Hey hey, I just finished up a character for a new campaign I'll be playing in soon. I've spent quite a lot of time on this character (and his contacts), so any/all criticisms/compliments are welcome.
EDIT: Changes are in bold.
EDIT:EDIT: Changes still in bold.

Name: Sgt. Karl Ziedrich
Alias: Kronos
Race: Elf
Sex: Male
Age: 31
Height: 6'4"
Eyes: Green
Hair: Dirty Blonde
Skin: Caucasian, lightly tanned

Description: Stands 6'4" tall, with dirty blonde shoulder length hair, green eyes, and lightly tanned skin. Has 3 studs in his right ear and a tattoo of Mjolnir, Thor's Hammer on his left shoulder. Can be spotted wearing almost anything, including clothing with an oriental flair and a dark green embroidered trench coat.

Attributes
Body:4
Quickness:8
Strength:5
Charisma:4
Intelligence:6
Willpower:6
Essence:6
Magic:0

Reaction:7
Initiative: 1D6
Combat Pool: 10

Edges/Flaws
Bonus Attribute Point-Quickness
Bio-Rejection
Pacifist

Skills
Active
Pistols-4
Pistols B/R-2
Rifles-5
Spray Weapons-3
Brawling-4
Demolitions-3
Stealth-3
Athletics-3
Electronics B/R-3
Etiquette-4
Negotiation-4
Throwing Weapons-4
Rifles B/R-3

Knowledge
Infamous Revolutionaries-3
Gunsmithing-5
Body Armor Fabrication-3
Lone Star Procedures-3
Miltech Manufacturers-3
Physics (Ballistics)-2(4)
SWAT Tactics-4
Shadow Organizations-3
Metroplex Law-3

Language
English[Read/Write]-4[2]
German[Read/Write]-3[1]
Sperethiel[Read/Write]-2[1]

Contacts
Col. Kelly Smith (Elf UCAS Military Armourer, Level 2)
Wrench (Human Mechanic, Level 2)
Doc Brown (Troll Street Doc, Level 2)
Lt. Cabbie (Human LS 'Irregular Assets' Acquisitions Officer, Level 1)
Mao Tze Ming (Human Owner/Operator of the 'Merciless Ming's Street Cuisine' Franchise, Level 2)
'Gabbi' (Ork Mafia Hit Man, Level 1)
'Hacksaw' (Ghoul Organlegger, Level 2)
'Louieville' (Human Mafia Soldier, Level 2)
'Fritz' (Ork Decker, Level 2)
Nate (Human Smuggler, Level 2)
Scar (Dwarf Ganger, Level 1)
Ralph Lyons (Elf Med Tech, Level 2)
Dr. Jon Kruger (Troll Pharmacist, Level 1)
'Finger' (Dwarf Talismonger, Level 1)
Olaf (Troll Bouncer, Level 2)

Gear
Weapons
Hardliner Gloves
Q. Draw Thigh Holster, 2 Q. Draw Hip Holsters
Morissey Elan (w/Personalized Grip, Conc. Q. Draw Ankle Holster, loaded w/ Gel rounds w/ 1 clip gel 1 clip normal rounds)
Colt Manhunter (w/ Personalized Grip, loaded w/ Gel rounds w/ 1 clip Gel 1 clip normal rounds)
Ares Predator (w/Personalized Grip, loaded w/ Gel rounds w/ 1 clip Gel 1 clip normal rounds)
FN-AAL Gyrojet Pistol (w/Personalized Grip, loaded with Normal rockets w/ 2 clips
Remington Roomsweeper (w/Personalized Grip, Conc. Q. Draw Holster [small of back], loaded w/ Stun shells, w/ extra 8 Flare and Slug shells carried)
Ruger 100 (w/ Personalized Grip, Sling, loaded w/ Gel rounds, w/ extra 5 Gel and 10 normal rounds carried)
2 Spray Tanks (1 w/ Freeze Foam, 1 w/ Slip Spray, both w/ 1 re-fill each)

