Seeing Jawsey and Trouble reappear outside - Bobby had been assensing for quite a while by now - he flung himself up again into the rain.

'So, what's the deal? Is Urubia going to stop the Halloweeners? Or are we at least free to to take them out if they threaten our livelyhood?'

Once they had gotten some distance from The Funhouse Jawsey manifested and said "Urubia basically said that if I went and joined her, then I'd be in a position to do something about Can-Evil from the inside, but didn't offer any help otherwise. I was just happy to get out of there before it was obvious that I'm not into being a direct minion of a dragon. I ... may need to leave town if this keeps up, but we can discuss that later."

'So this whole thing was a bust? Damn. Alright, I'll fly back to the car. I need to get back to the flat and get kitted out with my beast armor. I hope the fire proofing works as advertised.'
Bobby transmitted to Trouble and Jawsey, before heading back to the car with his gear.

As Bobby leaves, Trouble says, "Urubia is not exactly offering to recruit you as a Crimson guard. She is offering to help you grow as a person. She gives you quality attention and listens to you speak about your homeland. Her attention and temptation make you grow as a person. Urubia's tempting offer forces you to be real about what you truly desire in life. Without her, I am not sure how long it would have taken you to figure out that you want to go back to your homeland and be a Shaman to your home tribe rather than be a dragon's minion or be a detective.

Don't leave town just because you are terrified to refuse her offer. Leave town because you follow your true desires, your specific part in the mysterious plan. Urubia can be your friend Jawsie, she does not see you as her equal, but she enjoys your company. You can still come to visit her from time to time, tell her interesting stories, and receive advice from an immortal dragon with a perspective and depth unlike any other critter in this mysterious plan. You should always be a bit intimidated by her, but do not fail to see the potential in this relationship because you are afraid of the consequences. "

Even the newly made spirit knows him better than he knows himself? Jawsey suppresses a flash of irritation and gives Trouble a quick bow of acknowledgement. Then he races back to his body while he can still curl up in a ball and shudder in peace -- the emotional after effects of having his very spirit petted by a dragon.

Eventually he calms down enough to wonder "How much of my decision is a pull to go home? And how much is not wanting to stay here now that I'm not at least fighting to be near the top of the astral food chain?"

He decides that is a thought to ponder on another day, and instead makes himself get up, check his commlink, and make plans to go pick up his focus from 5 Finger Gao.

"I annoyed him?" Trouble thinks to himself. "Perhaps he did not like me trying to give advice, because I am newly created, but I was not created from scratch, I was branched out of a person, and am likely as wise. I know for a fact that cats are adorable, and to give an elf more attention than to a cat. This is something special."

Frustrated he shrugs "People are complicated", he wanted to get to know spirits because perhaps they would be more relatable. Yet, AM did not trust spirits and so he was perhaps biased against spirits in origin. The cat wiggled his tail and spent long moments looking longing at the Funhouse. He did not dare to approach it, fearing the problems it would cause - but it was impossible to look away from that incredible place. A rooftop filled with mystery, and other spirits, and a real dragon. How can you meet a dragon and not ask any questions? Trouble had like a million possible questions in mind. If he had a relationship with Urubia he'll want her to do the talking and he will listen.

A place where spirits felt comfortable and wanted to be, where he could have countless interesting interactions. Should he abandon all that because dragons are scary? None of the other spirits is running for its life. Nobody else seemed as intimidated as Jawsey was. How can he be at that amazing place and then just leave without stopping for small talk or socializing or listening to music? Was that lovely place so unremarkable for Jawsey? and if so, how can he get to these meta planes himself?

The world was confusing to Trouble, on the one hand, he was freshly created- like a child. Yet, on the other hand, he was an adult branching out of AM. He shared most of her past experiences and wisdom but as he was so fundamentally different from her everything got different interpretations. Can his mother, being a mortal really teach him how to be a spirit? Why does he want to learn now, rather than live his life and figure it out when they all die eventually. Perhaps this kind of impatience is a sign that he is still not very different than mortals being so young. "I am an impatient immortal being." he realizes, and sadly meows.

Long moments later, he'll return home - his metahumans are very worried tonight, and he wants to be there for his family.

