There are a few of the threads that I read
(As sung to “A few of my favorite things”)
“Backstabs an’ breaches”
an’ old “Revelations”,
“Implants at Chargen”
an’ “Worlds without End”
“Avatars and Adepts”,
an’ “Binding free spirits”
These are a few of the threads that I read.
“Chatbots” an’ “Elf porn”,
“Nukers” an’ “Snipers”
An’ “Little what if’s”
“D C R S”
an’ “N S R C G”
These are a few of the threads that I read…
“Stupid questions
about Improved
Invisibility”,
“Unloading firearms
in a general direction”
“Enhanced aim” and
“Finding mods for climbing”
These are a few of the threads that I read.
When the site dies,
When the posts suck,
When there’s nothing new.
I simply peruse the threads that I’ve stored,
And then I don’t feel so bored.
Breaches.. Hmmm Revelations,
Chargen... end,
La dee da, la dee da,
La dee da, da,
These are a few of the threads that I read.
When the site dies,
When the posts suck,
When there’s nothing new.
I simply peruse the threads that I’ve stored,
And then I don’t feel so bored.
Full Version: Cause I'm bored
Cute. 
*giggles*
Lemme find my re-work of Monty Python's 'Dead Parrot' skit. Should be a good complement to this.
A street samurai enters a fixer’s.
Samurai: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The fixer does not respond.)
S: 'Ello, Miss?
Fixer: What do you mean "miss"?
S: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
F: We're closin' for lunch.
S: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this decker what I hired not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
F: Oh yes, the, uh, the dwarven security specialist...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
S: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with ‘im!
F: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's decking.
S: Look, matey, I know a dead decker when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
F: No no he's not dead, he's, he's deckin'! Remarkable man, my dwarven decker, idn'e, ay? Beautiful methods!
S: His methods don't enter into it. He's stone dead.
F: Nononono, no, no! 'E's decking!
S: All right then, if he's decking', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the dwarf)
'Ello, Mister Dwarven Decker! I've got a lovely fresh credstick for you if you show...(fixer hits his cyberdeck)
F: There, he moved!
S: No, he didn't, that was you hitting his deck!
F: I never!!
S: Yes, you did!
F: I never, never did anything...
S: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO DECKY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Jacks dwarf out of the deck and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
S: Now that's what I call a dead decker.
F: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
S: STUNNED?!?
F: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Deckers stun easily, major.
S: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That decker is definitely deceased, and when I hired ‘im not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shadowrun.
F: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
S: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
F: This dwarven decker prefers deckin' on his back! Remarkable man, id'e, squire? Lovely methods!
S: Look, I took the liberty of examining that decker when I got him home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been jacked into its deck in the first place was that the jack had been GLUED there.
(pause)
F: Well, o'course it was glued there! If I hadn't glued that jack down, ‘e would have nuzzled up to that datajack, bent it apart with ‘is nails, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
S: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this dwarf wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
F: No no! 'E's pining!
S: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This decker is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't glued ‘im to the deck 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-DECKER!!
(pause)
F: Well, I'd better replace him, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
F: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of deckers.
S: I see. I see, I get the picture.
F: I got a shaman.
(pause)
S: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does he deck?
F: N-n-n-not really.
S: WELL HE'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS HE?!!???!!?
F: Look, if you go to my brother's place in the CAS, he'll replace the decker for you.
S: The CAS, eh? Very well.
The samurai leaves.
The samurai enters the same meeting place. The fixer is putting on a false moustache.
S: This is the CAS, is it?
F: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
S: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
S: I wish to complain, CA-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
S: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
S: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these skits out to 200 lines, you know.
S: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the CAS train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is the CAS.
S: (to the camera) The fixer's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame North American Rail for that.
S: In that case, I shall return to the fixer’s!
He does.
S: I understand this IS the CAS.
F: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
S: You told me it was Ipswitch!
F: ...It was a pun.
S: (pause) A PUN?!?
F: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
S: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
F: Yeah, that's it!
S: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "CAS" would be "SAC"!! It doesn't work!!
F: Well, what do you want?
S: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…
FIN
Lemme find my re-work of Monty Python's 'Dead Parrot' skit. Should be a good complement to this.
A street samurai enters a fixer’s.
Samurai: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The fixer does not respond.)
S: 'Ello, Miss?
Fixer: What do you mean "miss"?
S: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
F: We're closin' for lunch.
S: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this decker what I hired not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
F: Oh yes, the, uh, the dwarven security specialist...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
S: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with ‘im!
F: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's decking.
S: Look, matey, I know a dead decker when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
F: No no he's not dead, he's, he's deckin'! Remarkable man, my dwarven decker, idn'e, ay? Beautiful methods!
S: His methods don't enter into it. He's stone dead.
F: Nononono, no, no! 'E's decking!
S: All right then, if he's decking', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the dwarf)
'Ello, Mister Dwarven Decker! I've got a lovely fresh credstick for you if you show...(fixer hits his cyberdeck)
F: There, he moved!
S: No, he didn't, that was you hitting his deck!
F: I never!!
S: Yes, you did!
F: I never, never did anything...
S: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO DECKY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Jacks dwarf out of the deck and thumps his head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
S: Now that's what I call a dead decker.
F: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
S: STUNNED?!?
F: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Deckers stun easily, major.
S: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That decker is definitely deceased, and when I hired ‘im not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shadowrun.
F: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
S: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
F: This dwarven decker prefers deckin' on his back! Remarkable man, id'e, squire? Lovely methods!
S: Look, I took the liberty of examining that decker when I got him home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been jacked into its deck in the first place was that the jack had been GLUED there.
(pause)
F: Well, o'course it was glued there! If I hadn't glued that jack down, ‘e would have nuzzled up to that datajack, bent it apart with ‘is nails, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
S: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this dwarf wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
F: No no! 'E's pining!
S: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This decker is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't glued ‘im to the deck 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-DECKER!!
(pause)
F: Well, I'd better replace him, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
F: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of deckers.
S: I see. I see, I get the picture.
F: I got a shaman.
(pause)
S: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does he deck?
F: N-n-n-not really.
S: WELL HE'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS HE?!!???!!?
F: Look, if you go to my brother's place in the CAS, he'll replace the decker for you.
S: The CAS, eh? Very well.
The samurai leaves.
The samurai enters the same meeting place. The fixer is putting on a false moustache.
S: This is the CAS, is it?
F: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
S: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
S: I wish to complain, CA-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
S: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
S: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these skits out to 200 lines, you know.
S: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the CAS train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is the CAS.
S: (to the camera) The fixer's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame North American Rail for that.
S: In that case, I shall return to the fixer’s!
He does.
S: I understand this IS the CAS.
F: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
S: You told me it was Ipswitch!
F: ...It was a pun.
S: (pause) A PUN?!?
F: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
S: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
F: Yeah, that's it!
S: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "CAS" would be "SAC"!! It doesn't work!!
F: Well, what do you want?
S: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly…
FIN
I have to say that has to be the most original use of Monty Python that I have ever see. Well Done!!
And suddenly I want to make a dwarven decker named Voom. With a british accent.
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