Armor
Half-Body Form-Fitting Body Armor
Real Leather Jacket
Sleeping Tiger* Suit (all items)
Executive Suite Tuxedo
Actioneer Suit w/Long Coat
Large Riot Shield

Clothing
4 Outfits Tres Chic
6 Outfits Fine Clothing
20 Outfits Ordinary Clothing

Misc.
Grapple gun w/ 200m Grapple Line
Micro Flare Launcher w/ 10 Micro Flares
Rating 6 Micro-Transciever
Electronics Tool Kit
Gunsmithing Shop
Survival Kit
Full Climbing Gear w/ 200m Rope
Gas Mask w/ Air Tank
Pocket Flashlight
Wire Clippers
Pocket Secretary
5 Steel Restraints

Sgt. Karl Ziedrich doesn't officially exist. He 'died' during a botched SWAT excercise that ended in the death of 6 hostages, an event he still blames himself for. He has been known to work for Lone Star's 'Irregular Assets' Tactical Division on occasion, and under their direction, he helped keep a mafia hit man by the alias of 'Louieville' out of prison by tampering with evidence and threatening the jury. Although he still believes he has the authority to enforce the law, he is nothing more than another 'deniable asset' as far as Lone Star is concerned.

So, comments/criticisms/death threats/free money?

Is this for a Lone Star campaign or is this a Lone Star employee performing felonies for extra cash?

Just as an FYI "deniable asset" and still works for the Star are kind of contradictions. if he has ties to the star like that then he's piss poor in the "deniable" category. That's why SR's are hired rarely knowing their employer, it's deniable that way. I'm referring to the "Although still has the authority to enforce the law". If he's deniable he can have absolutely no authority to enforce anything, cause granting him authority means he is no longer deniable because he is *granted* that authority. He would sure as hell never wear a uniform, nor could he even have one that would be found linking him to Lone Star. YMMV, depending on GM.

Also, All Lone Star employees past or present have a headware radio, subvocal mike and subdermal speakers, and I believe a piece or two of other headware related to it, it's manditory according to the Lone Star sourcebook.

I also think it's kind of unrealistic he is on SWAT, (Special Weapons and Tactics) with no reflex engancement. I want to say as standard those teams have wired one or two or boosted at least.

On a related note he doesn't have any Lone Star contacts.

Other than that I dont see any glaring problems,

[EDIT]
You also definitely, definitely need to add the skill Police Procedures at three or four, and probably Metroplex Law at 2 or three.

Give him some skills or something that indicate an actual personality. Walking kill-fest gets boring.

BitBasher:

Good points all round. This is why I post WIP characters, so others can spot the glaring errors I don't notice.

On the topic of cyberware, Bio-Rejection keeps that from being possible. I didn't notice in the LS book that certain 'ware was mandatory. In his original 'build' he had neither Ambidexterity, Aptitude or Bio-Rejection. I'm starting to re-think those though.

As for the backstory, I wrote it as I wrote that post, so I think I'm going to change it around a bit.

Thanks for all the help so far.

EDIT: As for the walking kill-fest, most of the guns he packs are loaded with non-lethal ammo. So not quite. I think I'll drop the Ambidex. though, it's eating up way too many points. Buy some more contacts I could.

I may be wrong about the headware radio. I vould have sworn that was the case but now cannot find it.

Many GMs won't allow Aptitude for combat skills, as it's recommended against in SRComp. YMMV.

~J

Duly noted.

One thing though, a bit OT.
What does YMMV stand for?

Your Mileage May Vary, IE: Depends on your GM.

You might want to add in a skill for throwing granades. Also, see if your GM will let you rework the LS 'day job' into an obligation. My impression is that you don't spend time doing paperwork and stuff that the day job flaw implies. More like you get a call from LS and have to do a run for them.

Strength of 4 and 9 pistols carried at the same time plus any armor or other gear is probably going to overencumber your character. Not to mention if you want to carry an extra clip or two for every weapon.

