "Just having a very heavy period right now, thanks." That line stopped our group from gaming for about 20 minutes as we were all laughing so hard, we tried about two times to get going again and failed. The combination of bad NPC dice rolls, timing, and funny line, had me laughing harder then I have ever remembered when gaming. The line only gave the runners half a minute till other staff came to investigate, but they got out.

I encourage other people to comment or share their Shadowrun LMFAO moments. Thanks

BTW how much noise does a cranial micro bomb make?. I was going for Perception test (2) (it was in a different room)
Would a tampon have a RFID tag?

[Dahrken]

BTW how much noise does a cranial bomb make?. I was going for Perception test (2) (it was in a different room)

Depends a lot of the kind of cranial bomb. The smallest produce only internal damages and is likely to be barely audible, while the area effect model is probably similar to a grenade (but quite messier !) or a shotgun blast. I'm AFB at the moment so I don't remember how much damage the intermediate model does so I can't guesstimate the noise level associated.

[Draco18s]

Bear Who Digs Through Walls and I--an oriental drake--leave the oil tanker we're hijacking to take down the port security net and hit the rigger's bunker. Bear hands me his troll sized pants asking me to carry them because we want him dressed again later. I flew through the small hurricane we'd whipped up, Bear swam. Reaching shore Bear dug through, I slithered in after. Disconnected the rigger (who proceeded to beat his pudgy fists on my scales), neither I nor Bear could talk to the guy, so we ignored him. Bear raided the mini-fridge while I took down the net keeping the tanker in Puget Sound. The rigger having made no impact on me realized he was a little out-matched (and offline), ran away.

[CollateralDynamo]

I once ran a game where my team of runners had just done a huge hit on Aztechnology and fled to Caracas until the heat died down. While there, they couldn't help but take on odd jobs. They received a job to shut down a male muneca brothel without shedding any blood. Killing was basically all they were good at so they ran into quite a bit of difficulty. In the end, they sent their least antisocial character (a dwarf with a fascination with knives, wristblades, and desecrating flesh) to go talk to some septic vac workers. He proceeded to offer them thousands of nuyen if they would simply come and clean out a septic tank at a bar not on their route.

Terrified of the dwarf, but encouraged by the prospect of more money then they make in 6 months, the city workers readily agreed. When they arrived at the bar (which was closed at the time) they were informed to take their septic vac into the building and change it from "suck to blow". The men, more nervous then ever before, peered into the windows "but...but there's people in there...sir." To which the dwarf replies, "Yes, there are usually people in buildings. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohplease.gif) "

The poor confused city works cautiously negotiated half the agreed upon pay with the dwarf and fled the scene, deciding it better to report their truck as stolen then get involved with all these gun toting lunatics. The party's plan was so outrageous, I had to let it succeed, with the failed rolls from the guards, they were practically drowning in effluent before they knew what had happened. It was a gay old time.

[Draco18s]

The men, more nervous then ever before, peered into the windows "but...but there's people in there...sir." To which the dwarf replies, "Yes, there are usually people in buildings. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohplease.gif) "

HAHA, I'm snorting chicken sandwich all over my desk here. I should be working.

[Maelstrome]

the team is crammed into a small room when the target goes hostile. one guy calls an attack with his grenade launcher/rocket launcher/assault cannon(i dont remember which) the splash from it would hit us all. he says" dont worry its my explosion"as in he thought there was no friendly fire. problem being that he had played for years and this was some random mess up. still pretty funny to think about.

[Cain]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the CLUE files. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rotfl.gif)

My favorite is number 10, but they're all good tales.

In case the link doesn't work, I retrieved it via the Wayback Machine, using http://archive.dumpshock.com as the URL. The Shadowrun archive, and sadly the entire CLUE files, have been defunct for many a year.

There's also Knasser's homage, the NOCLUE files. My contribution can be found here.

[Vegetaman]

The best run I ever had was when I was in college a few years back running a game of SR3 and I had one guy that thought his female mage with a BOD of 1 didn't need to wear body armor because her skimpy black leather bikini was too distracting and she could just cast armor on herself.

