 Ask Ancient History, Trivial Concerns |
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 Jul 4 2005, 09:12 PM
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#51
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Moving Target  Group: Members Posts: 288 Joined: 7-December 04 Member No.: 6,873  |
I read it now.
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Jul 4 2005, 09:12 PM
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#52
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The King In Yellow Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 6,922 Joined: 26-February 05 From: JWD Member No.: 7,121 |
That's about the only dream he had while in Amazonia. :D
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Jul 4 2005, 09:18 PM
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#53
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 288 Joined: 7-December 04 Member No.: 6,873 |
Deah AH,
I have a bit of problem, I like light pistols. I know that the Predator is better, and a staple in any shadowrunners arsenal, but something about 6L just rings true with my spirit. All my friends look at me funny when I have to fire three bursts at the corpsec when they are firing one or two shots. What should I do? PS: My girlfriend left me because my gun was too small. -Little Gun in Seattle |
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Jul 4 2005, 09:22 PM
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#54
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Horror Group: Members Posts: 5,322 Joined: 15-June 05 From: BumFuck, New Jersey Member No.: 7,445 |
I am *so* making AH a "Dear Abbey" for Runners on Shadowland in my games. :)
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Jul 4 2005, 09:37 PM
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#55
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Little, In all things except sex, it's not size but how you use it. Don't become one of those sad individuals that tries to compensate for their smaller pistols with more expensive and varied ammunition...you'll still be shooting blanks as far as the troll with the panzer cannon strapped to his waist is concerned. No, what you must do iz go to the firing range and maximize your skill with pistols, then aim at the vulnerable and exposed pink parts of the targets. With sufficient skill (and a little help from reflex recorders, smartlinks, rangefinders and maybe a quickened spell and definately a modified, personalized weapon or two), you can proudly take down large targets with your wimpy 2 1/2" pea-shooter. That two-bullet derringer you pull out of your pants might never cause your girlfriends to drop to their knees, mouths agape in awe and desire, but you can still achieve impressive results. -AH |
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Jul 4 2005, 11:24 PM
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#56
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 156 Joined: 3-July 02 Member No.: 2,929 |
Dear AH,
I love NERPS. I mean, I really really love NERPS. I've tried to quit, but I just can't. NERPS keep me going every day. Without NERPS, I wouldn't have a reason to run. I even voted for NERPS for President (with a fake ID). The problem is, I've been seeing this elf for about six months now, and she's into all-natural everything. I never told her about NERPS, and I know she'd dump me if she found out now. What should I do? -Nutty for NERPS |
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Jul 4 2005, 11:34 PM
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#57
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Nutty, NERPS is good. NERPS is for you. NERPS is for everyone. I own stock in NERPS. I had a girl once, too. An all-naturale type. Big on whole grains and salade a la terre and glacier water. She used to throw out all my junk soy and schedule us on wilderness retreats that damn near broke my strongest cover IDs and usually ended up with me shooting some hapless critter with my Predator while she wasn't looking so I could get something to eat. We made love under waterfalls and in ultraexpensive mud pools made from "organic earth and water." She'd wake me up to bagels with lox and real coffee imported from Amazonia. We even had our own little reefer plant under a sun lamp (beats having a kid, believe you me). I finally lost it when she spent all the cred from my last run on imported air. After I finished burying the body, I tried planting a row of corn. A little morbid, but it had a poetic appeal to me as I was drinking my soykaf. It all died during the next bout of acid rain, but by then I was dating this troll girl named Tisha. -AH |
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Jul 5 2005, 06:22 AM
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#58
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,088 Joined: 8-October 04 From: Dallas, TX Member No.: 6,734 |
Dear AH,
I like totally saw Maria Mecurial in concert today and like, totally, want to be like her and stuff. Can you tell me how to be like her? Totally Starstruck |
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Jul 5 2005, 06:32 AM
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#59
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Running Target Group: Members Posts: 1,032 Joined: 6-August 04 Member No.: 6,543 |
All powerful AH, does twist ever get his magic back,or does he finally become a decker?
