A long time ago I had a friend who had used to be a dairy farmer in New Hampshire. He was the first person who ever made me afraid of farmers. Subsequently while posting on DSF I learned about squeeze shoots and realized that agrarian people must be avoided at all costs since they feast on the marrow of urban people.

Anyway, the way that my friend first made me afraid of farmers was he explained their various means of attacking you with dung fertilizer. He told me a few stories.



The Field

Once in New Hampshire someone parked a pickup truck in such a way that it was blocking the entrance to a field where a farmer was going to do some work. It is considered a grotesque breech of agrarian etiquette to block the entrance to a field with your vehicle because it prevents any agrarian work from being done.

Therefore, the farmer in question took revenge upon the vehicle owner by emptying his entire supply of poop into the back part of the pickup truck and leaving.



The Professor

Once, a farmer was taking classes at a university. He felt as though his professor was mistreating him. Thefore, for revenge, he went to the professor's house where a fan was sitting in an open window. The farmer deployed a sack of poop and threw the contents through the fan in such a manner that poop covered much of the room that the fan was blowing into.




After I'd heard these stories I was in a fearful awe. I asked my friend, "So the expression to 'hit someone over the head with a sack of shit'...?"

My friend laughed and said, "I've never heard that expression, but yes, it would burst if you did that."

I fell silent at his reply.


So, the question is, how would you represent hitting someone over the head with a sack of shit in SR3 rules? It could come up if the runners ever go to an agrarian area, perhaps in the CAS, and run afoul of the locals. The way I see it, we have to dissect the question as follows:

1.) Initial attack - what skills are used to swing the sack of shit, and how do we derive the damage code? Does the sack burst if the attack is unsuccessful or only if it is successful? Does the defender get a TN penalty representing how it's very hard to avoid a bursting shower of shit?

Here is my take on it: the sack of shit uses the Whips/Flails skill. The person who is defending against the attack gets to roll his melee defense normally BUT if the attacker is successful secondary affects are unavoidable even if no damage was inflicted; this represents what happens if you raise your arm and block the sack of shit but the sack still bursts.

The sack of shit bursts harmlessly on a successful defense if the defender scores over 2 successes. The area where the two combatants are now fighting may be considered hazardous terrain as per the Acid manipulation spells, although the radius should be only 1 meter or so.

The damage code for a swung sack of shit should be (STR + [1/2 kg weight of sack]) M stun.

2.) Secondary effects - what affects should the sack of shit attack have?

I think that in the first place a 1 meter radius around the person who was hit with the attack should be considered hazardous terrain.

Secondly, the character who was hit with this attack should get a +2 TN penalty to any sort of hiding or stealth checks where the sense of smell can come into play. It's probably harder to pickpocket when your scent makes your mark want to turn around and stare at you.

Thirdly, any firearms carried exposed by the player character are going to be slightly more likely to jam. Treat this as you would exposure to mud, dust, or whatever. There's no good canon rule on this, is there?

Fourthly, if the attacker got over 2 successes on his attack the shit got in the defender's eyes and are causing blindness in the case or organic eyes or vision penalties equivalent to Thermographic Smoke for someone with cybereyes. The shit can only be removed with some rinse water or a medkit and a successful Biotech (3) test. Not sure if the physical and mental irritation of having shit in your eyes should impose additional penalties or not.

Fifthly, if the defender is a cat shaman he or she is now considered to be disheveled for the purpose of casting magic. This condition will remain until the character has the chance to bathe thoroughly and change clothes and scrub down gear.

Sixthly, there's no good canon rules on this, but in the event that the PCs are for some reason unable to bathe for a long period of time they are at greater risk for bacterial and parisitic infections. Field sanitation house rules for the win!



Comments? Input? Improvments?

Just one comment: ROFL!

Oh and, I think it sounds about right, all things considered.

Having never been covered in shit, I'm hardly an authority on the issue, but it does seem likely to me that being covered in shit, might incur a blanket +TN to all actions you take as you try to avoid gagging on the smell. Again, I'm not certain just how bad it would smell, but REALLY bad smells certainly make it difficult to concentrate on ANYTHING else.

Let me go outside and practice for a few hours on the scarecrow.

Don't forget that you can get quite a bit of distance with dried cow pat 'discus' throws...

What are the social table modifiers?

A person covered in feces receives +2 distracting stench modifier to all actions and must make a Willpower (4) test every combat turn to avoid vomiting.

Characters with a sense of smell recieve a -2 TN to all tests to detect the presence of a feces-covered individual.

All charaters within smell range of a character who is covered in feces recieve a +1 distracting stench modifier to all actions.

All characters and engaging in melee combat with a feces covered person recieve a +1 TN because it is just so disgusting.


Characters with the Coprophilia edge do not suffer TN penalties associated with Feces and are not required to make a willpower check to avoid vomiting. They still gain the -2 TN bonus for detecting people who smell like feces.

Edit: Characters who are covered in feces suffer a +3 penalty to all social tests against most characters. Against characters with Coprophilia, characters covered in feces receive a -1 TN bonus to all social tests.

Coprophillia
Value: 1BP

Most characters are disgusted by feces. Characters with Coprophillia enjoy it. Characters with this edge do not suffer penalties when dealing with the stench of solid animal waste.

Hmm. But do we have to take into account how after a certain period of time the body stops picking up overpowering constant smells?

...an Edge every midwestern shadowrunner from a rural area should have.

Amended extract from Mono-whip to account for hazard of wielding shit sack.

Now I want rules for getting hit with a sack of doorknobs.

...my one small peeve, why have they never, ever included brass knuckles as an enhancement for unarmed combat damage?

I've simply used the stats for hardliner gloves for brass knuckles, increase the Concealability by 2 if not being worn, minus 2 if being worn.