Anyway, this is like the first mission of the game, and it's a very simple run to get these guys into Shadowrun (most of them were avid D&D players but not Shadowrun). Has to do with some gang cleaning house. They come out unscathed (due to shoot first/ask questions later).

So, fast forward to the next game, where I send them on a corporate run. They're coming up an elevator after tripping a silent alarm when they beat up the two guards at the front desk (oh, and there are security cameras in the elevator, dontcha know?).

On the ride up, I drop the GM hint "so... <mage>, you want to do anything right now? Like... Cast some armor?". The player goes "nah, I'll be fine". I go "okay...".

The elevator door opens, and the first guard on the other side of the door shoots this mage with a heavy pistol... And does 7S of damage to her (the roll was unreal; he rocked it, and the poor mage was getting snake eyes). I guess it was her fault for feeling the need to stand front and center of the elevator door...

Then, the team wastes the guy, and she goes "help me, I think I'm dying" so the street sam in the team punches her in the head and knocks her out. Then the team's troll picks her up and carries her around for the rest of the run, with the human street samurai laughing saying "she's more harm to us when she's awake, it seems".

I've never had a player so miffed in one of my sessions, ever. It was fairly priceless. They had a debate at the end of the run whether to dump her body in the dumpster out back of the building and to just divide up the rest amongst themselves or to be nice about it and wake her up before meeting Mr. J again. Luckily they were nice and didn't toss her, but it was still hilarious.

Also, in that first game, the troll had a bad habit of being in the gang hq and going "hmmm... what's on the other side of this wall" and throwing couches through shoddy walls or just running through them on his own.

[hobgoblin]

the team is crammed into a small room when the target goes hostile. one guy calls an attack with his grenade launcher/rocket launcher/assault cannon(i dont remember which) the splash from it would hit us all. he says" dont worry its my explosion"as in he thought there was no friendly fire. problem being that he had played for years and this was some random mess up. still pretty funny to think about.

way to much FPS by the sound of it...

[Garou]

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner walks into a bar.

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner get his ultra pimped commlink broken by gang leader.

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner gets mad as hell. Walks to his car where Ork Psycho Gunbunny Runner is Waiting for him.

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner, gets a granade to destroy the bar. He calls the attention of gang members while he does so.

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner gets a critical glitch and throws the granades security pin.

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner is filmed by one of the Ganger P2 simsense blog and appears in Shadowsea's "Top 10 most funny shadowrunner videos."

[ravensmuse]

That last one could only be funnier if Bob Sagat narrated. Seriously chuckling at it.

"Hey Rocky, watch me throw this grenade at 'em."

[Aerospider]

Once GMed an SR3 game in which the mage turned the troll into an ant for spying purposes, but then found there were other ants around and lost track of which was the troll.

He could have checked the auras.

He could have instructed the troll to crawl in an identifying manner.

He could have just dropped the spell and got the troll back.

But no, he didn't think of any of that.

I rolled secretly to see if he had a good idea of which one was the right one and it glitched so I told the mage he was positive it was 'that' one. The mage then proceeded to squish all the other ants ("Before I lose track again") and when the troll reappeared it was a less than pretty sight. More than a handful of corpsec teams had never managed to hurt him as badly as the mage's boot did that day.

A race ensued between the troll recovering in hospital and the mage learning an invisibility spell.
The troll won ...

[Sengir]

One teammate manages to get a barkeeper really angry (can't remember how), until the GM declared that she empties a full mug of beer over his head. Being the kind of player he is, he argued with the GM until he got his dodge roll, because everybody just wanted to continue playing and not discuss another ten minutes. So he rolls...and scores a 100% glitch (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[Hagga]

One of mine recently tried to pass off the (HEAVILY modded) t-bird he'd been lent for a mission as a mardi-gras float. They attached wheels, a motor, covered it in glitter and flowers, blah, blah. Unfortunately, a critical glitch meant they forgot to disguise the miniguns. His method of explaining to the police involved a quick "flash change" into a thong and a long explanation on how they were an expression of machismo mixed with plenty of "Bruno". By the end of it I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face, so I let him get away with it.

[Oehler the Black]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the CLUE files. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rotfl.gif)

My favorite is number 10, but they're all good tales.

