Dumpshock Forums > Character feedback

Travaler

Apr 26 2009, 08:39 AM

I'm making a character for a PbP game and it is almost finished.
Looking for feedback

He is an assassin for hire that recently had to run away from his last job(in Israel) and now he's hiding in Seattle.

Thanks in advance
Travaler

Here is the Character so far
still have 35110¥ to spend on life style and other small stuff
still need background
still have 15BP to spend on Contacts (and with left over some twinkling)
still have 16BP to spend on KS and Languages
Still Need to Proof Math

[ Spoiler ]

CODE

[-VITAL STATISTICS-]

NAME     | Takashi Watanabe                METATYPE | Oni(Changling)HAIR     | Black
ALIAS    | Shien-Purple Smoke)(prn.SHI-EN) AGE      | 26            EYES     | Silver
PLAYER   | Elderbree TM                    SEX      | M             SKIN     | Dark Purple
HEIGHT   | 1.78m                           WEIGHT   |108kg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-ATTRIBUTES-]Current/Max(Final)[BP]  Total BP with Edge and Race:245

BODY     | 6/9(9)[30]  WILL.    | 3/6(3)[20]  INIT.    | 9/12(14)
AGILITY  | 6/7(10)[50]  LOGIC    | 3/5(3)[20]  ESSENCE  | -- (--)
REACTION | 4/6(9)[30]  INTUIT.  | 5/6(5)[40]  EDGE     | 3/6(3)[20]
STRENGTH | 3/7(5)[0]   CHARISMA | 2/5(2)[10]  A. INIT. | 1(3)
_____________________________________________________________________________
Mods:
+4REA/+2IP(Move by Wire)
+4AGI Muscle Toner
+2STR Muscle Augmentation
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-DAMAGE TRACKS-]

PHYSICAL         STUN               GENERAL COMBAT NOTES
-1 [ ][ ][ ]     -1 [ ][ ][ ]     | --
-2 [ ][ ][ ]     -2 [ ][ ][ ]     | --
-3 [ ][ ][ ]     -3 [ ][ ][ ]     | --
-4 [ ][ ][x]     -4 [ ][x][x]     | --
-5 [x][x][x]     -5 [x][x][x]     | --
-6 [x][x][x]     -6 [x][x][x]     | --
-7 [x][x][x]     -7 [x][x][x]     | --
-8 [x][x][x]     -8 [x][x][x]     | --

(Mark unavailable boxes with "X". Fill damaged boxes with "-".)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-REP-]

STREET CRED | --         NOTORIETY | --         PUBLIC AWARENESS | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-KARMA-]

TOTAL EARNED | --                               SPENT | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-SKILLS-]                     Current[BP]    Total BP:140
                                    |
ACTIVE SKILLS       | ATTRIBUTE | RATING  | D. POOL | W/SPEC |Final(W/Mods)
Athletic Group      | Varies    | 2[20]   | N/A     | N/A    | N/A
--Climbing          | STR(5)    | 2       | 7       | N/A    | 13
--Gymnastics        | AGI(10)   | 2       | 12      | N/A    | 18(16 when Tumbling)
--Running           | STR(5)    | 2       | 7       | N/A    | 7
--Swimming          | STR(5)    | 2       | 7       | N/A    | 7
Firearms Group      | AGI(10)   | 4[40]   | N/A     | N/A    | N/A
--Automatics        | AGI(10)   | 4       | 14      | N/A    | 14
--Longarms          | AGI(10)   | 4       | 14      | N/A    | 14
--Pistols           | AGI(10)   | 4       | 14      | N/A    | 14
Close Combat Group  | AGI(10)   | 1[10]   | N/A     | N/A    | N/A
--Blade             | AGI(10)   | 1       | 11      | N/A    | 11
--Clubs             | AGI(10)   | 1       | 11      | N/A    | 11
--Unarmed           | AGI(10)   | 1       | 11      | N/A    | 11
Stealth Group       | Varies    | 3[30]   | N/A     | N/A    | N/A
--Disguise          | INT(5)    | 3       | 8       | N/A    | 8
--Infiltration      | AGI(10)   | 3       | 13      | N/A    | 17
--Palming           | AGI(10)   | 3       | 13      | N/A    | 13
--Shadowing         | INT(5)    | 3       | 8       | N/A    | 8
Influence Group     | CHA(2)    | 2[20]   | N/A     | N/A    | N/A
--Con               | CHA(2)    | 2       | 4       | N/A    | 4
--Etiquette         | CHA(2)    | 2       | 4       | N/A    | 4
--Leadership        | CHA(2)    | 2       | 4       | N/A    | 4
--Negotiation       | CHA(2)    | 2       | 4       | N/A    | 4
Perception          | INT(5)    | 4[16]   | 9       | 9      | 9(121)(142)
Dodge               | REA(9)    | 1[4]    | 10      | 10     | 16
--                  | --        | -- (--) | --      | --     | --
Free KS Points:24    Max KS Points:48
KNOWLEDGE SKILLS    | ATTRIBUTE | RATING  | D. POOL | W/SPEC |Final(W/Mods)
--                  | --        | -- (--) | --      | --     |
--                  | --        | -- (--) | --      | --     |
--                  | --        | -- (--) | --      | --     |

