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Ancient History
Mallory's Divinations
Quentin Mallory was a young, undeniably brilliant theoretical thaumaturgist of the Pythagorean school, who effortlessly mastered the intricacies of magical mathematics and post-quantum physics. Mallory's doctoral theses for MIT&T set a record as the move thought-provoking, ground breaking, and utterly useless thaumaturgical text to ever be written. In exceedingly bad taste, Mallory went on to have the text mass-produced and sold as an advanced textbook on chronothaumaturgical mathematics and physics.

Mallory spends an incredible 1,917 pages proving, through precise and mind-bending multi-dimensional mystical mathematical formulae that sorcery as we know it cannot warp time or space. To compound the utter uslessness of this gargantuan paperweight, described by many students as "Spinecrusher, Breaker of Souls," it concludes with a motley of the most inane and ill-conceived magics ever invented. Most infuriatingly, according to Mallory's arcane computations, each of them should work perfectly.

These spells (all at Force 3) include:
align chronometer
analyze black hole
analyze wormhole
chronothaumturgical analysis
detect alternate timeline
detect space/time fold
detect teleportation
detect time travel
detect wormhole
measure speed of light


Many students suspect professors assign this book to encourage them to develop and utilize levitate spells, or for basic exercise.

Publisher: MIT&T Press
Price: 300 nuyen.gif
Availability: 4/24 hours
Herald of Verjigorm
I can see some actual uses for a few of those spells.

The analyze ones are fairly useless if LoS (or touch) restricted, but a non-interference method to observe the speed of light through any medium may have uses or at least provide entertainment for the strange-minded.
Aku
but it's MEASURE speed of light, not OBSERVE the speed of light... didn't we MEASURE the speed of light a while ago, and found it to be a relative constant?yep, one brainiac there we have...
Herald of Verjigorm
No, the speed of light in a vacuum usually measures about the same (probably instrument error for the variances). However, the speed of light through water is slower than through our atmosphere, and there are some other situations where it is slowed much furthur. The velocity of light is greatly diminished through most gemstones, and if I had that spell and a few shiney crystals I could tell you exactly how much.
Eyeless Blond
Actually we measured the speed of light in a vacum (see: Maxwell Equations). It changes depending on the medium, which is one point on the "Light is a wave" side of the particle/wave duality of light.

The most infuriating part of all: Mallory was a mundane. biggrin.gif

(Edit): One interesting part about that spell is it may well manage to measure the speed of light nondestructively, thereby breaking all the rules of quantum mechanics as we crrently know them. Specifically I'm talking about the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle; using this spell it would theoretically be possible to measure both the speed and, through mundane methods, the position of a particle, thereby breaking quantum mechanics and destroying science as we know it.

By the way, I'm thinking of changing my name to Mallory. biggrin.gif
BitBasher
QUOTE (Aku)
but it's MEASURE speed of light, not OBSERVE the speed of light... didn't we MEASURE the speed of light a while ago, and found it to be a relative constant?yep, one brainiac there we have...

Light is a constant specific to the material it is travelling through. Light travels slower through some mediums.
Aku
goes to show just how much I paid attention in science class...
mfb
at least you didn't ask why people with ultrasonic hearing can't pick up radio stations.

heh. this adds new variations to a (bad) joke. "you can't levitate a dead cat in here without collapsing a wave function!"
Ancient History
My boredom knows no bounds. Incidentally, Quinn dissapeared mysteriously with twin lounge singers named Rembrant, his overweight Professor, and his cute girlfriend.
BitBasher
On the general subject, what does the presence of Shedim to do alter the effects of the Schroedinger's Cat equasion? Is that a 3rd state? biggrin.gif grinbig.gif biggrin.gif
Czar Eggbert
QUOTE (Ancient History)
My boredom knows no bounds. Incidentally, Quinn dissapeared mysteriously with twin lounge singers named Rembrant, his overweight Professor, and his cute girlfriend.

twin?
Eyeless Blond
QUOTE (Czar Eggbert)
QUOTE (Ancient History @ May 23 2005, 07:03 PM)
My boredom knows no bounds. Incidentally, Quinn dissapeared mysteriously with twin lounge singers named Rembrant, his overweight Professor, and his cute girlfriend.

twin?

Yeah, what do you think this is, a TV parody? biggrin.gif
Mortax
QUOTE (Czar Eggbert)
QUOTE (Ancient History @ May 23 2005, 07:03 PM)
My boredom knows no bounds. Incidentally, Quinn dissapeared mysteriously with twin lounge singers named Rembrant, his overweight Professor, and his cute girlfriend.

twin?

It's a paradox.

wink.gif
toturi
I thought there was something familiar about the name...

Now that you mentioned it... No shit!

What if we observe light in a vacuum under intense gravity?
DocMortand
Oh I am SO having this book be discovered in the Renraku Arcology Mage Labs....
Crimsondude 2.0
QUOTE (Ancient History)
Publisher: MIT&T Press
Price: 300 nuyen.gif
Availability: 4/24 hours

Only 300? What a bargain.
hyzmarca
What exactly does the spell Chronothaumturgical Analysis do?