In case the link doesn't work, I retrieved it via the Wayback Machine, using http://archive.dumpshock.com as the URL. The Shadowrun archive, and sadly the entire CLUE files, have been defunct for many a year.

There's also Knasser's homage, the NOCLUE files. My contribution can be found here.

I've got to say I saved and bookmarked each of the case-files for future reference. In fact reading them made our group rethink 2 missions still in planning. Hopefully such required reading will prevent others from repeating such mistakes.

[Critias]

Potential BRAINSCAN spoilers follow! I'm not sure how "canon" the whole thing was (because to this day I haven't read the campaign book), but don't read below if you're going to play BRAINSCAN!

[ Spoiler ]

When Ronin had our team and a bunch of hapless Otaku meet at a "safe" location for a casual meeting, our crew of Shadowrunners showed up as they would at...well...a safe place. Most of us were in street clothes (lightly armored, if much at all), most of us were lightly armed (one guy had nothing but a few shuriken on him, which my character teased him about for years, IC), and that sort of thing. We were assured -- time and again -- by several of published material's hottest deckers, and this gaggle of wiz-kid Otaku, that things would be safe for this meeting. We were invisible, they could never track us, yadda yadda yadda. We weren't totally stupid and acting like nothing at all was going on, but we were dressed more like we would for a Meet than for one of a campaign's climactic fight scenes.

And then, y'know, the Deus-controlled Red Samurai kill team showed up.

Multiple combat rounds passed. My Elven Street Samurai had survived bursts of super-velocity machinegun fire, had killed multiple Red Samurai in their hardened combat armor (while wearing just his own "lucky" armored jacket), had murdered the Red Samurai combat mage with his cyberspurs after empying his magazine into an Earth Elemental (summoned in a Choco-Tart factory, we forever referred to it as "The Chocolate Elemental"), before finally between his PhysAd best friend and his Combat Mage girlfriend, the Elemental went down. We were, all of us combat oriented types, suffering at least Serious physical damage by the time the dust settled. Two of us were only on our feet because we had magical or technological abilities that let us partially ignore wound penalties, enough to stay conscious.

Then we limped outside to where Dodger posed in his black leathers with his machine pistol, where our teams hapless Riggers and Deckers stood pensive guard over the gaggle of ineffective Otaku, and where Ronin -- our contact, who'd supplied us all with the safehouse and assured us all it was, well, safe, and who'd been one of the first out the door while we'd killed the kill team -- came over to start giving us orders as soon as we stepped outside.

My sammie beat the everloving shit right out of him, pinned him against a wall while Ronin's super-slick custom chrome cyberspur flashed worthlessly in the moonlight, and had a little talk with him about operational security before limping away to get bandaged up.

It wasn't hah-hah funny like a joke, but after the span of time and tension that a firefight that intense had taken on us all during that on-line game, and how that flash of anger was completely appropriate for my character, led to more than a few laughs from the rest of the gaming group as a way of blowing off some steam.

[Cain]

I've got to say I saved and bookmarked each of the case-files for future reference. In fact reading them made our group rethink 2 missions still in planning. Hopefully such required reading will prevent others from repeating such mistakes.

"No grenades, Jayne."
"But captain!" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/cyber.gif)

Seriously, there should be an IQ test before a player is allowed to load down his character with grenades. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/spin.gif)

[hobgoblin]

That last one could only be funnier if Bob Sagat narrated. Seriously chuckling at it.

"Hey Rocky, watch me throw this grenade at 'em."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iaa2oE3SPTI

funny thing is that i was looking for basically the same one, but done by a norwegian comedy group. Now i find myself wondering who did it first.

[Brazilian_Shinob...]

Brazilian Shinobi's Runner gets a critical glitch and throws the granades security pin.

In my defence it was one of our first games and WE ALL THOUGHT (Garou included) that throwing was part of Athletics skill group. To our surprise, it wasn't. And there I was throwing a grenade with my STR 2 DEFAULTING with one die.

[Draco18s]

After reading a bunch of these I was telling our GM why I like his games so much, because the only other person we have who's run SR doesn't...quite...get it. His game is like Pink Mohawk where the PCs are hopped up on K-10 permanently (there are no consequences, for anything, ever).