LANGUAGES           | ATTRIBUTE | RATING  | D. POOL | W/SPEC |Final(W/Mods)
Japanese (Native)   | INT(5)    | N(N)    | N       | N      | N
Hebrew              | INT(5)    | 2(2)    | 7       | 7      | 9
Or’zet              | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
UCAS English        | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
Russian             | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
Mandarin            | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
Cantonese           | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
Korean              | INT(5)    | 1(1)    | 6       | 6      | 8
--                  | --        | -- (--) | --      | --     |
Mods:
1only for Vision or Hearing
2only to pinpoint Sound location
+2 Dodge(Move by Wire)
+4 to all skills involving balance(Balance Receptors/Balance Tail/Balance Augmenter)
+2 Gymnastic (not for Tumbling)and Climbing
+2 all Languages (Linguistic)
+3 Vision & Scent Perception and +2 to pinpoint sound source(Vision+Audio Enhancement/Spatial Recognizer)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-QUALITIES-] Total P/N:40/40 Total BP Cost:0

POSITIVE QUALITY    | COST      | NOTES
Linguist            | 5         | +2 to all language skills and half time to learn
Restricted Gear     | 5         | DNA Masking -Masque
Restricted Gear     | 5         | Move by Wire
Restricted Gear     | 5         | Muscle Toner
SURGE III           | 15        | +30 BP only for SURGE P.Qualities (cost marked with *)
-Balance Receptor   | 5*        | +1 to all test involving balance
-Balance Tail       | 5*        | +2 to all test involving balance +1 BODY vs. Knock Down
-M.genetic Imp.(AGI)| 20*       | +1 to AGI and +1 to max AGI
-Monkey Paws        | 5         | --
--                  | --        | --
NEGATIVE QUALITY    | BONUS     | NOTES
Wanted              | 10        | Assassin(see Background)
In Debt             | 30        | 30K¥[+6BP for Gear](owe 45K¥+10% Interest a Month, See background)
Oni Skin            |Metavariant| Dark Purple Skin Darkens when blushing or angry
SURGE III           | N/A       | Must take 15 BP of SURGE N.Qualities(cost marked with *)
-Nocturnal          | 10*       | -1 to all Mental attributes during the day
-Impaired(STR)      | 5*        | -1 Max STR
--                  | --        | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-WEAPONS AND ARMOR-]

RANGED WEAPON       | DAMAGE    | AP   | MODE      | RC      | AMMUNITION | NOTES*
Ingram Smartgun X   | 5p        | --   | BF/FA     | 3(4)    | 32(c)      | Sm,Si,Gv2,DetFS,UBW
-EX-Explosive       | 6p        | -1   | --        | --      | --         |
-Stick n Shock      | 6s(e)     | -1/2 | --        | --      | --         | Vs. Impact
--                  | --        | --   | --        | --      | --         |
--                  | --        | --   | --        | --      | --         |
--                  | --        | --   | --        | --      | --         |

