Excellent work Kagetenshi! Anytime you feel like posting more, I'll be on the edge of my seat to read each installment.
Although, at the end there, I was starting to think that Dues was going to be using Thrush as part of "The Network" after letting him "escape". I didn't quite expect it to end so suddenly.
Full Version: A Wee Bit O' the Fiction
Excellent writing, certainly managed to keep me interested! I'd love to have seen this in the Arcology sourcebook, it fits the mood perfectly. Very nice job.
Nice job Kage! 
Really loved it! Definately best fan fiction (or SR fiction in general) that I've been reading in quite a while. If you feel like writing more, I'm definately anxious for it, if that helps any.
As far as constructive criticism goes (and don't get me wrong, I love the story, I'm just singling out the few bad parts about it): the story lost a bit of its intensity towards the end. It seemed that the intervals and gaps between the entries got bigger. The story was harder to follow, the single chapters seemed to be more or less randomly thrown together. I know this happens easily, especially when writing about the arcology. Just something for you to look out for next time. Just in case you wanna do something more involved... since it does take quite some effort to keep a story intense over the whole stretch.
Anyways, great job! If you ever want to put together something bigger, like a complete novel or whatnot, I'd love to read it! Hell, I'd even pay for it if you should have it published!
Really loved it! Definately best fan fiction (or SR fiction in general) that I've been reading in quite a while. If you feel like writing more, I'm definately anxious for it, if that helps any.
As far as constructive criticism goes (and don't get me wrong, I love the story, I'm just singling out the few bad parts about it): the story lost a bit of its intensity towards the end. It seemed that the intervals and gaps between the entries got bigger. The story was harder to follow, the single chapters seemed to be more or less randomly thrown together. I know this happens easily, especially when writing about the arcology. Just something for you to look out for next time. Just in case you wanna do something more involved... since it does take quite some effort to keep a story intense over the whole stretch.
Anyways, great job! If you ever want to put together something bigger, like a complete novel or whatnot, I'd love to read it! Hell, I'd even pay for it if you should have it published!
Thanks I'm actually trying to get something published (just short-story sized, though), and have some other misc. stuff about.
I agree that it lost a decent amount of focus after the early parts. That's something I've needed to work on in general. Ah well, practice makes perfect, hopefully.
~J
I'm actually trying to get something published (just short-story sized, though), and have some other misc. stuff about.I agree that it lost a decent amount of focus after the early parts. That's something I've needed to work on in general. Ah well, practice makes perfect, hopefully.
~J
Well i already praised you via PM, it was good liked alot.
Do you have it as one big file? (Sorry if you told me already, Emptied my in box...
Do you have it as one big file? (Sorry if you told me already, Emptied my in box...
Not yet, but I can put it together. I'll do that soon.
~J
~J
Dronetime!
| CODE |
| Shocking Sphere: Micro UAV (.25 Multiplier) Electric Fuel Cell DPV: 1,840 Cost: ¥46,000 plus however much the GM wants to charge for the shocking device. (It is, however, decently likely that no corp will be able to produce these, at least not without taking the plans from the SCIRE mainframes if Deus didn't delete them. They're insanely fragile, and destroying them tends to not leave enough behind to analyze meaningfully, let alone reverse-engineer. They're certainly not cost-effective for most parties, anyway. When Deus dispatches these, he tends to do so in swarms to minimize casualties) Sharpshooter soft and interpreter not included. Hand. -1, Speed 105, Accel. 21, Body 0, Armor 0, Sig. 12, Auto 0, Pilot 3, Sensor 1, Cargo 0, Load 0, Fuel EFC (4PF), Econ. .25 km/PF Smart Materials, Special Machinery (shocking device and attendant gear), Fly-By-Wire 3, Structural Agility 3, Robotic Pilot 3, Robotic Reflexes 3, Engine Customization, Autosoft Interpretation System (Sharpshooter 3) Custom weapon: shocking device: deals 8S Stun in a .5 meter radius, 6M Stun between .5 and 1 meters, and 4L Stun between 1 and 1.5 meters. This is Electrical damage. (feel free to drop the outermost layer of damage if desired, most will soak it with ease) Prime directive: fry things. Lots of things. Fast, quiet, and utterly vicious, the Shocking Sphere will keep on doggedly attacking a single opponent until something else attacks it or the opponent is dead, sometimes longer. More than one group has only destroyed one of these because it continued to attack a fallen comrade after the victim's death. While robots are hardly known for adaptability outside their prime directive, Shocking Spheres are near-legendary for unrelenting single-mindedness. Notes: some of these values were rounded or underutilized to make the numbers come out cleanly: a fully canon vehicle will be slightly better and slightly less expensive than this, but not by much (a few DPV here, a meter per turn or so there). Also, as Structural Agility costs Body*150 DPV per level, Structural Agility was free here; GMs are likely to charge at least 75/level in an actual game despite this loophole. Other than the custom weapon, the only non-canon thing is the Autosoft Interpretation System, which normally takes up a CF that a Body 0 UAV doesn't have; my personal interpretation is that the Sharpshooter autosoft is hard-wired into the drone and the system cannot accept different chips. It's also reasonable to say that other manufacturers won't be able to put one in. |
What do you think? Reasonable/unreasonable/completely broken? As I said, not cost-effective for extra-arcology use.
Edit: needless to say, the shock damage goes against 1/2 Impact Armor, as normal for tasers and similar.
~J
As fun as rampant taser orbs stunning everything in sight is from a GM perspective, they either need a better purpose definition or a different setting. Too many drones would be vulnerable.
Add a little line "if it doesn't transmit the Deus IFFF" and let them loose.
This would also be interesting as a jungle defense grid concept. Maintain range from a central point (possibly mobile) and stun anything that moves.
Add a little line "if it doesn't transmit the Deus IFFF" and let them loose.
This would also be interesting as a jungle defense grid concept. Maintain range from a central point (possibly mobile) and stun anything that moves.
Maybe I just haven't had enough coffee today; explain a bit more how you'd make it better?
~J the mostly-asleep
~J the mostly-asleep
Wow, insanely depressing but insanely cool. Great job.
Thanks 
I need to actually do the new drones and pick up the other story I started fragments of again…
~J
I need to actually do the new drones and pick up the other story I started fragments of again…~J
And make it avilable as 1 big story file *nods* (story bit drunk....)
Want more. Make another, please.
Great work, Kagetenshi
Great work, Kagetenshi
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