So one of the comparisons I made was between Ruke having blown up a secret research facility on a bad excuse gaining entrence, and meandering out casually with Case File #6. #6 is unintentional stupidity on part of the player. The same scenario where 'Mage' gets to walk away whistling while things explode is sheer stupidity on part of the GM.

[crash2029]

One run that I was part of dealt with extracting someone from a small holding facility on the Lonestar main downtown Seattle complex. This facility was not the primary one, it was more of a waystation in that it held really dangerous people while LS figured out what to do with them. We barely got inside before it hit the fan. My character got taken down by a guy behind a security window before he got a chance to shoot back. The other player, Jim, decided to throw a grenade through the small port in the security window. Somehow he managed to make the massive TN. This was SR3, by the way. Well the grenade went off. The GM asked him what kind it was. It was one of those dual-explosive extra powerful ones, I forget what they were called. It was basically a frag and an HE duct taped together. On steroids. The room behind the security glass? The armory. Yep, thousands of rounds of exex and dozens of grenades went up. Now that's bad right? Well it gets better. The motor pool for the main LS downtown complex was under the facility. The explosion breached the motor pool and reached the emergency fuel reserves. Which then blew up. Long story short, that grenade started a chain reaction leaving about 1/4 of Downtown Seattle a glass crater. Yeah. When I took over GM'ing, right after this incidentally, I retconned the whole thing.

Possible Ghost Cartels spoilers

[ Spoiler ]

One run that I GM'ed was part of the Cartels bit. They had to retrieve a body with it's effects and any files on it from a morgue. Well the plan they came up with was to have one character, played by Frank, go in to gather intel/cause a distraction while the infiltration specialist played by Jim broke in through the back door and did the deed. The mage, played by Lynne, stayed out front in the van as backup. Well Frank went in and managed to get a visitor badge to look around on pretense of a security sweep or something. He went down to the basement and found the morgue. His visitor badge couldn't get him in so he stuck around. He assumed since there were no security cameras that nobody knew he was down there. At no point did he ask about this visitors badge that opened doors for him. Apparently nor did he think that the badge could be tracked. While he was loitering in the basement, Jim broke in and made it to the stairwell. Jim had a chameleon suit on. Security came down to the basement to escort Frank to the sec chief's office for a chat. He went along peacefully. About the time he got to the office Jim got to the morgue. He broke in and found the body on a table. The effects were not visible. All he could see was the body. He then assumed there were no effects because they were not with the body. He further assumed that there were no files or notes because they were also not with said body. He seemed rather put out to find out that bodybags are not stored in the morgue. He told the team to make a distraction so nobody would notice a man in a chameleon suit running off with a naked corpse. During this Frank was giving the sec chief some story about how he knew of an impending robbery on the facility and how he was trying to make sure the security was enough. Well Lynne out in the van decides its distraction time. She decides to start yelling at anybody who will listen about something. It didn't make any sense. Her histrionics did not manage to cause everyone to congregate, but the sec chief did leave Frank with a guard while she went to deal with the crazy lady in the parking lot. Frank subdued the guard he was left with and hit the fire alarm. Not on his own, the team thought this was a good idea. So as people evacuated Frank got out. Well Jim slung the naked corpse over his shoulder and went back out the rear door he came in. He opened the door to see roughly half the people who worked there. Apparetly he didn't realize that a rear door might be a fire exit. He bulldozed through the crowd and got away. Though not before alot of people got pictures of the chameleon suit guy carrying the naked cadaver. Somehow the team got away. They were supposed to do this quietly to avoid too much investigating into the cadavers cause of death. They were supposed to deliver the body to some Tamanous ghouls that were paid in advance by the J. They got to the meet and the Tamanous ghouls tried to renegotiate. It almost started a firefight. Then when they were supposed to hand over the body Lynne finally figured out that the ghouls might eat the body. She refused to do the deal. The ghouls responded with posturing and bravado. Jim opened fire. The ghouls who were not killed eventually retreated.

End result: The job had been to grab the body, effects and notes/files and turn it over to Tamanous to avoid investigation.
-The body was not delivered.
-Two of the runners faces were all over the morgue security footage.
-The personal effects were not recovered.
-The pre-autopsy notes were not recovered.
-As the cherry on top the news featured footage and eyewitness accounts of somebody in a chameleon suit stealing a naked body from the morgue.

