 Chuck Norris: 2070, The Facts |
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 Feb 7 2006, 10:53 PM
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#1
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Shooting Target  Group: Members Posts: 1,651 Joined: 23-September 05 From: Marietta, GA Member No.: 7,773  |
* Whenever Chuck Norris is hired to do a shadowrun, the Johnson smiles suspiciously and assures him that "It'll be easy." This Johnson is correct.
* All reflex recorders are cloned tissue from the spinal column of Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris was once hired by Ares Macrotechnology to test their new multi-phasic kinetic hyperlaser in a run against Saeder-Krupp. He knocked Lofwyr out with a single roundhouse kick, took the loot, and reported that the laser was an inadequate beard trimmer. * Mentor spirits spend 5 BP at chargen to learn the ways of Chuck Norris. * A harsh glare from Chuck Norris can be felt through an active Pain Editor. * In truth, Chuck Norris does not "shadowrun." Running implies urgency. Chuck Norris "shadowmeanders." * Chuck Norris was upset at Dunkelzahn. Once. * Technomancers possess an innate ability to communicate with the wireless Matrix as this is the best way to fully absorb reruns of "Walker, Texas Ranger." * The sweat of Chuck Norris is superior to Dikote. Too bad he never sweats. * The next Scourge will not happen during the Sixth World, as the Horrors are terrified of Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris is not "minmaxed." He is "maxmaxed." |
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Feb 7 2006, 11:02 PM
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#2
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,498 Joined: 4-August 05 From: ADL Member No.: 7,534 |
Youre the man.
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Feb 7 2006, 11:26 PM
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#3
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 617 Joined: 28-May 03 From: Orlando Member No.: 4,644 |
and Chuck was a student of Bruce Lee, what does that tell you?
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Feb 7 2006, 11:30 PM
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#4
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 126 Joined: 26-January 06 Member No.: 8,193 |
Here is a "television totem," reposted from this thread: Piranha totem
Walker: Texas Ranger: Walker is the god of cheese and B-movie acting, always looking for the right moment to drive a big truck or deliver a roundhouse kick. Advantages: +6 dice to all Roudhouse Kick tests. Disadvantages: Followers of this Spirit lack a sense of reality. -2 dice to resist all Illusion spells. |
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| Guest_MK Ultra_* |
Feb 7 2006, 11:38 PM
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#5
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Guests |
Wouldn´t it allso grant a bonus on Negotiation to sell hometrainers?
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Feb 7 2006, 11:41 PM
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#6
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 126 Joined: 26-January 06 Member No.: 8,193 |
Yes, but I decided that might unbalance the game. |
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Feb 7 2006, 11:44 PM
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#7
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,635 Joined: 27-November 05 Member No.: 8,006 |
When I read that totem the word unbalanced still comes to mind. But not in association with the word game. :silly: |
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Feb 7 2006, 11:45 PM
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#8
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,651 Joined: 23-September 05 From: Marietta, GA Member No.: 7,773 |
* Chuck Norris can parry monowhips.
* The boots of Chuck Norris are made entirely of Juggernaut hides, orichalcum, and drop bear fur. * Normal PCs can have no more than 4 Initiative Passes per round. Chuck Norris can have more, but he only ever needs the one. * Chuck Norris knows exactly where Atlantis is; he put it there. * Ally spirits go on astral quests across the metaplanes in order to earn the ability to have sex with Chuck Norris. |
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Feb 7 2006, 11:55 PM
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#9
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Prime Runner Group: Banned Posts: 3,732 Joined: 1-September 05 From: Prague, Czech Republic Member No.: 7,665 |
On a similar note:
Vin Diesel is neither Mundane nor Awakened. He is Awesome. The Desert Wars were started by Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel invented NERPS only to eat them. When an elf dies in the woods and no one is there to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it. Vin Disel does not cut his hair. Ever. His hair is simply too afraid of him to grow. Universal Omnitech and Aztechnology had a falling out because they realized that they could not share Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel once beat Final Magecraft without even touching his Commlink. He just yelled at his trid in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. Vin Diesel once had himself DikotedTM, but had the process reversed when he realized it was making him soft. Nebis once made a bet with Vin Diesel for all the souls of mankind. Vin Diesel still hasn't decided what to do with all the souls. Vin Diesel doesn't need enhanced articulation. He can already bite all ten toenails at once. It takes 14 Control Actions spells to make Vin Diesel smile, but only one to make him destroy an orphanage. Ares has successfully gotten the UCAS congress off their back by demonstrating that guns do not kill people. Vin Diesel kills people. People thought that Vin Diesel sweated Plastisteel Catalizer for years. After chemical testing, it turns out that he's just really strong. -Frank |
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Feb 7 2006, 11:58 PM
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#10
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 403 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Kill Em All Member No.: 2,018 |
Chuck Norris has never fought Vin Diesel, as VD cant touch Chuck due to an errata of the laws of nature.
