http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser...=DN/20080082465

Yep, it's basically AR without bonus dice to driving (yet).

Man this is a spooky and awful device.

How can they patent that? It's been described in fiction for decades.

You can patent gene sequences, why stop for science fiction? And tbh, that is all this thing is.

Well, at least a gene sequence is a real thing, and the people who patent it did concrete work to discover it, and it has a concrete application.

This kind of thing just shows how far patent law has descended into bullshit though. It used to be you couldn't patent an idea, you had to make an actual invention. Now apparently, as long as it's a thing that does a thing, it's all yours

"Inventors: Meijer; Henricus Johannes Maria; (Mercer Island, WA) ; Gates; William H.; (Medina, WA) (...)"

...If this is who I think it is, and I do think it is, then I guess this would be the appropriate time to make a snarky yet obvious joke about the thing probably running on Vista and giving you a BSOD right when you least need it. Too bad I can't come up with any.

That's exactly who you think it is.

That just makes it worse! Bill Gates could hire a major law firm to manage his bowel movements, so he definitely had legal advice on this piece of imaginary crap! I actually had the pleasure to edit an entire article on why you can't patent software, and here comes a patent for imaginary software. As Lewis Black says, "SON OF A BITCH!"

[Guardian Angel AI not responding]

<CTRL><ALT><DEL>

<End Process tree>

[Task Manager Warning

Forcing Processes to terminate in this manner can cause data loss and system instability

Are you sure you wish so continue?]

I just hope DocWagon doesn't run Vista.

I still can't figure out what the hell it's supposed to do. I mean, I'm usually pretty fluent in legalese, but it's like they went out of their way to make the language obscure in that thing.

It sounds like it's a device that's supposed to monitor your environment and conversations providing you with "appropriate" responses. Be that laughing at a funny joke or by getting out of the acid rain.

At least that what it sounds like.

Time to break this down to help me get my head around it and confirm whether it already forms part of your operating system.

Part 1 is standard stuff about making decisions based on user preferences and the environment (processes, network traffic, API calls, etc), the interesting part is the networking with other users and devices. Parts 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 are all parts of access limitation systems. Part 7 is phrased a little weird, but amounts to "this is a paid-for service", gotta remember that the "broadcast device" is not local to the user. Part 8 is standard security stuff. Parts 9, and 10 amount to indicating the actual purpose of this whole enterprise; it's a social networking system. Further parts detail the security to prevent improper information sharing, I believe.

The decision-making component is legalese for "algorithm to decide what the hell to do" and makes 'decisions' relating to security concerns, from part 18 and bits of part 17. The observation part is "takes personal data and checks who else is on this social network".

This thing is pie-in-the-sky as far as economic models go, but it's not exactly difficult to pull together and likely that it's been written up in at least one version.

...I think the 2d6 I keep in the top desk drawer at work suit me just fine.

Holy drek, that's Clippy 2.0!
Now annoying the frag out of you EVERYWHERE.

After I read the patent, that's exactly what I thought!

*ding* "It looks like you're trying to purchase some stuffers. Would you like help?"

I can actually SEE and HEAR Lewis Black yelling that, clear as hot sim.

An apt reaction to the ease with which Gates and his ilk can bend the law into hopelessly twisted shapes just by having more money than God.

I am SO making Clippy 2.0 a Personality installed on some equipment my players come across... perhaps a car...

Clippy taps his 'tail' against his 'forehead' in AR, partially blocking the windshield of the SUV. "It looks like you are trying to make a list," He says. Gordon the Orc rigger grunts and directs a stream of convective (accompanied by an Attack hacking command) at Clippy and fries him. He then continues his high-speed escape through oncoming traffic.

or a gun...

Clippy taps his tail against his forehead in AR, blocking Krack's view of his target. "It looks like you are about to assassinate someone. Please choose:

- Would you like a summary of legal violations related to murder? [Yes]
- Would you like to be notified of the best time to pull the trigger? [Yes]
- Are you actually trying to make a numbered list? [Yes]
[Ask A Question] [Close Firearm Assistant] "

When Krack hits the "Close Firearm Assistant" button, Clippy freezes, blocking his field of vision permanently. His target escapes.





Mrwahaha

Don't forget the Clippy 2.0 installed in the penile implant.

...not compatible with OS-LXXIV

Process Terminated...

No, the problem with the patent office is not that the rich can patent anything they want. It's that everyone can patent anything they want because our good friends the Bushies have ensured that the patent office approves anything their corporate friends want. Of course, whether it could actually be enforced in court is a whole different issue. But the only reason to patent something like this is to sue people who have the same idea and want to invent some actual physical tech using it. If it were actually a unique and valuable idea, they'd just keep it under their hats until they had a prototype, since patenting something lets everyone know about its existence...

Given the time it often takes for a patent process to go through, and how WizKids managed to beat WotC by stealing something WotC had a patent pending on to make Pirates, I can see the reason to get it early. Additionally, how do we know that Microsoft does not have a prototype somewhere being tested? Vagaries in language are, of course, to keep them from having to figure out every possible variation to patent them separately.

Oh, bloody hell, it is pie-in-sky. Previously I'd just been analysing the terse claims. Longer claims are a pain to read, but upon doing so I discover that I'm totally wrong. Bugger. I fail, so please kill me now to rid me of this shame.