[R3u]

Got linked to this thread by a couple of friends, joined the forum to share a recent special moment from our campaign.

We are a low-combat, stealth-based team of four, running in LA. The team has a reputation for being fast, never getting seen by the security of a place we're breaking into, and using almost entirely nonlethal means. In short, doing everything wrong from a lot of teams' perspectives, but still kicking hoop. I play the Face, who is an ex-ganger that has the Action Trids knowledge skill, specifically to help him come up with tactics during shadowruns.

So there was this secret milspec Aztechnology base out in the desert, specifically built to research some intensely magical stuff that we needed to steal. We're also cleaning up some blackmail as long as we're in there. So, despite poor intell, we sneak in and everything goes like clockwork -- We manage to bypass the sentry towers, all the alarms, the wards, all the defensive turrets, the full sec team at the security checkpoint, and the biometric handscanner / keypad doors leading into the secret lab spaces. In the lab space there are three doors. So, we open the door on the right.

We see what looks like a medical set-up, and a giant acid-drooling bear, which growls at us. The Face closes the door. The Bear opens the door, and growls loudly. The Face closes the door again, and gives the hacker a concerned look. The Bear opens the door again, growls louder, and starts forward. The Hacker closes and locks the door with the power of the matrix. We start hearing loud thumps, as the bear assaults the security door. We glance among ourselves for a second, and decide to start checking out the other doors. Then comes the tell-tale hiss of acid starting to melt through a door lock...

The Face says, "Everyone get into the hall and out of the way, I have an idea."

So everyone hurries out into the hallway they came from, and the face stands in a doorway, puts one hand in his jacket, and waits. The bear bursts out into the secret lab area, sees the Face beckon to it, and charges him -- then gets Flashpak'd. The Face steps out of the way, as the temporarily blinded bear keeps charging, then leaps onto its back, and rides the ridiculously angry bear back the way the group came, through a few doors, through the plate glass window of the sec checkpoint (turns out the bear can spit acid, too), and into the middle of the aforementioned security team. So the Face and the Bear are in the middle of a fight versus the security people, the Mage and the Assassin grab the magical artifacts we came for and then go running for the combat zone, and the Hacker+AI find someplace to jack in and start messing with the local matrix.

So a pretty chaotic fight ensues, involving two blood mages and a large security team with rifles and shotguns, versus an Assassin-adept, a Nahualli mage, a Face who rolls 6 dice to shoot people on a good day, a hastily-summoned Force 8 Air Spirit (Coatl), and a giant pissed-off acid-spitting bear (which goes down fast, since it takes the rest of the team and the spirit a round or two to get there). The Aztech security force surrendered as soon as the blood mages went down. Since our team's entire shtick is that we minimize casualties however and whenever we can, our mage started going around stabilizing and healing the guards that he could...and then asked the GM, "Is the bear still alive?" ... Well, turns out it's pretty smart, and also pretty grateful for both the healing, and the chance to maul some guards that had been hoops to it.

So it followed us home, and now there's kinda a bear in our safehouse. ... Whoops.
I guess that run was a little less subtle than we were originally going for...

This post has been edited by R3u: Feb 19 2010, 04:04 AM

[Draco18s]

Almost almost as good as Bear Town.

But not quite.

[Headshot_Joe]

We are a low-combat, stealth-based team of four, running in LA. The team has a reputation for being fast, never getting seen by the security of a place we're breaking into, and using almost entirely nonlethal means.

Shame on you... Don't you know the point to being a Shadowrunner is to cause as much havoc and mayhem as possible, get your names on "most-wanted" lists across the globe, and earn a reputation as the most overt team of bomb-wielding, pink-be-mowhawked, wanton engines of destruction?

Maybe that's just my team's goal...

So it followed us home, and now there's kinda a bear in our safehouse. ... Whoops.

How does one "kinda" have a bear in their safe-house?


