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Abstruse
I'm so thrilled, I finally get to actually PLAY in a Shadowrun game rather than being forced to GM because I'm the only one that knows the rules. I'm so psyched. I've made my character and I'm rather happy with how he turned out. However, the background doesn't quite feel right but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe my dates are off, maybe I didn't put cities in the right locations, maybe I just completely screwed up the concept. But I can't figure it out, so I'm throwing it out to you guys. Find every single flaw you can in this background and let me know. I'm not looking for suggestions for improvement, just wanting someone to fact-check me.

TL,DR: An intelligence/counter-intelligence agent for Ares under Knight Errant who got hung out to dry by the company in the middle of a run on NeoNET after he found info that made him question the "official" story on his father's death. He's holed up in a crappy motel he's paid several months for as a crash pad with just the gear he had on his back, having to completely switch roles from the guy that hunts shadowrunners to becoming a runner himself.

Full version in spoiler:

[ Spoiler ]
TheOOB
Well, there defiantly isn't any holes between your paragraphs, you might want to add those to make it more readable.
Manunancy
What I find odd is Are's reaction to the botched run : why would they abandon him ? if he had transmitted what he found they might know of the video, but otherwise they have no reason to abandon him. At least not before some time spent reviewing the data. Even if the run was completely botched, they'd rather try to have come back for debriefing (and eventual disposal) rather than running loose they don't know where.

It's also not clear what exactly the trouble his : from what I'm reading, all Ares did was to cover up the details of his father's death, without being actively involved in it - or were the insect spirits used by Ares ? Even in that case, what's so different from say a misplaced grenade, a regular spirit going rogue or other combat mishaps to make John go bonkers ? With his job he must have been exposed to enough corporate dirty laundry, bunglings and coverups to have little illusions left about his job and his bosses...

Some more general comment : staying under Are's radar isn't exactly compatible with his first and fourth goal (especially the fourth). Note that as a GM I would probably use that forth goal to poke at you character's convictions, since ruining Skylar's life is likely to ruin (or require the ruining) of several other lives. He might be a ruthless exec but a decent husband and good father. To what depth would John be willing to sink to hurt Skylar ? Or would he merely snipe him and be done with it.

Alos, depending on William Dever's rank, odds are Skylar wasn't the only one involved : if he issued a memo, at least his own direct superior was informed and may or not have his share of responsability. Skylar is hardly the only one resposible : the mage who summoed the siprit is directly responsible. And if the insect spirits were used by Ares, odds are the order to use them came from higher than Skylar.

One last comment : You character's personal quest is interesting, but I see several problems with it :
* it's likely to end up in a TPK if he pisses Ares enough. The other players may very well decide that they' don't want that sort of risk and they'd be safer by avoiding John. Or maybe even sell him to Ares as a preemptive safety measure or apology.
* doing that backstoy justice is going to require a lot of attention (and time) from the GM, the other players may feel cheated and have the impression you're hogging the spotlights.
Glyph
I'm a bit confused by the bit about an insect spirit "going rogue". You have to be an insect shaman to deal with insect spirits, and Ares is about the last corporation that would do that, nasty as they are in some of their other dealings.
Abstruse
QUOTE (Glyph @ Mar 26 2011, 08:11 PM) *
I'm a bit confused by the bit about an insect spirit "going rogue". You have to be an insect shaman to deal with insect spirits, and Ares is about the last corporation that would do that, nasty as they are in some of their other dealings.

Ummm...Knight Errant was working with Mantis shamen as early as 2054, and there have been at least two references to them using other insect spirits as security and military assets. I can't give you page numbers off the top of my head, but I know my stuff when it comes to the bugs (my favorite Shadowrun plotline ever).

This is the story as told from Devers's point of view. All he knows is that they got the files from NeoNET, turns out to be old Fuchi-era documents on a run a team they hired did on an Ares facility, and it means Ares lied to him about how his father died. His head wasn't in the right place, he blew the run (I'm thinking he blew their cover or at least his), and next thing he knows Ares has him cut off. Behind the scenes, what may have happened is he blew his cover and endangered the cover of his team, so they cut him off and reported to Ares. Ares then cut him loose, killing his accounts and corporate SIN assuming he got captured by NeoNET. Disavow all knowledge sort of thing to keep the incident from escalating.