And is Striper stil alive? |
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Jul 5 2005, 06:47 AM
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#60
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Uncle Fisty Group: Admin Posts: 13,891 Joined: 3-January 05 From: Next To Her Member No.: 6,928 |
Dear AH,
I'm a magician, getting on into my early 40's. Not as fast as I used to be of course, which makes things difficult in my line of work as a 'deniable asset to my corporate masters.' To make matters worst, I lost an arm a year ago in a ... altercation with KE. After that , I started losing some of my edge, and so got some cyber installed, starting with the arm. And then later some other augmentations, and a smart gun link... and ... well..... you know how that story ends. Anyways, a few months ago, I fell in with this new group, and they were able to help me get some of my magic back! It takes some longer rituals, some times involving others that have to make a sort of... self sacrifice shall we say. But everyone gives together for everyone. It's like a magical support group. But my friends don't like it. THey think that I'm in some kind of "cult". But they haven't seen the things that I've seen, they don't understand the bond we all have to each other in the society. I think my friends are starting to plot against me. And I talked to my circle leader, and he says that I should be careful, and that I should gather ritual links on my 'so called friends'. I'm confused on what I should do? Where should my loyalties be? - Aleph Ace |
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Jul 5 2005, 11:46 AM
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#61
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Midnight Toker Group: Members Posts: 7,686 Joined: 4-July 04 From: Zombie Drop Bear Santa's Workshop Member No.: 6,456 |
Dear AH -
I am a devout follower of Aphrodite, Goddess of love and prostitution. She and I have had a great arangment. I own and operate a holy brothel in her name. We cater to middle and upperclass businessmen My workers are well cared for. The clients are all screened for STDs and iven a background check. After paying the employees, I tithe 50% of the procedes to Aphrodite's church. Apparently, this isn't enough for her. My magic has left me. I have consulted with many Awakened practicitioners and there is no physical reason for the loss of my powers. I must have offended my goddess in some way. I just don't know what I did or how I can make it up to her. Recently I have been having these strange dreams. I dream of chirping cicadas crawling over my face. With thier chirping, they tell me that they can give me more than Aphrodite ever did. They even showed me the ritual I need to perform to get my magic back. I really don't want to abandon Aphrodite. She has been good to me for most of my life. But I'm not sure if I can ever return to her grace. The prostitutes I have tied up in my basement think that I shouldn't go through with the ritual. The cicadas that are incessantly chirping in my head say that I should. I need a third opinion. - Silence of the Cicadas |
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Jul 5 2005, 12:05 PM
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#62
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Starstruck, As with all rockstars, the ticket is sex, drugs and rock'n'roll! Or in this specific case: prostitution, BTLs and invasive implants. -AH
No, maybe and if you consider parenthood living, yes.
