the winners are...
Some were funny, others... more disturbing
Full Version: worst rpg character
QUOTE (PBTHHHHT @ Feb 4 2011, 10:40 AM) 
Wow. Goddamn. I feel so well adjusted.
EDIT:
QUOTE
So we've got a DM who insists on having a party member, even when we have at least 6 players. He insists on showing us how powerful he is. That and how huge his characters balls are. He had a minotaur that wore a suit of armor glammered to look like a loincloth. This cowman with huge balls always somehow could leap into the air each round and we could see up his magical skirt. The guy would describe them for a good 5 minutes. The amount of wrinkles, hair, anything and everything. It was like a FFF before I knew about FFFs.
And to make matters worse, he'd insist on having the female players raped. It didn't matter if they were playing male or female characters. One lady was pretty timid with sexual situations, here's her story. So the DM obsessed with balls has Timid Lady meeting a tree nymph in a bar. The DM then proceeds to force her character to get drunk and bring the nymph to her room. We were using some weird rules that time and she critically failed on her sexual performance checks. Somehow this resulted in the character dying. So this ball obsessed DM literally fucked a character to death...
And to make matters worse, he'd insist on having the female players raped. It didn't matter if they were playing male or female characters. One lady was pretty timid with sexual situations, here's her story. So the DM obsessed with balls has Timid Lady meeting a tree nymph in a bar. The DM then proceeds to force her character to get drunk and bring the nymph to her room. We were using some weird rules that time and she critically failed on her sexual performance checks. Somehow this resulted in the character dying. So this ball obsessed DM literally fucked a character to death...
Wow, after having read that, and knowing I am not that person, I feel totally capable of going out there and finding a girlfriend.
Bad article, mostly due to a complete lack of focus. Even being generous with adjudication, over half of these are horrible players instead of horrible characters (consider the first one, in which all we know about the character is that she goes to a 7-11 and doesn't have the ability to consume human food).
Actually, some of them aren't even about generally horrible players, but about single awkward incidents—see the guy's sister offering a wounded character a vasectomy. I bet he didn't get a nice christmas present that year.
Edit: though I have to give credit for the guy who wasn't made gay by Spiderman, but who in fact made Spiderman gay.
~J
Actually, some of them aren't even about generally horrible players, but about single awkward incidents—see the guy's sister offering a wounded character a vasectomy. I bet he didn't get a nice christmas present that year.
Edit: though I have to give credit for the guy who wasn't made gay by Spiderman, but who in fact made Spiderman gay.
~J
QUOTE (Kagetenshi @ Feb 5 2011, 08:05 AM)
Actually, some of them aren't even about generally horrible players, but about single awkward incidents—see the guy's sister offering a wounded character a vasectomy. I bet he didn't get a nice christmas present that year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that the reason that moment was awkward was because the teenage girl was weirdly hitting on the adult player by talking about someone special and a vasectomy. Am I reading that right?
Seems like a list of "worst RPG PLAYERS", not "worst RPG Characters".
-k
-k
QUOTE (Wounded Ronin @ Feb 5 2011, 10:47 AM)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that the reason that moment was awkward was because the teenage girl was weirdly hitting on the adult player by talking about someone special and a vasectomy. Am I reading that right?
That's exactly what it sounded like to me. I believe she critically fumbled her knowledge: Male Psychology and Seduction rolls.
QUOTE (hyzmarca @ Feb 5 2011, 12:53 PM)
That's exactly what it sounded like to me. I believe she critically fumbled her knowledge: Male Psychology and Seduction rolls.
Ha ha. The more I think about it the funnier it is, in that what she decided to bring up was vasectomies.
QUOTE (Wounded Ronin @ Feb 6 2011, 02:01 AM)
Ha ha. The more I think about it the funnier it is, in that what she decided to bring up was vasectomies.
2 words. Crit Glitch.
But damn if I never pulled the interspecies child porn one in my Star Wars game. Got to try that out sometime.
QUOTE (Wounded Ronin @ Feb 5 2011, 10:47 AM)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that the reason that moment was awkward was because the teenage girl was weirdly hitting on the adult player by talking about someone special and a vasectomy. Am I reading that right?
Right. First off, it's all about the player and the OOC situation, not about the character. Second, the submitter goes on to… what's the female equivalent of "cock-block"? Anyway, he goes ahead and does it, which is a pretty jerk thing to do even before you consider that he's doing it to his sister—does family count for nothing these days?
~J
It's important to note that the sister in question was fourteen. Really, the reverse cock-block was the only reasonable option.
QUOTE (Tanegar @ Feb 7 2011, 09:58 AM)
It's important to note that the sister in question was fourteen. Really, the reverse cock-block was the only reasonable option.
Indeed. Would any red-blooded man want a bro attached to his sister? In any capacity?
I think not.
Clearly, family does count for nothing these days 
~J
~J
QUOTE (Kagetenshi @ Feb 8 2011, 05:34 AM)
Clearly, family does count for nothing these days
~J
~J
He was clearly saving her for himself.
Incest is the best! Put your sister to the test!
/goes straight to hell, does not pass go, does not collect 200 drachmas.
QUOTE (X-Kalibur @ Feb 8 2011, 04:01 PM)
He was clearly saving her for himself.
Incest is the best! Put your sister to the test!
/goes straight to hell, does not pass go, does not collect 200 drachmas.
Incest is the best! Put your sister to the test!
/goes straight to hell, does not pass go, does not collect 200 drachmas.
Your little sis won't be a pest, once you come to appreciate incest?
QUOTE
Kate the Great said:
Many moons ago, when I was just an impressionable young thing, I thought it would be a good idea to GM a game of the Dragon Ball Z tabletop (seriously, ugh). In an effort to win over my reluctant group of friends, I told them they could make their character any race they wanted. Any at all. One of my douchebag friends rose to the challenge...and for three months, he played a character named Majin Toaster. Who was, in fact, a toaster. With an M on it. He murdered another player's character by leaping into the bath with him.
Many moons ago, when I was just an impressionable young thing, I thought it would be a good idea to GM a game of the Dragon Ball Z tabletop (seriously, ugh). In an effort to win over my reluctant group of friends, I told them they could make their character any race they wanted. Any at all. One of my douchebag friends rose to the challenge...and for three months, he played a character named Majin Toaster. Who was, in fact, a toaster. With an M on it. He murdered another player's character by leaping into the bath with him.
compared to all the rest, I nominate this for Best. Character. Evar.
QUOTE (Wounded Ronin @ Feb 8 2011, 09:59 PM)
Your little sis won't be a pest, once you come to appreciate incest?
You know, that's the plot of a significant fraction of ero-manga I've translated so far.
~J
QUOTE (Fix-it @ Feb 9 2011, 12:34 AM)
compared to all the rest, I nominate this for Best. Character. Evar.
Indeed. It's not really a bad character. It's the brain-child spawn of a player who is in the game reluctantly (along with other players).
It appears that I will be playing a character that I had the horrible fault of conceiving for a short D&D game....
Van Dread Necro Pirate Roberts. He's a pirate captain who has a landship that is propelled by the gasses of rotting corpses. If there aren't corpses, then his crew of skeletons just carries the ship across land.
Yes. I know. It's a horrible idea. I blame the GM because he suggested the Dread Necromancer class to me.
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