This is a question to my fellow dumpshockers who play SR with their wives or girlfriends (or husband boyfriends), as well as those that tried to and it didn't work out.

Does it work out well? Are there ever any problems? Do you ever think that maybe it's best to keep your hobby with a group of friends seperated from spending time with your SO?

As you may guess, I've met a girl, and we're bonkers crazy in love and share many interests. She doesn't know what SR is yet, but it's something she may be interested in, she has the personality and interests for it. I just want to have feedback from you guys on how it goes for you.

I don't play SR with my husband, but I do play D&D, & occassionally Star Wars with him. (He's got freelancing to work on, so I go to the SR games on my own.)

A few things I can think of, with your SO. Has she ever played an rpg before? If she has, great! I would recommend NOT being her GM for a while. Play alongside her, until she gets used to your playing style. (I say this 'cause all the good GMs I've had have been bastiches, including my spouse. That's not a bad thing, they just have to be from time to time.)

If she's never played an rpg before at all, you might invite her to sit in on a few of your sessions, so she can see how things run. Our group does that for folks who have never played, & if they start tossing comments of their own into the mix, the GM (or the other players) will often tailor a character to those comments and add them to the party. Voila! A new gamer!

It's a fine line sometimes, but my girlfriend did good her first time out. We do good at keeping our relationship out of character, and away from the game. She doesn't expect me to cut her slack because I'm the GM, and I don't (dis)favor her any more or any less than anyone else.

One of our players wife wanted to join our game and so we let her. It didn't work out. They were having some issues at the time and it bled into the game there was a lot of tension at the table.

Now I have played Dnd with this couple and have noticed that sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad it depends on if they have had a fight that day.

If you are going to play with some one you are involved in make sure you can keep your real life stuff away from the table because it is not fair to your fellow gamers.

I often play in games with my roommate and as roommates we sometimes have issues that come up and we leave them at the door when we walk into the house to play.

My wife is playing in the Shadowrun game I'm GMing, mostly to give support since I had a devil of a time getting players. She really doesn't like the Shadowrun world because it isn't exactly a happy place. There sometimes are issues when you GM a significant other or even just play side-by-side with her. Really depends on the strength of the relationship and also how things are with the rest of the group.

I was accused of favoritism for having a bit of the loot be a focus that my wife's character, the only full magician in the group, could use. Of course it was for a sustained spell she already had a focus for and had she chosen to bond it, it would have only been useful to buff up other players, most of whom had no initiative improvements...Sorry, little bit of anger still there, but the point is that other players will sometimes assume favoritism even when there isn't any. It may not be fair to new GFs to stick them in the middle of that.

It depends, really. I played with my now-girlfriend before we started dating. A year ago, IIRC. It worked out fairly well, I suppose.

One of my friends played with his ex-girlfriend when they were dating. It worked out fine in that instance.

Another friend tried to get his now-wife to play a while ago. Never really worked out. She was more interested in drawing our characters than playing hers. (We got some neat character pictures out of it, though!)

I've been gaming with my spouse since 1984, before he was my spouse (we got married in '89). He's been my SR GM since 1990, mainly because I'd rather play than GM, and he's good at herding cats.

It's worked out fine for us so far. He doesn't show favoritism--the only complaint we've ever had is that since I have more access to him than the other players do, I often get to discuss ideas and plans in more detail than they do, but that's not usually a problem since he doesn't mind when the others email him long laundry lists of their plans.

It's a little tense on days when we've had a disagreement before the game, but the game usually helps work that out, so it's therapeutic.

My wife plays Shadowrun and we've had no issues. She knows I don't show her favourtism (currently her character is MIA after being drugged and snagged in a running firefight in out last game) and our players feel no pressure to go easy on her when her PC and theirs have opposing viewpoints.

She doesn't get as many opportunities to play anymore, with our jobs having conflicting schedules, but she loves the stories that I concoct for her characters and we both have a lot of fun.

SR13

My girlfriend really doesn't dig RPGs in general. She wanted to give SR a shot, and spent most of the time looking unhappy and lost, because improvisation really isn't something she's good at. Just not her speed.

We do fine without sharing this particular interest of mine. I was glad she'd tried it, she was glad she wasn't missing anything

From my experience POV, it's rare. Some couples I've know have either played separately, then joined in both RL & game, and somehow it works out. Other times it doesn't. Some play different systems alltogether, but clash when in the same system/game.

I guess it varies with both players, their backgrounds, ect.

