Okay, so, in an IRC conversation, the concept of Mr. Dicks came up. I did some quick maths, came up with the number of 101, and someone said he thought that the number was over 200. So I threw all sense of fiscal responsibility out the window.

Take a male character (that's one penis,)
Give him the Cybertaker positive quality (-10% Essence cost.)
Give him EPE Adapsin before any other augmentations (-10% Essence cost.)
Give him two Deltaware Obvious Full Cyberlimbs, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 19x2)
Give him two Deltaware Obvious Full Cyberlegs, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 24x2)
Give him a Deltaware Obvious Cybertorso, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 14)
Give him a Deltaware Obvious Cyberskull, Bulky (rating 2) (Capacity 6)
Between Delta, Adapsin and Cybertaker, this guy has spent 1.88 Essence on Cyber, and 0.2 Essence on EPE Adapsin. He has 106 Capacity distributed head-to-toe, all of which is spent on Penile Implants.
He has 4.02 Essence remaining, allowing him to fit 50 additional Deltaware Penile Implants, at an essence cost of 0.08 each; 4 total, leaving him with a total Essence remaining of 0.02.
Thus he has 1 (natural) + 106 (Capacity) + 50 (Essence) = 157 penises. I don't think it's possible to get any more on a character, and he already costs 5,620,000 .

OH GOD, WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!

Because you have more nuyen than God, a desire to horrifically and permanently traumatize a crack team of Deltaware Clinic cybersurgeons, and a desire to enter the live-action hentai sim business.

Call me desensitized... But could you weaponize this well endowned... thing?
Come to think of it, nevermind the puns would be to much...

Actually, I screwed the pooch.

Take a male Nartaki.
Give him the Cybertaker positive quality (-10% Essence cost.)
Give him EPE Adapsin before any other augmentations (-10% Essence cost.)
Give him four Deltaware Obvious Full Cyberarms, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 19x4)
Give him two Deltaware Obvious Full Cyberlegs, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 24x2)
Give him a Deltaware Obvious Cybertorso, Bulky (rating 4) (Capacity 14)
Give him a Deltaware Obvious Cyberskull, Bulky (rating 2) (Capacity 6)
Between Delta, Adapsin and Cybertaker, this guy has spent 2.48 Essence on Cyber, and 0.2(/2) Essence on EPE Adapsin. He has 144 Capacity distributed head-to-toe, all of which is spent on Penile Implants.
He has 4.02 Essence remaining, allowing him to fit 42 additional Deltaware Penile Implants, at an essence cost of 0.08 each; 3.36 total, leaving him with a total Essence remaining of 0.06.
Thus he has 1 (natural) + 144 (Capacity) + 42 (Essence) = 187 penises. He now costs 7,110,000 .

He said "noodle"

You have waaaaaaaay too much time on your hands.

That's not time on his hands....

Okay, full-on down the rabbit hole, mind-bending, rules-lawyering time.

I realized that there wasn't any rule stating that you could only put a cyberlimb where there was a regular limb before... So...

EPE Adapsin, Cybertaker.
42 Deltaware Lower Legs, Bulky rating 4 (42x16 Capacity): 5.88 Essence.
EPE Adapsin: 0.1 Essence.
Penises: 1 (Natural) + 672 (Capacity) = 673

Total cost: 24,390,000 , 100 SAN

so i'm guessing you did not get the memo when we did this months ago then? ^^

you forgot to give him shiva arms. and a cybernetic balance tail.

I'm not sure i want to know, but where are these ones going, as you can't install stuff that cost essence in cyberlimbs.

You have created a Shoggoth of Dicks, a creature that could traumatise even Cyberzombies. I applaud you.

I can imagine this 'thing' shambling into a crowded mall, ripping off it's oversized trenchcoat, and pumping DMSO out of it's multitude of appendages (since the rules state each implant is fully functional). It would be like the original ending of Watchmen.

Don't ask!

You don't want to know.



A Shoggoth of Dicks. I like that. Nice one.

That would open up endless possibilities now wouldn't it?

Literally as endless as you feel like manufacturing delta-grade lower cyberlegs full of 16 penises each.

Though, if you're going the CZ route, you want to lose as much Essence as possible, as fast as possible, so whole cyberlegs would probably be better.

The Human Centipenis?

Who needs the Horrors? We're perfectly capable of manufacturing something that will drive people insane. We can build it. We have the technology.

Actually when the Horrors show up we might just throw this at them.

They might just decide to find a more friendly/sane environment.

It would sort of be the porn version of the old Blood Elves with their Thorns.

