 Short Shadowrun Fiction, (mine) |
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 Mar 10 2007, 09:08 PM
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#1
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Shadow Cartographer  Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636  |
Still failing repeatedly to get anything accepted and published, so I thought I might as well post another thing here. It's a short piece in the Shadowrun setting. A triptych, really.
The direct link is here and my full site is here as usual. ;) Comments and constructive criticism are very welcome. Please keep in mind that it's about an hour and a half's work and isn't meant to be an epic novel but I really hope people like it. -K. |
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Mar 10 2007, 09:29 PM
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#2
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
off the top of my head, spelling mistake on page 2, close to the bottom, replace 'taught' with --taut--.
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Mar 10 2007, 09:36 PM
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#3
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Hmmm. Well, I suppose that's feedback. I'm normally pretty good on spelling and grammar. :-/ Thanks for pointing it out. I've amended and uploaded again. Cheers, -K. |
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Mar 10 2007, 09:38 PM
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#4
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,532 Joined: 26-February 02 From: Calgary, Canada Member No.: 769 |
very nice. I like how you discribed the skillwires in praticular. Also amusing how the runners were standing around arguing about whether or not they were going to rob the joint or be professionals and then looted her cyber. You can tell those guys were the PC's :grinbig:
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Mar 10 2007, 10:04 PM
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#5
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Hoppelhäschen 5000 Group: Members Posts: 5,807 Joined: 3-January 04 Member No.: 5,951 |
Hrm. The story is well-written... but. The description of the skillwire system is... strange. Skillsofts are skill memories, including motor ones in the case of activesofts. So you don't order the skillwires and they don't puppet you around - you just suddenly know things and use them. It would be the deep alienation coming from the fact that you do things you never learned to do, having 'memories' that are not your own, causing psychological problems. (Arguably, that's actually worse than loosing control of your body - you are partially loosing your very identity.) |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:26 PM
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#6
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Thank you, re: writing. Partly where this story came from (other than the obvious source that Imperialis has spotted), was thinking about how skillwires actually work in Shadowrun. I can sort of see how the memory based skillwire system would work. And it would be a good source of alienation in a story, you are definitely right about that. Suddenly you remember how to do something that you never learnt. But in that case, then I see less need for skill wires to be lain throughout and over the normal nervous system which is how I remember them being described originally. And in fact, the way they are described in the BBB:
The way that I saw it was that the skillwires had the smarts to perform whatever physical skill you loaded up and ran, but that this was accomplished not by suddenly making you remember how to do something, but by doing it for you. That's why the need for invasive implants throughout the body. I also saw that as being the more realistic tech option too. Of course if you're going to hand control over to a piece of software you need some means of interacting with it, setting limits, priorities, etc. After all, it's no good suddenly just turning into a killing machine if the software isn't clear on who are your enemies and who are your friends. Hence things like target selection. I will say that I was trying to portray the very best (rating 4) combat activesofts, however. Hence they are good. @Imperialis Yes - you spotted the PCs. I guess the whole story could be a parable about GMs who create an interesting NPC for the players to cross paths with, only to see the NPC gunned down without getting a single word of dialogue out. :S |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:28 PM
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#7
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 7,089 Joined: 4-October 05 Member No.: 7,813 |
also, you've got bear instead of beard (i think)
and just before the picture of the eye, you got alder instead of adler :P anyways, now i'm done nitpicking your spelling, i like it. it's fairly good. i do tend to agree that skillwires give you the knowledge, not just puppet you around, but hey, maybe SK decided to do a little field testing for some new 'ware. possibly a P-fix (probably not BTL though) integrated into skillwires, as an attempt to allow expert chipjack effects at reduced cost. |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:37 PM
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#8
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
Death to the PCs! Oh wait... :| |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:43 PM
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#9
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Hoppelhäschen 5000 Group: Members Posts: 5,807 Joined: 3-January 04 Member No.: 5,951 |
I know that quote, which is a problem that's carried over to SR4. Here's the in-depth explanation how skillsofts work in SR4:
Especially the latter part clears up any 'puppet' issue. |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:46 PM
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#10
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Well, the "Alder" is when the surgeon calls her in and he could very easily have got her name wrong. And as to the runner with the narrow bear... well you know what PCs are like. It's all, "you know what would be really neat to take on a run, in case we meet some guards? A bear. Yeah. And maybe it could shoot laser beams from its eyes! That would be awesome!" Yeah, okay. I've amended both the glitches and re-uploaded now. So three spelling mistakes and a controversy over how skillwires work. I've had far worse criticism in the past, so I must be doing something right. :) Thanks for your comments. -K. |
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Mar 10 2007, 10:53 PM
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#11
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
So it was portrayed differently in earlier editions. I knew that's how I remembered it. And I don't get how, if it's memory based, you really need the wires trailing through the body, or are you saying that the part I quoted should actually be discarded? Not arguing for the sake of it. A memory appearing seams a bit more sci-fi than a system that can run a combat program to guide the body. With other examples of Sr2070 tech, that should be possible, but memory implantation seems a bit more hand-waved. The part under skillwires is very explicit and I like it. |
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Mar 10 2007, 11:00 PM
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#12
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Hoppelhäschen 5000 Group: Members Posts: 5,807 Joined: 3-January 04 Member No.: 5,951 |
Because SR-Tech does not make perfect sense. ;) Honestly, the SR4 description is pretty close to the classic Skillwire System in SR1. On contrast, Skillwire Plus from ShadowTech SR1 was just a headware system.
