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onlyghostdanceswhiledrunk
Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number

to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed

the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down

with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our

Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot

I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled

that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house

And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.


This was written as a joke email but it got me thinking about the interesting ways runners deal with stress. Discuss.


CanRay
Arranging the Humanis Policlub and Sons of Sauron Meet and Greet at the same IHOP.
Squiddy Attack
When mine's angry, she does one of two things.

If chewing-out will solve the problem (or so she thinks), this is what happens. She yells and fusses at the ones responsible.

That doesn't happen nearly as often as the second one, which involves quietly stewing and simmering and twitching a lot, with a side of glaring. She might actually do something to the offender, but it depends on who it is she's pissed at. Teammates might be afflicted with troll porn.


She's not very good at 'managing' her anger.
CanRay
Jon "Money" Johnson: Hunting and Fishing. Big game. (He was seen loading depth charges for one fishing trip by the PCs.).

Nas: Driving. A lot of driving. Usually at insane speeds with the cops after him. He's just a good ol' boy, don't mean no harm...

Jet: Real coffee of various blends and types.

Speeder: Shoesandshoppinganddressesandprogramsandhackingandcrackingencryptionganddancinga
ndshootingand...

Rabbi Sam: Reading various religious magazines, including Islamic Magazines. (He enjoys reading how Jews really rule the world.).

Murphy: Reading obscure American and Japanese literature.

Brad Harrington: Tearing up the street with his cybernetically attached jackhammer. Luckily, that's his job.

Father Gold: "Slitch better have my money!"

"The Old Man": Some of the good, ol' fashioned ultraviolence.

Sensei: Trying to keep Pixie Sticks out of Speeder's reach. Or training her to do mean, nasty things on the Matrix to his old enemies who are sure he's dead.

DrugHunter: Drugs. Lots of drugs. And blacking out and waking up in strange places.

The Accountant From Hell: Complex mathematical equations. In his head. While cleaning up.
PoliteMan
You mean everyone doesn't solve their anger management issues with booze?
Blade
That's the reason why one of my characters runs. Investigating something takes his mind off his own problems.
Sixgun_Sage
My newest hacker character hacks random commlinks... and not so random commlinks. Not troll porn, though he has weaponized a bubba the love troll simsense. He alters the system sounds and then erases the program to select other sound sets.
CanRay
QUOTE (Sixgun_Sage @ Feb 11 2011, 11:21 AM) *
My newest hacker character hacks random commlinks... and not so random commlinks. Not troll porn, though he has weaponized a bubba the love troll simsense. He alters the system sounds and then erases the program to select other sound sets.

Oh, very nice!

And was it "Bubba the Love Troll Does Cell Block B"?
Sixgun_Sage
QUOTE (CanRay @ Feb 11 2011, 11:06 AM) *
Oh, very nice!

And was it "Bubba the Love Troll Does Cell Block B"?



No, "Nurse Bubba's Rectal Exam Adventures", yes, that is a creation of my own sick, twisted mind.
toturi
What, no "Bubba goes to Sesame Street"?
CanRay
QUOTE (toturi @ Feb 12 2011, 11:32 AM) *
What, no "Bubba goes to Sesame Street"?

He was a special guest on the "Sex Puppets" show once...
Kyoto Kid
...RE: Original post.

Now that was funny. Fortunately I had finished my beer before I read it otherwise I would be cleaning off my keyboard and screen right now. grinbig.gif
CanRay
Now I want beer. And I'm angry there's no beer. And the rum is gone. And there isn't even any Soycaff.
Sixgun_Sage
QUOTE (CanRay @ Feb 13 2011, 04:43 AM) *
Now I want beer. And I'm angry there's no beer. And the rum is gone. And there isn't even any Soycaff.



Don't tell Jack the rum is gone!
CanRay
QUOTE (Sixgun_Sage @ Feb 14 2011, 04:43 PM) *
Don't tell Jack the rum is gone!

CAPTAIN Jack.
Kesendeja
Uses a nice little spell called "Hangover" on the annoying party. Imagine the worst morning a collage frat boy ever had, and multiply it by three.

Has had to use it twice to keep order in the group, and shown no remorse. (Most of the group is street sams or adepts a lot bigger than her.)
CanRay
QUOTE (Kesendeja @ Feb 15 2011, 12:56 AM) *
Imagine the worst morning a collage frat boy ever had, and multiply it by three.

Sorry, that's impossible. You see, they'd have to have three...

*Ahem*

I'll shut up now, and just point out that I'm a Nerd from Northern Ontario. You can imagine how the Frats and Jocks treated me.
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