The Found Arcana - Chapter 12 [IC] Options

[Tecumseh]

Mato turns around in the front seat and gives AM a look, wondering if she's been mind controlled.

"What sort of nonsense is Iktomi filling your head with?" he asks acidly.

"Altruism is a well-documented feature of evolutionary biology, especially in species with complex social structures.

"And don't shovel any drek about how we've robbed them of the opportunity to become stronger by overcoming their obstacles by themselves. None of us are self-made; we have all received help. It's not weakness to assist others. The strength to watch others suffer with indifference is the soul of tyranny."

He turns back around, facing out the windshield again.

"This individualist streak doesn't suit you. You've been in the UCAS too long. It's starting to rub off on you."

[Gilga]

"I am SINless; rules do not apply to me; I do not get protection from the police; from the law, I am more likely to be a scapegoat than getting help from anyone. You just saw real tyranny when you witnessed with your own eyes that the knights have placed an innocent person in prison just to look good in public opinion. This is how this world treats people like me; they don't see us. They use us, exploit us, bully us, murder us, and there is no justice. No democracy, we are not even real people; nobody would ever get in trouble for harming a SINless. If you have no digital existence, you do not exist as far as this world cares.

So saving people from certain death is alright. I can justify it; they can't handle these bears alone. We did them an honest service there. They needed something, and perhaps some kid out there would have parents because of us. However, they can handle car fixing on their own - they don't need us to fix their car; they are both working and don't need more than a ride. Heck, they may even have car insurance.

What does it show about me that I choose to bleed to fix a car I don't own for people I don't know? I risked my physical well-being and drained myself not to save them but to make life a little easier. I harmed myself for their comfort, and they didn't even ask me to do it. You may call it altruism, but I'll call it too little respect for myself. After a lifetime of being nothing, I am used to pleasing people at my own expense... but sure, interpreting it as altruism rings better than being insecure and looking for the approval of strangers. I feel pathetic, Mato."

[Beta]

"As a kid didn't you ever dream of being a hero? Defeating the monsters and saving their victims? My inner nine year old thought all that was pretty wonderful. Plus the adrenaline rush of doing something dangerous and pulling it off? And finally, the opportunity to be generous and really make someone's day with skills and abilities that we had at hand? I guess we are all wired differently, but I'm still awash in all the feel-good brain chemicals from that encounter. Better than drugs, although still potentially addictive."

[Gilga]

"Sadly, I don't feel any of the good feelings you describe. I never wanted to be a heroine; I thought they were boring. They never have ambitions of their own and are always so passive. Reacting to things other people do, they would not even have an identity without the villain trying to do something evil. Look at you; you only feel heroic because some huge bear wanted to eat a bunch of teachers. You saw a situation and responded to it, nothing more. No bear, no heroism.

On the other hand, the villains always have big dreams and the courage to go out of their way to achieve them. They take the initiative, they go up against all odds, and while misguided, and often presented superficially as evil, they illustrate humanity in all its cunning and glory. Their mindset allows us to fight against dragons and other demigod entities. I mean, if Lex Luthor can stand up to Superman... Perhaps we can stand up to dragons, immortal elves, or other supreme entities."

[Jack_Spade]

"There is something you are missing." Now Bobby piped up: "You can do what you want if you are strong. If you want to be cruel, you can be cruel, if you want to help, you can help.
But no-one is so strong that he never needs help. I have started to thrive when I decided to help and be part of a team. My magic thrived the more challenges I accepted - if I kept only to my own challenges, I'd never gotten so far so quickly.
No-one is looking out for you in this world - except for friends, families and allies. They are a form of strength. Pass up opportunities to gain them at your own peril. Of course, there are always those who just take and never give back. They are bad investments. But if you diversify your portfolio enough, they won't make much impact - and as soon as you notice their underperformance you can decide to cut them loose.

I invested once in paying off the debts of a small sorceress, to allow her to grow and not be crushed by interest payments. And it payed off: Now I have a best friend I can trust with my life. Helping others does not weaken you. If it weakens them is another question - but that is not relevant. If those who you helped decide to help others in turn, they'll make more than up the missed opportunity of helping themselves. Because there are always more other people in need than problems of your own.

Having two teachers as contact may be irrelevant - or it might be the deciding puzzle piece in a future case. They are certainly no permanent drain and we were rewarded handsomely with bear bounties. Mana drain from fixing their car is annoying, but just another step at getting better. The only thing we lost was half an hour - and that is unlikely to be an insurmountable problem going forth."