MELEE WEAPON        | DAMAGE    | REACH | AP   | NOTES
Nodachi             | 7P        | 2     | -2   | Strapped to back
Ceramic Knife       | 4p        | --    | --   | Strapped to inner left thigh(under the pants)
Forearm Snap-Blades | 5p        | --    | --   | Mounted on Right forearm
--                  | --        | --    | --   | --
--                  | --        | --    | --   | --

ARMOR                  | BALLISTIC | IMPACT    | NOTES
Synergist Business Line| 6         | 3         | Slick Black
Full Body Suit         | +6        | +2        | count as half for Encumbrance
Vitals Protector       | +1        | +1        | same rules as shields and helmets
Leg and Arm Casing     | +1        | +1        | same rules as shields and helmets
--                     | --        | --        | --
Total                  | 14        | 7         | Count as 11/8 for Encumbrance
*Sm=Smart;Si=Silenced or suppressed;GvX=Gas Vent Number;DetFS=Detachable Folding Stock;
UBW=Under Barrel Weight;

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-CYBER AND BIOWARE-]  total Essence Cost C/B:4.62/1.3 Final Essence Mod:5.27 Total BP:40.37

IMPLANT                        | RATING    | ESSENCE | NOTES
DNA Masking -Masque            | N/A       | 0.1b    | [5BP]
Move by Wire                   | 2         | 3c      | [17BP]+4REA +2IP +2Dodge & acts as Skill Wire 4
-Skill Wire                    | 4         | [0]     | Total of 8r worth of skills at a time(max 4 each)
Cyber-Eyes (Silver catlike)    | 4         | 0.4c    | [0.6BP]Alpha Capacity:16
-Eye Recording Unit            | N/A       | [0]     | Accessible only Via Datajack
-Image Link                    | N/A       | [0]     | --
-Flare Compensation            | N/A       | [1]     | [0.15BP]
-Low-Light Vision              | N/A       | [2]     | [0.2BP]
-Protective Covers(transparent)| N/A       | --      | [0.02BP] +2/+2 Armor to Eyes only
-Smartlink                     | N/A       | [3]     | [0.2BP]
-Thermographic Vision          | N/A       | [2]     | [0.2BP]
-Vision Enhancement            | 3         | [3]     | [0.9BP]
-Vision Magnification          | N/A       | [2]     | [0.2BP]
-Ultrasound Sensor             | N/A       | [2]     | [1.2BP]
Cyber-Ears                     | 3         | 0.32c   | [0.4BP]Alpha Capacity:12
-Audio Enhancement             | 3         | [3]     | [0.9BP]
-Balance Augmenter             | N/A       | [4]     | [1BP] +1 to all test involving Balance
-Damper                        | N/A       | [1]     | [0.15BP]
-Ear Recording Unit            | N/A       | [0]     | Accessible only Via Datajack
-Sound Link                    | N/A       | [0]     | --
-Spatial Recognizer            | N/A       | [2]     | [0.15BP]+2 Perception to pinpoint sound source
Commlink                       | N/A       | 0.2c    | [+0.2BP]see below for stats
Data Lock                      | N/A       | 0.1c    | [+0.1BP]need to add encryption
Sim Model                      | N/A       | 0.2c    | [0.4BP]
Muscle Toner                   | 4         | 0.8b    | [6.4BP]+4 AGI
Muscle Augmentation            | 2         | 0.4b    | [2.8BP]+2 STR
Reaction Enhancer              | 1         | 0.3c    | [+2BP]+1 REA
Touch Link                     | N/A       | 0.1c    | [0.2BP]
--                             | --        | --      | --
--                             | --        | --      | --
--                             | --        | --      | --
--                             | --        | --      | --
--                             | --        | --      | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-COMMLINK-] total BP cost:4.95
MODEL                | RESPONSE | SYSTEM | FIREWALL | SIGNAL |
Transys Avalon[1.6BP]| 6        | 6      | 6        | 4      |

NOTES:Upgraded Response Module R6[1.6BP];Hardened R6[0.03BP];

PROGRAMS: OS-Shokubai Mark II(custom)(sys6/fW6)[1.2BP];Analyze/Brows/Command/Edit/Scan
R4[0.4BP];Encrypt R6[0.12BP];