Horrors: OH GOD! IT'S FULL OF PENIS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Honestly the only way it could get worse is if we made each implant into a launchable drone with some sort of flight capability.

What is the plural of penis?

Penii.

This topic just cracks me up. Wow.

This is just wrong on so many levels...

Hey, if you take biocompatibility (cyber), way of the burnout (bio), then [can't remember what it was called from way of the samurai] (cyber), would that work? Could get some more penises (Penii) squeezed on!

EDIT: Oh man I should have said that this will be 'Hard' to top. After all, with something like this inviting bad puns it's either laugh or cry, right? Pass the brain bleach.

EDIT EDIT: Could you do a human centipede thing with wires so that all the bodies are controlled by one brain (and probably an altered digestive tract for long-term survival)? I bet you could do a LOT with +- 18 essence...

Penile Cyberzombification.

The Penii-Man

But how many penii can be acquired by a legal starting character?

Oh, great, first the Pornomancer in 4th edition, now this. My players can't see this kind of... thing.

Give me a tick, I'll find out...

Alright. Spend the full enchilada on nuyen, of course, 50 BP = 500,000
Make a human character. Make him a Nartaki using SURGE II, not by chosing the Metavariant, to save yourself 15 BP. (Seriously, what the doy?!)
Cybertaker, EPE Adapsin.
Obvious Full Left Leg, Right Leg, Second-Hand Standard, Bulk x4.
Obvious Full Upper Left, Upper Right, Lower Left arms, Second-Hand Standard, Bulk x4.
Obvious Hand, Lower-Right, Second-Hand Standard, Bulk x2.
And one attached to Essence, for the drive-by.
That's 19*3 + 6 + 24*2 + 1 + 1. 113 penises taken from dead schlubs, 1,000 remaining, and 330 BP to spend on whatever you like. Probably the Perverted Arts.

I still like the idea of the human centipede tied into a central nervous system with all limbs replaced by cyberdicklimbs. If we assume that each body has 5 essence left after the human centipede operation, how long should we go? 3 guys is 15 essence worth of delta cyberdicklimbs...

Washington. Washington.

Maybe he can help Burnout & Lethe in the quest to find Thayla to help keep the Horrors at bay? (get Ryan Mercury on the job, dang it!)



I hard a 3rd ed player try to do a pornomancer once he heard about the one in 4th ed... It did not end well.

Reminds me of The Funk.

Quality journalism. Actually kind of amusing until you accidentally visualize the sea-anemone like "meat cactus" this would create. The shlongoth. I think I lost sanity in life.



That is a hell of a penis expansion budget. This person must have the most to compensate for ever, in the history of ever.

oh, that's not the record-holder. he already mentioned nartaki, but in theory if you could add shiva arms you can get up to 6 arms. you can also install a balance tail for a net gain of 2 capacity.

I heard... motherfucker had like... 30 goddamn dicks.

So yeah, i think he is beaten in this respect. But no matter, he is still 12 stories high and made of radiation.

Also: I love this forum. That is all. No dick-related shenanigens here.

<movie trailer voice> In a world gone mad, a world over run by horrors from beyond the stars, one man (and his 687 penises) is mankind's last hope. </movie trailer voice>

You forgot the shot highlighting the differing and hilarious personalities of said dongs

By your Penii combined I am CAPTAIN...


Oh nevermind.

I'm just going to leave this here.
Also this (I am slightly ashamed to know the person wearing the one on the left).

Is it horrible that when I saw the phallic suit on with the left the dino claws and the first thing to pop into my head was 'Me GrimCock love Challenge' ?

I don't know.

Not a Dinobot/Transformer Movie fan I take it?

*feels old*

That show exists more as a reference point for why current two-side conflict shows aren't that good, rather than real nostalgia.

"Schlongoth". I love it. Mwahahahahahaahahaaaaaaah.

Staying in the Positive Essence range (but just barely!), you could make a Jarhead Cyborg and then slot them into a custom drone.

I'm thinking you just hook them up to a "drone" skyscraper, every inch of which is covered in quivering faux man flesh. Could easily hit millions.

Alteratively, stick the brain in a military black helicopter similarly encrusted, both making you mobile and allowing you to helicopter while you helicopter.

~Umi

You COULD make him a Ronin for more Essence cost savings.

Shadowrun: For when you need to min/max a character with 187 dicks.

Theoretically speaking, since Cyberpenii take up capacity, could you technically install them in cybereyes?

~Umi

That is wrong. I mean, I may be an evil mad scientist but there are some lines we dare not cross.
Ewww!