[Gilga]

Did Bobby call me small to my face? My hand stiffens on the car handle as if it is to blame for this intervention (?!), but I am not angry despite wanting to be. I feel misunderstood; all of it is very rational, but you cannot convince me to feel a certain way about a situation. I guess they don't share my desire to watch societies of oppression and injustice collapse. To see all these privileged people I saw from a distance suddenly afraid - like I had been my entire life. Like I was until I met Bobby, let him call me tiny. It is not fun to make a scene. Besides, he has become so powerful that I may be little in comparison.

I wanted to dislike Bobby being a soldier, a sinner, sioux... but despite myself - I like him. So, I don't want to actively burn the world. Because well, there are people I like in it despite the big picture being so unjust. Every time I help someone, I feel the sting of disappointment, of outrage when nobody helped my mom and me when we had to make difficult choices for survival. We had to choose between bad and worse, terrible. I can't speak about it right now - not when they are judgmental about me, so I shut up and try hard to keep it all within—all that river of pain, disappointment, and hate.

"Best friend?" I say, embarrassed, astonished. I owe Bobby so much, but I never considered it mutual. I thought he had a dozen people like me and that he was like Razak cultivating people for some obscure need. Perhaps he is, but it does not make me any less loyal. It is the doubt that he may not be like that that challenges my entire cynical view of this world.

I'll be a heroine and do this altruistic things if you feel so strongly about it. Perhaps one day I'll feel like one."

[Jack_Spade]

"Well, I don't know if I am one of your best friends - but you are certainly one mine. You and Trouble.

It's all about growth. You physically grew into a powerful figure. But your spirit hasn't caught up quite yet. And that's ok. It took me a while to overcome the dark urges of my totem. A process that you and the others in the team helped tremendously.

When they bombed our office and almost killed Mato, I was this close from going all out - and probably would have self destructed along the way. It's thanks to you and Jawsey that we prevailed and actually became stronger as a result.

For me, you already are that heroine"

[Gilga]

By the great spirits, I want to deflect the topic of conversation so much. I don't do emotions very well. I don't trust people very easily, and after Jawsie just decided to leave for obscure reasons I never understood it all made me more defensive. "I'll be your friend, Bobby Walker, but I'll be devastated when you leave me behind."

I muse "You know after you paid my debt, I expected you to make a move. Any move? Perhaps you'd ask me out or get me to spy after some old fling or a rival... I didn't know what to expect, but I did not expect you to not ask for any favor. When I confronted you about it, you made it sound all transactional. But it was never transactional to me. I trust you, I decided to trust you when I took your money. Though perhaps we should find some mutual hobby."

You know, the thing that hurts with Jawsie is not that he left; it is that the way he left made me realize that he had more important things than us. There were people he felt truly connected with, and I was not included in that tribe. I didn't expect much, but after we formed a magical bond, I let my guard down.

[Tecumseh]

Mato thinks about the action trids he watched as a kid. He wanted to be a hero, not so much to help people but because they were so competent. For a sickly, unathletic kid it was like a BTL. He knew it was artificial but he wanted that same sense of grace, the ability to excel effortlessly in everything he undertakes. Whether or not he has achieved that is an ongoing question.

Mato is privately pleased to hear Bobby speak of friendships in terms of investment and diversifying portfolios. Mato often thinks the same way but doesn't always verbalize it lest it make him sound calculated and transactional. But he very much agrees. How curious that Bobby is articulating the business case while I'm the one referencing evolutionary biology, he thinks to himself.

He has thoughts on the back-and-forth but he keeps them to himself. He wonders how all of this comes across to Tamarind, who is still new to many of the underlying dynamics of the team. He feels a certain affinity for her: augmented-to-augmented, mundane-to-mundane. Shooting her a private message, he writes <<It's important to not let all the Awakened dynamics overwhelm us. Their gift gives them such a different experience of the world.>>

[Jack_Spade]

Bobby sighed:
"Jawsey... wasn't happy. I doubt he became happy when he got back. Because when you are unhappy about yourself it doesn't matter where you go, your problems move with you.
I know he struggled with the limitations of his body as well as that of his magic. It's not fair to talk about him behind his back, but I can assure you, his decision didn't reflect on your worth.

You can try to help people, but you can't save everyone."

[Gilga]

"Well, trying to help people got us into this unexpected chat in the first place, but it was a really nice thing that you knew about the bounties. If you ever get tired of us you could be a witcher. "

[Beta]

Tamarind messages back to Mato <<I've never worked so closely for any amount of time with two people with such magical talent. But I've worked with enough awakened to understand that it is hard for them to realize how different the world looks for most people. That may be true of all of us to some extent. There were times that I would have cut out someone's tongue and swallowed it, if that let me speak spells and also have the opportunity to view the world like that. I've mellowed since then. Still hard not to envy them, but I do appreciate the perspective that comes from knowing that you are mostly a spear carrier in someone else's drama. Mostly, not always, but accepting that you just are not that important does make it a lot easier to get along in the world.>>

Meanwhile she pushes the speed limits a reasonably safe amount, to try to close up the time delay they'd built up by helping out the teachers. She'd hate to have to admit that helping them had hurt the team.

