Katanya casually sipped on her wine, a diversion mostly, as she derived little sensations from it. But in her position it was all about acting and seeming normal.
In truth she was immersed in the augmented reality of the matrix. This is where she truly felt home,. Almost without effort she did not only pick up the live output of the bars patrons, and found little interest in the public profiles most people put up,. sSometimes it amused her how overzealous these men and women were in their digital attempt to find a match, especially if you knew what they really thought, but also for an ordinary human being a daunting task she was picking up and interpreting the latent electrical current that was generated by the human brain
Kat wasn’t ordinary, or even human. She literary bathed in the emotional turmoil that roamed the bar, able to simultaneously experience every emotion, every sensation and every thought available in the rather small locale, She quickly found that a certain nervous accountant had been secretly eyeing one of the hot shot go ganger girls, but didn’t possess the guts to approach her. More intriguing was that the go girl seemed to have noticed, found him quite cute and impatiently awaited him to make his move. A sly smirk spread across Kat’s face, time to work some magic, she let herself slip back and immersed fully into the underlying network, Not for more than a brief second, it was all she needed.
Subtly altering the electrical patterns that generated ideas and thoughts, A brief scan for mutual interests and the input to discuss it, Some nervous smiles and a remote activation of the bars digital jukebox, Her work was done. The virtual matchmaker triumphs yet again.
Pleased with her accomplishment Katanya went back to her wine and just enjoyed the steady flow of emotions immersing the locale. This was her idea of peace of mind, enough processes to keep her mind occupied.
Suddenly, the emotions escalated, the soothing stream became a chaotic vortex, literary literally millions of inputs bombarded her every second. Snapping out of her private world, Katanya sought the source of this disturbance, and soon found it, for better or worse,. In the doorway stood a young woman, barely able to stand as she braced her against the doorway,. Her long brown hair was tangled and dirty, her clothes looked like they could fall apart any moment, and her stare was intense, yet carried a clear streak of insanity.
Molly! It couldn’t be, oh this was bad.. this was really bad.

Damn it! She thought, Molly’s static was blocking out her messages,. She had to deal with this situation on her own. Molly finally let go of the doorway and dropped on her knees,. Her eyes were tinted with red,. She jerked back in a feral scream and the lights visibly flickered, the jukebox fried and the room silenced. Molly shook heavily,. She let out a faint noise, that could easily be mistaken for weeping.
She wasn’t weeping, - she was gigglin'g. The mood of the room slowly began to change from awkwardly silent steadily climbing towards near riot like conditions,. Weapons were drawn, arguments started, and the entire room soared with anger and hate.
She must have gone full capacity, oh god why is she even awake now? Katanya started by to panic,. Wisely she shut down her simsense sensors - better to be cold than to be dead. She had to do something before the situation got out of hand, as obviously Molly had started to hotwire every single brain she could find. She had to act fast, she didn’t like it but it had to be done,. She approached the ragged girl sitting, waggling forth and back, giggling infernally. Kat let out a slight sob. "Sorry for this sis," and thus she drove her fist through Molly’s chest, to everyone’s great surprise it was not the breaking of bones but the cracking noise of broken metal that rung through the building.
The woman went limp and her eyes widened into a puppet-like gaze,. Kat carefully extracted the broken power core and put it in her handbag,. People were forming closer around the two young women. Kat whispered to the lifeless body. "Think it’s time for us to go now sis." The girl’s static was broken,. Kat scanned the area outside and quickly discovered a fitting vehicle,. She grabbed her sister over her shoulder and took off for the street,. The car pulled up just in time and Kat lumped her Molly into the backseat as the angry mob came closer,. Without even glancing she jumped into the car.. those go girls would find their bikes a little harder to start right now.

I think i'll write a highly detailed version to, to see which style i prefer

What is your first impression?
--pretty good. Cant tell if Katanya is a bad guy or good guy. If its a bad guy I dont like the focus heh.

How is it as literature?
--wrong person to ask hehe

What do you think of Katanya? Who or what do you think she is?
-Techno/Hacker. I was expecting her to make the ganger chick get pissed off at the other guy. You Kind of made Katanya out to be maybe a toxic hacker who derived pleasure from emotions(i was assuming negative emotions, but nothing happened between the ganger chick and the guy)

Who is Molly?
--Either somebody Katanya screw with(if she is toxic), or someone Katanya is always having to bail out of trouble. I guess over thinking it, Molly could be a patron of the bar(since there are gangers there) and maybe Molly causes trouble all the time there?? Breaking Katanya's piece of mind.

What do you think will happen next?
--Molly is after somebody. Katanya, A person in the bar... She will either ask for help or burst out into full bitch mode.

How would you continue the story?
-- Thats a crappy question. As a writer i think you should know where you intended for the story to go. Dont writers know the ending and work backwards on how they got there? I guess there are multiple ways of doing it.. (I love that movie with Kata Hudson and Luke Wilson where they write that love story together). Ummm I guess it would be cool if Molly threatened Katanya about something she did to her, and then ranted to everyone at the bar how Katanya is evil and then ran out. Personally Katanya would be alot more interesting if she turned out to be this evil toxic hacker.

If Katanya is a good guy then I dont really understand who the hell Molly is and how a bum off the street could be connected to a hacker sipping on wine. I guess Molly would run over to Katanya and spill her guts about whatever is bothering her now and then Katanya would walk her out of the bar and reassure her that she would fix everything.

There could be this third option where all this is taking place in the matrix and Molly and Katanya are like friends and Molly's icon just looks like a bum or something and she is coming to warn Katanya that other people on the matrix have zeroed in on them and are coming for them via matrix/real world??