I'll echo others in that I have seen good and bad results from this sort of thing. In my personal case, I met my eventually to be wife through running a Shadowrun game at the local college gaming club. In our case we played alot, some with my GMing and some with both of us as players before things progressed past the friend stage. Since then I mostly GM and we get along pretty well with her playing...though after having kids the same sort 'the shadowrun setting is a really miserable place' disincentive to playing this particular game has cropped up ocasionally.

I met my wife in part through MUDding, so I knew she was into RPGs in one form or another before we got married. The problem is she doesn't have the attention span for long games, nor does she like to study things to play. I ran a campaign of the Other Game for a while, and she did well with that. Everyone had their individual plots and whatnot going on and hers was the god of her cleric (Pelor) gave her a baby People were more amused than anything, since she didn't compete for loot, didn't grab the limelight, and wasn't any more safe from death than anyone else (since it's a D&D game and everyone felt pretty safe from death). As I said, everyone got their own plots going on.

Really though, to get her really involved with RPGs involved a few steps. First was making it NOT an RPG. The most successful roleplaying I've done with her was 'cooperative storytelling'. With just two of us, she'd play a character and I'd tell ehr the story. No dice rolls, nothing to learn, although I did enforce realism. She enjoyed that immensely. The second thing was learning her tastes. She enjoys more epic level sort of games, so spies, super heros, ninjas, mages and the like were better than gangers. She doesn't enjoy lots of rules, so I keep them as invisible as possible, and she doesn't like doing a ton of research in real life stuff, so I let her just roll (or say) her electronics actions and gloss over the details. Unfortunately, she really isn't into the whole cyberpunk scene, so SR didn't really grab her, but she loved a one-shot I did of Renraku shut down.

Unless she's playing an NPC, it's best if the games are one on one or someone else is GMing. Worrying about fairness with her is a point of stress I really don't need (nor do my other players). Getting her into exalted has been great.

Oh, and if she's not into RPGs yet, be very, very, very careful not to push her too far too fast. In fact, don't even invite her in. As something 'spontaneous', go through cooperative storytelling or something, something clearly NOT roleplaying (from her POV). After the first time, try not to run it unless asked, and make sure she enjoys it. If she gets into that, eventually add in dice for resolving conflicts. Once you're at that point, well, you're half way to the finish line!

My husband (Fist3.0) and I have been playing for about 2 years. There's been a few rough spots (like when he skips my action.. ERGH!!) but other then that, we've had a lot of fun. I've seen other couples play but it sometimes backfires... badly. (She ran out in tears, he refused to go after her.. there was a screaming match in the driveway.. it was bad.) But, I think it can sometimes really help a couple that maybe didn't have any other similar hobbies really connect. Plus, it gives us something to talk about on long car rides.

Well, when the man in the maroon suit and warm hands gave me my SR3 book he made me sign a flame-colored piece of parchment saying that I could never have sex with anyone again.

So, I'm kind of surprised that this question is being asked in the first place. You mean that you didn't all have to sign the same agreement when the man in the maroon suit gave you your sourcebooks?

Good insight so far, thanks everyone.

I thought I had signed that one too Ronin, but turns out this chick plays Halo and Rainbow 6 more than I do, and her favourite movie is Blade Runner. If you ask nicely I'll have her cloned for ya though

My wife has no problems with me enjoying RPGs, but giggles indulgently at my excessive nerdiness and would rather have bamboo shoots under her fingernails than join me. You'd definitely have to feel out the SO's interest in this sort of thing before springing it on her.

I would wait until she becomes interested all by herself.
If you really like the girl there are other more interesting activities you two could do together (no pun intended) and sometimes exposing your geek friends to her may not be such a good idea.

One long-time girlfriend I had played while I GMed and it was all nice and fine up to the moment we started having difficulties and her character became a crazy bitch. A few months later the herself girl became a crazy bitch also, so I dumped her, dissapeared her character and almost never saw her since.

On the other hand, it can work. Two friends of mine have just gotten married after a five-year long relationship. They meet each other at my old D&D gaming table. Nowadays he is a hardcore SRunner and she as almost but quit gaming, but I believe she's quite busy these days...

My current S.O. is not into gaming, but I am not really interested on her playing either. She never felt interested and it's "too nerdy" for her. I am not into Ballet (her hobby) and that's ok. We share our time together and have some (other) interests in common. She is pretty nice to my geek friends and we even hooked up one of them to her sister, but gaming is still a no no. And I think I am fine with that.

