 Dog Days, Captain Obvious points to new SR Fiction |
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 Apr 23 2006, 11:12 PM
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#76
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Manus Celer Dei  Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802  |
*Splutter* You really think he didn't have significant provocation for killing Hutchison?
~J |
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Apr 23 2006, 11:30 PM
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#77
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,640 Joined: 6-June 04 Member No.: 6,383 |
Thank you for teaching me, sensei. I will remember this. |
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Apr 23 2006, 11:41 PM
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#78
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
I'm with him on this one. The guy had pretty good provocation for killing Hutchison. Not bothering to pay up and then gloating that he called the cops on the runner. For not wanting to pay up, that might not be warranted for outright killing, though I can see the runner being justified to take a pound of flesh out of the guy for not coughing up the cash. The mission stipulation was primarily recovering the pooch. That Mr. Hutchinson decides to escalate things from the situation AND inform the runner outright in his face, that's not really smart. |
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Apr 24 2006, 01:20 AM
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#79
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Target Group: Members Posts: 43 Joined: 18-April 06 From: midwest Member No.: 8,478 |
no. i didnt. *I* would have reacted differently and i'm not one of the Less-Than-Lethal lobbyists. if i were of the mind to kill him, how about this for a twist? sic Chester on him. sounds like fitting irony. only... the point of my original post was to question the cybrid (yes, cy-bred. cyborg + hybrid, you get the idea...) canine's loyalty to Hutchison in the first place. |
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Apr 24 2006, 01:27 AM
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#80
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Your original point is a good one, and stands. Nevertheless… he refused to pay (remember, these are Shadowrunners here, there's only one method of conflict resolution if the other party doesn't want to play ball) and called the cops. He's meat on either count from the point of view of any reasonable Shadowrunner, IMO.
~J |
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Apr 24 2006, 02:25 AM
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#81
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 5,430 Joined: 10-January 05 From: Fort Worth, Texas Member No.: 6,957 |
Oh yeah. Refusal to pay and a backstabbing together means he should feel lucky to have been killed. There are much worse ways to make a lesson out of someone.
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Apr 24 2006, 02:35 AM
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#82
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 164 Joined: 7-July 03 Member No.: 4,891 |
"You'll have to forgive my friend. She's an assassin, and has a very narrow view of conflict resolution." - Tanya Huff, The Fifth Quarter
I think there are probably a few cases where it's possible to stiff the team and not deserve death (a cataclysmic fall from grace that costs you your Johnson job and your house, so you can't requisition funds and can't pay out-of-pocket, maybe). But bragging that you've called the police? "That wasn't murder, that was suicide." - Terry Pratcht, Lois McMaster Bujold, various others |
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Apr 24 2006, 03:47 AM
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#83
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Ain Soph Aur Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 3,477 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Montreal, Canada Member No.: 600 |
Well, I kinda liked the story. For once it was actually really dark and properly violent. The runner clearly wasn't exactly high-caliber, so i think it's believable he forgot about the RFID chip.
Sure, there are plot holes. Pretty big ones. Mostly the murdering of 4 people without any apparent repercussions, but that that doesn't mean the story if god-awful. At least not to me, I guess. The atmosphere was good. Gives out the proper feeling of just how depraved the SR world is. |
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Apr 24 2006, 03:59 AM
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#84
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,028 Joined: 9-November 02 From: The Republic of Vermont Member No.: 3,581 |
That occurred to me, too, but I decided after some consideration that the Johnson may have been the dog's owner, but there was certainly no emotional attachment from his side, so he may not have really been in contact with the dog enough for it to bond to him. On the other hand, the runner just saved the dog from a rather uncomfortable spot, which probably garnered him some gratitude points. |
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Apr 24 2006, 04:57 AM
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#85
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Target Group: Members Posts: 43 Joined: 18-April 06 From: midwest Member No.: 8,478 |
yeah.. true. thank you for pointing this out to me. i did mistake Hutchison's rant towards Sticks soley as an emotional attachment to the dog... i didnt look at it as a loss of future breeding profit for the J. too busy looking at other angles to see the obvious. man, negative karma for me.
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Apr 24 2006, 11:36 PM
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#86
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Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006 |
Awesome.
First AH, congrats on getting some fiction published, I thought it was great. interestingly you can really tell that you found the character as you got more into the story. By the end I am wanting more of Sticks. So I hope you write him some more. I have always felt that exact proper grammar is second to flow and pacing. You had excellent feel of both. If some complain about your use of grammar I would ignore them. I felt you really got the feel for Shadowrun down. Regardless of edition. I hope to see more of the hard hitting detective! Best of all, you have inspired me to write some more!!!! -Shadow |
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Apr 24 2006, 11:41 PM
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#87
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Proper grammar is imperative to flow and pacing. Improper grammar creates a hitch that trips the reader up briefly, destroying both of those qualities.
