Significant others and Shadowrun, play SR with your SO? Options

[Backgammon]

This is a question to my fellow dumpshockers who play SR with their wives or girlfriends (or husband boyfriends), as well as those that tried to and it didn't work out.

Does it work out well? Are there ever any problems? Do you ever think that maybe it's best to keep your hobby with a group of friends seperated from spending time with your SO?

As you may guess, I've met a girl, and we're bonkers crazy in love and share many interests. She doesn't know what SR is yet, but it's something she may be interested in, she has the personality and interests for it. I just want to have feedback from you guys on how it goes for you.

[Valentinew]

I don't play SR with my husband, but I do play D&D, & occassionally Star Wars with him. (He's got freelancing to work on, so I go to the SR games on my own.)

A few things I can think of, with your SO. Has she ever played an rpg before? If she has, great! I would recommend NOT being her GM for a while. Play alongside her, until she gets used to your playing style. (I say this 'cause all the good GMs I've had have been bastiches, including my spouse. That's not a bad thing, they just have to be from time to time.)

If she's never played an rpg before at all, you might invite her to sit in on a few of your sessions, so she can see how things run. Our group does that for folks who have never played, & if they start tossing comments of their own into the mix, the GM (or the other players) will often tailor a character to those comments and add them to the party. Voila! A new gamer!

[Paul]

It's a fine line sometimes, but my girlfriend did good her first time out. We do good at keeping our relationship out of character, and away from the game. She doesn't expect me to cut her slack because I'm the GM, and I don't (dis)favor her any more or any less than anyone else.

[Elfwitch]

One of our players wife wanted to join our game and so we let her. It didn't work out. They were having some issues at the time and it bled into the game there was a lot of tension at the table.

Now I have played Dnd with this couple and have noticed that sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad it depends on if they have had a fight that day.

If you are going to play with some one you are involved in make sure you can keep your real life stuff away from the table because it is not fair to your fellow gamers.

I often play in games with my roommate and as roommates we sometimes have issues that come up and we leave them at the door when we walk into the house to play.

[Landicine]

My wife is playing in the Shadowrun game I'm GMing, mostly to give support since I had a devil of a time getting players. She really doesn't like the Shadowrun world because it isn't exactly a happy place. There sometimes are issues when you GM a significant other or even just play side-by-side with her. Really depends on the strength of the relationship and also how things are with the rest of the group.

I was accused of favoritism for having a bit of the loot be a focus that my wife's character, the only full magician in the group, could use. Of course it was for a sustained spell she already had a focus for and had she chosen to bond it, it would have only been useful to buff up other players, most of whom had no initiative improvements...Sorry, little bit of anger still there, but the point is that other players will sometimes assume favoritism even when there isn't any. It may not be fair to new GFs to stick them in the middle of that.

[Tanka]

It depends, really. I played with my now-girlfriend before we started dating. A year ago, IIRC. It worked out fairly well, I suppose.

One of my friends played with his ex-girlfriend when they were dating. It worked out fine in that instance.

Another friend tried to get his now-wife to play a while ago. Never really worked out. She was more interested in drawing our characters than playing hers. (We got some neat character pictures out of it, though!)

[winterhawk11]

I've been gaming with my spouse since 1984, before he was my spouse (we got married in '89). He's been my SR GM since 1990, mainly because I'd rather play than GM, and he's good at herding cats.

It's worked out fine for us so far. He doesn't show favoritism--the only complaint we've ever had is that since I have more access to him than the other players do, I often get to discuss ideas and plans in more detail than they do, but that's not usually a problem since he doesn't mind when the others email him long laundry lists of their plans.

It's a little tense on days when we've had a disagreement before the game, but the game usually helps work that out, so it's therapeutic. :)

[Shadowrunner13]

My wife plays Shadowrun and we've had no issues. She knows I don't show her favourtism (currently her character is MIA after being drugged and snagged in a running firefight in out last game) and our players feel no pressure to go easy on her when her PC and theirs have opposing viewpoints.

She doesn't get as many opportunities to play anymore, with our jobs having conflicting schedules, but she loves the stories that I concoct for her characters and we both have a lot of fun.

SR13

[Shrike30]

My girlfriend really doesn't dig RPGs in general. She wanted to give SR a shot, and spent most of the time looking unhappy and lost, because improvisation really isn't something she's good at. Just not her speed.

We do fine without sharing this particular interest of mine. I was glad she'd tried it, she was glad she wasn't missing anything :P

[BookWyrm]

From my experience POV, it's rare. Some couples I've know have either played separately, then joined in both RL & game, and somehow it works out. Other times it doesn't. Some play different systems alltogether, but clash when in the same system/game.

I guess it varies with both players, their backgrounds, ect.

[Brahm]

[brennanhawkwood]

I'll echo others in that I have seen good and bad results from this sort of thing. In my personal case, I met my eventually to be wife through running a Shadowrun game at the local college gaming club. In our case we played alot, some with my GMing and some with both of us as players before things progressed past the friend stage. Since then I mostly GM and we get along pretty well with her playing...though after having kids the same sort 'the shadowrun setting is a really miserable place' disincentive to playing this particular game has cropped up ocasionally.

[nezumi]

I met my wife in part through MUDding, so I knew she was into RPGs in one form or another before we got married. The problem is she doesn't have the attention span for long games, nor does she like to study things to play. I ran a campaign of the Other Game for a while, and she did well with that. Everyone had their individual plots and whatnot going on and hers was the god of her cleric (Pelor) gave her a baby :P People were more amused than anything, since she didn't compete for loot, didn't grab the limelight, and wasn't any more safe from death than anyone else (since it's a D&D game and everyone felt pretty safe from death). As I said, everyone got their own plots going on.