Basically, I like playing the support guys in a game. Hacker, face, magic support, etc. However, the group I'm playing with has all three of those roles covered and I was the last one to the party. Since they need fire support, I decided to go with a street sam. But I hate playing things to type, so I wanted a backstory of a guy that knows a lot about the shadows from the outside but who's never been in the shadows himself. I wanted him to be competent, which required some corpsec or military background. I wanted him to have secrets from his team that can be slowly revealed, I wanted him to have just the gear on his back, and I wanted him to have a goal. Corporate shadowrunner boogieman cut loose from the corp seemed like a good fit. As I said before, I've got a thing for the insect spirit plotline so I wanted to work that in, so that gave me Ares. The rest sort of came together. I've already talked with my GM about the basics and he seems to understand what I'm going for (Ares is watching him, but they aren't going to start gunning for him immediately unless he does something to piss them off), so it's pretty much just me wanting to iron out the details.
Manunancy
I find it odd that Ares would write him off fo merely blowing his cover on an op : it's amongst the basic risks in his line of work, and considering what it costs to build up that sort of operatives, there are certainly some procedures implemented for precisely that sort of situations. "If you get burned and need to run for the hills, go on this message board and post that message to initiate recovery planning" - that sort of things.
When you need real deniablity, you use shadowrunners rather than your own operatives.

For Ares to send him to the wolves and write him off would require something rather blatant that makes him completely compromized. For a corp agent like him, new SINs and cosmetic surgery come close to regular maintenance procedures.

Even if Ares thought he's turning agaisnt them, they'd rather neatly recover him through a pretense of reintegration rather than trying to look under every rock for him... It''ll cost almsot nothing and if it works they'll get the problem under wraps - why not give it a try ?

One thing to remember is that by his very trade, this character will be very well aware of the way the corps (including Ares) will distort facts and lie to their own to cover up embarassing facts. Sure finding the report is going ot a bit of 'f**** they lie even to me, not just to the proles', but it won't be a world-shaking revelation that would turn his vorldview heels over head. His job is to walk in the corp's underbelly to look for the nasty bits, and he knows from personnal experience they aren't pretty.
Abstruse
QUOTE (Manunancy @ Mar 27 2011, 02:54 AM) *
One thing to remember is that by his very trade, this character will be very well aware of the way the corps (including Ares) will distort facts and lie to their own to cover up embarassing facts. Sure finding the report is going ot a bit of 'f**** they lie even to me, not just to the proles', but it won't be a world-shaking revelation that would turn his vorldview heels over head. His job is to walk in the corp's underbelly to look for the nasty bits, and he knows from personnal experience they aren't pretty.

I think that's why it's feeling off to me. I can't quite figure out a story that puts the guy on the streets with Ares watching him but not a price on his head and KE SWAT teams honing in on him every time he shows up on a webcam.

And it's not so much that they lied to him. It's that they lied to him about his father. They were using insect spirits when they didn't have full control over them and his father died because of it. Maybe I could add in that since the official story was a car accident and he actually died on the job, he could be pissed because the company didn't pay out any death benefits and left the family in debt?

One big RP aspect I was going to use with the character is that this guy was raised Ares. He was born to a company man, then was raised by the corp more than his mother (who had to work more to maintain their lifestyle). He feels a deep sense of betrayal about the corp, but he still really has the "Ares is your friend" mentality programmed into him. I really wanted to explore that transition.
Manunancy
I don't think Ares would skip on the pension - car crash on the way to work still falls under 'accident at wrok' (at elast in French law) and opens the related benefit and compensations. And it's not in Are's interest to be too skimpy therebecause it might lead to someone poking his nose at the death and stumbling upon the bug spirit deal.

An alternate version would to have botch the job and returning to Ares - then plenty of debriefing and some 'cooldown' period where his bosses check what went wrong and determine wether he's losing is touch or not. He starts asking questions and soon his reliavility index drops.
Which prompts someone up the food chain to do some preemptive damage control : send him on an op whomewhere under a falso identy, then leak information hoping to get him killed. Of course the whole op goes south and he needs to hit the ground. Contact back at Ares sounds fishy and he decides to keep a low profile rather than than getting back like a good trooper.

Fortunately by now his knowledges are a cooler potato, which means the divided management can't reach a majority between removal and reintegration, settlig of a middle term of observation, with a supression of his Ares ID to make sure he won't cause troubles to the corp's good name.

By placing a divided management it lets him retain some loyalty for Ares, since he wont know for sure of who wants him dead : the rotten apples (yep I kew it, Ares is good, Ares is nice, I cheer for Ares) or the mainstream (damn they've suckered me from the crib up ! The problem's with the corp even if some guys in it are OK)

Note : that's just a quick and dirty reflexion, it needs some polishing up but I think it keeps the whole situation in nice shades of grey rather than a black-and-white opposition..
Manunancy
One thought : there's not need for Ares to actively look for him : with his past service, it's about certain Ares has some ritual samples safely tucked away somewhere. Which means that when Ares decide he's enough of a liability/pain in the backside to need removal, they have just the right thing to do it.
Abstruse
QUOTE (Manunancy @ Mar 27 2011, 07:02 AM) *
One thought : there's not need for Ares to actively look for him : with his past service, it's about certain Ares has some ritual samples safely tucked away somewhere. Which means that when Ares decide he's enough of a liability/pain in the backside to need removal, they have just the right thing to do it.

That's actually where the scared part comes from. The ritual link.

