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> When the more isn't the merrier...., Too many people, too many distractions..
Lady Door
post Jun 10 2005, 04:54 AM
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Once again I come to all ya'll with a player/group question. What do you do when your players bring other people to the game session? In the situation I'm experiencing, a player has begun bringing his girlfriend to the sessions. Now, I'm all for couples bonding or whatever by playing but she refuses to play, whines about him playing too long, constantly drags his attention away from the game, and about every other annoying behavior you can imagine. We have a few other players who bring other people to the games that are maybe interested in playing but want to see it done first, things like that which are totally fine. But, this situation is driving me nuts! I've told the player that if he brings her she has to play to help keep him in game and maybe get her interested so it doesn't become such a wedge between them, but they've blown that off. I'm to the point where if she comes over again I'm just not going to run the game. Any ideas on how to handle a sticky situation?
Much obliged.

By the way, I'm a girl so it's not a sexist thing...
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mfb
post Jun 10 2005, 04:57 AM
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girls love cake. arsenic cyanide, and also idiots like me who don't know the difference tastes like almonds. that's all i can say without violating my NDA!
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scoundrel
post Jun 10 2005, 04:59 AM
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Make very bad stuff happen to his character while he's busy appeasing his girlfriend.
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hyzmarca
post Jun 10 2005, 05:30 AM
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If they don't play then they can't stay. It is a simple and reasonable rule. Those who may be interested in joining the game can be given throwaway characters based on the standard Archetypes for their tiral session.
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Mr.Cato
post Jun 10 2005, 05:42 AM
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Sounds like that girl soundn't come - at all. Nothing worse that being disturbed by the real world when playing PRG. My girlfriend would call me to ask when we were finished... and I would be nice and say "2 hours, I'll be home" .. after 2 hours still playing I would start getting uneasy and prematurely ending the game. Now I ask her NOT to call me when I'm playing... feels much better :)
You should tell your friend to step up and tell his girlfriend the she is too much distraction. I she still come.... start giving him nicknames... "henpecked"... "domisticated"..."bootlicking" (hmm... falling short of ideas not being native english speaker.. I'm sure people here would help with the namecalling).
If she hears him being called these names... she should realize that it time to give him some respect and independence.

Partners and PRG.. sometimes it mixes.. sometime it doesn't
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fistandantilus4....
post Jun 10 2005, 05:52 AM
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QUOTE (mfb)
girls love cake. arsenic tastes like almonds. that's all i can say without violating my NDA!

I would say go with this one, except that I play in this group too, and I like cake, and tend to be forgetful. :(
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pragma
post Jun 10 2005, 05:57 AM
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This sort of situation can become very prickly very quickly so I would advise against picking on the player's character or the player himself. I would recommend privately laying out the problem for the player (not his apparently disinterested girlfriend) and asking him to either play or not play, but not do both at the same time.

Of course, I would recommend the utmost courtesy in the process.
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Fresno Bob
post Jun 10 2005, 06:00 AM
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Its cyanide that tastes like almonds.
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Cain
post Jun 10 2005, 06:06 AM
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Ideally, you should try to get her involved in the game. Give her a character to play, such as a fixer or something. Let her handle a few NPCs, then if she does well, suggest that she might like to play a real character.

If that doesn't work, I'd take pragma's advice. Lay it out cleanly and quietly.
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nick012000
post Jun 10 2005, 06:17 AM
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QUOTE (Mr.Cato)
You should tell your friend to step up and tell his girlfriend the she is too much distraction. I she still come.... start giving him nicknames... "henpecked"... "domisticated"..."bootlicking" (hmm... falling short of ideas not being native english speaker.. I'm sure people here would help with the namecalling).

The term you're looking for is "pussywhipped". :P
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frostPDP
post Jun 10 2005, 06:17 AM
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I'd say take it to her.

I dunno who's read the ladder theory and its accompanying ideas (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html) but according to it, you're all the girlfriend's "Virtual friends" by way of her boyfriend.

