20 questions with AM
1. What role does AM plays in the team?AM's Role in the Team: A Blend of Technical Expertise, Magical Prowess, and Evolving Confidence
AM emerges from the sources as a multifaceted and essential member of her shadowrunning team, contributing a unique blend of technical skills, magical abilities, and a growing sense of agency to their often-dangerous missions.
The Technical Expert: Navigating the Matrix and Unraveling Digital Mysteries
●
Adept Decker: AM is consistently identified as the team's primary decker, responsible for navigating the Matrix, infiltrating computer systems, and uncovering crucial information. Her skills are frequently called upon for tasks such as researching potential clients, identifying security vulnerabilities, and disabling electronic countermeasures.
●
Valuable Asset in Information Warfare: Her technical prowess extends beyond mere hacking; she demonstrates a keen understanding of information warfare, recognizing the power of data as a strategic tool. This is evident in her approach to negotiations, where she prioritizes gathering as much information as possible to gain leverage over adversaries and secure favorable outcomes for her team.
●
Master of Disguise and Manipulation: AM's abilities in the Matrix extend to manipulating digital identities and creating convincing facades. This is particularly useful for infiltrating secure networks and extracting information without raising suspicion.
The Awakened Shaman: Channeling Iktomi's Power for Protection and Influence
●
Devoted Follower of Iktomi: AM is a dedicated shaman who draws her magical power from the spirit Iktomi, a figure associated with wisdom, mischief, and trickery. Her connection to Iktomi grants her a range of abilities, including healing, perception enhancement, and the ability to influence the emotions and actions of others.
●
Balancing Magic and Technology: Unlike some magic users who eschew technology, AM seamlessly integrates her magical abilities with her technical skills, often using her powers to augment her decking or enhance her effectiveness in the field.
●
Ethical Considerations and the Lure of Power: While generally committed to using her magic for good, AM grapples with the ethical implications of her abilities, particularly when faced with difficult choices or the temptation to exploit her powers for personal gain. This internal conflict adds depth to her character and raises intriguing questions about the nature of power in a world where magic and technology intersect.
The Emerging Leader: From Insecurity to Assertiveness
●
Overcoming Initial Self-Doubt: Despite her considerable skills, AM initially struggles with insecurity and a lack of confidence, often deferring to her teammates in social situations. This is particularly evident in her early interactions with clients, where she tends to let others take the lead in negotiations.
●
A Transformation in Physique and Presence: As the narrative progresses, AM undergoes a physical transformation that significantly impacts her demeanor and how others perceive her. She becomes taller, more physically imposing, and demonstrably more confident in her interactions with others.
●
Embracing Her Voice and Asserting Her Authority: This newfound confidence empowers AM to embrace a more assertive role within the team. She becomes more vocal in strategic planning, takes charge in negotiations, and isn't afraid to challenge her teammates when necessary.
An Indispensable Asset: The Glue That Holds the Team Together
●
Mediating Conflicts and Fostering Cohesion: AM often acts as a mediator within the team, smoothing over disagreements and ensuring everyone's voices are heard. Her ability to understand and empathize with her teammates, combined with her growing self-assuredness, makes her well-suited to maintaining group harmony.
●
Bridging the Gap Between Worlds: Her unique combination of technical expertise and magical abilities allows AM to bridge the gap between the mundane and the Awakened worlds. She can communicate effectively with both tech-savvy contacts and those who operate primarily in the realm of magic, making her an invaluable asset in their line of work.
●
A Catalyst for Growth: AM's personal journey of transformation inspires those around her, encouraging her teammates to embrace their own strengths and confront their limitations. Her evolving confidence and willingness to challenge the status quo serve as a catalyst for growth within the team, pushing them to reach their full potential.
2. What do we know about AM?AM: The Enigmatic Hacker and Mage
AM emerges as a complex and intriguing character in the sources. She is a skilled hacker and a powerful mage, deeply connected to the spirit world and guided by her own sense of morality and justice. Her past remains shrouded in mystery, hinted at through scattered clues and ambiguous statements, adding to her enigmatic aura.
Technical Prowess and Strategic Mind
●
Master Hacker: AM consistently demonstrates exceptional hacking skills, effortlessly navigating the Matrix, infiltrating secure systems, and manipulating data to her advantage. She is the team's go-to expert for all things tech-related, often providing crucial intel, disabling security measures, and covering their tracks. For instance, she effortlessly hacks into security cameras to gather evidence, manipulates data to create convincing alibis, and even probes the commlinks of powerful figures like Phillip, a Technocratic office holder. Her technical prowess is essential to the team's success in various missions, establishing her as a valuable and indispensable asset.
●
Strategic Thinker: Beyond her technical skills, AM possesses a sharp mind for strategy, often analyzing situations from multiple angles, identifying vulnerabilities, and devising cunning plans. She demonstrates a keen understanding of leverage, using information as a weapon and exploiting weaknesses in both the physical and digital realms. This is evident in her approach to negotiations, as she meticulously gathers information on her adversaries, identifying pressure points and crafting arguments to secure favorable outcomes. For example, she researches the background of a potential client, uncovering potential scandals and leveraging that knowledge to gain an advantage in their dealings.
Spiritual Connection and Moral Compass
●
Devoted Follower of Iktomi: AM's spirituality is deeply intertwined with her identity, drawing strength and guidance from her devotion to Iktomi, the Lakota trickster spirit. She regularly seeks Iktomi's wisdom through prayer, ritual, and meditation, often crediting the spirit with providing insights and solutions to complex problems. This connection to the spirit world grants her a unique perspective on the world, influencing her actions and shaping her moral compass.
●
Unwavering Moral Code: While comfortable operating in the shadows, AM adheres to a strong moral code, often expressing disgust with unnecessary violence and advocating for ethical solutions. She is fiercely protective of the innocent, particularly children, and shows empathy for those struggling with poverty and exploitation. For instance, she refuses to participate in a plan to physically harm a target, arguing for a more humane approach, and expresses concern for the well-being of vulnerable individuals caught in dangerous situations. Her unwavering moral compass sets her apart from some of her more pragmatic teammates, creating occasional friction but ultimately contributing to a sense of balance within the group.
Hints of a Troubled Past
●
Cryptic Remarks and Unexplained Expertise: While AM's past remains largely unexplored in the sources, scattered clues hint at a life marked by both privilege and hardship. Her advanced magical abilities, coupled with her intimate knowledge of blood magic—a forbidden and dangerous art—suggest a history steeped in arcane traditions. Furthermore, her comment "Shadowrunners rarely become nobility, they either die young or they get enough money to live comfortably and retire, but rich to the point of being invited to such an occasion? It makes me wonder," implies a familiarity with the upper echelons of society rarely found among those who choose a life in the shadows.
●
Debt and Financial Insecurity: Despite her skills and connections, AM grapples with significant debt, constantly seeking well-paying jobs to stay afloat. This financial strain weighs heavily on her, influencing her decisions and often forcing her to prioritize survival over personal comfort. Her comment, "If they successfully pull off this job then she will survive another month," reveals the precarious nature of her financial situation, adding a layer of vulnerability to her otherwise confident demeanor.
In conclusion, AM emerges as a captivating blend of technical brilliance, spiritual depth, and enigmatic history. She is a skilled hacker, a powerful mage, and a complex individual driven by a strong moral compass and a desire to make amends for a past shrouded in mystery.
3. How does AM evolves in the story?AM's Evolution: From Pragmatic Survivor to Empowered Leader
While the sources don't present a linear or explicitly stated character arc for AM, a closer examination of her actions, relationships, and internal struggles reveals a compelling trajectory of growth and transformation. AM's journey can be characterized as a movement from a pragmatic and somewhat isolated survivor to a more confident, empowered, and connected individual, embracing her role as a leader and a source of strength for her chosen family.