Bobby reached the car, cold and wet. Fortunately, changing back into human form took care of being wet at least.
To AM he said: "Time to head home. This could become a chaotic night, we need to prepare. Damn, I never thought I'd be facing a night of rage like great-grandpa."

AM drives without hesitation, yet she is confused by how sure Bobby is that troubles will happen tonight.
"What do you know? Because considering what Urubia does to Jawsey I was hoping she'll mollify Carn-evil. Tonight's specifically seems like bad timing for an attack because we will all be alert and ready. Would you like to let BS or Andrew know about this issue? Lose some freedom, but put more obstacles in his path to us?"

"You think the dragon will protect us? It might be interested in Jawsey - but unless our astral specialist signs on, she might think that imminent threat of having his possessions and friends removed might coerce him to join her. Really, we are a main obstacle for her getting what she wants.
Lysander tells me, tonight is likely a kind of bonfire night all over town. Even if Carn-evil doesn't make an appearance himself, I bet he has enough pull to get some ragers to come out to our place. Although I do think he is mad enough at me for making him look weak in front of the kids in the gym.
But I'll be more than happy if I'm mistaken. Hope for the best, plan for the worst."

Bobby replied.

"I think that Urubia would not like the Haloweeners to fight with the Crimson Crush. Indirectly it should give us some protection, BS would not want Carn-evil to poke in his territory making him look weak. I think we actually did the Syndicate a solid for preventing Carn-evil from collecting, sadly no good deed ever goes unpunished.

Now I feel silly that I left our Ford at the Hilton. If these guys want to cause a fires downtown perhaps I should have left it somewhere else. We will be prepared, perhaps even make some use of our rain barrels to make the place more fire-proof."

<<Wednesday Night - 21:00 - February 1, 2079 - Touristville, Redmond>>

You head back to headquarters.

Your front door is still there. All the windows are in place. Nothing seems amiss. You look around but nothing seems different or out-of-place.

The rain is falling harder now. There aren't many people out on the streets as a result. There's a hot dog vendor pushing his rolling cart down the street. He puts up with the rain because he has a big umbrella connected to his cart that keeps him dry-ish. Most of his products are soy, but for the adventurous carnivore with a suitable digestive tract - mostly orks and trolls - he has rat dogs, devil rat dogs, and "dog dogs".

You go inside. The place is still standing. It's quiet. In fact, you might even say peaceful. There's a leak in the roof that drips occasionally but that's about it. Bobby gets his armor. Jawsey retrieves his focus from Five Finger Gao. AM makes some tea.

The rain continues harder. There aren't any bonfires that you can see, nor any whooping or hollering like you would expect of the Halloweeners. Sure you could like an accelerant on fire, like gasoline or kerosene, but it's going to be a tough night for a bonfire.

Later that evening Jawsey talks to AM, requesting a chance to talk with Trouble. He feels a bit odd about doing that because Trouble is usually around, and he could just go astral searching to find the spirit and start a conversation. However he also doesn't want to be overly familiar with Ana Maka's familiar, so he chooses to err on the side of formality.

Once talking with Trouble, he apologizes "Back after we'd left the Funhouse, you made some good observations to me, and I was irritated. I was irritated with myself, that first the dragon and then a spirit were seeing things about me that I'd failed to see myself. Your insight was good, and I'm glad you provided it. Talking with another metahuman who couldn't perceive astrally I would have been able to hide my irritation, but given your sensitivity to auras that was never going to work. I also apologize for not explaining this sooner, but I had to spend some time thinking about all that was shown to me today before I was ready to talk about any of it."

After that, to AM, he first comments "You have a very insightful familiar." then he settles himself a bit more comfortably before getting into the big topic. "I think I may return to my people, for the longer term. Maybe not 'forever' given that, like you, as an elf I don't know how long that may end up being. In part maybe I'm running from Urubia as attention from a dragon doesn't seem like anything that I want. In larger part because I feel like I owe them help. I can't fix their broken land by myself, but I am blessed with gifts and experience that most of them don't have, and I think I can contribute. It is a very difficult problem, and likely a long problem, but also one that can improve the lives of tens of thousands of people, maybe more."