So that in mind, feel free to approach her and say "Hey look, you're cool and all. I have nothing against you. We have this thing, though, and while I'm sure you wouldn't want your boyfriend to damage your relationship with your friends, we're concerned that you might be pushing some of his friends away by interrupting one of the few male bonding things we have..." Well you're not male, sooo.....But using the "Player X" idea always works.

Suggest that she give it a try. If she adamantly refuses, ask her why she attends. When she (most likely) replies with "to be with my boyfriend," tell her that her boyfriend is having friendship-time, and remind her that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Remind her that having different interests and partaking in them seperately and still coming back to one another is a sign of a happy relationship.

If this fails, talk to him about it. Don't be mean to the girlfriend, but explain that the guy is getting a little out of hand. (My best friend was pulling the "on the phone with the girlfriend while hanging out" bit. He isn't anymore.)

If THIS doesn't work, his character needs to suddenly start "losing track of time." Make a small note the first time he gets distracted. Feel free to have NPCs notice this (I.E. Guards see that one of the runners looks like he has something on his mind) and pop him first. That might make him mad, maybe make him quit, but if he's so absinent as not to realize that he's being uncouth and rude, especially after you explain that its rude....Tough noogies. It sucks, but you can be friends outside of the game and when its all over welcome him back.

With a freshly rolled up 0 Karma charrie.
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Edward
post Jun 10 2005, 08:03 AM
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I would ask her street why she is coming, assuming you happy to have her play tell her she is welcome to join the game but if she isnít going to enjoy watching or playing itís a wast of every bodies time for her to show up. Do this when the other player is also present.

If she wants to attend just to be with her boyfriend the question becomes, why share an activity with him that you do not enjoy

Lastly remember, not paying actinon to the game should loos you any chance of good RP karma

Edward

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Mr.Cato
post Jun 10 2005, 08:04 AM
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I'm sure namecalling would work :P ... at least in denmark. Not to make him feel bad.. but to make the girlfriend feel bad (as she brought it on him by not staying away when she was kindly asked to).

.. but be carefull when taking advice... even westeren cultures can be very different. In denmark irony and sarcasm runs high. The irony is delivered without a hint and the sarcasm with a smile. Works here... but might not elsewhere.

"pussywhiped"... thank you Nick.. I'll try to remember it and use it in my everyday speech.

This post has been edited by Mr.Cato: Jun 10 2005, 12:12 PM
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fistandantilus4....
post Jun 10 2005, 09:20 AM
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QUOTE (Mr.Cato)
"pussywhiped"... thank you Nick.. I'll try to remember it and use it in my everyday speech.

HAHAHAHA!!!

Try just plain 'whipped'. Get you in a little less trouble that way, but still gets the point across.

Unless they know that they're whipped, which the player in question does unfortunately. That's a whole new level, when you know you're whipped, and can't do jack about it. But that's a WHOLE other discussion.
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Sandoval Smith
post Jun 10 2005, 09:25 AM
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Don't play passive aggressive games with them. I had this happen with groups I was in in college, and you handle it one way. Flat out tell the player that the girl friend is causing problems, and if she's not going to play, then she has no reason to be there. It's disrupting the game, and annoying the other players.

PS: I absolutely loathe the 'ladder theory.' It's one of those things that simply _must_ be killed with fire, and an acquaintance summed it up pretty much perfectly: it's total fucking bullshit premised on abject sexism.
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hermit
post Jun 10 2005, 10:23 AM
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In that situation, it'd propably be best to talk to the boyfriend first. If he insists on bringing annoying girl with him, talk to her, openly but not agressively, that she should either stop disturbing everything or either keep quiet or join in.

And in case that doesn't work, tell boyfriend he can decide between either leaving her out of the gaming group or spend some girlfriend time outside the gaming group during future sessions.

QUOTE
it's total fucking bullshit premised on abject sexism.