Good point, partially why I was wanting to know about the campaign earlier.

It's actually more of an 'underworld' oriented campaign, revolving partially around organized crime, but not completely. I've re-organized some skills and points to better represent his SWAT position of sharpshooter. I've also added some skills, active and knowledge to represent some of his interests (swordfighting, diving etc.)

I'm going to edit my original post instead of re-posting everything. Check back soon.

EDIT: Done editing.


If you only read the first line of this edit, it looks a wee bit stupid, yes?

EDIT:EDIT: Concerning the 9 pistols, I don't plan on him carrying all 9 of them at once, 4 at most. I'm not that crazy.

Why do you need to carry four pistols? I usually limit my characters to two pistols, a primary and a backup. If the character has a main "assualt" weapon (AR, SMG, or SG) that means he might carry up to three total weapons but if thats the case, I'll usually--depending on the run--either swap the backup for a dartpistol or have a clip or two of DMSO/Gamma-Scop cap rounds for one of the guns.

Why Intelligence:7?

Why Diving?

Edged:2 and Brawling:3 aren't going to do a whole lot for you if you run into someone that knows how to handle himself in a fight.

Demolitions: 3 is a surefire way to get your face blown off. So you might want to put some more points into that or scrap it and use the points elsewhere.

Spraw Weapons:3....hmmm, I can see why you'd like this guy to have that but those points can help you in better places. Unless he plans on using a spray weapon a whole lot, just load non-leathal rounds. Cap rounds are good for this. If your GM isn't keen on that, I'd use a taser.

Pacifist, huh? You're a better man than I am.

I'm not trying to micro manage, I'm just curious.

And as some one who suffers from the same affliction, I think you may have over-generalized.

Edit: I do like your concept and I really dig your contact list.

Why would a pacifist put so much time into learning five different ways to hurt, maim, or kill people?

If someone with a high skill rolls all 1's and who has no Karma Pool available to turn it into a normal failure, that is "damn near impossible." And while a Skill of 3 is considered normal within the setting, within the game itself it is a "low skill level."

I was maybe, just maybe, at Demolitions 1 when I started playing around with TNT. Seriously, anyone with the slightest sense of sense-preservation needs the kind of bad luck which makes meteors rain down on every new car you buy to blow himself up with the proper gear.

The only way anything bad can happen to you is if you do something incredibly stupid. Like licking a battery while holding the wire ends of a detonator that you have already pressed properly into the explosive. Or use a burning fuse the burning speed of which you haven't got a fricken clue about.

Having all 1s with Demolitions blow up whatever you're working on is equally stupid as having all 1s with a firearms skill make you shoot yourself on a firing range. At least in a combat situation I can understand how that just might happen -- in a panic you don't handle a weapon well and it fires at an inopportune moment. But blowing yourself up with proper demolition gear while nobody is shooting at you would take more pure idiocy than I have ever seen.

This, at least, is one case where RL facts are firmly on my side. If people just Introduced to setting up explosives or firing a small arm blew themselves up or shot themselves in one out of six cases, basic training would be a hell of a lot more lethal.

I'm not saying that having the explosives detonate in your face is how you should handle it, I was only contesting the parts I was responding to.

If it were my call, I'd have the Rules of One cause the problem when the explosives were actually detonated, not while setting them up (instead of blowing the safe door off its hinges, it instead firmly welds the door into place)... at least not unless the circumstances were so wild that he was working blind in a high-stress situation as multiple shots were being fired at his head or something. Then I'd argue that such a result would reflect his lack of focus on what he was doing.

My two bits:

1. He's SWAT? What function did he serve?
This will help narrow down the focus so we can better offer advice.
a) Demolitions tends to be a "do it or don't" skill - especially if you're doing EOD (Explosives Ordinance Disposal). And I don't think most SWAT members are trained to handle explosives - that's the province of the bomb disposal unit and as a rule, they like specialists to handle things that go "boom".

b) He has Rifles at 5 - is he a sniper? Most SWAT units use either ARs or SMGs for their tactical entry teams.