So, good look and try not to force anything on her. If she is into gaming it will work itself out, if not, so be it. Have a nice time and enjoy falling in love!

Cheers,

Max

Apathy, i know how you feel.

Y'know, I'm glad this thread cropped up, since my fiancee is starting in an SR game. Tomorrow. Under the tender auspices of my GM style, often referred to as "hilariously brutal". So far, with character generation, and backstory, she's doing excellent. I don't foresee many problems once she gets a stronger handle on the mechanics to keep the game moving along quickly.

Maybe it's just me, but it may be good that some girls stay away from roleplaying with their SOs.

I mean, it's kind of like poker night. The worst in you has the possibility of coming out. (Only in this instance, you have an excuse. "I was playing in character, honey! I'd never do that in real life!")

That's the thing... it really depends way too much on individuals to be able to tell.


I've seen couples play well (sensibly) together, and I've seen the (usually male) GM go overboard to make sure the other's character gets all the perks. I've seen guys bring a GF to the game (never the other way though) and have it go well enough that when they broke up she was still able to be part of the group, and I've seen guys bring a girl to the game and have it end the relationship.

All I can say is, follow the suggestion to let her observe a session first. Have her read the fiction in the rulebook, and maybe some of the novels to see if she likes the genre (liking Bladerunner helps, but magic adds too much fantasy for some folk) Be patient, and kind, and don't let gaming be a determiner for your relationship. If she games, more power to you! If not, make sure that she has an interest that will fill in the times while you're out with your "geek buddies"

Good luck!

Sometimes it´s tought to have your OS at the game - on my part, I never forced, or even hinted my previous ones (it´s my third marriage now - don´t ask), and they never played with me, although they knew what it was all about.

Now, my actual wife, actually played some sort of RPG before we knew each other (to this day she can tell me for sure what the heck it was), and when I started getting late for our dates (because of game sessions), she made sure I wouldn´t do it anymore - because she would come play with me. It´s six years, and we play EVERY weekend.

And I ´ll probably never know why, but she likes SR the best, specially sammies and mercs (we played 2nd ed. exclusively for a loooong time, until I bought 4th ed.). She delights in taking names and kicking asses, plays hardcore blood-and-guts FPS like a marine sargent going trough a cadet´s drill and enjoys action movies like it´s the second coming. Even though she is the sweetest person in the world, all hello-kitty-style when she´s not rolling her dice or working her way through Call of Duty 2 in the hardest difficulty level, cursing like a drunken sailor because those asstard AI soldiers on her side just won´t MOVE AWAY from the continuous rain of lead coming from her gun.

It´s scary sometimes, but I guess I hit the jackpot.

AHAM! well, we mostly try not to bring our problems into the game, and when she is VERY upset, she won´t play, because she knows it´s going to leak through the character and she won´t have that on the other players.

Nobody ever complained about favoritism and the likes, although they joke a lot about it - mostly because I am the eternal GM of the group (for the last 12 years) and also because to me, no player is better than the other, since they all die the same way.

My husband has NO interest in RPG's. Before i was married I had a couple of b/f's who tried. It was fun.

In my old group we'd meet at a house where both husband and wife were a part of the group. In fact when they had the house built they put in a room just for gaming.

Most other spouses just looked at us and said "whatever."

BUT In our group one mamber brought in his g/f and they got married.

I actually started gaming with my GF before we started dating. I brought her into ShadowRun as a player in a game I gm'd that fell apart after about three sessions, but then started up another one that she joined in that's been going on for the last two years. She likes gaming a lot, which is good, though whenever I turn on the evil-GM grin she threatens to cut me off. Never deters me, of course, but it's sweet of her to try.

Nexttime she does, just tell her she's just punishing herself.

Topics like this one rock!

The current group of us is mixed singles, couples and even a couple within. Let's see, where to start.

Mike and I are together (two guys).
Jimmy, Bob and Tony are married (to their wives, none of whom game with us).
Everyone else is single (three other guys).

Tony and Bob's wives both game, just not with our group (one is a D&Der, they are both Larpers... one of them is a Werewolf/Vampire Storyteller actually last I knew).

Jimmy's wife doesn't game, and occasionally gets to sit down with some of the other SO's of the group .. point, giggle, tell "nerdy stories" and go on.