Dear Aleph, You suffer from a common affliction: magical ability. What is worse, you appear to have the rare and possibly deadly Chronic and Recurring version. I advise you to contact this 12-step recovery program. They've done wonders for the former insect shamans of the Universal Brotherhood, and I hope they can do the same for you. -AH
Dear Silence, Your plight obviously lies in an inherent confusion about your gender, as shown by the dream analysis techniques of Dr. Freud. After consulting the entrails, I believe the best thing for you is to initiate into the ranks of the Temple of Hermes on the corner of 5th and Renraku Ave. They have a very relaxed set of attitudes that will do wonders for your repressed sexual needs. Don't worry about the girls. Rico will drop by in the morning with a couple bug bombs and velvet-lined handcuffs. -AH |
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Jul 5 2005, 02:23 PM
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#63
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Moving Target Group: Members Posts: 156 Joined: 3-July 02 Member No.: 2,929 |
Dear AH,
I grew up playing video games, and they've influenced me my entire life. In fact, they're why I got into shadowrunning. I wasn't bothered by the adolescent power and sex fantasies bleeding into real life before, but it's getting to the point where I can't control them anymore. Everything looks like a target. I can't look at a woman without picturing her naked (which can be scary when I come across the ugly women that don't belong in video games). I used to be able to have a serious relationship with someone, but now I think in terms of NPCs and Enemies. What can I do to quash these desires to sleep with any mildly attractive woman or envision a Smartgun reticle on random passers-by? -Addict in Auburn P.S.- Are you a girl? If so, how big are your breasts? |
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Jul 5 2005, 02:43 PM
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#64
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Addict, Welcome to puberty and a realistic view of life. Unfortunately, the only cure is gender alteration surgery (you may also choose to go neuter, I hear it does wonders for balance) or heavy drinking. I am not a girl, no matter what those bitches down on the Square might tell you. -Aunty H |
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Jul 5 2005, 02:52 PM
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#65
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Manus Celer Dei Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 17,013 Joined: 30-December 02 From: Boston Member No.: 3,802 |
Dear AH,
Lately it seems that I just can't catch a break. I got laid off from my job at Ares back in 2053, and now a year later I find that my SIN records have completely vanished from the UCAS database. I've got a little certified cred stashed away that I'm using to pay off the landlord, but even on a steady diet of soy and krillflakes I've only got a few months left. The government says they've got no record of my existence, and no one will hire me without a SIN. Sometimes it feels like I just can't go on. I was standing on an overpass contemplating jumping the other day when a man came up to me and told me to get help. He told me about this place called the Universal Brotherhood with a chapter right near my apartment, but when he talked about it he sounded like some new-age hippy. I'd write him off as a nut, but I'm desperate. Should I go to them for help? -Crazy in Chicago |
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Jul 5 2005, 03:00 PM
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#66
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Crazy, Don't you have some unnecessary organs you can sell? Those religious groups can be scary. -AH |
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Jul 5 2005, 08:15 PM
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#67
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
Dear AH,
I'm a member of an elven biker gang and we have been feuding with a trog group lately. I'm sooo torn, because I'm in love with one of their members, Bubba. What shall I do? -Elf in Leather* |
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Jul 5 2005, 08:29 PM
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#68
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Elf, Use lube, and make sure to use at least three cameras to cover the different angles. You might want to train up a bit first...not many think stitches are sexy. Also, your gangs should be accepting of your mutual independent lifestyles. Now that the nuclear family has split into radical isotopic molecules, all you have left are those you "love," the definition of which is up to you and no one else according to the last United Nations International Metahuman Rights Decree. -AH P.S. You are SUCH a fairy*. |
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Jul 5 2005, 08:42 PM
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#69
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Horror Group: Members Posts: 5,322 Joined: 15-June 05 From: BumFuck, New Jersey Member No.: 7,445 |
Dear AH,
I wrote in before, about the Night-One decker I had seen? After careful evaluation, I decided that area was an emotional minefield that lay on the artilliary range of domestic dispute. Naturally, I extracted myself as quickly as possible, but am still lost. Can you reccomend a good dating service, preferably one that caters to female same-sex relations inter-metatype, and does not care if you have a SIN or not? ~ Still loveless in Seattle. PS, if you know of no such service, or even if you do, can I have Rico's contact number? I've enclosed a 450 :nuyen: finder's fee for you. |