"I enjoy helping our clients. Sometimes the small cases are even the most satisfying. SIS is the place where I've felt the happiest and most secure in my adult life, by far. Also the most comfortable, and maybe that is my fear, that I'll get too comfortable to move on. But maybe that fear is also driving me to leave too early? I've learned so much from you and the others, and I've also seen you all grow. You have Trouble who provides spirit support, Bobby has proven that he can deal with hostile spirits effectively. You have negotiated a far more lucrative deal that I'd ever have asked for. I think I can leave without hurting SIS too much, and I think I'm about ready to take on challenges beyond Redmond. But I'd very much appreciate your perspective -- and Trouble's. As I said, you have a very insightful familiar."

Jawsey finds Trouble outside, watching the house. He was not told to do that; he just wanted to keep everyone safe, and needing no sleep, he figured he'd watch over the humans. Trouble comments, "Thanks, Jawsey, it means a lot." He gives him a meaningful look, uncertain what more to add. "How far is your home from here?" he finally comments, trying to understand how dramatic it is that Jawsey would be elsewhere than the rest.


AM is drinking her herbal tea with a half-empty jar next to her indicates that it is not the first cup and not the last. When the house is too cold for her, the tea comforts her. She grins when Jawsey comments about Trouble, "He has his moments" she says and pours Jawsey a glass of tea. She listens to him speak, nodding at times in agreement. I'll start with saying that I need you, and you make me feel safer and that I do not want you to leave. I am an introvert, and I try to avoid people's attention all the time. People give me less attention when you are around, making me calmer. I am happy to let you do all the heavy social lifting and be the sidekick. What you do so effortlessly comes with social anxiety on my side. "

She takes another sip from the tea and then comments. "About Urubia, you are acting childish. You sought her attention at the Funhouse. She fascinated you so much that you lost your focus. Then when she became interested, it felt too fast and too much of a commitment for you. I know very little about Dragons, but I am a woman, and if she is anything like a meta woman, you will hurt her feelings. It is not that you reject her offer. It is that you act so sneaky and indirect about it. I think that Urubia deserves your honesty because she has treated you with kindness so far.

Now I can't fault you for wanting to do your social role as a Shaman. I am committed to the same path, but I am a shaman without people. My mother kept me socially isolated so that I did not deal with criminals, while the Sioux have rejected me in the most humiliating manner. I look at this world, and there is no place that I call home, no people I feel a meaningful connection to. I envy you for feeling a need to do something socially positive when I struggle with desires for chaos and destruction."


When Jawsey speaks about being unnecessary, she smiles Now you are buttering up my ego so it would be okay to leave. Thanks for that, it means a lot to have your appreciation, and this one time, I did enjoy negotiations because I got to take a meaningful amount of money from rich kids. There is something else, though, and SIS is a very lucrative but hazardous line of work. If you are going away to live a safer and more normal life, I want you to keep an eye for Trouble. I do not want him to be completely alone if we do not make it." she says with a slightly trembling voice. Initially, she was terrified for her own life. Then she accepted the risks and admitted to herself - that this kind of life is more satisfying than anything she has done before. Now again AM is afraid, not to die - but to leave Trouble alone.

"Trouble was wondering how far my homeland was. On another day, when it feels safe, would it be OK to take him there astrally? Let him see that part of the world, but also know how to find me, if I do go back?"

He was smiling at that thought, but gradually that gets replaced by a sadder look. "About Urubia ... maybe. I'll think on your words. I don't think I consciously wanted her attention, but I did want to prove myself in her House. I guess I have to ask myself why. Today felt much the same, she has her astral guard and her spirits and I was obnoxious with the need to show that I wasn't impressed. At the very least that was immature. Maybe it is as simple as not liking someone to be more influential than me in the astral, maybe there is more to it. I'm not going anywhere tomorrow, so as I said, I'll think upon your words."

He offers his teammate a slightly sad smile, and reminds her "I learned a lot about manipulating people, growing up so damaged. And I learned a lot about projecting an image with all my astral exploration. But I also never really grew up dealing normally with others. SIS is about as 'normal' a set of relationships as I've had. Trying to accept that not everyone is manipulating everyone else for their own ends isn't easy some days, be they metahumans or dragons."

She responds to Jawsey question about Trouble "ofcourse"

She comments "What exactly do you mean by manipulating people? What kind of things did you do?" if they are going to stay up late at night, perhaps they can have a nice conversation to ease the tension.

