I smile at Mato . "You are welcome." I don't usually do things people consider kind, so I suppress the blush I would feel if I overthink it. So I turn to Rachel and say . "Let's take the Ford. I like it better than the Xenon.", and I don't wait for a response - it is obvious that I am driving manually - the only safe way to drive. If Rachel does not object, I will buy armored glass for my window because I never want to wake up violently and be covered in glass. I'll install it myself once all the neighbors are at their boring jobs, and nobody knows. In this issue, it is better to ask for forgiveness sometime in the future than to ask for permission on this issue because it is too embarrassing to discuss such emotions. I go there seat by the car, taking a deep breath. Freedom.

"Sure. Works for me."

Rachel is a bit confused about buying glass, but surely AM has her reasons, so why not. To each their own, after all. She does wonder why they didn't take the bigger car, then. Would be easier to get that inside.

She will look at some outfits when they are at the mall, mostly sporty stuff and golfing outfits, but she will spend most of the time observing what AM seems to like or dislike to give her some informed advice, if she wants it. For herself, she just buys a bunch of little accessories, like buttons, zippers, ribbons, and the likes, maybe some suitable cloth sheets as a foundation for their little fashion project.

I need to buy a lot, and Raven inspires some calmness in me that inspires me to go over my bucket list and get it over with. The concept of shopping is a bit alien to me, and I am doing it in VR, where I feel safer and everything happens faster the next time, but it is a new experience, and I try to be open to it - even if it is hard. I buy a lot, from running shoes to hiking boots, which would sit until I got some spare time and practice my outdoor skills. I need to survive a week in nature to see how it goes, even though I would feel more comfortable indoors. Finally, because I'll eventually need to wear a suit, I bought a pair of black doll shoes without a heel. I no longer need to feel taller than I am.

Buying physically means that I have to change clothes in a situation with microdrones and magic exist, and I am too aware of these to relax. Still, I do it anyhow, and Raven is very patient. I buy mainly training outfits, sports bras, and underclothes, where I still prefer male boxers over anything tailored for my gender, but I also get a few lingerie just in case I ever want to wear a tight dress, feel sexy, or date someone. I seem to value comfort and do not try too hard to look attractive or sexy, and my aesthetic sense tries to focus as much attention on my face rather than on my body. I dislike bragging and hate receiving the wrong kind of attention. I cover my biceps in most outfits, hide my abs, and generally prefer to look tall. I also buy tights and tank tops, which may seem helpful to me. The exception to my modesty rule is a black bikini which I believe is surprisingly Trouble for the Sauna. It is normally compared to what one would see at the public pool, but I wonder if I'll wear it in public.

I appreciate Raven's attention and advice and am curious when she buys all sorts of accessories. I buy several myself and have already ordered some equipment to start sewing - Mommy would be proud or shocked that I followed her footsteps. If I ever tell her. Once we're done, and my patience is at an end, we head to the DIY store, and Raven still does not complain. I buy an armored window from their best glass and a few extra tools, and I eagerly wait for a discreet opportunity to replace my window with something safer. "I know it is Bellevue and everything, but do you want bulletproof glass for your window as well? I can install it myself." I casually ask Raven risking sounding crazy - but it is not crazy if your old home exploded.

In the spirit of being so brave, I promised myself to do the blood magic ritual I had been putting away for several months. We have a creepy drawing, a unique Govi that can retain a watcher's spirit for a long time while keeping it active, but the watcher cannot leave the painting. It requires fresh blood, and while I have a ceremonial dagger, I was too reluctant to cut myself; it seemed crazy and barbaric - but I want to try it and prove that I can do it. If you like strange rituals, there is this security painting I want to activate tonight... It requires Blood as a reagent... It is a special kind of watcher spirit that can remain active for a whole month as long as it remains stationary. A fascinating construct which I never tried because, well - I don't usually cut myself, but perhaps its time to overcome that limitation and see what happens..." I add so that she does not think I intend to cut her; my blood of course I would need like three dates with a person before I feel comfortable cutting them at midnight and then using their blood as a reagent to some obscure enchantment. I and Raven are not there yet.

It is not just science; we'll use the watcher to secure the Redmond property, having some astral eyes there to know if anything alive enters the house instantly and can send spirits to protect the property. No more assholes with chainsaws unless they can deal with Trouble or your spirits trying to stop them. We would not be bullied again."

