 Shadowrun fanfic from PC's perspective. WEE!, I'd appreciate your criticism. |
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 Apr 4 2004, 05:37 AM
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#1
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Target  Group: Members Posts: 15 Joined: 11-January 03 Member No.: 3,889  |
This is just some short fiction I came up with while really really bored, based on the perspective of one of my Shadowrun PC's. Pardon my nubbish webspace (Angelfire). I'm not really a writer, but I thought I'd share my labor anyway.
Of Dreams The Law of the Gun |
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Apr 4 2004, 09:31 AM
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#2
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Target Group: Members Posts: 94 Joined: 14-March 04 Member No.: 6,154 |
I like 'em. If I can make a minor suggestion, though...in "Of Dreams," chop off the first part and start it with "In my dreams, I am the monster." It'll add impact - things get rolling right away, rather than using generalizations as an intro. Keep up the good writing, though!
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Apr 4 2004, 09:42 AM
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#3
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 223 Joined: 3-February 04 Member No.: 6,054 |
I liked 'em and I agree with LJ.
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Apr 4 2004, 10:24 AM
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#4
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Senior GM Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 1,406 Joined: 12-April 03 From: Redmond, WA Member No.: 4,442 |
Nice.
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Apr 5 2004, 01:28 AM
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#5
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 596 Joined: 18-February 03 Member No.: 4,112 |
Splendiforous.
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Apr 5 2004, 01:49 AM
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#6
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 403 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Kill Em All Member No.: 2,018 |
If you remove the opening lines, the tone goes from contemplative, and philosophical to a deeper, more brooding mood. While the current draft may be the reflections of a modern day Special Forces soldier, it becomes near suicidal, much more personally dark, less clinical if you remove those opening lines.
So, it depends on what our budding writer is looking for. |
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Apr 17 2004, 02:23 PM
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#7
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Target Group: Members Posts: 15 Joined: 11-January 03 Member No.: 3,889 |
Thanks to everyone for their input.
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 3rd May 2024 - 04:04 PM |
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