Devers attitude toward Ares I think would be similar to finding out your beloved grandfather was a Nazi war criminal. Sure, you heard all the rumors, and you knew that other guys were like that first-hand, but you'd never think your own flesh and blood would do something so horrible. Remember, this guy was raised from birth inside the corp with all the brainwashing that goes with it. He's not an idiot and didn't think the corp was squeeky clean, but it was Ares. And Ares was the good guys, damnit!
Rasumichin
QUOTE (Manunancy @ Mar 27 2011, 01:02 PM) *
One thought : there's not need for Ares to actively look for him : with his past service, it's about certain Ares has some ritual samples safely tucked away somewhere. Which means that when Ares decide he's enough of a liability/pain in the backside to need removal, they have just the right thing to do it.


Which is pretty likely given that we're talking about someone who could cause the biggest PR desaster imaginable for Ares.
And the guy who has this information has a personal grudge against the company.
They won't let him get away with this.

He would be dead by now thanks to ritual sorcery assassination by mages who regularly attack bug spirits on their home plane.
The only way to avoid this would be that he has replaced his ritual sample in time.
Even that would still mean that he's got the Hunted quality with a really powerful adversary behind it (getting this guy would be of utmost importance, so there won't be just a local branch of Ares or KE after him).

Or maybe he has struck a deal with the company.
Maybe they wiped parts of his memory with a PAB treatment or something like that.

In any case, you need an explanation why your character is still alive.
Abstruse
QUOTE (Rasumichin @ Mar 27 2011, 09:02 PM) *
In any case, you need an explanation why your character is still alive.

I'm working on that right now and talking to my GM about options. He used the last of his money to hire a hacker to get corroborating reports and more info. Maybe there's a dead man's switch set up offline. If he goes missing, the data on Ares's use of insect spirits goes public. Kinda lame (Ares hackers would have any agent for that torn to shreds in minutes), but it's the best I could come up with so far.
Doc Chase
First question I have: Why would Ares/KE send in a black ops team to do a Shadowrunner's work? This is the kind of crap that starts wars, like the dust-up in SouthAm. You aren't looking for legitimacy, you're looking to burn files. If that's the case, send a deniable team and your'e done. Easy-peasy.

That being said, it's pretty clear Ares knew what was on the servers before they sent a crew. Ask yourself this second question I have: How did Horizon get that information? Who sold it out, or if that's not the case, who fucked up? (Okay, that's like three questions.)

Why was your man allowed to advance so far if this was such a terrible secret? Why was Daddy's untimely demise covered up as an accident? Why not tell the boy after he gets Eyes-Only clearance so he goes straight into Firewatch with a burning hatred for anything that has chitin and more than four legs? Why burn this operative mid-run over something that's ultimately a non-issue?
Abstruse
QUOTE (Doc Chase @ Mar 28 2011, 10:39 AM) *
First question I have: Why would Ares/KE send in a black ops team to do a Shadowrunner's work? This is the kind of crap that starts wars, like the dust-up in SouthAm. You aren't looking for legitimacy, you're looking to burn files. If that's the case, send a deniable team and your'e done. Easy-peasy.

That being said, it's pretty clear Ares knew what was on the servers before they sent a crew. Ask yourself this second question I have: How did Horizon get that information? Who sold it out, or if that's not the case, who fucked up? (Okay, that's like three questions.)

Why was your man allowed to advance so far if this was such a terrible secret? Why was Daddy's untimely demise covered up as an accident? Why not tell the boy after he gets Eyes-Only clearance so he goes straight into Firewatch with a burning hatred for anything that has chitin and more than four legs? Why burn this operative mid-run over something that's ultimately a non-issue?

His team was in-house intelligence and counter-intelligence. Stuff that Ares wouldn't trust to outside assets (even developed assets). Also, his cover story wasn't a lie, Ares was trying to broker a deal with NeoNET. Also, NeoNET, not Horizon. The info he got on the run was a report from a shadowrunner team Fuchi hired and the files kept on going through the system. The reason Ares sent their own people in rather hire a team was that the run was about finding, capturing, and destroying a bunch of intelligence files NeoNET had on Ares. There was probably a runner team sent in before/during to do other things to set up their run, and there may have been a run from a third corp trying to get the data on Ares at the same time so they were there to stop it. That's above his pay grade to know that sort of thing.

Also, the kid's 23. He worked KE SWAT for a short time and had only been doing this job for a couple of years, so I doubt he has any sort of major clearance. I wanted to make him a little older, but I couldn't figure out how to work the age so that his father would die at the right timeframe (8-11 or so) that he would still remember his father well, but not have realized his father wasn't perfect and had flaws just like anyone else. Older, and his father would've been alive for the teenage rebellious years. Younger and he'd only remember his father through his mother's eyes (and she's pissed at him for dying and forcing her to work more/harder to maintain her lifestyle and standing). And I was also stuck in a timeframe for getting the insect spirits involved.
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