I do not think you need practice. What you describe says you perfected some skill already. Try to enjoy giving your partner good feelings, concentrate on yourself while you do it. Darwinian Failure... nonsense. If you don´t like it, don´t do it. Enjoy making love, but don´t force sex.



Nearly forgot to mention. I´m living in with my favourite female gamer, one player in my group brought his new gf into the group, and one is freshly taken by one that has played in the past but no interest in restarting. The reason may be that we don´t fit the cliche at all - one does physical labour and is thin, one recently qualified for something like an ATF-squad, and one pushes weights three times a week. Shore up those dump stats indeed.

Another solution to the Darwinian failure vs. undesirable sex issue is to invest resources in blood relatives.
Set up a college fund for a niece or nephew, if you have one. Help your brothers/sisters have successful lives and babies.
If you invest resources into increasing the odds of your blood relatives reproducing and being successful you're still successful in the Darwinian model, as those blood relatives are carrying some of the same genetic material as you and you're helping make sure it's passed on.

Just a thought.

my name is on the birth certificates so i'm up a creek either way. At least i know she DOES the dipsey doodle

She feign interest while we were going out. Made it a point she didn't like it after marriage. Could never get her interested, she is a woman after all. And that brings us full circle folks. girl gamers is an oxymoron, believe it!

The original posts in this thread were humorous, metaphoric and definitely rated PG. Several of the posts above were graphic to the point of NC-17+. What we expect is people draw a reasonable line.

I think Snow Fox and Pistons might disagree.

silly goose, well of course they'd say different. If they told ya da truth they'd reveal one of their secret mechanims for ensarement. They remain coy and mysterious, all the better to draw ya in. then KABLAMO! they put the kaybosh on ya and the one ring, the shackle of servitude, is placed upon your ring finger, and never again to know of a day free of nagging. My wife, I never knew what hit me. Blind sided, bushwhacked, flim flamed, grifted, bamboozled, hoodwinked, and.....er....other such words...

You aren't the only one... not from a lack of trying either.

Though I did have sex before marriage... with my girlfriend who I ended up marrying 5 months later. Still together after 12+ years too.

Wounded Ronin, that you seemed to enjoy porn is interesting. It is as if you enjoy the concept, would like to enjoy sex, but the execution turns you off. Now, porn is very different than true sex. Porn often involves things your partner would not be comfortable with and it can also be very unrealistic when it comes to the enjoyment factor. (Most of us don't have two cameras, a makeup crew, and a company paying your partner thousands to be beautiful and do everything you might want, including pretending to like things they don't). Is the 'realism' of real sex the problem?

You mention anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Anxiety over your looks? Performance? Expectations? What the person thinks of you? From what I understand, these types of things take a long time. If you trust them, turn to your partner for support. A good partner will be more than glad to be reassuring. While they likely don't want someone without a backbone at all, that doesn't sound like you. We all have places where we need help, and it sounds as if you can perform - you just need love in return to let you know that what you are doing truly is good and that you are truly appreciated and admired.

I once heard a friend ask this of another friend, and i thought it was something worth thinking about for anyone. Do you feel as if sex is supposed to be about one thing, but is actually about another? What are those things? In the end, you want sex to feel like what it actually is, and for both partners to feel that way. Sex is important in a relationship, and being on the same page (which requires communication) is very important. This is especially true in heterosexual relationships, since men and women often have libido levels that change over time. Keeping wants and needs clear is a key to happiness.

Sex, for most people, is not about pain, tests of willpower, or pressure (in the sense of trying to perform). It certainly can be, but this is more about B&D and SM. Those can be fun for the right people, but seldom have the staying power of romantic passionate sex (which is the type of sex most commonly desired, especially by women). More forceful sex is certainly ok, but it is worth making sure that this is desired in a good way and that it is not a way of expressing deeper psychological feelings that may not be healthy. If you find yourself pulled to sex that is not consensual or not the type that is painful to your partner, you should look into counseling. There are great specialists out there that can really help you have energetic and great sex without one or both persons being hurt. Counseling can be a great idea for anyone that sees differences between expectations, or just for dealing with anxiety.

Count me in as someone not wanting a punch to the face. I'm not saying you can't find partners out there that want that, but just be open to whether this is something healthy (and you just need to find that needle in a haystack person) or unhealthy (and you want to turn to someone that can help you refocus those desires into something that aligns with what most partners want). It does sound like you have good physical outlets, so perhaps a partner that enjoys combative physical exercise (working out, sparring) but then can help you draw the line (now we are in bed, it's more about being together and enjoying each other) could happen.

Not correct. The important part is for offspring to be produced in a way that is non-threatening to the species. The species is trying to maximize. Therefore A) the offspring do not need to be yours, and B) the species should not increase if this is not good for the species. This speaks to our need to be responsible and caring for others, and to ensure the species prospers. There are lots of examples of this in nature.

I could not disagree more, and here's why. The secret to happiness is not mechanical execution. You won't fool any partner over the years that way. You will get yourself into an unhappy situation. I would instead suggesting focusing on the opposite of sex; learning about partners and what they want and about yourself and what you want. Can you find a common ground? Can you find ways to overcome your anxieties? There are people out there waiting to love you, but there are other people out there to be found as well. In the Darwinian sense (of sorts) there is a competition for mates. Partners insure wellness, regardless of the desire for offspring.

A soulmate is a wonderful thing to have. There are tons of people that don't desire sex, if that's what you want, but my read (from what you have written) is that you do want sex. What you want seems to be the path towards good enjoyable sex without feeling like a misfit. That's a path many have survived/completed, and you can too. Like anything else, it takes work, dedication, and time, but if you take one small step at a time and keep an open mind, you will get there!