1. Expanding Magical Abilities and Embracing Her Shamanic Path:
●
Initial Reliance on Practical Magic: At the beginning of the story, AM's use of magic primarily focuses on practical applications, such as enhancing her appearance with the fashion spell or gaining an edge in negotiations through charisma boosts. This pragmatic approach reflects her focus on survival and her need to navigate a dangerous world where magic is often a tool for gaining an advantage.
●
Deepening Connection with Iktomi: As the story progresses, AM's bond with her spirit guide, Iktomi, deepens. She becomes more attuned to his guidance, interpreting challenging experiences as tests designed to push her limits and foster her growth. This evolving relationship leads her to explore new facets of her shamanic abilities, moving beyond mere practicality and embracing the more spiritual and ritualistic aspects of her tradition.
●
"These are the core elements?... I am genuinely amazed at how much of the great Spider remains hidden from me." - This realization, prompted by her martial arts training, highlights AM's ongoing discovery of her own magical potential. Her surprise and eagerness to learn suggest a growing desire to fully embrace her shamanic path and unlock the depths of her abilities.
2. From Financial Insecurity to Stability and the Desire for More:
●
Debt as a Driving Force: The sources emphasize AM's initial struggle with debt, a burden that weighs heavily on her and dictates many of her choices. This financial insecurity reinforces her pragmatic nature and her tendency to prioritize immediate needs over long-term goals.
●
Achieving Financial Stability and a New Discontent: As AM and her team secure more lucrative jobs, she experiences a period of relative financial stability. However, instead of bringing her peace, this newfound security creates a new kind of discomfort. Her internal monologue reveals that "uncomfortable makes her feel safe," suggesting that she has become accustomed to a life of struggle and that ease breeds suspicion and anxiety.
●
"Dreaming got me into this massive debt in the first place... Sometimes I wonder if the little Erika is even worth the trouble." - This moment of doubt regarding her expensive cyberdeck reveals the conflicting desires within AM. While she appreciates the power and freedom it provides, she also recognizes the burden it represents and questions the sacrifices she's made to achieve a certain level of success. This internal conflict suggests a growing awareness of the limitations of material possessions and a possible shift in her priorities.
3. Navigating Relationships and Embracing Her Role as a Leader:
●
Initial Reservations and a Preference for Observation: The sources initially portray AM as somewhat reserved, preferring to observe and analyze situations before acting. She often takes on a supporting role within her team, providing information and magical assistance while others take the lead.
●
Growing Assertiveness and a Willingness to Lead: As AM gains confidence in her abilities and her place within the group, she becomes more assertive. She voices her opinions more readily, challenges her teammates when necessary, and increasingly takes on leadership roles, particularly in situations requiring her unique skills and knowledge.
●
"Careful optimism about the ritual, the bond is there - we'll just need to wait to see if it endures. Good work!" - This statement, made after performing a ritual to strengthen her team's bond, demonstrates AM's growing leadership. She takes charge of the situation, offers encouragement and guidance, and expresses cautious optimism for the future. This suggests a shift from a more passive observer to an active participant in shaping her own destiny and the fate of her team.
4. Confronting Personal Fears and Embracing Vulnerability:
●
Masks and Defenses: AM often presents a stoic facade, masking her emotions and vulnerabilities from others. This self-protective mechanism likely stems from her upbringing and the harsh realities of her world, where weakness is often exploited.
●
Moments of Vulnerability and the Power of Connection: Despite her guarded nature, AM experiences moments of vulnerability, revealing her fears and insecurities to her teammates. These instances, often prompted by situations that push her to her limits, highlight her deep-seated need for connection and her growing trust in her chosen family.
●
"Bobby get off, I can't work like that!" - This outburst, triggered by Bobby's unintentional triggering of her phobia of rats, reveals a rare moment of unfiltered emotion from AM. While she quickly regains her composure, this incident suggests that her journey involves confronting her fears and allowing herself to be vulnerable with those she trusts.
Conclusion: A Journey of Growth and Transformation:
AM's evolution is not a straightforward path, but a nuanced exploration of self-discovery, resilience, and the complexities of human connection. She begins as a pragmatist, focused on survival in a world that offers little security or kindness. Through her experiences, her relationships, and her deepening connection to her shamanic path, she gradually sheds her protective layers, embraces her power, and steps into a leadership role.
It's important to note that AM's journey is ongoing. The sources offer glimpses of her transformation, but her story remains open-ended, leaving the reader to imagine the ways in which she might continue to evolve and the challenges she might face along the way.
4. What is AM's relationship with Mato?AM and Mato: A Bond of Mutual Respect and Shared Growth in the Face of Adversity
AM and Mato's relationship, as depicted in the sources, is characterized by mutual respect, a degree of professional admiration, and a shared journey of personal growth within the context of their chosen family. While not as emotionally charged as AM's relationships with Bobby or Jawsey, her bond with Mato reveals a dynamic built on understanding, subtle support, and a recognition of shared values.
1. Respect for Mato's Capabilities and Growth:
●
Acknowledging Mato's Strengths: AM recognizes and respects Mato's physical strength and combat abilities, viewing him as a valuable asset to the team. This is evident in her willingness to defer to him in situations requiring physical intervention or tactical expertise.
●
Appreciating Mato's Insights: Despite his sometimes blunt demeanor and unconventional thought processes, AM values Mato's insights and observations. She recognizes his unique perspective and often finds his observations surprisingly astute, as seen in their interactions regarding Andrew, the HOA president.
●
Encouraging Mato's Personal Development: AM subtly supports Mato's efforts to improve his social skills and expand his knowledge. She patiently explains unfamiliar concepts to him, such as the nuances of Japanese business etiquette and the historical context of penny-pinching, recognizing his eagerness to learn and grow.
2. Shared Values and a Common Understanding:
●
Pragmatism and Survival: Both AM and Mato prioritize practicality and survival in their approach to shadowrunning and life in general. They understand the need for compromise and the importance of making difficult choices in a challenging world. This shared pragmatism is evident in their approach to negotiations, risk assessment, and their willingness to challenge traditional methods when necessary.
●
Appreciation for Tradition: Despite their vastly different backgrounds, AM and Mato share a respect for tradition and heritage. AM, through her shamanic practices, and Mato, through his exploration of his Sioux roots, demonstrate a desire to connect with their past and find meaning in ancient customs. This shared interest creates a point of connection and mutual understanding.
●
Finding Family in Unlikely Places: Both AM and Mato have experienced loss and seek a sense of belonging. Their shared experience as members of a "found family" of shadowrunners creates a bond of understanding and acceptance. They support each other's vulnerabilities and celebrate their unconventional strengths.
3. A Dynamic of Subtle Support and Shared Experiences:
●
Unspoken Understanding: While their interactions are often less overtly affectionate than those within other pairings in the group, AM and Mato demonstrate an unspoken understanding and a quiet respect for each other's boundaries. They communicate effectively, offering support and guidance without encroaching on each other's personal space.
●
Moments of Lightheartedness: Despite the seriousness of their profession, AM and Mato share moments of lighthearted banter and humor. These moments, often initiated by Mato's quirky observations or dry wit, highlight the ease and familiarity they develop as they navigate the challenges of their lives and work.
●
Witnessing Each Other's Transformations: AM and Mato bear witness to each other's personal transformations throughout the sources. They challenge and support each other's growth, celebrating their triumphs and offering comfort during setbacks. This shared journey strengthens their bond and solidifies their connection as trusted confidants and allies.
In conclusion, AM and Mato's relationship is a testament to the power of shared experience, mutual respect, and quiet understanding. While their personalities and backgrounds differ significantly, their shared values, professional synergy, and genuine care for each other foster a bond that transcends the transactional nature of their work and contributes to the unique dynamic of their chosen family.
5. What is AM’s relationship with Bobby?AM and Bobby: A Complex Relationship Built on Trust and Shared Experiences
AM and Bobby's relationship is multifaceted and evolves throughout the sources. While romantic feelings are hinted at, their bond is primarily defined by deep trust, shared danger, and a sense of chosen family.
