If my tweener is at the mall, and she comlinks me to pick her up; could I tell the "pilot" in my car to drive to my daughter's comlink location, pick her up, and then return her to my comlink local? How about if I get stranded at a party and want to call my car (which is subscribed) to my local to pick my drunk self up and take me home? Can a car fetch and can you call it on a phone?

Absolutely yes, and yes. It would roll its Pilot + Drive autosoft as its dice pool if it gets into any trouble on the road.

But in my exapmle I am a middle-aged, lazy bastard and I don't know autosofts from a hole in the ground. I just bought a sedan and added nothing to it. Standard Buy, can it be done?

Doesn't matter the car does come equipped with a basic pilot program rating 3 or less.

Of course. Your wife explicitly made you buy the Auto-Car™ package she saw on the Audi commercial. The car dealer gave you a sweet deal on it, too - it only increased your payments by 150 nuyen.

And once you have it drive over to pick you up. Pass the dog brain to the left.