2. I'll second the knowledge skills: Law, Police Procedures suggestion. Change "Policing Procedures" to "Lone Star Procedures".

3. Pacifist - in SWAT? Um...yeah.

4. Brawling/Edged weapons. I'd forgo Edged weapons and dump those points into Brawling. Weapon training, particularly edged weapons, is not a high priority in SWAT units. Now, clubs (asp batons) are. Remember, you're still playing to the court of public opinion and knives are just...icky.

On a mechanical note - a skill of 5 will be more useful than two skills of 3. And it's even plausible - see above.

5. Cyberware
If you're going to keep "bio-rejection", it'll make the point moot. If you're going to change it, we can offer more advice on cyber ideas.

Background
You have a UCAS army contact, which means he could have spent some time in the UCAS mil, which would account for his acquiring non-police skills.

Gear
9 pistols that he can carry around at the same time? Eek? If you have an AR or SMG, a handgun is your backup weapon. In the world of street cops, you have a primary handgun and a secondary handgun. The ammo requirements alone for two guns can be complicated, never mind four.

For a better visual, stop by a local gun shop (if you're over 18) and look at the size of most handguns and ammo pouches. Then visualize where the hell you're gonna strap that to your body.

I'm not trying to be rude - I didn't appreciate the size of a handgun until I bought my Sig 220.

@Austere - Not every GM has your experience with explosives. Although I will second my dislike of the "it goes off in your face, even under controlled conditions" rule.

-Siege

Or maybe the person setting the explosives up just put them in a big chunk and tossed them next to whatever they were trying to destroy. Or maybe the explosives just won't go off for whatever reason, and the person setting them doesn't know. I agree, though, that under most circumstances explosions should not be a result of rule-of-oneing.

~J

The rule of one tends to be applied to absurd levels like:

Player: "I stick a detonator into a brick of C-4 and toss it."
GM: "Roll Demolitions."
Player: "Uh...why?"
GM: "Because you're using plastique."
Player: "Like a grenade - shouldn't that be thrown weapons?"
GM: "What's your demolitions skill?"
Player: "Um...I don't have one. But it's a satchel charge - you flip a switch and get clear of the explosives before the timer hits zero!"
GM: "Uh oh - anyone know the penalties for defaulting to an attribute?"
Player: "$(^#)^*)(!"

-Siege

Just because most people here seem to have forgotten the difference (again), note that the pacifist flaw is not the same thing as the total pacifist flaw. Theres nothing wrong with a SWAT member who prefers to *kill* only in self defense. Causing great non-lethal bodily injury is perfectly acceptable to someone with that flaw, and gel rounds are a viable option.

HOWEVER

Since you seem to have changed this person's role to that of a SNIPER, this particular argument loses some of its impact. You might want to rethink that combo.


...unless, actually, the character only recently became a pacifist. Not everyone is born with all of their flaws. Again, however, I would like to see a more complete background before passing final judgement.

Granted - but let's face it, most police units require their officers be willing to kill if the need calls for it. A pacifist, IMNSHO, would have been weeded out early as being reluctant to resort to deadly force. Gel rounds just aren't going to cut it and other officers might be a little concerned about your ability to back them up if you have a distinct aversion to "doing your duty."

However, Jason has a good point about the timing of flaws. Did he pick up his pacifist inclination after the botched raid?

-Siege

Well, there's a lot more here then when I went to sleep, so I'll get on it.

@kevyn668
As it stands, pistols and a pair of Hardliner gloves are the only weapons this character has. Diving is another one of his interests, but I think he'll be fine without actual training.

There's a lot more you can do with spray weapons then fry somebody. Especially with a spray tank full of freeze foam/slip spray.
Thanks about the contacts. I'm actually trying to make all of them with the same level of detail as I want my character to have.