I'd really have to know more about the two characters before i knew where to take it lol.

Hope you enjoyed the replys.

I have an intended continuiation (sp?) but i find it rather intresting to see what expectations the story builds before i continue

I would edit this.


This is NOT a Short Novel with a cliffhanger, it is a short introduction that stops when something unique is actually starting to happen.


You must be joking. It does not fit any definition of literature I have ever seen.


You have not made me care too much about any of this yet.
Katanya: vague, mysterious description
Molly: just introduced as entering the scene, has not done anything yet or been described in any way.
What will happen next? Upon a poor reception at Dumpshock the story was abandoned and the author chose never to form thoughts to written words again, became despondent and eventually committed suicide. tisoz was blamed and another black mark applied to his soul.

Maybe I am still angry because I was expecting a novel and got a prologue, no it wasn't even long enough or gave enough information to be considered a prologue. A teaser. Yes, a teaser that failed to arouse me.

You know, I have a fiction contest going on. With prizes even.

Yea, came up with it being a bad title to begin with (why can't you alter titles?), and no im continuing writing, how would you suggest I'd edited that part (mind that english isn't my first language I just prefer to write in it for it adbundance of words) and I really never been much for long elaborate descriptions they tend to ruin the flow

* Havent been writing in a while, might be a little rusty

Just omit one been.

I am glad to hear you will continue and did not let a harsh critic's ramble concern you. I did not realize english was not a first language, so literature might have been miscommunicated. If you meant for it to be synonymous with fiction or creative writing, I would not have responded as I did.

Mostly I was thinking of how the language of the text was, as told.. English isnt my first language and it might get rather primitive at some points, So I kinda wanted to ensure that it didnt sound like a pre-school fairytale
(notice, another section has been added), seems like I need to elaborate a tad more, Specially i find it hard to describe Molly without the use of her name

Much better.

Adult, appropriate.

The detailed version, up to the Molly part. As you might notice while the first had a technical twist, this has instead a magical. I think that the scenario will unfold rather differently this time, but right now, this what i've come up with

Katanya casually sipped on her cheap wine, she couldn’t care less, She couldn’t feel the wine, she could register the cold liquid running down her throat, but that was all it were to it.
Nevertheless she kept drinking, if so not in large quantities. In her position, it was all about who you appeared to be, as most people couldn’t ever begin to accept what she actually was.
She went to this place often, She could tell that the bartender started to recognize her, something in his eyes told her that he didn’t really think she was the type of girl to go to this kind of bar. Cause it really was that kind of bar, the tapestry was old and torn, the AR interior almost non-existant. A couple hard-knock Gang girls sat around one of the worn tables made of cheaply imitated wood, ,most of the bar stools had their red leather ripped, more or less savory citizens occupied them and a humongous trog had managed to squeeze himself into the corner of the locale, obviously not to keen on conversations. She kept telling people she was coming here for the fine wine, a utter lie of course, but they would never know, most of her associates kept their eyes away from places like this, and their feet even further away.
She never came here to drink, what kept her coming night after night, was all the feelings that cooked in a place like this. She knew them all, she could feel the cold bitterness of the troll who just got out of a for him un-characteristical romantic relationship, it was like a tingling under her skin. She could feel the warmhearted companionship of the Go ganger brauds celebrating a successful hit on their rivals, it filled her like a warm spring windgust. She could feel the lust she attracted from that lonely ex-cop sitting in at the window drenching his sorrows in syntahol. She could hear every thought, feel every sensation and sense every impression. It was a drug, she bathed in the emotional turmoil that roamed the place, the only sign she ever revealed of this euphoria was a sly smirk spreading across her thin azure lips. She noticed an quite unorthodox customer standing hunched over the bar, from his attire he was probably a mid-corp wageslave and judging his psysique she bet he was into stock trading, more intresting however was that his thoughts lingered on one of the ganger girls, Aswell as with regular intervalls flicking his view her way. ‘She would eat him alive’ Kat thought for herself gently tapping her finger against the glass. Amazingly the gangbraud seemed to have noticed him, she had a sly smile and obviously found him quite cute, Although she probably twice his size in muscles and having her pink long hair standing in contrast pretty much everything.
‘This could prove intresting’ Kat pulled her long Viridian hair back and began reviewing her options, just in case things went out of hand. A flick with the finger, a brief second of concentration and the game was set.
It didnt take long for the charm to take effect, a few staggering steps and weak excuses for pickup lines later you found both the tie mosquito and his newfound companion comfortly close to eachother in the well-used sofa at just outside the restroom. Katanya rested back easily on her bar stool, Mission accomplished, she let a satisified smile spread across her face, even allowed herself a slight unintended giggle. She slowly drifted back into the turmoil , imaginated herself floating with the sensations of the bar being the waves, however she quickly snap out of it, as it felt as it lured a shark under the waves.
‘It couldn’t be’ she tried to convince herself, nervously probing the surroundings.Nothing unusual, the downtrodden cop still made those faces as he usually did when he mentally undressed people , the troll had turned his face towards the wall, obviously trying to conceal his sulking. But something wasn’t quite right, she knew it was right under the surface. But still it kept its ugly face unseen. Would she?, not here, it was far to vurnerable, She made her way to the restroom, the restroom lived up to the quality of the rest of the establishment, but she had no time to consider that. She went into one of the booths and locked the door, this was a really bad idea.. She sat down and let herself be usurped by the astral. The realisation was instantaneous and horrifying, her face paled in terror.
’Molly? , It couldn’t be, this was bad.. this was really bad’