Historically I guess I have seen damn near everything. I've seen two guys hook up at a game (back in the Quad games at Purdue). I've seen a girl and guy further develop their relationship and move on to be married. I've seen other married couples come and go .. nearly all of whom the group stays in touch with but just don't game together anymore due to distance.

I've also seen the fallout of game-relationships. Years back at Purdue, my girlfriend and I had quite a falling out that spilled over into the D&D games we played (the whole group suffered in that one). I've seen a couple of guys at the Purdue games we used to have also have a 'spat' right in the midst of the game insued because of an in-game conflict of characters. Dangerous stuff when one of the two of them can "whiz pennies" with lethal speeds (embeds them into panelling at 30' distance). I've lost one BF to a previous GF due to the games (wow was that something I should never have allowed to happen). I've also become the ad-hoc referee between two guys and one girl all of whom gamed in the group back then because one of the guys slept with (or at least claimed such) with the girl who was the GF of the other guy. And here I thought gaming was "drama".

Currently Mike and I (and a third member of the group) rotate who is GMing the story arc (currently embroiled in a spin-off of the "System Failure" storyline). For the last several years he's been my savior giving me a break from GMing after doing so for over 15 years non-stop. Now I'm back and the whole group is recoiling in the midst of a full-on epic.

Relationships within a game group can impact the entire dynamic. After this long, the group currently has started to stabilize after our latest "trial". And if anyone is curious about relationships and gaming, my only real advice is "just be patient with one another".

What was the most recent trial? A long-standing member of the group has been rediscovering his faith and views of religion. It's taken two years, but he was given the opportunity to step out two weeks ago after several months of growing tensions between he and several other members of the group (shrugs).

"As the HHH Turns"

Well, come sober and leave stoned was the idea.

Sounds like a good plan to me

More than ten years, and my (now) wife never has played (any RPG) with me...


It's so sad...

Boy... It sounds like I'm the only person here who has gotten MORE sex due to RPGs. My wife has decided that she isn't so big on normal RPGs, but when I run a game JUST FOR HER, with her as the only player, she loves it, to the point that sometimes we'll spend up to 11 hours a day doing it. Pretty rough on me, except when I get to play the NPCs she's romantically involved with. Whoo!

I can hear her now .... "Give me more, I thought you were a troll not a dwarf!"

"Hey honey, can we play our surged characters? Ok you wear the horsehead and tail."

My wife is a player in my games almost 100% of the time. It goes well most of the time, and I don't think people tend to care, or if they do, they're not telling either of us and they're really good and covering it up. One thing we do get into trouble with is that we (my wife and I) are both argumentative. As a result of this and the natural comfort we feel, she'll sometimes challenge a ruling that I make as a GM when other players wouldn't, but it's never gotten out of hand.

My wife and I have been playing together almost our entire relationship for about six years. It's been a lot of fun, but we tend to keep our romantic relationship out of roleplaying. I can see where many people would have troubles with this sort of thing, but we were friends before we started dating, so we enjoy just hanging out with eachother. While I was the one that first introduced her to roleplaying, she had a legitimate interest in it first.

With the exception of a little in-game flirting (once), we've never let our characters be romantically linked. Ironically, our characters have had romantic relationships in-game, sometimes with other PCs - go figure.

As far as GMing goes, we've each taken turns and never shown any measure of favoritism to eachother (at least that I've noticed) and we've always had a great time.

Well I introduced my GF to gaming. me and her play in all our games together, since I usually ref we have had lots of NPC to PC relationships, but never a PC to PC one. Never been sure if this is because of some unmentioned rule or just that my PCs (when I get to play) tend towards oddness and weird hers out.

This thread really has started to depress me. Usually when the topic of RPGs come up the women present express their contempt.

Last Friday I told one woman how someone who looked like her was into Renfaire stuff. The woman I was talking to immediately expressed her horror and disbelief.

I started gaming because my then fiancee, now husband gamed. We moved from New York to Pennsylvania. He and Snow fox would regularly drive back to New York for games. I tagged along to be with him.

My girlfriend is part of my SR4-group. I got to know her as a semi-regular guest player, dated her a few times, and finally was considered boyfriend material. Now she got me into playing "The dark eye" (is it called that in english?) again.

Works fine this way.

Another couple was part of our group, though after their break-up she had to leave (lon g story, and none that will be told). Worked fine while it lasted.


A very good friend tried to make his girlfriend play but failed. She can´t get her head around the numbers part. We´ll try something close to story telling one day. Advice from this one: Don´t force it on her. Bad juju.