Totally agree. It's absolutely nothing one should base anything on, especallly in that kind of situation.

And, for the record, Frosty, Plan B is most likely female. A good clue is her saying
QUOTE
By the way, I'm a girl so it's not a sexist thing...

Thus, the ladder theory, even if it wasn't such a simplistic piece of shit, would help her little.
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nick012000
post Jun 10 2005, 12:10 PM
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Well, on another board I go to, a psychologist espouses the ladder theory as fairly accurate. I could dig up the post in which he did, but it's on a thread w/ 150+ pages, so I can't be bothered.
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Jrayjoker
post Jun 10 2005, 02:13 PM
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Is this a new girlfriend, or someone who has been with your friend for a while?

Talk with the girlfriend and explain that you (you're the GM, right?) put a lot of time and effort into the game and part of that effort involves planning for what her boyfriends character can do for the group. She may get it, but if she's a codependant or control freak then she'll just get worse.

If she is as bad as you say, then your friend may see her for what she is and break it off eventually.

fistandantilus3.0,

Its not you Is it?

;)
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Ol' Scratch
post Jun 10 2005, 02:33 PM
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I would just get a little squirt bottle of water, and every time she tries to distract the player, squirt her with it and say "that's a bad kitty!"
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frostPDP
post Jun 10 2005, 02:40 PM
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I agree that the ladder theory has some sexist aspects to it. Never said it didn't.

However, having actually gotten out into the real world and seen how some (at least American) male and female interaction looks, the sexism is more in the actual distinction between two ladders rather than the "Just friends" and "more than friends" ladders. If I had a penny for every time a girl had said "I'm not interested in you that way" I would be richer than Lofwyr. Of course, guys pull that one too - Just not at all as often, and usually because the sexual interest isn't present. Its when the theory bases itself upon material possession and not physical/mental/sexual attractiveness (I find myself to be hideously ugly) that it becomes sexist, at least to someone with as many rejections in his book as me.

Also, even sexist, racist ideas can make a good point. Its rare, but when you look at the national leaders during World War Two and their private lives, Hitler looks the most rational (Churchill was how intoxicated, again?) - But appearances are decieving, so there can always be a glimpse of sanity in the neurotic and irrational. The "Virtual friends" notion is completely true, at least in my experience.

And yeah, I know Plan B is female. I did graduate elementry school :) I probably typed something silly due to being tired/distracted. It happens to us humans.

I like Funkenstien's idea.
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wagnern
post Jun 10 2005, 03:09 PM
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Non gamer girlfriend? Well that is a bad prognosis. Early simptons include her being distruptive to the game, resentfull of the time he spends with friends instead of her. It progresses through several phases of increasing interference untill your friend becomes more and more unreliable, untill he stops showing up all together. You will only ever see him agian standing outside of the restrooms in the mall holding a purse.

Now it is possable for him to live with this afliction. With proper treatment he can lead a mostly normal (for a gamer) life.

Now if she seems to be good for your friend, and worth some effort, you may try to corrupt her into gaming. Shadowrun may be a bit too much for her to step into. What does she like? Did she love the Lord of the Rings movies? Maby you guys can try a D&D game some weekend for her? Does she like Buffy? There is a nice game on the market that is easy to learn and works quite well. With luck, she will come to understand and thus give him space, or she will move from 'friend's girlfriend' to 'friend'.
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nezumi
post Jun 10 2005, 04:01 PM
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You simply have to assert your dominance. She is intruding on your territory under the guise of protecting her mate. Next time, attack her, wrestle her to the ground and put your jaws over her throat. That should be a sufficient show of dominance to keep her from wandering in your marked areas again uninvited.