1. A Foundation of Trust in a World of Uncertainty:
●
Implicit Reliance: The sources show AM and Bobby routinely depending on each other in high-stakes situations. Bobby trusts AM's judgment and often defers to her in negotiations and strategic planning. AM, in turn, relies on Bobby's combat skills and his ability to gather information through his shapeshifting.
●
Open Communication: Despite their contrasting personalities, AM and Bobby communicate openly and honestly, even about sensitive topics. AM confides in Bobby about her fear of rats, her financial struggles, and her uncertainties regarding their work. Bobby, in turn, shares his insights and anxieties with AM, demonstrating a level of vulnerability rare for his character.
2. Respect Forged Through Shared Danger and Professionalism:
●
Professional Synergy: AM and Bobby complement each other's strengths and weaknesses as shadowrunners. AM's technological expertise and magical abilities blend well with Bobby's combat prowess and street smarts. They form a cohesive unit, often anticipating each other's moves and working in sync during runs.
●
Acknowledging Each Other's Growth: Both AM and Bobby evolve as individuals and as a team throughout the sources. They recognize and appreciate each other's growth, offering encouragement and guidance. Bobby, initially impulsive, learns to be more strategic and diplomatic, a change AM notices and praises. AM, initially reserved, becomes more assertive and confident, a shift Bobby encourages and supports.
3. A Familial Bond Deeper Than Words:
●
Beyond Professional Courtesy: Their relationship extends beyond the transactional nature of their profession. They care for each other's well-being, celebrate successes, and provide support during difficult times. This familial dynamic is evident in their concern for each other's safety, their willingness to share resources and offer financial assistance, and their lighthearted banter and shared jokes.
●
Unconditional Acceptance: Both AM and Bobby have experienced hardship and loss. Their shared experiences create a space for understanding and acceptance. They embrace each other's flaws and idiosyncrasies, offering a sense of belonging neither found elsewhere.
4. Hints of Romance? The Line Remains Blurred:
●
Unexplored Potential: The sources offer glimpses of potential romantic tension between AM and Bobby, but these moments remain ambiguous. AM blushes when Bobby changes into his human form, experiences a mix of admiration and disbelief when he offers her a loan, and feels uncomfortable seeing him naked, though she attributes this to her own insecurities.
●
Prioritizing Family: Whether these hints of attraction blossom into a full-fledged romance is left unexplored in the provided text. The sources, however, strongly emphasize the importance of their platonic bond and their chosen family dynamic, suggesting that romance, if pursued, would be approached with caution and a need to protect their existing relationship.
In conclusion, AM and Bobby's relationship is a complex and compelling aspect of their story. While the romantic aspect remains open to interpretation, their bond as trusted partners and chosen family is undeniable. Their mutual respect, reliance, and shared history form a strong foundation that allows them to navigate the treacherous world of shadowrunning and offer each other a sense of stability and belonging in an often chaotic and unforgiving world.
6. What is AM's relationship with TroubleAM and Trouble: A Bond of Creator and Creation, Protector and Protected
The sources portray a multifaceted relationship between AM and Trouble, a spirit cat she brought into being. Their connection transcends the typical bond between a human and a familiar, revealing elements of maternal care, mutual reliance, and an evolving understanding of each other's nature.
●
Trouble as AM's Creation: AM is the architect of Trouble's existence, having meticulously designed his spirit form. She refers to him as her "baby," highlighting the depth of her investment in his well-being. She keeps his "formula" close at hand and even experiences a surge of pride and contentment when contemplating her creation (). This speaks to a maternal aspect of their relationship, with AM taking responsibility for Trouble's existence and feeling a sense of accomplishment in his successful manifestation.
●
A Protective Instinct: AM demonstrates a strong protective instinct towards Trouble, often shielding him from potential dangers. She cautions him about the risks of engaging with other spirits, recognizing his vulnerability as a newly formed entity (). She also experiences fear and distress when he assumes a rat-like form, revealing a more primal, emotional side to her usually rational demeanor (). This instinct to protect Trouble highlights the depth of her care for him, extending beyond mere intellectual curiosity or a desire for a powerful familiar.
●
Mutual Reliance and Support: Their relationship extends beyond a one-sided dynamic of creator and creation. Trouble provides AM with vital assistance, both in her professional life as a shadowrunner and in her personal struggles.
○
Augmenting Abilities: Trouble enhances AM's magical capabilities. He sustains her spells, allowing her to maintain complex magical workings for extended periods (). He also assists her in astral exploration, acting as her eyes and ears in the ethereal realm (). This collaboration showcases a synergy between their abilities, with Trouble's presence amplifying AM's strengths.
○
Emotional Support: Despite his relatively nascent existence, Trouble offers AM a source of comfort and companionship. He senses her anxieties and attempts to alleviate her distress (). He keeps her company during sleepless nights, offering silent support as she grapples with her financial burdens and the emotional toll of her profession (). This companionship, while subtle, underscores the emotional depth of their bond.
●
Navigating Uncharted Territory: AM acknowledges the uniqueness of Trouble's existence (). She recognizes that he is not bound by the same rules or limitations as other spirits, often expressing a sense of wonder and uncertainty about the full extent of his capabilities. This awareness adds a layer of complexity to their relationship, as AM navigates the uncharted waters of nurturing a being unlike any other. She encourages his growth and exploration while also providing guidance and protection as he discovers the full potential of his spirit nature.
●
An Evolving Understanding: The sources suggest that both AM and Trouble are in a constant state of learning and adaptation when it comes to their connection. AM grapples with the implications of Trouble's existence, questioning the ethics of her creation and seeking a deeper understanding of the boundaries between spirits and artificial astral constructs (). Trouble, in turn, navigates the complexities of human emotion and the intricacies of the physical world, often mirroring AM's behaviors and expressing a desire to understand her experiences (). This ongoing process of discovery adds a sense of dynamism to their relationship, hinting at the potential for their bond to deepen and evolve as they continue to learn from each other.
7. What is the relationship between Jawsey and AM?Jawsey and AM: A Partnership Forged in Mutual Respect and Professional Synergy
The sources depict a complex and multifaceted relationship between Jawsey and AM, characterized by a strong professional partnership, mutual respect for each other's abilities, and a budding personal connection that hints at a deeper friendship.
●
Professional Synergy: Jawsey and AM form a highly effective team, complementing each other's strengths and navigating the dangerous world of shadowrunning with a shared understanding of their respective roles.
○
Complementary Skillsets: AM, a skilled decker and shaman, excels in technical expertise, magical manipulation, and strategic planning. Jawsey, a talented face and negotiator, shines in social situations, using his charisma, intuition, and cultural knowledge to gather information, forge alliances, and defuse tense encounters. This dynamic allows them to tackle a diverse range of challenges, with AM often handling the technical and magical aspects while Jawsey manages the social and interpersonal complexities of their missions.
○
Seamless Collaboration: The sources showcase numerous instances of their smooth teamwork, highlighting their ability to anticipate each other's needs and adapt to unexpected situations. For example, during a confrontation with hostile gangers, AM discreetly warns Jawsey of the escalating danger using sign language, allowing him to slip away unnoticed under her invisibility spell (). This unspoken communication and shared awareness underscore the depth of their professional synergy.
●
Mutual Respect and Acknowledgment of Expertise: Both AM and Jawsey openly acknowledge each other's skills and value their contributions to the team.
○
Recognizing Strengths: AM consistently relies on Jawsey's expertise in negotiation and social manipulation, recognizing his ability to secure favorable deals and extract information from even the most challenging individuals (,). Jawsey, in turn, acknowledges AM's technical prowess and magical abilities, often deferring to her judgment on matters involving the Matrix or the supernatural (,).