Jawsey shrugs, uncomfortable. "I was a demanding, greedy, selfish, child, especially after I was damaged. I used the damage as justification for always wanting to get my way, get what I want. Even astrally, although I thought I was just dreaming, I begged and bothered and bullied the other beings I encountered, when I thought I could get away with it. Eventually I became more aware, in my 'dreams', of the meaning of auras. That made me more aware of my own aura, and what I was. Or maybe I was just getting old enough to become more self-aware? Whatever the reason, I eventually began to grow out of it. It is a process, still. I can't go into a social situation without part of me looking at all the ways I could manipulate it to my advantage and look at how and why the others are manipulating me. I don't think it is a healthy way to live, but it has its uses. I guess a bit like the combat training Cutty offers, in its way."

She asks "What happened? Was it an accident or?"


When he's done, she asks What fascinates me is that you needed a justification to behave just like most people I know. Look around you, half the people we encounter are bullies by trade. Big Stank, Andrew, Bonita, and Carn-evil walk over people and take what they can get away with. They vary in style but they are bullies. They are selfish and they don't torment themselves about what they are. The rest of their gangers are basically the same, but they are not as good at the trade.

You know, I hide my femininity and carry the Sigma so that people would not victimize me. I need a visible strength like a gun because they fail to see how close I am to the Trickster. It is our strength that keeps us alive here in Redmond. Civilization is nothing but a balance of power. Wars and conflicts are changes in that balance, very few people are actually civilized. Many are just too weak to take what they want, or they can take it but then they can't handle the consequences of that path. You know, I basically explained that to Carn-evil earlier. I think it is part of the reason he backed off.

Us being here, terrified means that we might have overplayed our hand in that situation. We showed more strength than we are comfortable with and are afraid of consequences. We can't keep watch on SIS forever and always look around our shoulders. Carn-evil has actually made a valid point that we failed to realize with all our magical muscles.

We got what we wanted, but did not think it all the way through, and now we park the Ford at the Hilton. I feel like I am no different than any of these gangers, what I do is to figure out our place in the power struggle, and act accordingly. When we are weaker we pay like we paid Andrew or the Crimson Crush. When we are stronger, they leave empty-handed just like Carn-evil. If I was wiser, then he would get something but not everything. He keeps face, and we do not need to look over our shoulder.

Yet, you actually feel bad about the way you behaved. Did consequences bite you in the ass? or do you have some internal moral guide? Who influences you to feel bad about your past behavior?


So providing Pizza to street rats is redemption or manipulation?"

When Bobby arrived home, he first took care of himself. Flying around at high speeds and afterwards waiting in the rain wasn't conductive to a healthy lifestyle. So he made himself a meal from cereals, soymilk and one of the fresh apples, he bought now and then.
The crunching was loud enough to be heard in the rest of the house. That done, he took a hot shower for a bit more self care. It seemed counter intuitive since he expected trouble, but being nice and warm right now seemed very appealing.

Only then, did he take out the beast armor. It was a special construction, made by a tailor who was up to date on latest stuff like drake armor. Magnetic flaps and smart fabrics were interwoven with ballistic plate and cloth, enabling it to cover both a great cat as well as a bear without impeding flexibility too much.
It hadn't really seen much use, considering that usually he had to transform spontaneously without much time to get kitted out.
Tonight was different. Tonight he expected trouble.



Sitting in the garage, he strew a circle of reagents to smooth his transformation. He took position and put on the much too large armor. As he concentrated, he carefully grew his form. Getting hairier and heavier, he filled the armor within seconds. Manipulating flaps and sleeves without opposing thumbs was tricky, but possible as long as you weren't in a hurry. The critter goggles were a bit easier to correct. Once Bobby was content and could move without getting impeded, he sat down and began to calm his breathing.

His last meditation session had finally allowed him to unlock control over some fundamental metabolic functions. The meditation allowed him to stay conscious while resting, wastly reducing the amount of sleep he needed.

Then the waiting began, while the giant panda sat in the lotus position and meditated...