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Jul 5 2005, 08:48 PM
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#70
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
<transaction begins> <contacting bank> <cred download begins> <insufficient funds> <cred download paused> <credit accountant "Guido" contacted> <loan agreement processed> <transferring ten thousand nuyen into account> <cred download resumes> <cred download completed> <telecom number "Rico's Pet Shop and Porn Store" transferred> <want ad posted to "Seattle Personals" category "Woman-seeking-Woman"> <transaction complete> <please take receipt> |
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Jul 5 2005, 09:05 PM
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#71
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Man In The Machine Group: Dumpshocked Posts: 2,264 Joined: 26-February 02 From: I-495 S Member No.: 1,105 |
Dear AH,
Recently I paid a large undisclosed sum of borrowed money to persons of shady charcter to remove me from the life I have been living under Cross Applied Tech. Now that Im no longer under the French Jackboot, how should I go about rebuilding a life where I can sleep somewhere other then this 2x3x1 rental coffin? Im rapidly running out of money, and have found it rather dangerous to venture any further then the front door. -Post Dated loan check. |
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Jul 5 2005, 09:05 PM
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#72
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Great Dragon Group: Members Posts: 6,748 Joined: 5-July 02 Member No.: 2,935 |
Dear Post-dated, Generally, it is advisable to secure an alternate position in another company or organization before arranging your own extraction. In this case, you will have to quickly leave your coffin and impress a local corporation or criminal cartel with your relevant work experience and worth...or you'll end up selling yourself on the street and being ravished then devoured by ghouls. Depending on how high your charisma is, natch. -AH |
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Jul 5 2005, 09:17 PM
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#73
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,718 Joined: 14-September 02 Member No.: 3,263 |
Dear AH,
I'm a member in a local social club which is composed of my peers. Some weeks back a competing social biker club tried to.....come and say bad things about.....Oh crap, making this phony drek up is hurting my head. I'm a member of a Troll go-gang and we are in street war with a group of biker Ancients that are trying to push into our territory. We lost a bunch of guys and things were going poorly. So our leader said I had to get us an edge on what the Ancient's next moves were by trying to make friends with one of them. But I think something went terribly wrong. I came back to the burned out van where I live and got the fright of my life yesterday. I should have know something was wrong before I even openned the back doors. Th stench of valseline mixed with jasmine inscense was overpowering. The flower-sniffer was standing behind the passenger seat while reaching over and grasping onto the glove compartment door.....wearing nothing but riding chaps, a silver choker-chain leash, and a grin. I was more than little freaked out, but managed to cough and mumble something about that reminding me I forgot to buy groceries and then leave. But I'm not sure I was smooth enough to convince him. When I worked up the courage to tell my gang leader he was less than supportive. He told me I couldn't let my brothers down, that I still had to pump the little tree-hugger for all the information I could get. So how can I let down the elf easy but still still stay his friend to learn enough information to destroy him and the Ancients gang and feast upon their bones? Bothered Brother |
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Jul 5 2005, 09:35 PM
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#74
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Neophyte Runner Group: Members Posts: 2,174 Joined: 13-May 04 From: UCAS Member No.: 6,327 |
Dear AH,
This is Elf in Leather again, and I tried to do what you told me, but I think he's seeing somebody else. The way he said he forgot his groceries and he didn't come back again that evening, I waited and waited and oh... I am so vexed!!! :( I know he's seeing somebody else and no one else can have him! Next time you hear of me it will probably be in the news, but he's gonna pay! I'm gonna get a leash and collar his size and I hope he's not allergic to vaseline up there... -Vexed Elf |
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Jul 5 2005, 09:39 PM
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#75
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Dragon Group: Members Posts: 4,718 Joined: 14-September 02 Member No.: 3,263 |
Dear AH,
Bothered Brother with a followup. I'm really confused now. After I sent my last corrospondance I returned to my van. I'm not sure exactly what happened next as everything went black, but I awoke some time later to....banging. And then we cuddled, and talked, and he's really a sweet, beautiful person deep down. Now I'm so torn in my loyalties. My Brothers are my only family, and have been as long as I can remember. They have saved me from an early bitter Barrens death. But these new....emotions. I wish the whole rest of the world would just disappear and leave me and my Bunnypoo (my secret name for him) alone. Why must we have such violence and hate thrust upon us? P.S. His excesive, clumsy use of eyeliner still freaks me out a bit. Bothered, Bewildered, and Betwitched Brother |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 23rd February 2026 - 04:03 AM |
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