SKILL SOFTS:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-GEAR-]    Total BP cost:4.0314
Nodachi[0.5BP]
Forearm Snap-Blades[0.03BP]
Ceramic Knife[0.015BP]
Ingram Smartgun X[0.13BP]
-Concealable Holster[0.015BP]
-1(c)EX-Explosive Ammo [0.065BP]
-3(c)Regular Ammo[0.0414BP]
-2(c)Stick n Shock Ammo[0.1024BP]
Full Body Suit[0.32BP]
Vitals Protector[0.04BP]
Leg and Arm Casing[0.07BP]
Synergist Business Line[0.4BP]
-Long Coat,Slacks and Slacks
Subvocal Microphone[0.01BP]
R4 Fake License(Koji):Ingram X Concealed[0.08BP]
2xR4 Fake License(Koji)(Takashi):Nodachi[0.16BP]
R4 Fake License(Koji):Ex-Explosive Ammo[0.08BP]
R4 Fake SIN:Koji Futsuma[0.8BP]
R4 Fake SIN:Takashi Watanabe[0.8BP]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-VEHICLES-]

VEHICLE             | HANDLING | ACCEL. | SPEED | PILOT | BODY | ARMOR | SENSOR
--                  | --       | --     | --    | --    | --   | --    | --
--                  | --       | --     | --    | --    | --   | --    | --
--                  | --       | --     | --    | --    | --   | --    | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-CONTACTS-]

CONTACT             | LOYALTY | CONNECTION | NOTES
--                  | --      | --         | --
--                  | --      | --         | --
--                  | --      | --         | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[-GENERAL NOTES-]

NOTES | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --
      | --

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[BACKGROUND]

Edit:Forgot to account for Oni cost so now its only 15 BP left over for Contacts

Ayeohx

Apr 26 2009, 09:23 AM

First, what generator did you use to make this?

I may be wrong, but I think you're over cost on your Qualities. I think there's a 35/35 BP max.
Not sure what your BP Max is I think you're over 400BP.

You obviously spent some time on this guy stat wise and I think in character concept also. I think he'd find a tough life in my campaign because he's something of a freak. Even more than the usual Shadowrunner. His somewhat shocking appearance may cause a lot of trouble in the streets and at the negotiation table. That said, you've got some sweet role-playing possiblities here.

xsansara

Apr 26 2009, 10:45 AM

Surge usually doesn't count towards the Quality max. but you are 5 over on your negative qualities. I guess you can reduce In Debt by 5 points without getting into trouble. 5k Nuyen per month is a lot of cash, given that you want to have a lifestyle as well (you haven't bought one so far). But that depends on your GM and his/her generosity.

As a GM, I would allow the character, if he fits the group. Not the right character to play street level or beginner/amateur type of games.

Concerning math: You have a typo for the Agility Max, so please check, if that means you have to pay another 15 for maxing Agility. I think so, but I may have overlooked something.

That aside, I think you have managed to min-max the character about perfectly. I have nothing to add

Stingray

Apr 26 2009, 01:57 PM

Ultrasound Sensor must be solitary implant..
(It is Head-ware,not Eye-ware)

Travaler

Apr 26 2009, 05:29 PM

QUOTE

First, what generator did you use to make this?

Manual Input

QUOTE

I may be wrong, but I think you're over cost on your Qualities. I think there's a 35/35 BP max.
Not sure what your BP Max is I think you're over 400BP

QUOTE

Surge usually doesn't count towards the Quality max. but you are 5 over on your negative qualities. I guess you can reduce In Debt by 5 points without getting into trouble.

You are both correct... should have mentioned it but I start with 450BP and max attrib of 225 and qualities max ox of 40/40

QUOTE

5k Nuyen per month is a lot of cash, given that you want to have a lifestyle as well (you haven't bought one so far). But that depends on your GM and his/her generosity.

As far as life style I'm planing to get one (we are using the advance rules and I still need to go through them) and I still 35110¥ to invest so I think I'll be OK.
Now about the 5k¥ a month ...you make a good point and I'll confer with my GM in that regard thanks

QUOTE

You obviously spent some time on this guy stat wise and I think in character concept also

Took me part of Friday to conceptualize and all Saturday to build him so far

QUOTE

His somewhat shocking appearance may cause a lot of trouble in the streets and at the negotiation table. That said, you've got some sweet role-playing possibilities here.