Jawsey replied to AM "Apparently it is my day to be asked tough questions." He pushes some stray hair off his face, took a deep breath, and then admitted "Vanity is probably one of my big motivations. Even before I understood that I was astrally projecting, I'd begun to learn that I could read the emotions of beings in my 'dream walks.' I looked down at beings who were driven by envy, greed, jealousy, saw them as people to avoid or as easy marks to manipulate. Eventually I realized that some others could read me the same way, and I began to pay attention to my own emotions. It wasn't pretty. Still, I mostly just worked at avoiding showing those emotions, without really doing the deep work. I guess I felt that I was justified in feeling those things. Basically I got good at pretending to be someone better than me."

He gets up and paces around, at least as best he can in a small room and without crowding AM too much. "If I'm honest it wasn't until after my Dad blew all that he'd saved up to take us to Cheyenne and put me through a lot of re-constructive surgery. A lot of re-fracturing badly healed bones in my face and chest and helping them heal back up properly, but also removing scars, re-building my ears and so on. It was only once I looked good physically that I got serious about wanting to be better on the inside. Definitely still a work in progress. But I'm trying to become someone admirable. Most days, at least -- old habits die hard, and I suppose wanting to be better just so that others see my admirable nature isn't really admirable, but I'm hoping that along the way it becomes its own reward."

"So when it comes to the pizza kids, at first I think I just wanted them to be grateful to me, to have them see me as generous. I was ... annoyed. But to walk away from them then would be to admit that I just wanted their gratitude, at least to myself. So I kept on it, maybe at first just to refute the idea that I'd been after a quick ego hit, but I'm beginning to get to know them a bit, how they react, and I'm a bit invested now in taming them enough to have a real conversation with them, maybe give them some guidance, maybe" he stops suddenly, staring at the wall, then facepalms.

"Of course, this explains a bit how much I reacted to my home tribe. It was a similar situation in some ways. It was a situation I was prone to react to, and a role I was already trying to assume. But I knew better than to expect instant gratitude this time, so it all went a bit smoother. It isn't like they are waiting for me to lead them to a better life, but they are open to me helping now, after I did what I needed to prove myself. Of course it helped that I'd left there after I'd been kicked me to the edge of death, mutilated and twisted, and I came back looking like this, a magician. And to prove how much better I was I finally got over whining about my pain. Did a whole classic vision quest. I didn't get out of the way of my own ego enough for a mentor to reach me, but I did reach the metaplanes, seemed to impress people enough. Decent summary of where I'm at I guess, still self-centered, but growing."

AM comments "So once you became attractive you wanted to be good on the inside? Why don't you seek retribution? Do something very nasty to the person that caused you so much grief? That caused your parents to be poor just to fix your broken bones. He did not just break you, he damaged the entire family caused so much grief. It feels like someone has wrong you and your family in such a profound and deep manner and somehow you are all stoic about it. Why do you go back to the scene of the crime, and try to benefit the society that grew such a monster? Why do you even care about their approval or their appreciation? Don't they deserve their terrible fate for doing that?" she is perplexed, she admires the desire but struggles to believe if anyone wants to dedicate his life to a society that has wrong him personally so much. Is Jawsey being a slave to other's people approval or is he the bigger person really? Does he blame himself for his misfortune? If someone has done anything similar to her, she would certainly consider murder, ten years ago worse than murder perhaps ending the entire family. Now her awareness of suffering is greater, which nullifies these dark emotions to an extent. Being embarrassed about how dark she may appear, she changes the topic.


I can try to tell you something about totems, perhaps you are better of without one. Iktomi has demolished my life, he gave me power but took away my happiness. The moment I let my guard down, Iktomi will be there to take advantage of me every time we make a step forward, I am at risk of growing complacent. I don't get to be vain, I don't get to be greedy, and I don't get to be weak. I live my life in constant stress knowing that mischief is around the corner, that everything changes, and nothing lasts. I and Iktomi have grown so close over the years that I no longer see him as an external force. I am Iktomi, all my life and my experiences are there for his enjoyment. I am not stuck in his spiderweb, I am the web. He weaves his web around the world by influencing many people like me, and we are all expendable.

Look at Bobby, he was a soldier and now he is not because even his army could not handle his totemic influences. You have seen the danger in him the hint of the beast - he is like the most terrifying person in Redmond. So why do you really want to find a totem? Do you really think that it has done me or Bobby any good?"

