First Mage Concept, Any Ideas what I have to improve? Options

[The Wrestling Tr...]

So after 8 years of not playing Shadowrun I found some friends to play again. But since i'm only familiar with SR3 rules, I had to adapt and learn the new Stuff from SR4.
I'm still not sure if I made a Mage that can survive good enough so I would like your Opinions!

Edit: I followed the Instructions and optimized the build based on feedback I got in this Thread (thanks again for showing me the flaws in this build!)
Thanks for the tipp with the Orc, it really does give me +1 BOD and +1 STR for free.... Changed it now.

And for the Background Story..... I really haven't got one yet. But as soon as I write one I will post it for you guys (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Hans Von Bergstein aka "Ze German"

[ Spoiler ]

== Info ==
Street Name: Ze German
Name: Hans Von Bergstein
Karma: 0
Street Cred: 0
Notoriety: 0
Public Awareness: 0
Orc Male Age 31
Height 1.85m Weight 80 Kg
Composure: 8
Judge Intentions: 8
Lift/Carry: 5 (30 kg/20 kg)
Memory: 8
Nuyen: 0

== Attributes ==
BOD: 5
AGI: 2
REA: 3
STR: 3
CHA: 3
INT: 5
LOG: 3
WIL: 5
EDG: 1
MAG: 6

== Derived Attributes ==
Essence: 6
Initiative: 8
IP: 1
Astral Initiative: 10
Astral IP: 3
Matrix Initiative: 5
Matrix IP: 1
Physical Damage Track: 10
Stun Damage Track: 11

== Active Skills ==

Arcana : 2 [Focus Design] Pool: 5 (7)
Armorer : 1 Pool: 4
Artisan : 1 Pool: 6
Assensing : 1 Pool: 6
Counterspelling : 2 [Combat Spells] Pool: 8 (10)
Dodge : 1 [Ranged Combat] Pool: 4 (6)
Enchanting : 1 [Artificing] Pool: 7 (9)
Perception : 1 [Visual] Pool: 6 ((IMG:style_emoticons/default/cool.gif)
Pistols : 1 [Semi-Automatics] Pool: 5 (7) (inlc. +2 from Smartlink)
Ritual Spellcasting : 3 Pool: 9
Spellcasting : 6 [Manipulation] Pool: 12 (14)
Summoning : 1 Pool: 7

== Knowledge Skills ==
Area Knowledge: Seattle : 2 Pool: 7
Bars and Clubs : 2 Pool: 7
Biology : 1 Pool: 4
English : 3 Pool: 8
German : N Pool: 0
Literature : 1 Pool: 4
Magic Traditions : 4 Pool: 7
Magical Theory : 6 [Enchanting] Pool: 9 (11)
Magical Threats : 4 Pool: 7

== Contacts ==

== Qualities ==
Allergy (Common, Mild) (Housepets (Cats, Dogs etc.)
Computer Illiterate
Dependent (Nuisance) [Little Sister from Germany]
Sensitive System
Magician
Mentor Spirit (Artificer)
Restricted Gear (Rating 1)

== Spells ==
(Tradition: Egyptian, Resist Drain with WIL + INT (10))
Alter Memory DV: (F÷2)+2
Control Thoughts (Limited) DV: (F÷2)+2
Deflection DV: (F÷2)+1
Heal DV: (Damage Value)-2
Improved Invisibility (Limited) DV: (F÷2)+1
Increase Reflexes (Limited) DV: (F÷2)+2
Influence DV: (F÷2)+1
Levitate DV: (F÷2)+1
Powerbolt DV: (F÷2)+1
Stunball DV: (F÷2)+1

== Armor ==
Ballistic Shield 6/4
Berwick businesswear (Mortimer of London)0/0
Urban Explorer Jumpsuit 6/6

== Weapons ==
Hammerli 620S
+Flashlight, Standard
+Silencer
+Smartgun System
DV: 4P AP: - RC: 1
Unarmed Attack
DV: 1S AP: - RC: 0