Really though, to get her really involved with RPGs involved a few steps. First was making it NOT an RPG. The most successful roleplaying I've done with her was 'cooperative storytelling'. With just two of us, she'd play a character and I'd tell ehr the story. No dice rolls, nothing to learn, although I did enforce realism. She enjoyed that immensely. The second thing was learning her tastes. She enjoys more epic level sort of games, so spies, super heros, ninjas, mages and the like were better than gangers. She doesn't enjoy lots of rules, so I keep them as invisible as possible, and she doesn't like doing a ton of research in real life stuff, so I let her just roll (or say) her electronics actions and gloss over the details. Unfortunately, she really isn't into the whole cyberpunk scene, so SR didn't really grab her, but she loved a one-shot I did of Renraku shut down.

Unless she's playing an NPC, it's best if the games are one on one or someone else is GMing. Worrying about fairness with her is a point of stress I really don't need (nor do my other players). Getting her into exalted has been great.

Oh, and if she's not into RPGs yet, be very, very, very careful not to push her too far too fast. In fact, don't even invite her in. As something 'spontaneous', go through cooperative storytelling or something, something clearly NOT roleplaying (from her POV). After the first time, try not to run it unless asked, and make sure she enjoys it. If she gets into that, eventually add in dice for resolving conflicts. Once you're at that point, well, you're half way to the finish line!

[Lady Door]

My husband (Fist3.0) and I have been playing for about 2 years. There's been a few rough spots (like when he skips my action.. ERGH!!) but other then that, we've had a lot of fun. I've seen other couples play but it sometimes backfires... badly. (She ran out in tears, he refused to go after her.. there was a screaming match in the driveway.. it was bad.) But, I think it can sometimes really help a couple that maybe didn't have any other similar hobbies really connect. Plus, it gives us something to talk about on long car rides. :)

[Brahm]

[Wounded Ronin]

Well, when the man in the maroon suit and warm hands gave me my SR3 book he made me sign a flame-colored piece of parchment saying that I could never have sex with anyone again.

So, I'm kind of surprised that this question is being asked in the first place. You mean that you didn't all have to sign the same agreement when the man in the maroon suit gave you your sourcebooks?

[Backgammon]

Good insight so far, thanks everyone.

I thought I had signed that one too Ronin, but turns out this chick plays Halo and Rainbow 6 more than I do, and her favourite movie is Blade Runner. If you ask nicely I'll have her cloned for ya though ;)

[winterhawk11]

[Brahm]

[Apathy]

My wife has no problems with me enjoying RPGs, but giggles indulgently at my excessive nerdiness and would rather have bamboo shoots under her fingernails than join me. You'd definitely have to feel out the SO's interest in this sort of thing before springing it on her.

[MaxHunter]

I would wait until she becomes interested all by herself.
If you really like the girl there are other more interesting activities you two could do together (no pun intended) and sometimes exposing your geek friends to her may not be such a good idea.

One long-time girlfriend I had played while I GMed and it was all nice and fine up to the moment we started having difficulties and her character became a crazy bitch. A few months later the herself girl became a crazy bitch also, so I dumped her, dissapeared her character and almost never saw her since.

On the other hand, it can work. Two friends of mine have just gotten married after a five-year long relationship. They meet each other at my old D&D gaming table. Nowadays he is a hardcore SRunner and she as almost but quit gaming, but I believe she's quite busy these days...

My current S.O. is not into gaming, but I am not really interested on her playing either. She never felt interested and it's "too nerdy" for her. I am not into Ballet (her hobby) and that's ok. We share our time together and have some (other) interests in common. She is pretty nice to my geek friends and we even hooked up one of them to her sister, but gaming is still a no no. And I think I am fine with that.

So, good look and try not to force anything on her. If she is into gaming it will work itself out, if not, so be it. Have a nice time and enjoy falling in love!

Cheers,

Max

[Grinder]

Apathy, i know how you feel. ;)

[Geekkake]

Y'know, I'm glad this thread cropped up, since my fiancee is starting in an SR game. Tomorrow. Under the tender auspices of my GM style, often referred to as "hilariously brutal". So far, with character generation, and backstory, she's doing excellent. I don't foresee many problems once she gets a stronger handle on the mechanics to keep the game moving along quickly.

[Tanka]

Maybe it's just me, but it may be good that some girls stay away from roleplaying with their SOs.

I mean, it's kind of like poker night. The worst in you has the possibility of coming out. (Only in this instance, you have an excuse. "I was playing in character, honey! I'd never do that in real life!")

[ronin3338]

That's the thing... it really depends way too much on individuals to be able to tell.


I've seen couples play well (sensibly) together, and I've seen the (usually male) GM go overboard to make sure the other's character gets all the perks. I've seen guys bring a GF to the game (never the other way though) and have it go well enough that when they broke up she was still able to be part of the group, and I've seen guys bring a girl to the game and have it end the relationship.

All I can say is, follow the suggestion to let her observe a session first. Have her read the fiction in the rulebook, and maybe some of the novels to see if she likes the genre (liking Bladerunner helps, but magic adds too much fantasy for some folk) Be patient, and kind, and don't let gaming be a determiner for your relationship. If she games, more power to you! If not, make sure that she has an interest that will fill in the times while you're out with your "geek buddies" ;)

Good luck!