Hmm... That reminds me of my last game before I was forced to start running games exclusively online.
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Eyeless Blond
post Jun 10 2005, 04:11 PM
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Heh, oh I wonder why. :)

On a side note, you are all extremely lucky to be able to game in meatspace. If I ever even hinted at being interested in P&P RPGs it'd be the "interventions" all over again... sometimes I do so dislike how fake-Christian my family is.
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hermit
post Jun 10 2005, 04:21 PM
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QUOTE (frostPDP @ Jun 10 2005, 04:40 PM)
I agree that the ladder theory has some sexist aspects to it.  Never said it didn't.

However, having actually gotten out into the real world and seen how some (at least American) male and female interaction looks, the sexism is more in the actual distinction between two ladders rather than the "Just friends" and "more than friends" ladders. 

Well, some guys work like that, but this theory oversimplifies to a point beyond the ridiculous (actually, I take it as some sort of tongue-in-cheek satire of all those "Men are like this, and women are different, period!" books, but that's maybe just me refusing to acknowledge how stupid people can be). Also, I know girls who have only one ladder, too. Hence, the whole theory just is a piece of shit, and that's it.

QUOTE (frostPDP @ Jun 10 2005, 04:40 PM)
Also, even sexist, racist ideas can make a good point.  Its rare, but when you look at the national leaders during World War Two and their private lives, Hitler looks the most rational (Churchill was how intoxicated, again?) - But appearances are decieving, so there can always be a glimpse of sanity in the neurotic and irrational.  The "Virtual friends" notion is completely true, at least in my experience.

Hitler appeared rational??? HITLER? Ever watched one of his speeches? That man always gave the impression of being driven. People liked that at that point (driven people can come off as a leader with a vision, and you gotta hand that to Adolf, he had a vision; you can dislike it (should, actually), but it WAS a vision nonetheless) But that doesn't make him rational, either in appearance or in his (public) deeds. Rational people can't hold speeches like Hitler did (watch "Triumph des Willens" sometime, and check how often he uses the word "fanatic" per minute).

And your comment about Churchill just proves how wrong modern America's criteria for selecting politicans are. He had more leadership quality, rationale, forethought and smarts in his left pinkie than certain world leaders who shall remain unnamed have in their whole body.

QUOTE (frostPDP @ Jun 10 2005, 04:40 PM)
And yeah, I know Plan B is female.  I did graduate elementry school :)  I probably typed something silly due to being tired/distracted.  It happens to us humans.
I like Funkenstien's idea.

Nevermind, I just thought you had read over it. Happens too. No offense meant. :)

And Funk's idea certainly qualifies for a backup plan. ;)
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GaiasWrath8
post Jun 10 2005, 04:28 PM
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QUOTE (Plan B)
Once again I come to all ya'll with a player/group question. What do you do when your players bring other people to the game session? In the situation I'm experiencing, a player has begun bringing his girlfriend to the sessions. Now, I'm all for couples bonding or whatever by playing but she refuses to play, whines about him playing too long, constantly drags his attention away from the game, and about every other annoying behavior you can imagine. We have a few other players who bring other people to the games that are maybe interested in playing but want to see it done first, things like that which are totally fine. But, this situation is driving me nuts! I've told the player that if he brings her she has to play to help keep him in game and maybe get her interested so it doesn't become such a wedge between them, but they've blown that off. I'm to the point where if she comes over again I'm just not going to run the game. Any ideas on how to handle a sticky situation?
Much obliged.

By the way, I'm a girl so it's not a sexist thing...

Had a problem just like this one.

First: Post the commandments of gaming. This is like a set of rules for the game. Things like: You can only leave the table for the bathroom, on designated smoke brakes or if you are dead. And then in the middle of the rules put, only players are aloud to come to the game.

Second: Make it clear to the girl and the guy that she needs to sit and play the game, or get the hell out.

Third: if due to some lake of aggression or people are worried about losing the player the girl is still there pulling the player away try the following.
Player A has his girl friend there. The Girl says anything other than I love you or I will be right back, Player B, C, D, E, and F all say Player A's name with a really whinny voice.

This has worked 4 out of 5 times.

The 5th time we had to taze her...for real.
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