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If you are unfamiliar with the CLUE files, check them out at

Just post any really stupid/embarassing thing you've done/seen done by runners.

My personal favorite is when one of my runners, a gunbunny adept, was meeting in an abandoned warehouse with the Don of the Biggio mafia family, one of Seattles most powerful crime syndicates. He was calle fto the meeting for a truse, he had done enouhg damage to them to impress him, and they were interesting in procuring his services for themselves (at a discount of course. Part of his pay would be "we don't turn our full attention on and subsequently squash you and your friends")

However, he decides this is a good time to be overbearing. "Why the frag should I have to listen to you?!"

This said to a man who's used to being obeyed, in a warehouse in the barrens, flanked by two huge trolls with old-school tommy guns.

#1,302 on the list of things not to say to someone in a vastly better position than you.
I was starting up a new Shadowrun game, with a group of veteran D&D3rd players. None of them knew the Shadowrun system, but I figured I'd take it easy on them to get them started. Oh well...

Players included a 3 Sammys (different specialties), Rigger and a Shaman.

This being their first run, I deliberately gave them a "milk run" mission. One so easy, it should have been foolproof, but for the ingenuity of fools. Here was the drill:

A well-known mob boss was targetted for death. The players were chosen to carry out this assignment. To make it easy, they were given the target's schedule (early afternoon), and travel route (he was arriving from an airport, then driving home). No extra chase cars, no security convoy, nothing. Even the route itself was easy; airport to main freeway, turn off freeway and drive into nice neighborhood. The airport was smartly ruled out due to federal security. The neighborhood was Class AA. The highway was Class B, so the players decided to make their hit when the car got off the freeway, and before it turned into the neighborhood. As it happens, there was a 7-11/gas station at the intersection, so that's where they chose.

The players started out fine; one sammy was stationed at the airport to confirm that the target got off and nothing untowards was happening. The rigger followed the target car after picking up the recon sammy. The 2nd sammy and the shaman were in a seperate car, with the idea that they would block the target car and provide a getaway. The 3rd sammy, who was a heavy weapon specialist, was given the actual kill/ambush assignment. Everyone got to their assigned places early, so they would have time to set up.

The first two groups got into position just fine. The third lone gunman however had other ideas. He said that he "didn't want to leave his vehicle" at the 7-11 because it might point back at him. So he parks his motorcycle on the side of a street in the AA neighborhood, unpacks his 4-pack rocket launcher, his HMG, and grenades, then hoofs it 4 blocks through this Class AA neighborhood to his ambush point. His only saving grace was that this was in the middle of the day and most people were at work and he did have "Stealth".

He finally got to the 7-11, and in broad daylight, climbs up to the top of the small building (typical 1-story convenience store with a flat-top roof). By now, the other players are already nervous. I rolled a random chance and lo and behold, an off-duty Lone-Star cop was inside getting munchies. The cop came out, made his perception roll, then hurriedly proceeded to run back into the store. To make matters worse, the Sammy saw this, wasn't the least bit concerned, and stayed at his post, despite the rising voices of concern of his teammates, who were watching this exchange with increasingly ashen faces. After all, what could one lone cop do, right?

To no one's surprise, other than the sammy, 2 Lone-star cop cars showed up about 10 mins later, got on the loudspeakers and demanded that the sammy throw down his weapons and get off the roof. This didn't sit well with the sammy, who proceeds to open-fire with the rocket launchers and destroy the 2 cop cars, while his teammates are shouting at him in the radio. As the two cop cars went up in flames, he proceeded to use his HMG to gun down the cops for interfering, along with a stray civilian along the way. Less than a min later, it escalated, with a SWAT van, medivac and media helicopters and 4 more support cars showed up.

At this point, the team leader called out the "Abort/Walk away". "Andy (the player), you're on your own...".

To his credit (or shame), the sammy managed to blow up 2 more vehicles, gun down several cops and make it to one of the other police cruisers, while only sustaining a Serious Wound while doing so. Meanwhile, at the designated safehouse, his team was watching "Breaking News" on TV with their jaws dropped, while their teammate did his best OJ Simpson's White Bronco impression, leaving a trail of burning vehicles behind him.

