Okay. So I imagine that most people use unintelligent Critters as mostly mingless opposition or guard dogs. I may be wrong about this. But critters are people, too, dammit, and I have proof.


A roving gang of monkeys has assassinated the deputy mayor of New Deli. The Indian government is training a monkey army to combat the menace.

Drunken elephants die in accident. Elephants like rice beer. Elephants drink rice beer. Drunken elephants uproot electrical poles and die.

No longer can be devil rat hoard be considered the pinnacle of critterhood, not when characters running in New delli will find themselves in a conflict between murderous gangs of rhesus monkeys and hyper-aggressive government-controlled armies langur monkeys. Nor can critters all be assumed to be sober. Marauding elephants who are high on stolen beer or (gods forbid) stolen combat drugs can be a real danger in som parts of the world. Imagine an elephant who has just snorted a few lines of novacoke and slapped a patch of Jazz.

Drug addicted elephants who will do anything for the next fix can potentially be more dangerous than any paracritter or cybercritter.

hey, i'm all for that.

i once used a warehouse full of devil rats as a way to demonstrate why do don't frag with certain people. hanged a guy up side down, unconscious through a sky light into the warehouse.... then once he was dead and stopped kick, but was still recognizable, i stapled him to his own garage door with his hydralic powered nail gun... lots of fun. the guy, who was the dead mans brother, got the point.

all thanks to devil rats.

I had heard about this but my husband raised the question "How much beer does it take to get just one elephant drunk???

In a similar vien for the second time in as many years the panda Gu-gu at the Bejing zoo was forced to defend himself from a tourist.

last year a drunken man rode many hours on a train just to see the pandas. He thought they were so cute that he climbed into the pen to give one, Gu-gu a hug. gu-gu rebuffed him so the man bit him. Gu-gu then bit the man and put him in the hospital. No charges were ifled at the time, the police saying the man had already been punished by the Panda.

THIS WEEK a teen climbed into the pnada pen while Gu-gu was eating. Gu-gu not wanting to pay with the idiot expressed himself by knocking the kid down and biting chunks out of both legs. The teen is expected to live and was only mauled by the panda for 3 minutes, but until the keepers distracted Gu-gu it was pure Panda-monium.

The police are ptrobably not pressing charges on the teen for the same reason- mauled by a panda seems enough punishment for almost qualifying ofr a Darwin award (though they do not award any more for people climbing into zoo pens.) Gu-gu is fine and was later seen happily nibbling some bamboo.

I know it’s against Hindu religion to kill the sacred monkeys… But.. Is it sacrilege to train bigger meaner monkeys to kill the nuisance monkeys for you? I mean, if your gonna let monkeys kill your Mayor, surely you can let monkeys kill other monkeys… Right?

Monkeys can kill other monkeys, but great apes cannot kill monkeys.

~J

Big Hanuman can mess up Little Hanuman, I think. That should be a rule, if it isn't.

Also, Ganesh can paste Hanuman. That's not just a rule, that's simple physics.

My aunt says that while she was living in Africa, drunken elephants were a social problem. Bull elephants apparently wander off in groups and eat fruit near spoilage and yell at each other. Then their digestion takes so long that there's a bunch of fermentation in their stomachs. When they get good and drunk they all pick a random direction and just stampede in it, knocking over anything in their path, getting drunker and wobblier as they go. Eventually they just can't do it anymore and pass out. They wake up with hang overs and angry dispositions.

Male elephants are apparently like frat boys. Only with more weight behind them.

-Frank

And a little higher IQs.

*chalks up reason 1,438,758 he's never setting foot on that misbegotten continent; roving gangs of drunk elephants*