Actually - no. Memory Implantation/Wiping/Modification is 2060 tech, as detailed in the Cannon Compendium - without special implants like skillwires or persona-fix chips.
Hey, it's your story - and just my constructive criticism. :P |
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Mar 10 2007, 11:07 PM
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#13
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Hey, no problem. I appreciate you taking the time to post. After I checked the logs on my site to see that I'd had over a hundred downloads of the short adventure that I wrote, and got four comments on it (thanks, Fist and others), I appreciate anyone letting me know what they think of my stuff. And anyway, if I'm misleading anyone with my interpretation of the skillwire system (which cut or paste error in the BBB or not, is in there :P ), it's your duty to point it out in this thread and save others from following my wayward path. ;) Cheers, -K. |
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Mar 10 2007, 11:25 PM
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#14
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
Well, the story was okay, it gives the feel of how brutal some aspects of life is in 2070 in terms of being gunned down and then having pieces of you cut out by those evil runners. I enjoyed how you tried to play up of how the characters have family and career/life promises. Still, I need to read it closely again to really nitpick, I mainly skimmed it over.
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Mar 10 2007, 11:28 PM
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#15
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Runner Group: Members Posts: 3,382 Joined: 22-February 06 From: Shadowland Member No.: 8,297 |
Well done, sir. I enjoyed the piece.
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Mar 11 2007, 03:33 PM
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#16
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Cybernetic Blood Mage Group: Members Posts: 3,472 Joined: 11-March 06 From: Northeastern Wyoming Member No.: 8,361 |
*thumbs up*
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Mar 12 2007, 02:53 AM
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#17
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 205 Joined: 7-January 07 From: Sydney, Australia Member No.: 10,558 |
I really liked it. Fun to read and I like your interpretation of the tech.
Also, I found another mispelling: deselecting p1 :P |
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Mar 14 2007, 08:26 PM
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#18
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Thanks to all of you. I really appreciate the comments. It started off as me just descriptive writing and then grew into a mini-story. I thought it would be nice to see things from the other side. Particularly the sort of PCs that pick through their fallen opponents belongings and try to steal their cyberware. ;) I've written a longer and more serious story which I submitted to the Shadowrun website. Am hoping to see it up there sometime. Cheers, -K. |
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Mar 15 2007, 07:20 PM
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#19
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 199 Joined: 16-September 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 5,625 |
Fun snapshot! Poor, poor NPC. Nasty bit at the end, too.
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Mar 15 2007, 07:43 PM
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#20
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 941 Joined: 25-January 07 Member No.: 10,765 |
Barring exceptional stylistic need, its really poor form to put a proper name right after itself.
"Lara Adler' Lara Adler said... is really really ugly. She said works fine here, we know who is talking. Other than that, not too bad. |
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Mar 16 2007, 05:24 PM
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#21
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Shadow Cartographer Group: Members Posts: 3,737 Joined: 2-June 06 From: Secret Tunnels under the UK (South West) Member No.: 8,636 |
Well, it is Shadowrun. ;)
Thank you. The line you quoted is actually "'Lara Adler,' said Lara Adler." It was deliberate, really. I like playing off expectations and word play and it is meant to amuse with its faux-cumbersomeness. But perhaps that didn't come off. Cheers all. The feedback is motivating me to do something else. I think another mini-adventure might be in the works. -K. |
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Mar 17 2007, 07:07 PM
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#22
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,266 Joined: 3-June 06 From: UK Member No.: 8,638 |
Me likey.
Nice flavour and well written (IMHO). |
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Mar 19 2007, 02:36 AM
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#23
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Shooting Target Group: Members Posts: 1,696 Joined: 17-February 07 From: Middle Sized City, Ontario, Canada Member No.: 11,025 |
I keep meaning to post here goes. Loved it, more please! Seriously captured the feel of our hyper modern dystopia. That's good cyber punk :cyber:
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Mar 27 2007, 03:05 AM
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#24
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Uncle Fisty Group: Admin Posts: 13,891 Joined: 3-January 05 From: Next To Her Member No.: 6,928 |
Like most, really liked the skill wire description. It was ver easy to visualize the way you wrote it.I liekd the cyber eyes too and the over all day-in-the-life-of for a corper. had that nice SR nastyness just below the surface. interesting seeing the progression of sweet little Lara.
Also, random, but I thought the little eye pic between sections was a nice touch. |
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Mar 27 2007, 10:12 AM
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#25
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Hoppelhäschen 5000 Group: Members Posts: 5,807 Joined: 3-January 04 Member No.: 5,951 |
See, knasser? |
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