He managed to make it to a large-scale apartment complex, ditch the car, and break into an apartment to steal some clothes and wash the blood off. While doing so, he was witnessed by 2 12-yrs old kids. Amazingly, he let them live, but instead proceeded to burn the entire complex down with C-12 charges. To get rid of forensic evidence, he explained.

Later that night, he managed to make it to the safehouse, much to the chagrin of the rest of the team. On the TV the was a story about "Terrorism strikes Highland Park" with an announced APB for a man resembling a fairly accurate composite pencil sketch given by the several dozen witnesses at the scene.

Epilogue: For some mysterious reason, the sammy decided that he needed some plastic surgery and a new ID. Out of player-to-player loyalty, rather than characters as they had just met, the other players managed to contact a street surgeon to do the job. Once he was under the knife though, the surgeon offered to split the reward (now around 200,000Y being offered by Lone Star) if they would just walk away. Again, out of unbelievable player-loyalty, they turned him down and paid the surgeon the equivalent to keep it quiet.
Wow, I those players were way too nice.
to be perfectly honest My group's players would have shot him as soon as he returned to the safehouse.

Ok, now for the story. On an earlier run I had created a legit street sam Troll, one to use as a bodyguard. As per the plan the team arrived, and severly hurt the troll, but did not kill him. The troll escaped and the team went on their marry way.

About four months later the team gets what seems to be a perfectly legit job, extract the target, return him here, get the money. Being a good team the Face began checking out his 20 or so various contacts for information. After about a week's worth of searching and somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 successes he recieved information that the run was set up by a troll with the name of "Iriving" (the name of the troll from before). He also found out that the Troll had just returned from Aztlan and "heavy surgery". Now niether the player, nor the character had ever heard of "Irving", so he went to the meet as normal to give them all the info. The team, promptly went into panic mode. They knew the run was a set up, and began scrambling to hide from him and make themselves scarce. Except the Brick of the team, he went to the target's workplace to see about finishing the run.

He made it into the building, setting off the security alarms that Irving had set up, and sneakily moving his way up the three stories to the target's floor. He moved through the building, and mowed down a pair of rent a cop security guards. Duct taping the two people in the building who were there he moved on to the target's office. Openning the door slowly, becuase he had heard the team talking about it being an ambush, he cuaght sight of two figures in security Armor, one of them with a long rifle pointed at him, the other was obviously a troll, both of them across the street, about 10 meters away.

The battle began as he successfully dodged the sniper's first shot, and watched as, before he had gotten a chance to act, the troll took three steps, and jumped accross the distance between them, pointing his assault rifle at the runner. The runner took two bursts to the chest, but managed to stage it down to only a moderate and a light wound. The troll continued his run through the runner standing in the hallway, in the span of one pass. Knocking the runner down simply by way of momentum the troll is standing on top of the runner. The runner then gets a chance to act. Firing two bursts at the troll I could see the player's jaw drop as I (GMing) grabbed a handful of dice bigger than what the mage uses to cast spells (25 to be precise). Of course staging down the damage to nothing the troll spends his entire action drawing his sword.

The runner decides now's the time to use his grenade launcher, yes at an opponent at point blank range. Firing off two grenades past the troll the bounce around and after traveling several meters (more than the 5 needed to arm) the grenades stop while sitting in the middle of a halway, about 1 meter from the runner and troll. The Troll pulls up his sword and stabs the runner through the face to which the runner promptly yells "I'm using my Hand of God, ha I don't die". on his action the grenades go off.

The total damage code on them was two shots of 25S. The runner burns up, and the troll stages them down to a total of one serious wound. At this point the runner's 400 rounds of ammo, and remaining greandes cook off. The sceen was something similar to one of the last ones in the second Matrix movie. Imagine the building exploding, without Neo flying away.

That one made the news.
I call this story "How NOT to buy a bike."

The principal was playing a heavy cybered troll named Mountain which has a charisma of 2, and no intimidate skill or ettiquette. (His first char, he didn't know any better.) He also has a moderate wound from the previous run (I didn't know when he did this, so it could have been when he was still serious, or when he was healed and training. Now that I think about it, it probably would be the latter, but if he was suffering +3 TN doing these actions...)

He wants to change his crotch rocket Yamaha Rapier for the faster Yamaha Katana. Not much difference in prices, really (only 4,000 or so), but he goes to a used bike salesman, and tries to act big and tough. Unfortunately, this doesn't work as the salesman isn't convinced.