○
A Partnership, Not a Hierarchy: Despite their different areas of expertise, they treat each other as equals, valuing each other's opinions and engaging in open communication, even when their views differ. This mutual respect forms the bedrock of their partnership, allowing them to navigate disagreements and reach mutually beneficial solutions.
●
Developing Personal Bond: Beyond their professional collaboration, the sources offer glimpses of a burgeoning personal connection between AM and Jawsey, hinting at a deepening friendship built on shared experiences, mutual support, and a growing understanding of each other's vulnerabilities.
○
Shared Challenges and Victories: They share the triumphs and tribulations of their dangerous profession, forging a bond through their collective experiences. They celebrate successes together (), offer comfort during moments of stress and uncertainty (), and provide emotional support when facing personal anxieties (,). This shared journey fosters a sense of camaraderie and strengthens their connection.
○
Moments of Levity: Amidst the seriousness of their work, they find opportunities for humor and lightheartedness, revealing a playful side to their dynamic. For example, they share a moment of amusement at the expense of a troll ganger, using a combination of magic and quick thinking to scare him off (,). These instances of shared humor suggest a growing comfort and familiarity in their relationship.
●
Unexplored Potential: While the sources primarily focus on their professional partnership and the early stages of their personal connection, they leave the future of their relationship open to interpretation.
In conclusion, Jawsey and AM's relationship showcases a powerful synergy between contrasting personalities and complementary skillsets. Their professional partnership thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and a shared understanding of their strengths. As they navigate the treacherous world of shadowrunning, their bond deepens, revealing the potential for a lasting friendship grounded in shared experiences, mutual support, and a growing appreciation for the unique qualities each brings to their extraordinary partnership.
8. What is the relationship between AM and Rachel? AM and Rachel: A Complex Dynamic of Professional Respect and Emerging Personal Connection
The sources portray a multifaceted relationship between AM and Rachel, marked by professional respect, a degree of personal connection, and occasional moments of friction stemming from their contrasting personalities and approaches to life.
●
Professional Collaboration and Mutual Reliance: As members of the same shadowrunning team, AM and Rachel demonstrate a shared understanding of their respective roles and a willingness to rely on each other's expertise.
○
Appreciation for Skills: AM acknowledges Rachel's skills as a mage, recognizing her ability to handle challenging situations with a combination of magical prowess and social adeptness. Rachel, in turn, values AM's technical expertise and strategic thinking, often deferring to her judgment on matters involving the Matrix or intricate planning.
○
Teamwork in Action: The sources provide numerous examples of their effective collaboration during shadowruns. For instance, they work together seamlessly to gather information, infiltrate secure locations, and navigate social encounters with a mix of magic, technology, and cunning ( ). These instances highlight their ability to synchronize their efforts and adapt to unforeseen challenges as a team.
●
Contrasting Personalities and Approaches: Despite their professional synergy, the sources reveal underlying differences between AM and Rachel that occasionally lead to tension or misunderstandings.
○
AM's Pragmatism vs. Rachel's Idealism: AM tends towards pragmatism, prioritizing efficiency and often resorting to deception or manipulation to achieve her goals. Rachel, while not averse to bending the rules, often expresses a desire for more ethical solutions and displays a greater capacity for empathy and compassion ( ). This difference in moral compass sometimes creates friction, particularly when navigating morally ambiguous situations.
○
Social Butterfly vs. Guarded Introvert: Rachel is a natural charmer, effortlessly navigating social situations and forming connections with ease ( ). In contrast, AM often appears socially awkward, struggling to relate to others on a personal level and preferring to keep her emotions guarded. This disparity in social aptitude occasionally leads to moments of awkwardness or miscommunication, with AM sometimes misinterpreting Rachel's friendly overtures or feeling uncomfortable with her outgoing nature ( ).
●
A Budding Personal Connection: Beyond their professional interactions, the sources hint at a nascent personal connection between AM and Rachel, suggesting the potential for a deeper friendship.
○
Shared Experiences and Mutual Support: As they face the dangers and uncertainties of their chosen profession, AM and Rachel offer each other support and understanding. They share moments of laughter and camaraderie ( ), exchange knowing glances ( ), and provide comfort during times of stress or anxiety ( ). These shared experiences create a foundation of trust and mutual reliance that extends beyond the purely transactional nature of their work.
○
Moments of Vulnerability: The sources offer glimpses of vulnerability beneath their professional facades, suggesting a growing willingness to let their guard down around each other. AM, usually reserved and emotionally distant, confides in Rachel about her phobia of rats ( ), while Rachel shares personal anecdotes about her past ( ). These moments of openness, while infrequent, indicate a deepening bond and a growing sense of comfort in each other's presence.
●
Potential for Growth: While the sources don't explicitly define the future trajectory of their relationship, they leave ample room for interpretation and potential development.
In summary, AM and Rachel's relationship reveals a complex interplay of professional respect, personal differences, and emerging personal connection. Their contrasting personalities and approaches to life occasionally create friction, yet they also find common ground in their shared experiences, mutual support, and growing appreciation for each other's strengths. Whether their bond evolves beyond a professional partnership into a deeper friendship remains to be seen, offering an intriguing subplot within the larger narrative.
9. What is AM's relationship with Tamarind?AM and Tamarind's relationship is marked by a gradual progression from initial distrust and discomfort to a tentative friendship, built on the foundation of shared experiences, a growing appreciation for each other's strengths, and a willingness to bridge their differences.
Early Interactions: Technology vs. Magic and Social Awkwardness
At the outset, Tamarind, a pragmatist who relies heavily on technology and drones in her work, regards AM's magic with skepticism and uncertainty. This initial wariness is exacerbated by AM's social awkwardness, a consequence of her past experiences and her preference for the digital world. Tamarind, in contrast, is more at ease navigating social situations and finds AM's eccentricities somewhat off-putting.
Building Bridges: Shared Challenges and Mutual Respect
As they collaborate on increasingly dangerous missions, a grudging respect begins to emerge between them. Tamarind witnesses the strategic value of AM's magic, particularly her ability to enhance their team's effectiveness in the field. AM, in turn, recognizes Tamarind's pragmatism and her ability to remain calm under pressure. They begin to understand and appreciate each other's strengths, acknowledging that their different approaches are essential to their success as a team.
Moments of Connection: Vulnerability and Understanding
Beneath their professional exteriors, the sources reveal glimpses of vulnerability in both characters, creating unexpected opportunities for connection. AM's deep-seated fear of rats, for example, momentarily breaks down her usual composure and elicits a compassionate response from Tamarind. Tamarind, too, experiences moments of uncertainty, particularly when confronting the limitations of her technological expertise. In these instances, AM offers support and encouragement, demonstrating a growing empathy for her teammate.
Towards Friendship: Acts of Kindness and Shared Experiences
Subtle acts of kindness further cement their bond. AM's decision to modify her appearance to align with Tamarind's sense of normalcy during a mission reflects a newfound sensitivity to Tamarind's preferences. This thoughtful gesture underscores AM's growing awareness of social dynamics and her desire to make Tamarind feel more comfortable. Tamarind, reciprocates by engaging in activities she knows AM enjoys, such as visiting an arcade. These shared experiences, while seemingly insignificant, help to bridge the gap between their different worldviews and lay the groundwork for a more meaningful connection.
An Evolving Bond: A Foundation for Future Growth
While their relationship remains a work in progress, the sources suggest that AM and Tamarind are on a trajectory towards a genuine friendship. Their journey highlights the power of shared experiences, mutual respect, and a willingness to embrace differences in forging meaningful bonds. As they continue to navigate the challenges of their profession, their friendship will likely deepen, providing each other with support, understanding, and a sense of belonging in a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable.
10. is AM a tomboy?While the sources don't explicitly label AM as a "tomboy," there's substantial evidence pointing toward her adopting a more masculine presentation and expressing discomfort with traditional feminine norms.