Anyways, so a few months back (in game time) my team and I, consisting of a Russian Orc Sniper/Sammy (Misha), American Elf Bear Totem Shaman/Doctor (Sam), Norwegian Dwarf Hacker/Rigger (Olaf), American Elf Technomancer (Cable-Flame), and Norwegian Dwarf Face/Useless (Tim) are in Italy waiting for a long distance luxury zeppelin ride to India, where we plan to make our way to the Philippines. While in Florence, we stop at a quaint little restaurant that just happens, we find out, to be owned and operated by the local branch of La Cosa Nostra... Not wanting to piss them off by rejecting the restaurant, we sit down, and order, and are very patient with the lack-luster service, and the less-than-savory company, a table full of angry, meta-hating, humanocentric mob members sitting at a booth in the corner, constantly throwing not-so-nice remarks our way.

Typically my character, Misha "Headshot Joe" Koprenevski, would take much more offense, and may have attempted to attack them, if he had not known they were LCN members. Misha had recently weened himself off his Vodka addiction, and had picked up some extra Willpower and Charisma points during character improvement, and he wasn't about to go and act like he hadn't. Misha is a good boy, and restrains himself.

The food arrives, and it's disappointingly wrong. They have sent Misha a very burnt leg of lamb, and sent a very large, very rare beef steak to each of our Elven companions, who are devout vegetarians. Neither Olaf nor Tim complain about their food, but I suspect it's because Dwarves will eat just about anything, especially if they're Norwegian.

Misha doesn't react negatively, although he does send the lamb back, and orders some pasta instead, apologizing for not having his mind made up when he came in, and agreeing to pay for both meals. This sits well with the mobsters, who must have realized that Orcs can be civilized people too, and they stop picking on Misha.

Sam, however, who is played by a friend of mine who is a chef, becomes distraught with the waitress (both he and Cable-Flame had ordered a fresh garden salad), and demands better service, or he won't pay. Cable-Flame agrees. Big mistake. Now the mobsters are getting up from their booth, and they come over to talk to Sam and C-F.

It is a painful argument, and the Dwarves, already done with their meal, leave to go and dig a new burrow, or something. Even Cable-Flame seems to realize that shit is about to hit the fan the way things are going, and she decides to leave with the Dwarves. When the waitress returns with Misha's meal, during the argument, he asks for a to-go box, and leaves a cred-stick on the table.

Misha informs Sam that he's paying for the meal, and if Sam would just come with him now, and leave his argument behind, Misha will pay for another meal for Sam at someplace nearby, where the salads aren't made of meat. Sam refuses. Misha beckons harder, emphasizing the urgency of the need to leave now, especially as the waitress begins to bus the table, and picks up the cred-stick. Sam refuses. He is irate, and stuck up, and still demands the situation be rectified.

The mobsters are reluctant to start any fighting on their own turf, especially since the meal has been paid for, but are unwilling to give in to an Elf.

The waitress takes the cred-stick to the register.

Misha calls Sam from outside...

Misha: "Sam?"

Sam: "Yes, Misha?"

Waitress scans the cred-stick, it beeps an error, she looks confused.

Misha: "Please, comrade, just leave restaurant, you don't want to start something with La Cosa Nostra."

Sam: "I don't care who they are, I want good service when I come to a restaurant, damnit!"

Waitress scans the cred-stick again, it beeps an error again, she looks more confused.

Misha: "Look, things are about to get really bad for you if you don't leave restaurant RIGHT NOW!"

Sam: "Misha, it's the principle of the thing! I can't let them get away with this travesty of the culinary profession!"

Waitress scans the cred-stick once more, and the spark of realization crosses her face...

Misha: "Comrade, I am give to them an empty cred-stick..."

Sam: "Look, I don't care what you say, they need to...wait, what?"

Waitress: "Hey, they gave us a bum cred-stick!"

Battle ensues, Sam takes a baton shotgun round to the back as he tries to escape, one of our NPC contacts who was nearby saves him, but gets killed in the process, and now we are wanted by La Cosa Nostra to this very day...

[The Dragon Girl]

where the salads aren't made of meat

*giggle-snort*

How does one "kinda" have a bear in their safe-house?

In the way that we admit to no one he is there, and we spoil him horribly and feed him all sorts of drek he shouldn't be eating, and have named him.