== Gear ==
Healing Fetish
Illusion Fetish
Manipulation Fetish
Power Focus (bonded) Rating 4
Sustaining Focus (Manipulation) (bonded) Rating 3
Contact Lenses Rating 4 (Vision Enhancement, Smartlink, Imagelink)
Disposable Commlink
Fake Sin Rating 3 (Jeremy Jameson)
Fake License Rating 4 (Jeremy Jameson)
Standard, Certified Credstick 1500yen

== Vehicles ==
Dodge Scooter
+Improved Economy
+Vehicle Sensor

== Concept ==
Manipulation Mage with combat- and illusion Spells. Small knowledge of Enchanting and Foci Crafting.
Uses a Pistol to defend himself if left no other Choice.

[Paul]

I like him, but my initial question may strike you as a weird spot to take issue with-but by all means he looks like a suave urban magician, so why does he an off road bike?

But yeah my initial view of the numbers is favorable. What's the back story?

[Paul]

In fact I like him enough where i think I'm going to use him as an NPC in my upcoming game.

[HunterHerne]

Special note: You can't take specializations for skills you don't have at least one rank in, in this case, Perception.

Buy some glasses, or contacts, with image link, vision enhancement, and smart link. And don't forget to pick up a commlink, they are necessary gear in SR4, being your passport/driver's license/SIN/phone/PC/etc.

[Paul]

Special note: You can't take specializations for skills you don't have at least one rank in, in this case, Perception.

Oops, yeah he's right. I missed that.

[UmaroVI]

Problems:

The Psionic tradition comes with a whole pile of "and fuck YOU for wanting to be a psychic, sir," including the restriction that you cannot have a mentor spirit. You also can't prepare vessels, FYI.

Powergaming:

I would switch the ratings of the two foci (actually, I would replace them with a force 3 health focus for Improved Reflexes and a Force 4 power focus, like every optimal magician ever, but I'm assuming you know that and didn't want to). Low-force illusions are rather iffy, because a force 3 illusion will just never work against stuff like drones, and a lot of people can see through it. Force 3 sustained manipulation spells are still nifty though, because they generally have unopposed effects.

I'd switch Agility and Reaction.

Banishing is a trap option in SR4. Your character can "banish" spirits with a Powerbolt more effectively and safely than with Banishing.

Chaotic World and Animate are both for silly. Influence is a much better spell and is Manipulation, also in line with Psionics. Levitate is also super useful and again a classic psionic power.

You need to indicate which of your spells use fetishes. Right now it appears none do but you did buy fetishes.

[The Wrestling Tr...]

Thanks for showing me the flaws in my build!

I will adjust it and post the "better" build as soon as I got the time (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Like I said ... haven't played for 8 years and forgot some basic rules and PG tricks hehe

[Traul]

Problems:

The Psionic tradition comes with a whole pile of "and fuck YOU for wanting to be a psychic, sir," including the restriction that you cannot have a mentor spirit. You also can't prepare vessels, FYI.

Where is it described?

[The Wrestling Tr...]

I followed all your advises and reworked my Mage a little bit.

Waiting for more precious, juicy feedback to improve him even more!
If you like my mage feel free to use it as a NPC or PC in your campaign !

[Traul]

It is a bit sad to admit, but if you make exactly the same character as an Ork you get +1 BOD and +1 STR for free.

[The Wrestling Tr...]

Yeah you're right. Being an Orc really gives free Stats.
Since I haven't made a background story yet, "Mr. Von Bergstein" is now an Orc hehe

[Ryu]

With that power focus 4 I would lower Magic to 5 (-25 BP). Replace the individual spellcasting skills by Sorcery 4 (-10 BP). Get the Perceptive 2 quality (10 BP). Increase Summoning to 6 (20 BP). Have 25k¥ in ressources (5 BP).

[UmaroVI]

Where is it described?

Digital Grimoire.