Clothing Choices and Discomfort with Femininity:
●
Preference for Masculine Attire: AM consistently chooses practical, often masculine clothing, such as oversized t-shirts, jeans, and a worn brown armored jacket. She feels "out of her element" in feminine clothing and is happy she kept "Iktomi’s blessing for some extra confidence" while wearing a dress.
●
Utilizing Magic to Avoid Grooming: AM prefers using a "fashion spell" to enhance her appearance instead of traditional grooming practices, finding them tedious and unnecessary. This suggests a potential disregard for conventional beauty standards associated with femininity.
●
Discomfort with Attention: AM expresses discomfort when her appearance attracts attention, particularly from men. She feels "increasingly uncomfortable with the excess of people" at a party and wishes she was "fixing the sewers" instead. This discomfort stems from her experiences as a "SINless elf and female" and her constant need for self-preservation in a world where she's often vulnerable.
Personality Traits and Social Interactions:
●
Pragmatic and Calculated: AM's personality emphasizes logic, practicality, and a strategic mindset. Her approach to challenges prioritizes efficiency and effectiveness, often coming across as emotionally reserved and calculated. This contrasts with stereotypical portrayals of women as being more emotional and intuitive.
●
Seeking Control and Avoiding Weakness: Due to her past experiences and vulnerable position, AM values control and self-reliance, shying away from appearing weak or vulnerable. This desire for control extends to her physical presentation and interactions with others, leading her to adopt a more guarded and less traditionally feminine persona.
●
Finding Common Ground with Men: AM seems to find it easier to connect with men like Bobby and Mato, who share her pragmatic outlook and experience in the shadows. She often struggles to relate to other women, finding their interests and social dynamics alienating.
Conclusion:
While the sources don't explicitly call AM a "tomboy," her consistent preference for masculine attire, discomfort with traditional femininity, and pragmatic, self-reliant personality strongly suggest she identifies more with masculine norms and presentations. Her experiences as a SINless elf and her need for self-preservation in a dangerous world further contribute to her adoption of a less conventionally feminine persona.
11. What does AM do when she becomes uncomfortable in a situation?[b]
AM's Responses to Discomfort: A Spectrum of Avoidance, Masking, and Pragmatic Coping Mechanisms
When confronted with uncomfortable situations, AM demonstrates a range of responses that highlight her pragmatic nature, her desire for control, and the lingering impact of past traumas. She often prioritizes self-preservation and maintaining a facade of composure, employing a combination of avoidance tactics, emotional masking, and strategic actions to navigate challenging social dynamics and personal anxieties.
1. Retreat and Avoidance:
●
Seeking Physical Distance: AM's immediate reaction to discomfort often involves creating physical separation from the source of her unease. When feeling overwhelmed at a party, she expresses a longing to be "anywhere else for that matter, even fixing the sewers", highlighting her inclination to withdraw from situations that trigger anxiety or emotional overload. Similarly, she retreats to her room in VR when faced with a proposal she deems inappropriate, showcasing her use of technology as a means of escape from uncomfortable social dynamics.
●
Delaying Tactics: AM frequently employs delaying tactics to buy herself time and regain a sense of control when confronted with unexpected or undesirable requests. When asked to dance, an activity that triggers her shyness, she deflects by claiming to need a "breathing room", effectively postponing the interaction and giving herself space to collect her thoughts. This strategic use of procrastination allows her to manage her anxieties and avoid immediate confrontations.
2. Masking and Compartmentalization:
●
Maintaining a Facade of Composure: AM prioritizes maintaining a composed exterior, often suppressing or concealing her true emotions to avoid appearing vulnerable or weak. She acknowledges her tendency to "mask" her reservations, particularly when interacting with her Sioux teammates, recognizing the importance of projecting strength and confidence in a world where weakness can be exploited. This emphasis on emotional control speaks to her desire to maintain an image of capability and self-reliance.
●
Humor as a Defense Mechanism: AM occasionally uses humor, often laced with sarcasm or cynicism, to deflect attention from her discomfort and maintain a sense of detachment. Her response to a tense negotiation with a powerful figure is to make light of the situation, internally quipping about the absurdity of their presence in such a high-stakes setting. This use of humor allows her to distance herself emotionally, preserving a semblance of control in a situation where she feels out of her depth.
3. Pragmatic Coping and Seeking Control:
●
Relying on Familiar Routines: When faced with uncertainty or stress, AM often turns to familiar routines and activities that provide a sense of comfort and control. She finds solace in working on her drones, describing it as "fiddling" with them, emphasizing the therapeutic nature of engaging in tasks that allow her to utilize her technical skills and exert a degree of mastery over her environment.
●
Seeking Spiritual Grounding: AM's connection to her totem, Iktomi, serves as a source of strength and guidance when navigating difficult situations. She often offers prayers or requests his blessings before entering challenging encounters, drawing upon her spiritual beliefs to bolster her resolve and find courage in the face of adversity.
●
Channeling Discomfort into Action: AM occasionally channels her discomfort into productive actions, transforming anxiety or frustration into fuel for problem-solving. When confronted with a stressful situation, she throws herself into research and information gathering, stating that "information is power". This proactive approach allows her to regain a sense of agency and direct her energy towards finding solutions rather than succumbing to helplessness.
Conclusion:
AM's responses to discomfort reveal a complex interplay of avoidance, emotional control, and strategic coping mechanisms. Her actions, shaped by her past experiences and her desire for self-preservation, highlight her resourcefulness and her constant vigilance in a world where vulnerability can have dire consequences. While her pragmatic approach often helps her navigate challenging situations, it also hints at a deeper struggle to confront her emotions and embrace vulnerability, suggesting potential areas of growth and transformation as she continues to evolve throughout her journey.
[b]12. Is AM socially adept?AM's Social Adeptness: A Nuanced Picture of Strengths and Struggles
The sources offer a complex portrait of AM's social adeptness, painting a picture of someone who can be charming and strategic in social situations but also struggles with certain aspects of social interaction, sometimes appearing awkward or feeling out of her element.
Evidence of Social Astuteness:
●
Strategic Social Navigation: AM demonstrates an awareness of social dynamics and utilizes them strategically, particularly in professional contexts. For example:
○
During a marketing meeting, she recognizes the team needs to present a united front and encourages her colleagues to focus on shared goals rather than personal grievances.
○
She understands the importance of networking and cultivating informants, suggesting a plan to leverage her team's presence in Redmond to build relationships with potential sources of information.
○
When preparing for a meeting with a high-profile client, AM diligently researches his background to identify potential conversation topics and anticipate his expectations.
●
Calculated Charm and Manipulation: AM can employ charm and calculated flattery when it suits her purposes. For instance:
○
She adopts the persona of "Emma Miller" and strategically downplays her abilities to avoid unwanted attention and appear less threatening.
○
She uses humor and self-deprecation to deflect unwanted advances from men and maintain a degree of control in social situations.
Evidence of Social Struggles:
●
Discomfort and Awkwardness: The sources frequently depict AM as feeling uncomfortable or out of her element in social situations, particularly those requiring casual interaction or emotional vulnerability. For example:
○
She describes herself as a "fish out of water" in social settings and admits to feeling anxious and uncertain about navigating social norms.
○
During a neighborhood gathering, she struggles to find common ground with others, resorting to searching for her cat as a way to avoid conversation.
○
AM explicitly states her preference for technical tasks and acknowledges her discomfort with social interaction, often relying on her teammates to handle social aspects of missions.
●
Reliance on Others: AM frequently depends on her teammates, particularly Jawsey, to guide her through social situations or act as a buffer between her and others. For example:
○
She often defers to Jawsey's judgment in social matters, acknowledging his superior skills in negotiation and interpersonal communication.
○
She expresses relief when Jawsey's presence allows her to avoid taking a more prominent role in social interactions.
○
AM's sense of security increases when accompanied by a teammate with a legitimate SIN, highlighting her unease with navigating social situations alone.