So, eventually Mountain grumbles and gets 4,000 back for the Rapier in a trade in for the Katana. Then, as he gives up his key for the Rapier, the salesman (not trusting the troll to give him the wrong key) checks it in the Rapier. Mountain doesn't like this, so he starts bragging. About not having "killed" anyone, but they might have died after he had left.


The salesman, being no fool (and everyone was staring at him and going "Please tell me he didn't just say that") Had already completed the transaction when Mountain started bragging. He prudently retreats into his office, firmly closes the door and obviously dials a phone.

Mountain: "Look, don't make me get my friend over there, who's giggling."


The Salesman then obviously says "Yeah, he's got an insane dwarf pal who's giggling all the time. Please send somebody over to get them outta here..."

Fortunately Mountain regains his senses at this point (nobody could have dragged him ANYWHERE he didn't want to go) and they take off (Mountain on his new bike, the dwarf in his car) a minute before the cops arrive. They give chase briefly, but get left behind.

In a fit of wisdom, Mountain reaches behind him and wrenches the license plate off the rear of the bike (while driving no less...I was so in shock I didn't make him take a crash test) and lets go. The dwarf (driving BEHIND him) has to avoid a skittering license plate and cover which pings off the street.

Oh...and Lazarus (the dwarf) has to change the VIN number on the bike because obviously the salesman knows it.

So now Mountain has another blotch on his rap sheet (security cameras, anyone?)...and a bent license plate is on the freeway causing people to swerve.

An unexpected end to a good run, and had most of us shaking our heads and laughing hysterically. It's amazing how fun shopping is!
Here's another one, that follows up on the grenade thread. We all know that grenades are semi-unpredictable in RL.. it bounces, skitters, doesn't explode on contact (unless you're lucky or it's a contact grenade)...

Watch any war movie and you see fun with grenades.

Well, it's no different in SR...grenades automatically scatter D6 meters, but you can reduce it by being really successful with your throwing skill.

Of course there are some people to whom throwing is not natural...

I was a PC in a group where after a while we forbade one member from ever having, throwing, or even owning a grenade. If he got his grubby hands on one, we quickly relieved him of it.


One time we were in a major firefight. He was off to the side helping us, when he got the brilliant idea of throwing a grenade at the enemy.

Unfortunately, he had zero throwing skill, and zero Athletics, so he had to default to Strength. Which was 3. *wince*

To put it bluntly, he missed. badly. It scattered more than usual because he missed, and ended up underneath the car we were sheltering behind...causing US to scatter before it blew up the gas tank.

Well, we made it out alive, but that wasn't the final straw. The next time he tried to throw a grenade, he missed so spectacularly that it bounced off a wall and ended up at the feet of one of our troll players. The troll was not amused when he took a moderate wound from friendly fire.

We instituted the "no grenade rule" after least for him.
I posted this one in the grenades thread, but it bears repeating. Isn't it amazing how the Clueless are drawn to grenades?

I'm GMing again, and the mission is to take out a heavily-secured facility. Now, they're getting paid to cause heavy damage and carnage, so they go in packing heavy, knowing the opposition will be just as well-armed. Since they need to raze the place, they even brought satchel charges; research has revealed the walls are all heavily reinforced, so extras are packed.

Things are rough, but they're still going well, up until this point, when the oppostion barricaded a hallway.

Let me skip ahead to the punchline:

Me: (to mage) Let me get this straight. You're in a two-meter wide, ten-meter long hallway. The barricade is about 7 meters in front of you. You're sustaining a Levitate Self and Improved Invisibility spell, you have a moderate Physical and a Serious Stun wound, lighting is bad and you have no vision enhancements, and you want to do what?

Mage: I want to fly over them and throw a grenade. I got a frag left, it'll mess them up.

Me: *pause* Ohhhhkay. You're only dropping it, so I'll go against base TN of 2....(calculates modifiers) Target number 17. You do have Thrown Weapon, don't you?

Mage: Yup. Lessee... I got it at one.

Everyone: *pause*

Me: Are you really sure about this?

Mage: Yup. I'll drop it, and fly right past. I can spare one from my combat pool.

Me: Ohhhhkay.

Mage (rolls): oh.

Sammie: What??