Jawsey gives AM an odd look during her first points, but nods in understanding with the latter ones about totems. "I don't know if I want a totem -- and myabe that is why I don't hvae one? But it seems it is expected. Go out into the wilderness, suffer deprivation, maybe add some mind-altering drugs, open yourself up the world, mana, astral, whatever. Apparently this is shaman standard practice? And the normal is that a totem finds you, and guides you along your path. Maybe you are dangerous, but then your community learns how you are dangerous, so they trust you more. And you gain some power and maybe a sense of direction? I mean, I'm still not too far beyond kiddy shows in my understanding of magic theory so maybe I've totally misunderstood the expectation. Anyway, when you don't walk the expected path people worry about you more because they don't know why you are strange, they don't know what direction you might go in. And in all fairness they aren't wrong, I've worked hard on being "Jawsey, astral detective who is part of the SIS team," but I'm playing a very different roll at home, and why should that they trust me if they realize that could just be a mask, and that underneath I could be a stranger who they don't understand."

"As for revenge ... I forget that nobody bothers studying Tsimshian history. The Tsimshian tribe, with the support of the Tinglit, dominated the country for decades, running everything. My tribe, the Haida, and also the Kwakiutl, were confined to the lowest paying of jobs, or more likely no jobs at all. To fund their junta, the Tsimshian allowed clear-cutting of forests, especially ones not on their lands. When that was not enough they sold all the mineral rights in the country to MCT just before I was born, and the government was fine with MCT totally fragging over Haida and Kwakiutl lands. Waters, too. In a land of fresh mountains there are only such much to mine, but all the sand and gravel they took away destroyed much of the ecosystem, and their strip mining of Manganese from the seabed destroyed fish habitats. Of course there was security to make sure all of that went through without interference from the lowly Haida whose lands were being destroyed." Jawsey has looked increasingly agitated as he goes through the explanation, and also increasingly far away. He isn't really seeing AM anymore, his gaze is far away in time and space.

"Of course most Haida didn't just sit there while all this happened. Some left, like my father. Some tried to get on the good side of the occupiers, like my mother. Some tried to fight back despite the heavy security, like the people that young me idolized. I went spying on some of the soliders, and found them trading with Vory smugglers, army fuel supplies for drugs. I got noticed, they caught me, and kicked me until I looked dead and dumped me in a creek. That was the first time I met a spirit, so I lived." after a moment he adds "You've seen Red Coat Boy a couple of times, my savior."

"I didn't even know which soldiers they were. But some of the hot heads carried out an ambush in vengence, and then our village was 'disciplined.' A couple of my cousins were killed, not because they were related to me, just because they seemed the right age to be trouble. It wasn't that those soldiers were monsters, it was that the whole situation made monsters. Should I seek vengence on the whole Tsimshian tribe? MCT removed their support after they'd finished exploiting the profitable mineral resources, and the government essentially collapsed. They still fought with the Salish-Sidhe for a while before being occupied. Now the Tsimshian are stripped of most of their rights and the Hiada run things with the support of the Tinglat. Maybe the repression isn't as bad? Maybe I could help make it worse and gain some vengeance that way? But what does that do other than make me into one of the new monsters? And anyway, there is always someone stronger who can kick your head in."

He seems to finally come back to himself. "Sorry to lecture. I brood on this so much that it is hard to say only a few words about it. But my brooding has led me to one conclusion: what I'll feel best about is helping people avoid repeating the mistakes of the past, of helping them find a different way. Somehow I guess I turned into an optimist, and I believe that sometimes things can get better, and that monsters don't have to beget more monsters. But I'm also realist enough to have learned not to butt heads with those much stronger than me, and I will not subject myself to Urubia, where what I become is up to her will."

AM nods when Jawsey mentions Tsimisin and MCT, " I think that your people need their vengeance, and I will explain why. As I grew up, I often asked my mother why the Sioux referred to us as Anglos even though we were born here. So she shared with me that it is their right to treat us like that because when our ancestors came to this land, other people were living here and that they took their lands and forced them into reservations to live in poverty. She explained that many were killed, enslaved, or wrong in numerous ways. Our people grew arrogant and confident, and in doing so, they succeeded weak. When magic returned, the tide of power changed, and the pressed took back their heritage. Then they did to our people what our people did to them, and that it is all for the best. There is purpose in the world, and an eye for an eye comes directly from the bible.