It sounds interesting.
Eyeless Blond
I suppose it detects and analyzes any magical effects that affect time. Which, considering that none can exist, is really useless, but it's I guess theoretically interesting. smile.gif

(Edit) And it should be called "Analyze chronothaumaturgy" in keeping with the naming convention.
toturi
QUOTE (Ancient History)
Publisher: MIT&T Press
Price: 300 nuyen.gif
Availability: 4/24 hours

Why does a textbook have an Availability? I mean like, doesn't your university bookshop stock your required texts? And if it is as disliked by students as you described, seniors who are graduating would have made it a point to get donate them to unsuspecting freshmen. biggrin.gif
Demosthenes
QUOTE (Eyeless Blond)
I suppose it detects and analyzes any magical effects that affect time. Which, considering that none can exist, is really useless, but it's I guess theoretically interesting. smile.gif

(Edit) And it should be called "Analyze chronothaumaturgy" in keeping with the naming convention.

Of course, if it detects nothing, then the fact that it detects nothing indicates something very interesting about how magic interacts with the phenomenon of 'observation'...Or tells us something very peculiar about Quantum Physics in the SR universe.

i.e: If this spell detects nothing, then it does not detect itself...which means that either the magical act of observation is one that does not interfere with the system that is observed, or that observation per se does not interfere with the system that is observed. Heisenberg would have a fit...I think.

Disclaimer: I am suffering caffeine withdrawal and a tiger mosquito bite to my left earlobe. Rationality is a foreign country.

Ancient History
QUOTE (toturi @ May 24 2005, 11:20 AM)
QUOTE (Ancient History @ May 24 2005, 12:45 AM)
Publisher: MIT&T Press
Price: 300 nuyen.gif
Availability: 4/24 hours

Why does a textbook have an Availability? I mean like, doesn't your university bookshop stock your required texts? And if it is as disliked by students as you described, seniors who are graduating would have made it a point to get donate them to unsuspecting freshmen. biggrin.gif

Bah. Every one of MY University bookstores ends up needing to order a text. Or sends me down to Procopy or Kinko's to get it printed.

[/edit]Y'all didn't known Rembrant has a twin?
Slacker
QUOTE (toturi)
What if we observe light in a vacuum under intense gravity?

I believe gravity does in fact effect the speed of light. At least theoretically, that is why a blackhole is without light. The gravity is so strong that it prevents light from escaping its gravity well, thus it is able to bring the speed of light to zero.
Eyeless Blond
QUOTE (Demosthenes)
Of course, if it detects nothing, then the fact that it detects nothing indicates something very interesting about how magic interacts with the phenomenon of 'observation'...Or tells us something very peculiar about Quantum Physics in the SR universe.

i.e: If this spell detects nothing, then it does not detect itself...which means that either the magical act of observation is one that does not interfere with the system that is observed, or that observation per se does not interfere with the system that is observed. Heisenberg would have a fit...I think.

That or, y'know, analytical spells could just not be reflexive. smile.gif

And I'm pretty sure gravity doesn't affect the speed of light. A gravity well is actually no different from an accelorating frame of reference; the light itself does not bend or speed up or slow down, but what actually happens is the "fabric of space-time" bends enough that the straight path the light travels curves along with the curvature of space-time, causing it to never leave the black hole as it makes its way forever down the length of the infinite potential well. Confused yet? smile.gif

By the way, Mallory is wrong. "Create Food" bends space-time, as it creates a physical object that has mass, and therefore gravity, therefore bending space-time. So there. biggrin.gif
RangerJoe
The presence of strong gravity wells "affects" light, but in a rather complicated way. Often, it's easier to think of gravity as bending space around the gravitational source, which makes the light bend around the source, too. The photons are still travelling in a more-or-less straight line...the track they're on just gets curved.

Physical thaumatology makes my brain hurt.
Demosthenes
QUOTE (Eyeless Blond)
That or, y'know, analytical spells could just not be reflexive. smile.gif

Spoilsport silly.gif .

But would the Analyse Chronothaumaturgy detect another casting of the same spell? And if not, what would the neighbours think?
Herald of Verjigorm
QUOTE (Demosthenes)
But would the Analyse Chronothaumaturgy detect another casting of the same spell? And if not, what would the neighbours think?

If you are detecting magic that interferes with the flow of time (which can't happen), then there is no reason the detection spell would detect another detection spell that is also just looking for an impossible spell effect.

The neighbors can eat IPEWP grenade for all I care.
Edward
If the spell detects changes in space and time without changing space and time then it would not detect itself or any other casting of the spell.

Did the author of this tomb at least have the kindness to write those spells exclusive to reduce difficulty of learning?

Edward
Jrayjoker
Does it matter? They are effectless if you believe the conclusions of the text. It would just be intellectual masturbation anyways.
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