Mage: I rolled all ones.

Sammie: eek.gif Spend some karma pool, doofus!

Mage: I'm out of Karma pool. I spent it to resist drain.

Me: Well then. (I start pantomiming) You grasp the grenade in your left hand, pull the pin, and throw. An object goes flying. Then you look down at your left hand, and have a second to yelp. vegm.gif

Surprisingly enough, the mage managed to survive this; the sammie, some distance away, did so as well.
QUOTE (paul_HArkonen)
to be perfectly honest My group's players would have shot him as soon as he returned to the safehouse.

Would you have turned his carcass in for the 200K reward? grinbig.gif
In one of their first runs, my players were to bodyguard a businessman dealing with the russian mafia. Things went sour, and they bolted with the merchandise without paying.

They were a little arrogant, throwing grenades around them and generally beeing a nuiscance. Plus, doing very little to help the businessman, including not posting a guard at their airplane or even giving the pilot a way of communicating with them.

Getting back to their airplande they find two seemingly unarmed goons standing next to it. Since they are unarmed, the players go up to them brandishing their weapons and tells them to leave so that they could fly away.

One of the goons says: "Drop your guns and don't move a muscle! You are covered by a sniper, who'll shoot the first one to make any sudden moves. Give us the suitcase and you can go."

The mage, hearing this gives the businessman a shove and shouts "run to the plane!"

Afterwards, the player said "well I thought they were bluffing..."
Out of curiosity...did these never pick up again...there had been talk that the CLUE files might get back again.
QUOTE (LinaInverse)
QUOTE (paul_HArkonen)
to be perfectly honest My group's players would have shot him as soon as he returned to the safehouse.

Would you have turned his carcass in for the 200K reward? grinbig.gif

first they would have stripped him of all his ware and gear.
And then turned him for the reward. devil.gif
QUOTE (Stumps)
Out of curiosity...did these never pick up again...there had been talk that the CLUE files might get back again.

As I mentioned on the other thread, after one new post and a new "coming soon" page, they stopped again. What got Karen to come out of hiding last time was threatening to start another CLUE files, named such, without her attention to editing, so maybe if we light a fire down this end of the warrenů vegm.gif

hmm....looks at extra server space....
Note: please don't actually do the above. If you do something similar, don't call it CLUE. Threatening to do so should only be done with the intent of sparking some life out of Karen.

CLueless and grenades... Yeah, I know one of them...

Two players in a car. One pulls a grenade, yanks the pin, fumbles, drops the grenade. His partner is out of the car so fast it makes your head spin.

What does Captain Clueless do? "Feel around under the seat for the grenade!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's got a seven second delay, loads of time!"

(GM covers eyes and moans)

The end result, of course, was "Aha, I found the BOOM!"
Well...I was more of a joke, but if people would like to see something akin to the CLUE files (not the same thing...maybe Darwinrun or the like) again in an archiveable fashion I might be able to tear some time aside to put something together...but folks would really want to have it.
Kremlin KOA
how about son of CLUE with credit and praise to Karen at the opening page?
sure. Sounds fine to me...but do enough people want this?
Of course we want it...who doesn't like having a good laugh at the expense of the clueless? smile.gif
I don't, particularly.

As far as I could always tell (in more RPG systems than I can count) most of these sort of stories aren't so much about players egregiously screwing things up themselves, but about GMs with issues going far out of their way to punish what they consider stupid behavior in extravagantly unfair and unreasonable ways - they're about "clever" traps and punishing the players for not playing the game correctly, as opposed to just letting things play out realistically and letting the dice fall where they may.

Then you have another subset, which is prick GMs who often don't get the rules theselves, who are screwing over the players because of their own stupidity, and giggling over it. The "Heh, my idiot player forgot he had magnetic cyberlimb systems installed and then tried throwing a grenade!" story is one of the best examples of this.

Of course, there are some legitimate and funny ones out there, as well as some true "Runs From Hell" where everything seems to go wrong, but they all seem to get buried under the mountain of bad and vindictive GMing...
I, in a moment of grand stupidity of ill-posting-ethics, asked this question in the wrong thread instead of starting a thread to ask the question first....
I offer my apology and politely ask that subsequent comments regarding the re-start of the CLUE files be posted in the CLUE files Revived? thread.

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