Yesterday I was watching some video taped ESPN classic in which Bert Sugar was discussing his picks for the top 10 boxing heavyweights of all time. It was actually a very interesting historical survey. I learned that legendary boxer Jack Dempsey actually used to be a hobo and that he once had a match after having not eaten for 4 days. (He lost, understandably.)

I also remembered a story I read somewhere on bullshido.net about how Dempsey, as an old man, was mugged in a cemetary when he was visiting the grave of a friend, but he KOed the mugger, because the last thing to leave a boxer is his punch.

So, we have the concept of either a starving hobo or an unimposing old man in a cemetary who can KTFO you totally unexpectedly out of the blue. Now think about how hysterically funny it would be if you pulled that on your SR group.

Mage: "I drop invisibility to cast levitate and begin to leave the scene of the crime by roofop."

GM: *rolls dice* "You notice that there's an unimposing, starving hobo who was hiding behind a dumpster who watched you murder the exec."

Mage: "Hmm. Better not have any witnesses, and I guess I'll erase my signature here after this anyway. Let me cast manabolt at him."

GM: "OK, roll init."

Mage: ???

GM: "Let's see, his init is 35. He goes 'Geek the mage!' in this rumbly, throaty homeless bum voice."

Mage: ???

GM: "He punches you for 30 successes. You die."

Players: "WTF? WTF? Foul foul!"

GM: *throws book on Dempsey at the players*

Players: "NOOOO! History0wned!"

My big brother will totally smack him down.

~J

"…He put the Lusitania on his chest…"

WR:

I recall reading something similar about another old-time boxer; I think, although I am not sure, that it was Joe Louis.

A few years before his death, he was in New York City (I think) on business, and two would-be muggers, each young enough to be his grandson, jumped him as he was leaving a cab.

Apparently, they took him at face value, and were expecting an elderly man who wouldn't give them much trouble.

Two quick punches later (a right and a left, I think), both miscreants were lying on the sidewalk unconscious.

In his own words, Louis had "...flattened 'em both."

--Foreigner

So remember boys and girls, dont mug people, because they could be a 70 yo Mike Tyson.

What if the hobo's a phys adept?

heh. on shadowland, there have been a number of hobo badasses. the most memorable one actually did just what WR describes. at the end of the fight, the mage dropped a max-force D fireball at his own feet to gain some sort of pyrrhic victory, but the hobo laid down an freakish number of dodge successes and took no damage. it was great.

Remind me of an old Dr Strange comic, the 'Men-Stars' story ark. The grand old master that taught Strange his art and merged with the universe in a buddhist-like way was shaken by the apocalyptical changes and he was 'thrown out' in the real world, broken. He passed the time as an hobo drunkard to kill his pain, but when he (or Strange?) was threatened, he show that he is as grand ol' badass sorcerer as before.

They had something similar in Hellblazer. John Constantine, who had repeatedly cheated death and beaten the devil at his own game (which begs the question, why do we suppose the devil plays fair? I can imagine the devil making a bet, then if he loses, he takes the prize anyway. Anyway, I digress.) John Constantine, after getting dumped by a woman, or somesuch, loses himself and becomes a drunk hobo. Except, when he gets beaten up, rather than manifesting his unearthly sorcerer powers, he mostly just gets the snot kicked out of him.

Just remember, while nine out of ten hobos are either fakers, ex-boxers or sorcerers with tremendous powers, that doesn't mean that same percentage are capable of beating up paramilitary forces using only a broken wine bottle.

As an aside, I've been noticing around this area (DC/Silver Spring) a sudden growth in hobo clones. So far I've seen three men at different spots (two within literally five minutes of each other, separated by four miles), begging on the highways. They have silly smiles, a half crutch on his right arm, an orange juice box to collect money (the top is cut off), a goofy grin and a pigeon foot. Waaaay too similar to not be fakers, but they're absolutely cleaning up! One wonders if the real hobos in SR aren't beaten up and left in the barrens, and gangs of hobo-fakers control the streets to collect money from the wageslaves. Maybe our Jack Dempsey hobo isn't actually a hobo, but a hobo fake working for the faux-hobo begging ring.

The hobo clones are almost certainly G-men performing illegal covert survailance and assasinations.

I spent a semester at UMBC. At the end of my time, I had about $100 on my 'non-cafeteria food' account. Since I wasn't going to eat it, I blew it all on boxed sandwiches and juice and went down to inner harbor, Baltimore (so it's still a nice enough area that I don't feel endangered) with my girlfriend to hand them out to the destitute. This is in the evening, so presumably most people who have a real home have gone there. Nevertheless, half of the people we offered free food to would not accept it and requested cash.

Moral of the story - if you want to be charitable, give food, not money. If the guy is really living on the street, he'll appreciate a sandwich and you're not supporting fakers or the drug trade. I no longer give any money to anything but reliable charities I contact from my own initiative.

Just always remember Rule One and you'll be fine. 'Never act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man'.