[Gilga]

I familiarized myself with the local map and the ranch location. I imagine all sorts of paths and do it in AR with my contacts so that nobody speaks to me on the way. I feel off balance, and well, I still feel a bit bad for overdoing this altruism stuff. I am eager to meet that Jarone Falcone, and hope to be re-balanced by the time we get there.

[Jack_Spade]

Bobby had thought for a moment before replying: "You mean a monster hunter? Actually, I considered doing that if we were ever short at the end of the month. There are a few bounties that we as a team would be well equipped to bring in. Easy money if you know where and how."

[Gilga]

"Yes, a monster hunter. More violent but more rewarding than photographing cheaters. "

[Jack_Spade]

"The cheaters have it coming. The monsters usually just want to live their life, following their nature. But yeah, the thrill is definitely greater with the monsters."

Bobby tried to find a comfortable position in the car. The long travel began to wear on him, but he refrained to turn into a cat - a form that he had found was the most adept at finding comfortable positions where ever they were.

[Tecumseh]

"Let's not be too judgmental," Mato pipes up. "We usually don't know why a person is cheating. It could be due to abuse or neglect. It isn't always selfish desires. Our clients might be victims, but they might also be the source of their own misfortunes. I'm confident not all of our clients have been good, stand-up, family people that deserve our sympathy."

This line of thinking makes him wonder about his own mother's infidelity. Did she have a good reason? Or was it lust, or passion, or revenge, or boredom? His father had been an ork, and a Sioux ork no less, so the level of machismo in the condo was often suffocating. He can imagine his mother wanting an escape from it. Perhaps a sensitive elf from another culture was irresistible.

He shakes his head to clear the thought. He won't judge his mother, but now he needs his head in the game once they get to the ranch. But still... I wonder if my biological father will want to meet one day.

[Jack_Spade]

"There are always reasons. Though personally, I think it ethically correct to end your current relationship before taking up a new one - or at least ask for consent from your partner before taking up a side piece.
It is natural to shy away from pain or conflict - doesn't make it right though."

Bobby replied, wondering why Mato would break a lance for the unfaithful.

[Gilga]

"I am an apple from that very same tree; feel kind of hypocritical to judge. "

[Tecumseh]

"Maybe it's not safe for them to break off their current relationship. Or maybe there are familial considerations, like trying to do what's best for the kids. Or maybe there are professional ramifications for changing their family status. The Japanacorps frown on divorce, especially if the corporation was the match maker.

"I'm not saying all these calculations are correct, but I can think of valid reasons. It doesn't benefit us to judge either our clients or our marks. We might have done things differently in their situation, but that doesn't mean it was wrong for them."

[Beta]

"I don't have strong desires for relationships -- I've had a couple of short lived ones, but never felt that I needed one for either companionship or sex. Obviously many others strongly feel the need to be in a relationship for various reasons. So I assume that on the other extreme from me are people who can't contain themselves in one relationship. Should they find ethical ways to manage that? Of course. But given the number of people over the years who didn't understand my lack of interest, I assume that most of them find it hard to find acceptance too. I'm still willing to trace their actions for money, but I don't feel a need to judge them as guilty or innocent or good or bad. I'd probably rather help people avoid trouble than get them into trouble, but not much money in that."

[Jack_Spade]

"As I said: There are always reasons. If you are unsafe in your current relationship, you probably shouldn't risk angering your spouse. If you are in economic dependency, you should probably fix that instead of fragging around and risking getting divorced without compensation.
You see, counting up reasons is easy for both sides.
Betraying someone who trusts you is bad. And potentially bringing back an STD is a violation.
In the end the true reason is always convenience and cowardice. That's why I despise those targets."

Bobby replied with unusual seriousness.

[Tecumseh]

"Bobby, what good does it to do to judge others? What do you get out of it? A sense of superiority?

"We can learn from others' mistakes, and assess them logically, but moralizing about them is useless. It doesn't benefit us or them.

"Where is this coming from? I doubt it's from the lightning storm on the mountain top."

[Jack_Spade]

"What good it does? You can avoid associating with people who you can't trust. Loyalty is a core value for me. I've had my share in betrayals. Once burned, twice shy."

[Tecumseh]

"Sure, and those are the lessons we can extract and apply to our own lives. We can evaluate others' decisions as optimal or suboptimal, but adding a moral component isn't necessary to make that evaluation. I wouldn't say that it helps to despise our clients."