●
Masking Insecurity: While capable of presenting a confident facade, AM's social interactions often hint at underlying insecurities and a fear of judgment. For example:
○
She carefully cultivates a "bland" persona to avoid drawing attention to herself and worries about making mistakes that might reveal her social anxieties.
○
Her internal monologue reveals self-doubt and a tendency to overthink social interactions, often questioning her own judgment and seeking validation from others.
Conclusion:
AM presents a nuanced picture of social adeptness. While capable of leveraging social dynamics for strategic advantage and employing charm when necessary, she also grapples with social anxiety, often feeling uncomfortable and relying on others to navigate interpersonal complexities. This duality makes AM a compelling character – a skilled operative with hidden vulnerabilities and a constant drive to improve her social awareness.
13. What does AM's spirit guide, Iktomi, ask her to do?Iktomi's Guidance: A Path of Challenges, Growth, and Understanding
The sources offer a compelling glimpse into AM's relationship with her spirit guide, Iktomi, revealing a dynamic built on challenges, growth, and a touch of mischievous humor. While Iktomi doesn't explicitly "ask" AM to do things in a straightforward manner, his influence subtly guides her towards experiences and decisions that push her beyond her comfort zone and deepen her understanding of her own potential.
Here are some key insights from the sources:
1. Embracing the Unexpected: Trials as Opportunities for Growth
●
A Totem of "Wisdom, Mischief, and Trickery": Iktomi, as a trickster spirit, embodies unpredictability and a penchant for testing those he guides. AM is keenly aware of this aspect of his nature, often interpreting unexpected events as signs of Iktomi's influence. This awareness fosters a sense of resilience and adaptability in her, allowing her to approach challenges as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks.
●
"Iktomi has gradually guided her to a solution with less conflict": This suggests that Iktomi doesn't offer easy answers or solutions. Instead, he presents AM with situations that challenge her preconceived notions and force her to find her own path. Through these trials, she learns to trust her instincts and rely on her own resourcefulness.
2. Stepping Outside of Comfort Zones:
●
"While AM's logical mind insists that it is a coincidence, she feels that Iktomi asks her to study martial arts as a means to better understand him": This instance highlights Iktomi's subtle way of nudging AM towards new experiences. Even though she questions whether it's truly his guidance or mere coincidence, she feels compelled to pursue martial arts, recognizing that it aligns with Iktomi's nature and could offer deeper insights into their connection. This willingness to embrace the unfamiliar, even when driven by a sense of obligation to her spirit guide, demonstrates AM's commitment to their bond.
●
Accepting Discomfort as a Sign of Progress: AM often finds herself in uncomfortable situations, both physically and emotionally. She expresses a preference for discomfort, viewing it as a sign that she's pushing herself beyond her limits. This suggests that Iktomi's guidance may involve steering AM towards experiences that challenge her sense of self and force her to confront her fears.
3. Finding Humor in the Absurd:
●
"She can never know when the trickster spirit is serious": AM's relationship with Iktomi is marked by a sense of playful uncertainty. She acknowledges that she can't always decipher his intentions, accepting that some situations might be elaborate jokes orchestrated by her mischievous spirit guide. This acceptance of the absurd adds a layer of complexity to their dynamic, suggesting that Iktomi's lessons are not always delivered with seriousness but often disguised as humorous or ironic situations.
4. A Connection Rooted in Mutual Respect:
●
"I am one link on a chain of noble people. I am not weak, I will not break - Iktomi chose me, and he values strength": This internal affirmation reveals the depth of AM's respect for Iktomi. She draws strength from their bond, believing that his choice to guide her speaks to her inherent potential. This sense of being chosen, of being deemed worthy by a powerful spirit, motivates her to rise to the challenges he presents.
In essence, Iktomi's guidance is not about dictating a specific course of action, but rather about fostering AM's growth as a shaman and an individual. He pushes her to embrace the unexpected, step outside of her comfort zone, and find humor in the absurdity of life, ultimately encouraging her to rely on her own strength, wit, and intuition to navigate the complexities of her world.
14. Which clothes does AM wear?AM's Clothing Choices: A Reflection of Practicality, Transformation, and Self-Expression
AM's clothing choices evolve throughout the sources, reflecting her financial situation, her evolving sense of self, and the practical demands of her profession. While initially favoring practical, androgynous attire, her wardrobe expands to encompass both functional gear and more stylish options as she gains financial security and embraces her elven femininity.
Early Wardrobe: Practicality and a Desire to Minimize Attention:
●
Oversized, Masculine Clothing: In the early sources, AM is frequently described as wearing "oversized t-shirts" and "jeans," often concealed beneath a "heavy jacket." This style, perceived as more masculine, allows her to blend in and avoid unwanted attention, particularly in the dangerous, male-dominated environments she frequents.
●
Armor as a Shield: AM's "armored jacket" serves a dual purpose: providing physical protection and reinforcing her androgynous, somewhat intimidating persona.
●
Utilitarian Footwear: When not barefoot, AM favors practical shoes, such as "hiking shoes," suitable for navigating the urban sprawl and the occasional physical confrontation.
Transformation and a Growing Confidence in Femininity:
●
Custom-Made Clothing and a Shift in Style: After securing a lucrative job with "Sir Pike," AM and her team invest in high-quality, custom-made clothing from a skilled tailor. This marks a turning point in AM's relationship with fashion, as she begins to embrace more stylish and feminine options.
●
"Good Clothes" for Special Occasions: While the sources don't provide detailed descriptions of these new outfits, AM's reference to "good clothes" suggests a departure from her previous utilitarian wardrobe. She is now more conscious of her appearance and willing to invest in clothing that makes her feel confident and put-together.
●
Embracing Her Elven Features: AM's growing comfort with her femininity is further evidenced by her willingness to use magic to enhance her appearance. She experiments with different hairstyles and uses the "fashion spell" to achieve a polished look without the fuss of traditional grooming.
Professional Attire: Adapting to Different Roles and Environments:
●
Functional and Discreet: For jobs that require a degree of anonymity, AM favors "clean but functional clothes," prioritizing practicality and a low profile.
●
"Off-Hours" Clothing with a Focus on Protection: Recognizing the ever-present dangers of her profession, AM requests that her tailor incorporate armor into some of her "off-hours" clothing, ensuring a degree of protection even when not explicitly "on the job."
●
The Power of Presentation: The sources highlight the importance of clothing in shaping perceptions and navigating social hierarchies. AM and her team are acutely aware of the need to dress appropriately for different situations, whether blending in with the crowd or commanding respect in a high-stakes negotiation.
Beyond the Physical: Clothing as a Reflection of Self:
AM's evolving wardrobe becomes a powerful symbol of her personal growth and transformation. As she sheds her self-consciousness and embraces her true potential, her clothing choices reflect a newfound confidence, a willingness to experiment with different facets of her identity, and an understanding of the role presentation plays in shaping how others perceive her.
15. What is AM's greatest weakness?AM's Greatest Weakness: A Vulnerability Hidden Beneath Layers of Control
Based on the sources and our conversation, AM's greatest weakness is her deep-seated fear of vulnerability, a consequence of her SINless existence and potentially traumatic past experiences. This fear manifests as a web of interconnected weaknesses that permeate her interactions with others and hinder her personal growth.
1. The Crippling Impact of Mistrust:
●
Walls Up, Guard Raised: AM's SINless status has ingrained a sense of constant vigilance and distrust in her. She approaches social interactions with caution, always anticipating betrayal or exploitation. This makes it difficult for her to form genuine connections, as she constantly questions motives and maintains an emotional distance.
●
Difficulty Accepting Help: AM often struggles to accept help or rely on others, preferring to handle challenges independently even when collaboration would be beneficial. This self-reliance, while admirable, can become a weakness, leading to isolation and missed opportunities for growth.