She taught me that none of us is a clean slate that even a newborn baby carries the consequences of our ancestral sins. If you wrong someone, they have the right for retribution - an eye for an eye. We want to live in a world where terrible deeds have terrible consequences, and thus as painful as it is, we - as people- deserve that. The most confusing part was that I am half Sioux, so it is only half my story. You see, the individual can give up the right for retribution and choose to love whoever they want - but my existence does not bring peace between the Sioux and the Anglos, and there are many tribes, and each has its own story. Haida retribution is not yours to give away. You can choose to be Christian about it. It is admirable, but you cannot enforce that mindset on your people.

The point is that the native American tribes had the moral right to behave as they did to their people, creating a better world. I suffered for the sins of my ancestors, and your people would suffer from the atrocities inflicted on them for generations to come. Each of these generations has a right to retribution. Not to mention that the CAS and UCAS still occupy half of the land, and many tribes are still occupied.

So when you go back to the poor Haida, make them strong. Iktomi punishes the weak, and if you ever get strong enough to facilitate retribution, do it. Historical memory is good for the survival of a nation. The Tsimshian, the Tinglit, and the MCT cooperation should pay for what they did to your people and what they did to the land that sustains them. To the ecosystem that supports all of us. If you go silent on these crimes because it is uncomfortable, inhumane, cruel or because 'nobody cares,' you accept the current order - but the current order means extinction. The cooperations are taking all the resources, the ecology collapses, and humanity collapses. Atrocities and eco-crimes must have terrible consequences if we are to survive long-term on this world. The story of the Haida is just a small piece of the puzzle. It is only when governments and board of directors would fear the consequences that they would change their actions.


About the Totem, AM comments "Yes, I needed a lot of mind-altering drugs to free myself from the Tyrani of my logic. It isn't easy to accept that we do not obey the laws of physics, that I can desire a sapient being into existence. That Bobby can turn into a small bird and a giant elephant and then try to figure out where all that mass came from. My science does not describe the world. It is an approximation neglecting the effect our desires have. It is a lot to digest as a computer geek, and it requires giving up on the very hyper rationalism that defined me. Though, I would not blame Totems for that.

As I started to share with you, Totems are not external to us. They do not find us and guide us through magic. We discover the totems within us. Iktomi was present in my life when my mother explained to me that my suffering was part of the plan and that it is justified. He did not arrive when I awakened, I was educated from birth to be his disciple by a woman that followed a different religion. I learned to know myself under the influence of mind-altering drugs, and then I saw Iktomi. I was not ready to see him for what he was - part of me. So I saw him as an external being. As I got to know myself better, I realized that I am talking to myself, and there is nobody there even if I see Iktomi. Not because Iktomi isn't real, but because I embody him I am a mortal woman and an embodiment of one of the Wakan Tanka at the same time. In that sense, you may not need a totem, but I am not sure you choose. Either you embody some deity or a force of nature, or you are not. If you are, you would have a totem once you understand who you are. As your understanding grows, you would become the totem.

Now the complicated part is that we can change who we are, so in that sense, you can change your totem or even choose it. In principle, I can stop being Iktomi, but it would be a bigger transformation than I underwent when I accepted magic into my life. It would be to change my personality, the very things that currently define me. With all the grief that Iktomi is causing me - I am not sure that I want to be someone else. With all the mischief Iktomi has inflicted on me, I must admit that merging with him is liberating as it gives me courage, clarity, and perspective.

"Ana Maka, you are a dangerous woman -- you make people think!" Jawsey was clearly escaping back into his usual glib self. "And I think I have plenty enough to think on tonight. Time to get some rest, at least until the world blows up around us tonight. I never did give commands to the spirit I summoned earlier so I'll ask it to wake me if anyone approaches our building, and I know that Bobby was keeping watch for a while. I hope you can sleep well, as well."

AM says "Yes, I should probably get some sleep as well. Trouble would probably look up for us but I did not order him to do anything out of the ordinary. A matter of trust I am not very comfortable with the pattern I copied where we magically control a sapient being, but inventing a new pattern from scratch would have been a lot more difficult. We'll talk about it some other time, it has been a long day. " She says, and heads to the room to change clothes and brush her teeth. She really feels like gaming, but is a bit too stressed to enter a simulation state for an extended period.