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k1tsune
So. I was thinking: we obviously have some punsters out there, so I propose seeing who can come up with the best Shadowrun-related story-pun. I'm talking the worst, Spider Robinson-esque sneak-up-and-kill-you shaggy dog stories you can think of. I'll probably come up with something shortly, but wanted to put this out there.
biggrin.gif
Kanada Ten
Get a Kludde, K1tsune. You cat go wrong.
sable twilight
Shaman needed a change of pace. For the last several weeks she had spent the evenings at home catching up on work. There was nothing shiny and new going on in her life. She needed to strach her wings.

She told her roommate she was going out for the night. At first her roommate thought it was a bad idea, they both had to be at work early in the morning. But eventually the shaman convincer her roommate that it would be a good idea after all.

So, what did she finally out and do?

[ Spoiler ]
Kagetenshi
...

~J
toturi
I dont get it either...
k1tsune
[ Spoiler ]
D.Generate
That had to be the worst joke I ever heard....... but yet I still chuckled at it. I must be sick in the head.
toturi
*Ha*sarcasm*ha*sarcasm*ha*
k1tsune
Well, it was what I was looking for.

I'm so tempted to steal/convert some Callahan's puns just to get peoples' juices flowing.

OMG. I have the perfect one to convert.
k1tsune
Stolen short, as I work on a greater one:

Universal Brotherhood hot dog stand: "We'll make you one with the works."
Kagetenshi
QUOTE (toturi)
I dont get it either...

No no, I got it. I definitely got it.
I was wishing I hadn't.

~J
k1tsune
This just in:
Reasearchers in the remote reaches of the Sahara desert have recently stumbled upon an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of sandstone. At first, it was mistaken for an immense statue erected by some strange magical force, for it just squats motionless in the desolate desert, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a fully functional brain the size of corporate arcology, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives.
This puzzles the hell out of scientists and mages of all sorts, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth- in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a Parazoologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, "How could evolution, or even magic give legs, mouth, and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?!"
It happens that he's the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rises with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thinks for a second, booms, "IT COULDN'T," and squats down again.
"Migod," exclaims the parazoologist, "of course!
[ Spoiler ]


Edit: Stolen from Spider Robinson, and just changed from SF to Shadowrun terms. He deserves credit for this masterpiece, not I.
Luke Hardison
Not really Shadowrun related, but it came up last night. I was describing to a friend of mine how to best stay unharmed in large jumbles of fighting people, and I was having a hard time putting into words how to stand on the outside of the fight and pluck people off as they come to the outside of the group. Finally, I remembered that he is in school studying to be an electrical engineer, and a physics example came to me.

"You're just plucking them out of the valence, Matt." The three guys (all in physics heavy majors) laugh, and Matt's wife groans.

I said, "Sorry. It's just ionic humor."
Kanada Ten
I'm surprised she didn't geek you, but, then again, I guess she didn't have too.
k1tsune
QUOTE (Kanada Ten)
I'm surprised she didn't geek you, but, then again, I guess she didn't have too.

*groan*
Buzzed
I will try to change my ways to be more like a rat shaman by living off of garbage, but I don't think I can.

I am hoping to win the lame pun award with this one. lick.gif
Buzzed
What do you call a group of kids packing food in fabric?

[ Spoiler ]
REM
'm not so good with puns...
But hey
So this guy goes out looking to get laid. After several hours of searching he finds a quite atractive woman to go home with him. They have sex multiple times. They next morning he wakes up and finds the woman gone and a small house cat in his bed. His flatmate who is already up and laughs and says, "Looks like you got some Pussy last night."

*doges any and all flying objects*
spotlite
I'll repost the horrifyingly bad pun I put on another thread:

What do you get when you recycle a chinese mage?


REjen!



...As oppose to WUjen...?



well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...
Kagetenshi
QUOTE (spotlite)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J
Reaver
QUOTE (Kagetenshi)
QUOTE (spotlite @ Feb 17 2004, 10:00 AM)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J

Yea right. We all know women don't play role playing games. wink.gif biggrin.gif
Feyd 47
This was one of nezumi's from the "flaw/skill" thread:

QUOTE
QUOTE
QUOTE (Kagetenshi)
Quadraplegic and any of the following: Diving... 



I've seen a character like that. His name is "Bob".


It's that bad it had to be put here...
sable twilight
QUOTE (Reaver)
QUOTE (Kagetenshi @ Feb 17 2004, 08:02 AM)
QUOTE (spotlite @ Feb 17 2004, 10:00 AM)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J

Yea right. We all know women don't play role playing games. wink.gif biggrin.gif

Saving Throw for Half Cooties - Gaming and the Femininely Advantaged
and leave it at that

(this is also a very good article for those boyfriends and husbands trying to get their girlfriends and wives into gaming)
Reaver
QUOTE (sable twilight)
QUOTE (Reaver @ Feb 17 2004, 10:27 AM)
QUOTE (Kagetenshi @ Feb 17 2004, 08:02 AM)
QUOTE (spotlite @ Feb 17 2004, 10:00 AM)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J

Yea right. We all know women don't play role playing games. wink.gif biggrin.gif

Saving Throw for Half Cooties - Gaming and the Femininely Advantaged
and leave it at that

(this is also a very good article for those boyfriends and husbands trying to get their girlfriends and wives into gaming)

I was joking Sable. My gaming group has four women in it as it is. smile.gif
boodah
yea, all npcs nyahnyah.gif
lol!
sable twilight
That's cool. I sort of thought you were, and thought it might be nice to share the article anyway.