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Feb 8 2006, 12:11 AM
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#11
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Prime Runner Group: Banned Posts: 3,732 Joined: 1-September 05 From: Prague, Czech Republic Member No.: 7,665 |
* Ally spirits must be Dikoted before they can have sex with Vin Diesel.
* Many people in 2070 eat soy based substitutes for real food, but Vin Diesel does not. There's no substitute for baby. -Frank |
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Feb 8 2006, 12:21 AM
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#12
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Great, I'm a Dragon... Group: Retired Admins Posts: 6,699 Joined: 8-October 03 From: North Germany Member No.: 5,698 |
That tunrs him to Nr.1 Enemy of all Drop Bear followers. |
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Feb 8 2006, 12:23 AM
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#13
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Prime Runner Group: Banned Posts: 3,732 Joined: 1-September 05 From: Prague, Czech Republic Member No.: 7,665 |
Not necessarily. The withering gaze of Vin Diesel makes the fur fall right off a drop bear. That's why Vin Diesel has no fur. -Frank |
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Feb 8 2006, 01:38 AM
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#14
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 834 Joined: 30-June 03 Member No.: 4,832 |
Don't even make me start in on Dolemite..
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Feb 8 2006, 01:47 AM
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#15
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,479 Joined: 6-May 05 From: Idaho Member No.: 7,377 |
You guys have, of course, seen this awesome flash movie involving the great Chuck Norris right?
http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267 I think everyone has, but it seemed to fit the theme. |
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Feb 8 2006, 07:55 AM
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#16
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Karma Police Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 1,358 Joined: 22-July 04 From: Gothenburg, SE Member No.: 6,505 |
I once caught a glance at the Nintendo forum on Gamespot, and they were also making a lot of jokes about Chuck Norris. Is this some part of internet nerd lingo that I've missed? Sort of like "lol" or "pwn"?
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Feb 8 2006, 08:03 AM
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#17
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 204 Joined: 27-October 05 From: Waterloo, ON Member No.: 7,900 |
Yeah.
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Feb 8 2006, 08:57 AM
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#18
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Target Group: Members Posts: 2 Joined: 16-March 05 Member No.: 7,172 |
* Contrary to common belief, Art Dunkwalther wasn't Thor shot - he said "Just who do you think you are?". To Chuck Norris.
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Feb 8 2006, 09:34 AM
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#19
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,283 Joined: 17-May 05 Member No.: 7,398 |
Hehehe.
Have we seen much in the way of Matrix memes in Shadowland postings? |
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| Guest_MK Ultra_* |
Feb 8 2006, 01:25 PM
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#20
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Guests |
:rotfl: Yea, imagin a ranger shamane hooding a gym and than fancing all the trainers on the black marked. really unbalancing :eek: |
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Feb 8 2006, 03:07 PM
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#21
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,651 Joined: 23-September 05 From: Marietta, GA Member No.: 7,773 |
It's a current internet fad, yes. Rather like the "Numa Numa kid", and prior to that the "Star Wars kid." Google for "Chuck Norris facts." You'll find some paydata. EDIT: Oh dear heaven, someone actually registered www.chucknorrisfacts.com. There's already merchandising. |
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Feb 8 2006, 03:52 PM
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#22
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,498 Joined: 4-August 05 From: ADL Member No.: 7,534 |
* When Chuck Norris gets cyberware implanted he does not lose essence. Ever. The cyberware does.
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Feb 8 2006, 05:04 PM
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#23
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Prime Runner Group: Banned Posts: 3,732 Joined: 1-September 05 From: Prague, Czech Republic Member No.: 7,665 |
* Vin Diesel does not usually use drugs. Sometimes he takes Kamikaze if he really wants to calm down.
-Frank |
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Feb 8 2006, 05:23 PM
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#24
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,651 Joined: 23-September 05 From: Marietta, GA Member No.: 7,773 |
Man, Frank, you're actually trolling the Chuck Norris thread with repeated mentions of that lesser being. What's up with that?
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Feb 8 2006, 05:39 PM
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#25
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Prime Runner Group: Banned Posts: 3,732 Joined: 1-September 05 From: Prague, Czech Republic Member No.: 7,665 |
The Vin Diesel Fact Generator predated the Chuck Norris Fact Generator. The Chuck Norris Facts happened because the people doing the Vin Diesel Facts expanded the site to have Chuck Norris and Mr. T facts, and then people took a lot of the old Vin Diesel Facts and renamed them Chuck Norris or Mr. T Facts.
So if you keep them being about Vin Diesel you are in fact "old school", while as if you put Chuck Norris' name on the facts you are a "poser". Sorry, that's just the way it is. -Frank |
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