Well that is part the reason that he avoided the garish obvious Implant and always try to look as respectable as possible (wears a fancy suit and such)

QUOTE

Concerning math: You have a typo for the Agility Max, so please check, if that means you have to pay another 15 for maxing Agility. I think so, but I may have overlooked something.

I have an AGI max of 7 from my "Metagenetic Improvement(AGI)" which adds a point to my AGI and increases it's max by one.
so I started with 2 AGI spent 40 BP to get it to 6 and with my "Muscle Toner R4" it's augmented to 10 ..did I miss something?

QUOTE

That aside, I think you have managed to min-max the character about perfectly. I have nothing to ad

I really wasn't trying to Min/Max him (except to avoid going over max I was just building him to my concept ,if I wanted him min max I wouldn't choose Oni for instance as he costs 5BP more then a regular Ork and all I get is more complication for it

)....is he really min/maxed did I cheese him?...Maybe I'll go over him again and see .

QUOTE

Ultrasound Sensor must be solitary implant..

are you sure?? it's listed under vision enhancements so I though that since it has a Capacity cost I can add it to my Cybereyes after all I can put it in contact lenses.

Thanks you guys/gals for all the feedback

Stingray

Apr 26 2009, 05:45 PM

QUOTE (Travaler @ Apr 26 2009, 08:29 PM)

Manual Input

You are both correct... should have mentioned it but I start with 450BP and max attrib of 225 and qualities max ox of 40/40

As far as life style I'm planing to get one (we are using the advance rules and I still need to go through them) and I still 35110¥ to invest so I think I'll be OK.
Now about the 5k¥ a month ...you make a good point and I'll confer with my GM in that regard thanks

Took me part of Friday to conceptualize and all Saturday to build him so far

Well that is part the reason that he avoided the garish obvious Implant and always try to look as respectable as possible (wears a fancy suit and such)

I have an AGI max of 7 from my "Metagenetic Improvement(AGI)" which adds a point to my AGI and increases it's max by one.
so I started with 2 AGI spent 40 BP to get it to 6 and with my "Muscle Toner R4" it's augmented to 10 ..did I miss something?

I really wasn't trying to Min/Max him (except to avoid going over max I was just building him to my concept ,if I wanted him min max I wouldn't choose Oni for instance as he costs 5BP more then a regular Ork and all I get is more complication for it

)....is he really min/maxed did I cheese him?...Maybe I'll go over him again and see .

are you sure?? it's listed under vision enhancements so I though that since it has a Capacity cost I can add it to my Cybereyes after all I can put it in contact lenses.

Thanks you guys/gals for all the feedback

.. rules said it sensors can be added to cyberlimbs(capasity) or straight to head (essence). eyes are not limbs..

Travaler

Apr 26 2009, 05:50 PM

QUOTE

.. rules said it sensors can be added to cyberlimbs(capasity) or straight to head (essence). eyes are not limbs.. cyber.gif

hmmm...do you have a page reference??

Stingray

Apr 26 2009, 05:57 PM

QUOTE (Travaler @ Apr 26 2009, 08:50 PM)

hmmm...do you have a page reference??

no books with me now,but beginning of the cyberware-section..althought some GM's allow
implant commlinks to cyberlimbs (commlinks are listed as headware..hmm) talk to your GM..
saving money: contact lenses with Ultrasound

Ayeohx

Apr 26 2009, 07:27 PM

It's in SR4A, not sure about SR4.
It's found in the headware table and the headware heading.

"Ultrasound Sensor 0.3 [2] 10 6,000¥"

Glyph

Apr 27 2009, 07:25 AM

Of course, confusing the issue is the fact that one of the archetypes, the bounty hunter, does have it as a cybereye enhancement. Did they finally fix that in SR4A?

Stingray

Apr 27 2009, 10:08 AM

QUOTE (Glyph @ Apr 27 2009, 10:25 AM)

Of course, confusing the issue is the fact that one of the archetypes, the bounty hunter, does have it as a cybereye enhancement. Did they finally fix that in SR4A?

look at topic SR4A and Ultrasound Sensor....It is listed as Vision Enchantment but it is Headware...sight...it looks like GM can decide it..