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Jul 27 2004, 07:35 AM
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#101
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Moving Target ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 511 Joined: 30-May 03 From: Tulsa, OK Member No.: 4,652 |
Excellent work Kagetenshi! Anytime you feel like posting more, I'll be on the edge of my seat to read each installment.
Although, at the end there, I was starting to think that Dues was going to be using Thrush as part of "The Network" after letting him "escape". I didn't quite expect it to end so suddenly. |
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Jul 27 2004, 12:33 PM
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#102
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Target ![]() Group: Members Posts: 2 Joined: 20-November 02 Member No.: 3,624 |
Excellent writing, certainly managed to keep me interested! I'd love to have seen this in the Arcology sourcebook, it fits the mood perfectly. Very nice job.
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Jul 27 2004, 06:00 PM
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#103
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Moving Target ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 392 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Hamburg, Germany Member No.: 1,270 |
Nice job Kage! :)
Really loved it! Definately best fan fiction (or SR fiction in general) that I've been reading in quite a while. If you feel like writing more, I'm definately anxious for it, if that helps any. ;) As far as constructive criticism goes (and don't get me wrong, I love the story, I'm just singling out the few bad parts about it): the story lost a bit of its intensity towards the end. It seemed that the intervals and gaps between the entries got bigger. The story was harder to follow, the single chapters seemed to be more or less randomly thrown together. I know this happens easily, especially when writing about the arcology. Just something for you to look out for next time. Just in case you wanna do something more involved... since it does take quite some effort to keep a story intense over the whole stretch. Anyways, great job! If you ever want to put together something bigger, like a complete novel or whatnot, I'd love to read it! Hell, I'd even pay for it if you should have it published! |
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Jul 27 2004, 10:43 PM
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#104
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Manus Celer Dei ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Thanks :) I'm actually trying to get something published (just short-story sized, though), and have some other misc. stuff about.
I agree that it lost a decent amount of focus after the early parts. That's something I've needed to work on in general. Ah well, practice makes perfect, hopefully. ~J |
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Jul 28 2004, 12:21 AM
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#105
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Shooting Target ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 1,512 Joined: 16-August 03 From: Northampton Member No.: 5,499 |
Well i already praised you via PM, it was good liked alot.
Do you have it as one big file? (Sorry if you told me already, Emptied my in box...:oops: |
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Jul 28 2004, 12:41 AM
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#106
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Manus Celer Dei ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Not yet, but I can put it together. I'll do that soon.
~J |
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Aug 17 2004, 03:45 AM
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#107
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Manus Celer Dei ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Dronetime!
What do you think? Reasonable/unreasonable/completely broken? As I said, not cost-effective for extra-arcology use. Edit: needless to say, the shock damage goes against 1/2 Impact Armor, as normal for tasers and similar. ~J |
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Aug 17 2004, 04:21 AM
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#108
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Runner ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 3,066 Joined: 5-February 03 Member No.: 4,017 |
As fun as rampant taser orbs stunning everything in sight is from a GM perspective, they either need a better purpose definition or a different setting. Too many drones would be vulnerable.
Add a little line "if it doesn't transmit the Deus IFFF" and let them loose. This would also be interesting as a jungle defense grid concept. Maintain range from a central point (possibly mobile) and stun anything that moves. |
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Aug 17 2004, 02:26 PM
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#109
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Manus Celer Dei ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Maybe I just haven't had enough coffee today; explain a bit more how you'd make it better?
~J the mostly-asleep |
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Oct 15 2004, 12:08 AM
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#110
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Target ![]() Group: Members Posts: 68 Joined: 9-October 04 Member No.: 6,738 |
Wow, insanely depressing but insanely cool. Great job.
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Oct 15 2004, 12:15 AM
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#111
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Manus Celer Dei ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Thanks :) I need to actually do the new drones and pick up the other story I started fragments of again…
~J |
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Oct 15 2004, 01:09 AM
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#112
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Shooting Target ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 1,512 Joined: 16-August 03 From: Northampton Member No.: 5,499 |
And make it avilable as 1 big story file *nods* (story bit drunk....)
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Dec 21 2004, 03:27 AM
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#113
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Moving Target ![]() ![]() Group: Members Posts: 190 Joined: 24-October 04 Member No.: 6,787 |
Want more. Make another, please.
Great work, Kagetenshi |
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