Short novel (with cliffhanger end), Feedback appriecated Options

[Lionhearted]

Katanya casually sipped on her wine, a diversion mostly, as she derived little sensations from it. But in her position it was all about acting and seeming normal.
In truth she was immersed in the augmented reality of the matrix. This is where she truly felt home,. Almost without effort she did not only pick up the live output of the bars patrons, and found little interest in the public profiles most people put up,. sSometimes it amused her how overzealous these men and women were in their digital attempt to find a match, especially if you knew what they really thought, but also for an ordinary human being a daunting task she was picking up and interpreting the latent electrical current that was generated by the human brain
Kat wasn’t ordinary, or even human. She literary bathed in the emotional turmoil that roamed the bar, able to simultaneously experience every emotion, every sensation and every thought available in the rather small locale, She quickly found that a certain nervous accountant had been secretly eyeing one of the hot shot go ganger girls, but didn’t possess the guts to approach her. More intriguing was that the go girl seemed to have noticed, found him quite cute and impatiently awaited him to make his move. A sly smirk spread across Kat’s face, time to work some magic, she let herself slip back and immersed fully into the underlying network, Not for more than a brief second, it was all she needed.
Subtly altering the electrical patterns that generated ideas and thoughts, A brief scan for mutual interests and the input to discuss it, Some nervous smiles and a remote activation of the bars digital jukebox, Her work was done. The virtual matchmaker triumphs yet again.
Pleased with her accomplishment Katanya went back to her wine and just enjoyed the steady flow of emotions immersing the locale. This was her idea of peace of mind, enough processes to keep her mind occupied.
Suddenly, the emotions escalated, the soothing stream became a chaotic vortex, literary literally millions of inputs bombarded her every second. Snapping out of her private world, Katanya sought the source of this disturbance, and soon found it, for better or worse,. In the doorway stood a young woman, barely able to stand as she braced her against the doorway,. Her long brown hair was tangled and dirty, her clothes looked like they could fall apart any moment, and her stare was intense, yet carried a clear streak of insanity.
Molly! It couldn’t be, oh this was bad.. this was really bad.

Damn it! She thought, Molly’s static was blocking out her messages,. She had to deal with this situation on her own. Molly finally let go of the doorway and dropped on her knees,. Her eyes were tinted with red,. She jerked back in a feral scream and the lights visibly flickered, the jukebox fried and the room silenced. Molly shook heavily,. She let out a faint noise, that could easily be mistaken for weeping.
She wasn’t weeping, - she was gigglin'g. The mood of the room slowly began to change from awkwardly silent steadily climbing towards near riot like conditions,. Weapons were drawn, arguments started, and the entire room soared with anger and hate.
She must have gone full capacity, oh god why is she even awake now? Katanya started by to panic,. Wisely she shut down her simsense sensors - better to be cold than to be dead. She had to do something before the situation got out of hand, as obviously Molly had started to hotwire every single brain she could find. She had to act fast, she didn’t like it but it had to be done,. She approached the ragged girl sitting, waggling forth and back, giggling infernally. Kat let out a slight sob. "Sorry for this sis," and thus she drove her fist through Molly’s chest, to everyone’s great surprise it was not the breaking of bones but the cracking noise of broken metal that rung through the building.
The woman went limp and her eyes widened into a puppet-like gaze,. Kat carefully extracted the broken power core and put it in her handbag,. People were forming closer around the two young women. Kat whispered to the lifeless body. "Think it’s time for us to go now sis." The girl’s static was broken,. Kat scanned the area outside and quickly discovered a fitting vehicle,. She grabbed her sister over her shoulder and took off for the street,. The car pulled up just in time and Kat lumped her Molly into the backseat as the angry mob came closer,. Without even glancing she jumped into the car.. those go girls would find their bikes a little harder to start right now.

I think i'll write a highly detailed version to, to see which style i prefer

This post has been edited by Lionhearted: Feb 8 2008, 06:21 PM