2. The Price of Emotional Suppression:
●
The Mask Slips, Briefly: Despite her best efforts, AM's fear of vulnerability sometimes leaks through her carefully constructed facade. Her phobia of rats, triggered by Bobby's shapeshifting, reveals a visceral, uncontrollable fear that she desperately tries to conceal. This incident highlights the fragility of her emotional control and the potential for deeper anxieties to surface when confronted with unexpected triggers.
●
Struggle to Express Needs: AM often downplays her emotional needs, prioritizing the comfort and well-being of others over her own. Her reluctance to speak up about her discomfort after a bomb threat, only mentioning it casually to Bobby, exemplifies her tendency to minimize her own experiences and avoid burdening others with her anxieties.
3. Iktomi's Influence: A Blessing and a Curse?
●
The Trickster's Legacy: AM's connection to Iktomi, her trickster totem, reinforces her tendency towards cunning, manipulation, and emotional detachment. While these traits serve her well in her profession, they can also hinder her ability to form authentic connections. Iktomi's influence might inadvertently perpetuate her fear of vulnerability, as she relies on trickery and deception rather than open communication and emotional honesty.
4. Implications for Growth and Relationships:
●
A Lonely Path: AM's fear of vulnerability creates a vicious cycle. Her mistrust pushes people away, reinforcing her belief that she can't rely on others. This isolation, while offering a sense of control, ultimately leads to loneliness and stunts her emotional development.
●
Potential for Transformation: Despite these challenges, AM demonstrates moments of self-awareness and a desire for connection. Her fascination with human emotions and her attempts to understand social cues suggest a longing for deeper relationships. By confronting her fear of vulnerability, learning to trust others, and allowing herself to be vulnerable, AM can break free from this cycle and cultivate more fulfilling connections.
In conclusion, AM's greatest weakness is not a lack of skill or intellect, but rather a deeply ingrained fear of vulnerability that prevents her from fully embracing her potential for emotional growth and meaningful relationships. The sources suggest that overcoming this fear will require a conscious effort to challenge her deeply held beliefs, learn to trust others, and allow herself to experience the world without the protective armor she has constructed around her heart.
16. What is AM's current financial situation?AM's Current Financial Situation: A Shift From Debt to Stability
While the provided sources don't offer a precise accounting of AM’s current financial status, they do paint a picture of her financial journey, suggesting a significant improvement from her initial struggles with debt to a more stable position.
Early Struggles and Dependence on High-Paying Jobs:
●
The sources heavily emphasize AM's initial financial insecurity. She is burdened by a large debt, likely accrued from the purchase of her cyberdeck, and this weighs heavily on her decision-making.
●
This period is marked by a reliance on high-paying, often dangerous jobs to stay afloat. AM frequently expresses anxiety about securing work, as her ability to make interest payments and avoid the wrath of her creditors depends on it.
Transition to Stability and a More Secure Financial Footing:
●
As AM and her team take on more lucrative jobs, including a significant payout from "Sir Pike," she experiences a period of relative financial stability. This allows her to pay off her debts, relieving a significant source of stress and uncertainty in her life.
●
The installment payments from the "Hacker's Club" for a past job also contribute to their financial well-being, ensuring a steady stream of income even during slower periods.
Shifting Priorities and a Desire for More Than Just Survival:
●
This newfound stability marks a turning point in AM's relationship with money. No longer consumed by the immediacy of debt, she begins to express a desire for something more than just financial survival.
●
This shift is evident in her willingness to take on pro bono work, her interest in investing in long-term ventures like Cutty's soup kitchen, and her growing concern for the well-being of her community.
Conclusion: From a Place of Precarity to One of Potential:
While the sources don't provide specifics about AM's current savings or assets, her financial situation has clearly improved. She has transitioned from a state of constant anxiety about debt to a more secure position, allowing her to consider new possibilities and prioritize goals beyond mere survival.
This financial stability, however, does not equate to complacency. AM remains aware of the precarious nature of her profession and the ever-present possibility of unforeseen expenses. The sources suggest that she continues to manage her finances carefully, balancing her desire for a more comfortable life with the need for caution and preparedness in a world that often demands a high price for security and success.
17. Is AM a masochist?AM and Masochism: A Nuanced Perspective
While the sources don't explicitly label AM as a masochist, they do reveal a complex relationship with discomfort and suffering that could be misconstrued as such. AM frequently finds herself in situations that involve physical or emotional pain, and she sometimes expresses a preference for these experiences. However, attributing this solely to masochism would be an oversimplification.
Here's a closer examination of the evidence:
1. Discomfort as a Familiar State:
●
A Life of Hardship: AM's SINless background suggests a life marked by poverty, social marginalization, and a constant struggle for survival. The sources highlight her financial struggles, her reliance on dangerous jobs to make ends meet, and the ever-present threat of violence in her world. It's plausible that these experiences have normalized discomfort and suffering to the point where they feel familiar, even safe.
●
"Uncomfortable makes her feel safe": This statement, made after AM experiences a period of relative stability and financial security, reveals a subconscious association between discomfort and security. This suggests that her preference for discomfort might stem from a deep-seated fear of the unknown and a belief that periods of ease are always fleeting.
2. Challenging Limits and Seeking Growth:
●
Embracing Challenges from Iktomi: AM's spirit guide, Iktomi, is a trickster figure known for pushing those he guides outside of their comfort zones. AM recognizes this aspect of their bond and often interprets difficult experiences as tests designed to foster her growth. This suggests that her willingness to endure hardship might be motivated by a desire to prove herself worthy of Iktomi's guidance and fulfill her potential as a shaman.
●
"She does not feel safe since she finished her debt, luck has shined on her, so it must be a test": This internal monologue reveals AM's belief that periods of good fortune are always suspect, likely to be followed by hardship or misfortune. This mindset, possibly shaped by her past experiences and reinforced by Iktomi's influence, leads her to actively seek out challenges, almost as if inviting hardship to restore a sense of balance to her life.
3. Strategic Use of Pain and Vulnerability:
●
Masking Vulnerability with Stoicism: AM often downplays her pain and avoids showing vulnerability to others, particularly her teammates. This could be interpreted as a defense mechanism developed in response to a life where weakness is often exploited. By appearing strong and unaffected by suffering, she might be trying to maintain control in a world where she often feels powerless.
●
"AM does not want to expose a weakness of will to her Sioux teammates": This internal remark, made when AM questions the ethics of killing a captured mage, highlights her awareness of cultural expectations within her team. As a woman operating in a male-dominated profession, and as someone who doesn't fully share her teammates' cultural background, she might feel pressured to suppress her emotions and adopt a more stoic persona to gain their respect.
4. Seeking Validation and Connection:
●
A Desire for Acceptance: AM's SINless upbringing and her unconventional path as a shaman have likely led to feelings of isolation and a yearning for acceptance. Her willingness to endure hardship and her strategic use of vulnerability might be ways of seeking validation from others, particularly her teammates. By proving her resilience and her ability to handle pain, she might be subconsciously seeking their approval and solidifying her place within their group.
●
"She is a tiny bit jealous that someone can just do that consequences aside": This observation, made when witnessing someone engage in reckless behavior without apparent remorse, suggests that AM admires a certain level of freedom and impulsiveness that she denies herself. This longing for a less calculated existence, even if it involves pain or consequences, hints at a deeper desire for liberation from her own self-imposed constraints.
5. Conclusion: A Complex Picture Beyond Simple Labels:
In conclusion, while AM exhibits some behaviors that could be perceived as masochistic, attributing them solely to a desire for pain would be inaccurate and incomplete. Her relationship with discomfort and suffering is multifaceted, likely stemming from a combination of her upbringing, her spiritual beliefs, her professional environment, and her own internal struggles for validation and connection.
18. What is AM's relationship with her fatherAM and Her Father: A Distant and Complex Relationship
The sources provide limited information about AM's father and their relationship. However, scattered details reveal a complex and strained dynamic marked by secrecy, conflicting values, and a sense of abandonment.
