Link.

Well. That wasn't very good. It's written in a very confusing way. Too many things trying to be fit in. Hard to follow and not enough details. The end is.. interesting. I guess it's up to the reader to decide what is "the right thing". It's a balsy way to end a story, I'll give it that. Overall though, I didn't like it.

I like it. I found the first part of the story ran together, and was missing some punctuation, but it was clear, and simple. It would make a great story if it was longer and had some more details for the run, but its purpose was to be short. I think it was worth the effort.

Heh well, we have differing opinions from two provinces of Canada. We need some from the other provinces!

It was interesting, I personally didn't think it was all that bad and the open ended ending was appropriate to present players about morals in the shadowrun world and how it conflicts.

After seeing guidelines suggesting that the core shadowtalkers should be used in the fiction, I'm a little surprised at how the only one to appear is pretty much just bolted on.

No slight against the story, though. I enjoyed reading it, and thought it was evocative of the Shadowrun mood.

I also liked that there was a strong allusion to an Earthdawn tie-in.

This one just uploaded a revised version that fixed some of the errors.

this one notes that the last paragraph of the first section should be broken down into multiple paragraphs, one for each time a different person speaks, in order to better conform to the linguistic standards generally accepted by the society of which this one is nominally a part!

it's pretty good. i like the general lack of direct exposition, and the dialogue seems fairly natural. the structure could be tightened up--too many scene changes; try consolidating the events and dialogue into fewer, longer scenes rather than breaking them up into more, shorter scenes.

(never mind)

(I had a reply here, but Adam pointed out that he did actually edit the version after I edited it, and it was wrong. Formatting error, actually, not style error.)

I liked it. It might insprire an equally wrenching run for my players.

As far as style, its a nice change. It has loyality, comradery, but still a generous helping of backstabbing.

Id pull it on my players.

I thought it was fun, evocative, and an unusual take on an "extraction."

I'm just going to have to echo what mfb said. As far as Shadowrun fiction goes, it's pretty damn good.

Well, that's a step or three above the dog one. I might've preferred a more definite ending, but... I might not have.

The required canon character does feel kind of bolted on, but I think that's more a problem with the requirement than with the writing.

Well, yeah. Part of what I got from reading Loose Alliances was that of all possible circumstances, Elijah would be of the mind to have them return it to UW.

Now that we've seen some new fiction, anyone have idea as to what might be happening with Holostreets?

AJC

I enjoyed it, nice plot macguffin, lots of stuff implied throughout but all questions left unansewerd. Very good end. I'm almost tempted to start a which would you pick poll.

I'd love to see a poll for 'which would you pick'. What is Roan going to do? What would your characters do in that situation?

And, geez, what's with all the nice comments? People must be taking their happy drugs or something.

Yes, nice twist on the 'extraction' theme. Congratulations Tiger Eyes.