@Eyeless Blonde
Now that I seriously think about why he has an Intelligence of 7, Quickness 8 makes more sense to me.
As for the skills, I'm still working on that.

@Bolverk, Jason, and Siege
He wasn't always a pacifist. Let's just say he developed a bit of a complex after his last SWAT excercise.

@Siege
1.a)Keep in mind not all of his skills are representative of his SWAT training. He may have picked up demolitions after he 'died', during a stint in the army; the possibilities are there.

b)Yes, he was a sniper.

2.A bit tomato tomato, but ok.

4.I've just come to the realization that he doesn't need to have the skill for it to be an interest. Time to re-arrange some points I do believe.

I'm still working on getting at least all of his level 2 contacts into his background.

I'm seriously considering eliminating duplicate guns, which would keep the # down to a much more sane 5 pistols. And then maybe I can buy a rifle or two with the cash.

1. Tomato, Tomato - I've found GMs to be more cooperative when the skill is as specific as possible. If you're trying to represent the character's knowledge of Lone Star procedures, some GMs may be reluctant to provide you the specifics under a more general skill titled "Policing Procedures."

Of course, YMMV.

2. Honestly, you only need so many handguns since the game doesn't include jamming rules.

Primary weapon: Colt Manhunter (I'm guessing, since you don't have a SML)
Alt Primary: Savalette Guardian (just because I'm a fan and the burst is _neat_)
Alt weapon: Narcojet handgun
Alt weapon: Colt Manhunter, stashed somewhere in a safehouse
Alt weapon: Ruger Super Warhawk just because it was the neatest part of "xXx". And you can access special loads on the fly.

Yes, you could schlump along a light pistol - the PPK is a nice one, as is the Ceska, but seriously...why?

-Siege

Why? I'm honestly not sure, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.

As for what I've got in the way of pistols;

Primary: Colt Manhunter (good guess)
Alt Primary: Ares Predator (can be silenced, unlike the Colt)
Alt Weapon: Morissey Elan (kept in an ankle holster, because you never know)
Alt Weapon: FN-AAL Gyrojet Pistol (this is my coolness factor gun)
Alt Weapon: Remington Roomsweeper (packed with stun shells for max takedown capability when subtlety isn't a factor)

Specialty Weapon: Micro Flare Launcher (looks kinda like a pen, for when firearms aren't permitted, another 'just in case')

Feh - I hate the ruling involving Colts and the integral, yet barrel-mounted laser sight that prohibits them from taking silencers garbage.

Of course, that's just an irritation on my part.

Ok, done yelping. I promise.

-Siege

The Manhunter can't be silenced?

For the "blowing your face off" debate: I meant it as an expression. What I probably should have said is:

It can't be silenced until you remove the barrel-mounted laser sight. Only takes a kit, a B/R (4) test, and a base of 24 hours to do it.

Who said they conflicted? The only conflict is that you can't put two things on the same mount at one time. Just remove the laser sight, put one on one of the other mounts, then silence it. Voila.

Even in the real world you have to use a special mount to do that as far as I know. Just because Shadowrun doesn't have rules for such an accessory, it doesn't mean the base rule is stupid. As far as I know, the only stupid mount rule for pistols is the lack of an underbarrel one (though I understand why they put it there, their execution was just poor... they should have simply said grenade launchers and the like can't be mounted on a pistol).

A laser sight goes undeneath the the gun, directly in front of the trigger guard or, in some instances, on the side of the grip.

A silencer screws or is otherwise attached onto the barrel directly.

An integral laser sight would have to be built into the housing and located, most probably underneath the weapon because that little bit of space just below the barrel is allocated to the spring responsible for the slide.

So, you tell me how a silencer that screws onto the barrel directly would interfere with a laser sight that is not trying to occupy the same space?

I repeat, I do not dispute the ruling is canon. However, the rule makes no practical sense unless you assume they have radically altered the way a handgun functions in 2060.