~J |
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Apr 24 2006, 11:45 PM
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#88
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Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006 |
Yes and no. Many established authors often break the rules of "proper" grammar to make a character feel more alive. After all, we do not talk with proper grammar. I am not saying you can ignore it, or not know it. Just that you shouldn't get hung on one line that may or may not fit someone’s idea of proper grammar.
I know you write extensively so I am sure you know what I mean. The failure has been on my part to communicate the idea properly. |
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Apr 24 2006, 11:45 PM
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#89
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Shadowrun Setting Nerd Group: Banned Posts: 3,632 Joined: 28-June 05 From: Pissing on pedestrians from my electronic ivory tower. Member No.: 7,473 |
Stop trying to make sense and expect any type of writing quality approaching mediocre, Kage. It's embarassing.
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Apr 24 2006, 11:57 PM
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#90
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Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006 |
Was that really necessary? AH is at least trying to be a writer. He probably put in a hundred hours on this story. I understand if you don't like it, but to just insult it like that... well what the hell have you written and had published?
At least grant him the margin of respect that all of us (writers and aspiring writers) deserve for at least trying. |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:05 AM
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#91
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,028 Joined: 9-November 02 From: The Republic of Vermont Member No.: 3,581 |
Proper grammar is imperative to storytelling. However, especially in the case of first-person narratives, "proper" seldom means "by the book correct".
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Apr 25 2006, 12:19 AM
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#92
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Shadowrun Setting Nerd Group: Banned Posts: 3,632 Joined: 28-June 05 From: Pissing on pedestrians from my electronic ivory tower. Member No.: 7,473 |
You've got to be kidding.
I've spent thousands of man hours so far this year writing fiction. I've spent less than 20 writing a 5,000 word submission for Fanpro that I will now never submit because I don't want it to be associated in any fucking way with the crap that AH wrote. Have I been published? Not for fiction. So fucking what? Just because one of his fellow DS buddies slaps his shit on the SR website doesn't make it worth reading. |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:23 AM
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#93
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Maybe my standards have been lowered by the fiction in SR4, but I don't think it was that bad. Could use work, but not brain-gouging.
~J |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:27 AM
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#94
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Shadowrun Setting Nerd Group: Banned Posts: 3,632 Joined: 28-June 05 From: Pissing on pedestrians from my electronic ivory tower. Member No.: 7,473 |
Yes, it is brain-gouging. It's one of the few things that I wish I could unread, and I've read sex story newsgroups.
I mean, it's worse than Szeto's horrendous depiction of rigging in Red Eye. |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:29 AM
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#95
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Mystery Archaeologist Group: Members Posts: 2,906 Joined: 19-September 05 From: The apple tree Member No.: 7,760 |
Man would you lay off. So you don't like it. If you want better quality fiction and yours is better, fucking submit it. It's not like your is called Dog Days 2 or anything? Do Phantom Menace et al ruin how good the original triolgy was (in a dumb space opera way). Stop bitching and show how good you are.
Plus there have been by Gmt 2737 hours this years, I'm shure you write alot but judgeing by your posts, and the fact i think you eat, and probably work too, thousands of hours seems unlikely. Sorry for the pedantry but you deserve it. The story is to my mind well written but has a poor finish, it just seemed weak. Just to cover my opinion on it. |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:36 AM
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#96
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,008 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
I had forgotten, then you had to go and bring back the trauma… ~J |
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Apr 25 2006, 12:46 AM
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#97
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Midnight Toker Group: Members Posts: 7,686 Joined: 4-July 04 From: Zombie Drop Bear Santa's Workshop Member No.: 6,456 |
As much as I dislike the ending, the story as a whole wasn't bad. It certainly couldn't be compared to Red Eye. And at least Chester didn't shoot first.
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Apr 25 2006, 01:07 AM
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#98
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,589 Joined: 28-November 05 Member No.: 8,019 |
I thought it was a great story, except for the "kill the doggie it's dangerous" ending. The random contacts and people to talk to were great, and the main character had the kind of random knowledge about survival learned from random buddies that seems completely plausible. He saw all the degradation of the streets for what it was, and had a properly jaded attitude towards it. I just don't get why he had to kill Chester.
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Apr 25 2006, 01:22 AM
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#99
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Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill. Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,545 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Gloomy Boise Idaho Member No.: 2,006 |
Whatever man, I'm sorry you haven't gotten anything published yet, thats no reason to take it out on someone who has. And I don't think AH just wrote it and had his 'buddies' throw it up on the website. My understanding is that they have had a complete lack of quality submissions. So if you can do better, bring it on. |
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Apr 25 2006, 01:26 AM
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#100
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Peace be to journey, children. Everyone is welcome to their own opinions on the piece, just as everyone is welcome to their own opinions on everything. I don't mind the criticism because I am due some and it helps me know what issues I need to address in my writing.
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