Every Shadowrun group I've ever gamed with has always had quite a few women, often out numbering the guys.
boodah
QUOTE (boodah)
yea, all npcs nyahnyah.gif
lol!

we actually have 5 reav, if the trolls wifey plays the housewife adept.
Reaver
QUOTE (boodah)
QUOTE (boodah @ Feb 17 2004, 11:06 AM)
yea, all npcs nyahnyah.gif
lol!

we actually have 5 reav, if the trolls wifey plays the housewife adept.

Thanks Boodah. I was trying to forget that. wink.gif
spotlite
QUOTE (Kagetenshi)
QUOTE (spotlite @ Feb 17 2004, 10:00 AM)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J

My apologies. Assumption is the mother of all wossnames, after all.

For the record we have between 1 and 2 women in our SR games, and four in our 8 person AD&D group.

But I still defy anyone to beat that pun for sheer utter groanworthyness! (this is a puns thread, not a joke thread, remember. And that means: 'a pune, or play on words' as Mr Pratchett so eloquently puts it.)

Yes, the gauntlet is thrown. I expect to be soundly proved wrong within the day, or i shall be sorely disappointed...
Kanada Ten
A dead girl walks into a bar and orders a brainy Mary. The bartender, misunderstanding her brings a drink. After she spills it, moans about, and then takes a table, he turns to the waitress and says, "Watch out, she's dim."
Fortune
A new drug has been making the rounds of the nightspots. It seems to be a variation of Kamakaze, gengineered specifically to cause maximum effect in those of the dwarven metatype. Word of mouth is advertizing it as a really excellent pygmy-up.
Solstice
that was a good article. Also explains to the unintiated why women are not a normal addition to the average gaming group. nyahnyah.gif
Kagetenshi
Personally, I'm of the opinion that the article adresses a situation painfully out of date, but I've been told that my experience is somewhat unusual.

My group knows that no, he didn't mean "woah, man"

~J

(Yes, that was bad. Fortunately, I'm out of throwing range.)
REM
QUOTE (spotlite)
QUOTE (Kagetenshi @ Feb 17 2004, 03:02 PM)
QUOTE (spotlite @ Feb 17 2004, 10:00 AM)
well. He said he wanted bad puns. That IS the worst one I can think of...

She, actually biggrin.gif

~J

My apologies. Assumption is the mother of all wossnames, after all.

For the record we have between 1 and 2 women in our SR games, and four in our 8 person AD&D group.

But I still defy anyone to beat that pun for sheer utter groanworthyness! (this is a puns thread, not a joke thread, remember. And that means: 'a pune, or play on words' as Mr Pratchett so eloquently puts it.)

Yes, the gauntlet is thrown. I expect to be soundly proved wrong within the day, or i shall be sorely disappointed...

still wondering how you have between 1 and 2 women. seems odd to have say parts of a woman in your gaming group.
Solstice
ahah maybe we don't want to know the answer to that.
Drain Brain
A Dwarven mage (who specialised in contacting metaplanar entities) escaped from imprisonment yestarday.

[ Spoiler ]
Lilt
QUOTE (Drain Brain)
A Dwarven mage (who specialised in contacting metaplanar entities) escaped from imprisonment yestarday.

[ Spoiler ]

rotfl.gif
Luke Hardison
I'm thinking of playing a shaman who seems kind of like Ghandi: he'll walk everywhere, barefoot, and eat a traditional Indian diet, which will probably add up some social mods because of the chronic bad breath, and he'll be in pretty tenuous health. That's right, I'll be playing a
[ Spoiler ]
Luke Hardison
A small, two seater jet crashed yesterday into a field in an undisclosed location in Aztlan, striking an old graveyard. Investegators say that the pilot and copilot are unharmed, ejecting from the plane safely. They estimate the death toll for this accident at 512, and that figure is rising as workers hurry to clear the crash site.
TimeKeeper
QUOTE
I'm thinking of playing a shaman who seems kind of like Ghandi: he'll walk everywhere, barefoot, and eat a traditional Indian diet, which will probably add up some social mods because of the chronic bad breath, and he'll be in pretty tenuous health. That's right, I'll be playing a .....


eek.gif OH DEAR GOD!!!
That was bad.
spotlite
QUOTE
QUOTE
QUOTE
I'm thinking of playing a shaman who seems kind of like Ghandi: he'll walk everywhere, barefoot, and eat a traditional Indian diet, which will probably add up some social mods because of the chronic bad breath, and he'll be in pretty tenuous health. That's right, I'll be playing a .....



OH DEAR GOD!!!
That was bad.


And I've heard the non-SR version before. But the dwarf one was extremely good! Not that the shaman one isn't good, it is, I've just heard it before and... oh forget it. You know what I mean.


And the 1-2 women thing at the table is because one of them is an irregular player, who might not be able to attend for months on end because of college & work commitments. Just FYI.
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