-Siege

In 60 years, they probably have. It's not a top-mounted laser. It's not an underbarrel laser. It's not a grip-mounted laser. It's a barrel-mounted laser just like the description says. That's why it's not compatible with a silencer. I have no idea how or why it's a barrel-mounted laser, but it is.

If its really a major problem for you, call it an underbarrel one instead and there you go.

You're absolutely right.

-Siege

I've updated the character again, but I'm still working on his background.

Completely unrelated note, but since we were discussing gear earlier:

Nifty

-Siege

Edit: On topic -> Instead of B/R handgun which, I grant you, is absurdly useful, what about B/R rifle? Since he is a sniper, odds are he'd have a vested interest in tweaking his rifle, moreso than his handgun.

Just idle thoughts.

It would make more sense, but it would take some re-distribution of points - which are already fairly hard to come by.

EDIT: Character updated.

Siege: What is that site for? It looks like a big asian military-idolizing site, from the rest of the links, but I'm really at loss considering 95% of the text is "?" with my encoding. Anyone?

I'm just going to note on a min-maxing note that I have an extreme distaste for elves in general. You're often better off under Build Point just taking those points, putting 4 of those points into attributes, boost your resources spending by 5 and spending the nuyen on boosting your Quickness and other attributse to reasonable levels.

I'm judging this on the basis of it being based on a Build Point system. If you're using BECKs, a lot of this post can be ignored. If you're using Priority, most of it still applies.


Skills:
You're spread too thin here. It's meta-gamey, but you really have to ask yourself if there is no way anyone else on the team could be able to do the Electronics work and Demolitions. In my opinion, Electronic B/R 3 is pretty fruity, especially when it's not backed up by any sort of ware like Microscopic Vision, anything that grants task pool, etc. I'd take those points and put them elsewhere. Put Athletics up to 4, Stealth up to 6, and bring your Rifles up to 6 or Brawling up to 5.

In addition, you should consider ditching Spray Weapons or Throwing Weapons. Throwing Weapons can double for all of your particular Spray Weapons purposes thanks to the joys of Splash Grenades, so I'd probably ditch spray weapons. Hell, maybe ditch them both and buff up your resources some or make the Biorejection flaw go away.


Weapons:
You don't have enough ammo. There is absolutely no such thing as owning too much ammunition.

Ditch the Elan and get a Walther PB-120, 10-round magazine version. Weighs .25 more, carrys 5 more rounds, 200 more nuyen, +1 power. If you had some HI-C Plastic Rounds, the Elan may be worth keeping but since you didn't, I'm guessing you didn't buy it for the polyresins. See what others have said about the built-in laser sight on the Colt Manhunter taking up the barrel slot and therefore being unsilencable. You should buy some silencers and laser sights for slapping on your guns or some Smartgoggles, just because low TNs are good. Also, ditch the gyrojet pistol - Toturi's right, it doesn't use Pistols for its skill.

I dislike the Ruger 100. A lot. Buy yourself a Ruger 950 and a Mag 3 scope, unless you have some specific plans for the underbarrel mount on the Ruger 100. For a SWAT dude, Shotguns or SMGs may be better and equally in character.

Armor:
I'm too damn tired to think about armor. I think you have some overlap here and wastefulness, but my headache isn't letting me figure out or explain how except that I would change SOMETHING. I think I'd ditch the half-body armor in favor of either a shirt for nuyen and spend the nuyen elsewhere or something or else I'd scrape up 1K for the full body and get a nifty +2 ballistic.

Maybe drop something and buy an armored jacket to match the Ballistic Shield I think.


Misc:
Why the flare launcher when you've got the Roomsweeper and flare rounds? I would delete the Rating 6 Microtransceiver and instead get a Rating 4 Personal Tactical Comm unit. It's better in the majority of ways, such as the fact that it has built in ECCM and Encryption. I'm disappointed at the lack of thermal or low-light goggles.

Also, I echo what Bitbasher said about init.

Well, M&M has just been disallowed by my GM, so no freeze foam for this guy. Or splash grenades. So that solves that problem.