There, I said it; now there is no getting cold feet. At midnight I'll be at Redmond with my regalia, dagger, and creepy chanting, and I would bleed to a bowel - whether the witch can stomach it. I would then spend a few days studying the artifact because - come on - I have a unique magical artifact, and I was too afraid to use it for months.

"I had a feeling, that you are more comfortable in masculine clothes. I guess, it does make you feel safer? You have always been a bit of a tomboy, havn't you? It also works much better with that tall, athletic body of yours. I mean, look at you. I am so tiny standing next to you. Opening up, even if it is only about wearing more revealing clothing, can make you feel exposed. It's okay to feel safe and comfortable. Be, what you want to be, not what people tell you to be. But sometimes, a bit risky can also be... exhilarating. I believe, you have to embrace that part, in order to feel confident in a tiny dress. Works for me. And there are more subtle ways to add a feminine touch, like a fitted waistline, the choice of shoes or boots to go with an outfit. Or an accessory, like a handbag. Though, my intuition tells me you won't like those much. Have you ever tried one of those steampunk outfits? Those are still quite trendy. And practical as well."

When trying some dresses on herself, Rachel always gravitates towards the racier ones, and definitely with heels. She obviously loves posing in front of the mirror. And there are a number of other customers, that quite enjoy the view as well, which she doesn't seem to mind at all. The only actual clothing pieces, Rachel gets, though, are all part of a golfing outfit. Shoes, of course, a tiny white skirt (as small as she can get away with while still looking classy), a collared shirt, sleeveless and with just a hint of midriff showing, and a white cap.

When asked about the glass, Rachel shrugs. "Do you think, that is necessary? The neighborhood is quite different from Redmond."

After the talk about crazies with chainsaws, she is sold on the window, however. "It can't hurt to be careful, right? And while we are here..."

The talk about blood magic, makes her slightly uncomfortable, however. Often, that is used for some pretty weird stuff. "Well, I am glad to hear, that you plan on using your own blood there. I'm having more than enough pain these past few days, from the Binding attempts. Too bad, that first one failed. But overall, it was worth it, I think. That watcher does sound useful, though."

Tomboy, I comment to myself that Rachel seems more observant than the boys. I am uncomfortable around other people, and I like guns and fast cars, and matrix games, so Tomboy is the right word, better than a pretty girl anyhow - even if I am good-looking.

"I am a tomboy, but I modify my clothes to show more waistline, and with feminine belts, carry a handbag with a few necessities, and use makeup and jewelry. So I don't particularly like male clothes; I used them to survive in Redmond, where some drunk gangers could often get funny ideas about an elf girl walking about. I can likely handle myself, but looking like a boy helps, and so does carrying a large automatic weapon. I don't need male clothes as long as I am this big."

When she comments on my body, I blush. "It is just a spell...I am your size underneath. It is just that my birthday is soon, and I wanted to give myself something special. Everything looks different with an extra foot of height, and I finally got the legs I always wanted."

At the DIY store, I tell her about some crazy stuff that happened at SIS and why bulletproof glass is a big deal.

I am conflicted when I learn that Raven binds spirits - well, of course she does - who wouldn't? The only reason not to is to acknowledge this kind of transaction as illegitimate as most Shamans would. Still, I am not in a position to preach shamanism, not when I gradually drift to using my magic a lot more liberally than intended. "So, are you joining me this midnight?" I ask.

"Masculine, not male," she corrects AM, winking. "It's a small difference, at least."

"Anyways, that makes sense. I grew up on the streets, and know very well what you mean. Luckily, my talents would keep me safe."

Describing the clothes as a sort of protection mechanism is certainly something Rachel understands. She had her own experiences with the low-lifes of the Redmond Barrens. But for her, magic was all the protection she needed.

"So, midnight. Sure, why not. But shouldn't we take some of the others with us, as well? Could be dangerous out there. And I am not a fighter."

AM says, "I was a late bloomer and only developed my talent three years ago. I learned to do things without it. Clothes are not exactly protection; they are deterrence. I protect the idiots around me by reducing my attractiveness as a victim and increasing my perceived danger. In Redmond, it was a submachine gun; in Bellevue, I couldn't carry a gun, so I built myself a physically strong body.

People don't see my talent, but they can see a submachine gun. I do not need to fight in 99% of the cases. I did not fight anyone since I joined SIS despite constant interaction with gangers and crime lords.