1. A History Shrouded in Secrecy:
●
A Father Never Publicly Acknowledged: AM reveals that her father never acknowledged her publicly and that she only met with him in secret. This suggests a deliberate effort on his part to keep their relationship hidden, possibly due to societal expectations, his own personal circumstances, or the unconventional nature of AM's upbringing.
●
"He got me educated, but as an orphan whose heritage is unknown": This statement highlights the paradoxical nature of her father's involvement in her life. He provided for her education but did so in a way that further reinforced her sense of isolation and lack of a clear identity.
2. Conflicting Values and Life Choices:
●
Traditional Shamanism vs. Engagement with "Anglos": AM's father was a trader who interacted with "Anglos," a term often used in the sources to denote those living within the dominant societal structures. This stands in contrast to AM's embrace of traditionalist shamanism, a practice seemingly at odds with her father's more integrated lifestyle. This difference in values and life choices could be a source of tension in their relationship.
●
Financial Support Without Emotional Presence: While AM's father provided financial support, he remained emotionally distant. She describes feeling "orphaned" the day she left her mother to develop her talent, suggesting that her father's involvement in her life was primarily transactional.
3. Lingering Resentment and a Desire for Connection:
●
"My father never acknowledged me publicly": The simple act of stating this fact, even when explaining her family situation to her friends, suggests lingering resentment towards her father's lack of open affection and support.
●
Proposing to Help Mato Find His Father: When Mato expresses a desire to find his biological father, AM readily offers her support, stating, "We are detectives after all". This willingness to help her friend navigate a similar search for paternal connection could stem from her own unresolved feelings about her father.
●
Seeking a Family Among Her Team: AM's close bond with her team, particularly Bobby, could be seen as a way of compensating for the lack of a stable and supportive family structure in her own life. Her desire to create a sense of belonging and loyalty within her chosen family speaks to a need for connection that may not have been fulfilled in her relationship with her father.
4. Unanswered Questions and Potential for Future Exploration:
The sources leave many questions unanswered about AM's father and their history. What were the circumstances surrounding his decision to keep their relationship a secret? What role did he play in her mother's life? Does AM harbor any desire to reconnect with him or learn more about her paternal heritage? These unanswered questions hint at the potential for future exploration of AM's past and her complex relationship with her father.
19. What do we know about AM's physical transformation?AM's Physical Transformation: Embracing Change and Challenging Perceptions
The sources reveal a significant physical transformation for AM, moving from a self-conscious and androgynous presentation to a more confident embodiment of her elven femininity. This transformation, facilitated by magic and a growing sense of self-acceptance, allows AM to explore new facets of her identity and challenge the ways in which others perceive her.
Early Descriptions and Reliance on Practical Magic:
●
Initially, AM is depicted as favoring oversized, masculine clothing, often wearing an "armored jacket on top of her oversized t-shirt." This style seems intended to minimize her femininity and make her less noticeable, particularly in the dangerous, male-dominated environments she frequents.
●
Her discomfort with her appearance is evident in her reliance on the "fashion spell," which she uses to enhance her looks without the effort of traditional grooming. "Being a woman became effortless once she opened up to the fashion spell."
A Desire for Transformation and Experimenting with Appearance:
●
Despite her initial reliance on magic to mask her appearance, AM harbors a desire for a more lasting transformation. "For a brief moment, AM even considers starting to dress like a woman. Though, she then remembers that she is an elf, and that the world objectifies her kind, and that she lives in the middle of multiple gangs filled with hormonal males." This internal conflict highlights her awareness of societal expectations and the potential dangers of embracing her femininity in a world often hostile towards women, especially elven women.
●
The sources describe AM experimenting with different looks using magic, such as transforming "his hair into blonde spikes" for a contact's date. These instances suggest a willingness to play with her appearance and explore different expressions of her identity.
A Shift in Physique and a More Confident Presence:
●
A significant turning point occurs when AM undergoes a physical transformation through a combination of unspecified means. "A few weeks later, when I am ready to leave, my oversized clothes suddenly fit, and I have figured out how to keep the spell I had known for years already - with me indefinitely." While the exact nature of this change remains ambiguous, it's implied to be a result of both magic and potentially other technologies or treatments.
●
This transformation results in a more conventionally attractive and feminine physique, with Mato noting that AM is now "taller than him" and possesses "legs for days." This change in her appearance is accompanied by a newfound confidence, as AM no longer feels the need to hide her body or downplay her attractiveness.
Reactions From Others and Challenging Perceptions:
●
AM's transformation elicits a range of reactions from those around her. Mato, initially, is "a bit put off" by her new physique, struggling to adjust to her increased height and more striking appearance.
●
Others, like TJ, appreciate AM's willingness to use her magic to enhance their looks, highlighting the social capital associated with her abilities.
●
Importantly, AM's transformation allows her to navigate certain situations with more agency and authority. She notes that "people look at me differently," which suggests that she is now perceived as more capable and commanding.
Embracing Herself and Redefining Beauty on Her Own Terms:
●
AM's journey is ultimately one of self-acceptance. She moves from a place of insecurity and a desire to conform to external expectations to a more empowered state where she embraces her elven features and defines beauty on her own terms.
●
By combining magic, technology, and her own strength of will, AM crafts an image that reflects her evolving sense of self. She no longer seeks to disappear or minimize her presence, but rather commands attention and challenges the ways in which women, particularly elven women, are viewed and treated in her world.
20. does AM have a sense of humor? AM's Sense of Humor: A Subdued and Quirky Approach
While the sources don't explicitly describe AM as having a boisterous or conventional sense of humor, they do reveal instances of dry wit, playful sarcasm, and a penchant for using humor as a defense mechanism in uncomfortable situations. Her humor tends to be subtle, often expressed through her word choices or in her internal monologue.
Here are some examples from the sources that highlight AM's unique approach to humor:
Humor as a Defense Mechanism:
●
Downplaying Her Appearance: When Bobby compliments AM on her appearance, remarking that she looks "nice," she responds with a self-deprecating joke, stating, "It's the shoes". This suggests a tendency to deflect compliments and use humor to downplay situations where she feels uncomfortable or vulnerable.
●
Deflecting Unwanted Attention: When confronted by a group of aggressive men making suggestive remarks about her relationship with Bobby, AM attempts to de-escalate the situation with a playful joke, stating, "He lets me wear red". This demonstrates her use of humor to navigate socially awkward or potentially dangerous encounters.
Dry Wit and Sarcasm:
●
Commenting on Financial Woes: AM often injects dry humor into her observations about her financial struggles. For instance, when faced with a daunting debt repayment schedule, she wryly remarks to her financial contact, "TJ… You have no idea the shit I had to do to make interest.". This demonstrates a self-aware and somewhat sardonic approach to her financial burdens.
●
Observing the Absurdity of Situations: AM's internal monologue reveals a wry perspective on the often absurd situations she encounters as a shadowrunner. When witnessing Tamarind's technologically advanced home security system, she humorously muses about the need for "heavy agricultural drones" for their own suburban home. This suggests a capacity to find humor in the incongruities and unexpected juxtapositions of her life.
Appreciation for the Absurd:
●
Embracing Iktomi's Influence: AM's connection to Iktomi, the Trickster spirit, suggests an affinity for chaos, mischief, and the subversion of expectations. She acknowledges that her path is often unpredictable and acknowledges Iktomi's influence, even when it leads to personally challenging or embarrassing situations. This suggests a willingness to find humor in the unexpected turns of fate and embrace the absurdist nature of her reality.
Key Takeaway:
AM's sense of humor might not be overt or conventionally expressed, but it's a significant aspect of her character. Her dry wit, playful sarcasm, and ability to find humor in adversity highlight her resilience, intelligence, and her unique perspective on the world around her.