She bites her lower lip and says, "I don't think it is dangerous between two mages, Trouble, and your spirits. I mean, I can do it alone, but I thought it to be interesting for you. I never tried a ritual like that, and the Govi is unlike any other I've seen. The ink resonates with mana and sustains the watcher in a semi-active state rather than fully dormant. You can't find stuff like that in textbooks. I say, feeling a bit geeky. You can bring the rest; additional deterrence never hurts; I will be there several hours earlier to establish the ritual's foundation and do some mundane security upgrades like cameras.

"I mean, of course. It would be interesting. Ritual Magic is not something I have tried. There is so much to learn, and I focused on other areas. We can probably handle much of what we might encounter there. I was just thinking, that it might be an unnecessary risk with everything that has happened lately. I mean, Mato wasn't even sure the building in Redmond is still there... and maybe they want to pay a visit to the old office, too."

AM chuckles. "You are lucky; it almost gave me give up sorcery altogether. The endless dancing, chanting, and psychedelic drugs... it was all so irrational and absurd, it required a leap of faith even to give it an honest try. They taught it like that, though; we followed many rituals before we got to lead one. Where did you study magic? You are very impressive and seem proficient with all schools of magic. "

"I have no formal training, like from a school or anything. My mentor took care of me, and most of it is just a lot of experimentation, and raw talent, I guess. I was a child still, when I awakened. There were or are some pretty powerful mages in my lineage. My grandfather actually was part of the Great Ghost Dance back in '17. You know, that ritual that erupted all those volcanos and made the UCAS and CAS accept the sovereignty of the amerindian states. He gave his life for the cause, at least that's the story I know. My grandmother is still around somewhere. From what I know, she lives in europe. And from what I have been told, she is very powerful. But I never met her. She's an elf, actually."

I sigh. "Must feel amazing to be a part of such an honorable and powerful lineage."
I feel so small and insignificant; what can I say compared to a grandfather in the holy dance? That my mother's normative life was over when I was born with pointy ears? That we were outcasts, shunned by the entire family? Daddy was not much better, he took me for hikes several times but was never there, and his family was off-limits; they did not know about me at all.

Why did you not get formal training? " I ask, trying to figure out what parents discover that their child has infinite potential and just ignore it and let it develop on its own (or not). It is alien to me; my mother would have given anything to develop my body - she has begged my father to find a way to train me despite the risks discreetly.

"Oh, you don't know? I thought, Razak might have told you. My parents both died, when I was quite young. Eleven or so. My magic awoke shortly after that. And that's also why I ended up in Redmond. My family never was rich or even close, but after the Crash, I had nothing at all."

I am so sorry, Raven... I say, I was so occupied with my issues. I am a bastard; I grew up as an outcast with my mother, and once in a few months, my father managed to stay a day or so with us without his family knowing. We were very poor, but at least not alone.

"I did not background check you; Razak said you were cool, and there are not many full mages out there. I was too depressed when Jawsey left us and did not want to do much. He was an elf, as you see in the trids, good-looking, smooth, with a silver tongue. He was also a full mage and very talented but an utter beginner. He did most of the talking with me as his sidekick, and then one day, he suddenly ran away. He claims it is to fix his homeland, but nobody is waiting for him, he knows nobody... Just old memories and ghosts from the past.


I tried to understand, I did, but I couldn't, and I still can't... We were friends and family, and he left us for a cause. I say, still feeling that hole in my soul; a person I trusted left without an explanation I can comprehend. He feared Urubia and used all his elven magic not to speak his mind. Still, if I had Urubia as a friend, I'd take her to art shows and have philosophical debates with her. Generally, I'd immensely enjoy having one of the oldest people in the world take an interest and enjoy my company. I would not leave everyone behind and run away. Is that because he had to be at the top of the food chain? Or did he fake it all with his super elven charm and use us as pawns for his obscure end?

The watcher spirit is a bust, I tried three times, and in each of them, the construct failed. I chant for several minutes, give the blood offering the regents, and nothing breaks up in my face. Great impression of the new mage, and now I look like I hurt myself on purpose. I stopped after the third time because I started feeling weak. The thing is, I see no deep reason to explain my failure; I am not afraid of failure --- but when each failure requires more of my blood, I don't have many options left. My head is hammering, and I feel weak as I enter the Ford. "Take us home," I tell the autopilot, and I curse myself for being so confident and so stubborn. Ritual spellcasting is wicked.

I look embarrassed at Raven and say "Guess it wasn't meant to be; I am done... Not sure I am going to try activating that darn painting again."