Just a heads up there is new fiction at srrpg.com
The Man with the Plans
Discuss!
Full Version: new fiction at srrpg.com
Hmm, I liked it A LOT. Very, very good story. Full of original but still very SRish ideas, with the confused SR morality very well inked it. Very good, very good.
Fucking excellent. I could do a more literary critique, but it would still come down to the same thing.
Thanks for writing this!
-K.
Anyone knows if the author is a Dumpshocker?
I liked it. I'd like to be able to give that kind of feel to my games. I think that any kind of writing worth the effort should evoke an emotional response of some sort and that one did for me. That good down opressed dredge type feeling. I also liked that it started out w/ Skunk trying to be the 'hero/leader of the people' type fighting "the power" or "the man" and once he got a taste of it, he eventually becomes corrupted by it and replaces "the man". I like.
kudos dave barton
| QUOTE (JongWK @ Sep 25 2006, 03:15 PM) |
| Anyone knows if the author is a Dumpshocker? |
Yup!
This is my first published fiction (and I've been waiting ages to see it go up!).
I'll be thrilled to read any and all comments, and discuss any aspect of it that anybody likes.
EDIT: Btw- fistandantilus3.0- you know that picture I was talking about wanting, but was being a bit cagey about the details? Still up for it?
Best fiction up yet! I loved the ambiance, the detail, the mood. I loved the flashback and especially the twist at the end. Kudos! They should totally hire you to write a novel for them, Witness. 
Sweet. It's really, really good. A very unorthodox setting for SR that's very SR nonetheless.
| QUOTE (Eugene @ Sep 25 2006, 04:48 PM) |
| especially the twist at the end |
Don't know if it's a twist, exactly, but I think I know what you mean
, and thanks (all) for the nice comments so far. It's gratifying that at least one person got an 'emotional response', and knasser: totally up for hearing the literary critique.I'd also be interested in hearing what a Vancouver native thinks of what I did to their beautiful city.
I have a little less time lately, but more than that , the issue is actually being able to send it to you is the issue. let me know what you want, and I'll start doing some sketches. Send me a PM, I may end up jsut having to snailmail you the original. I do have a handy-dandy scanner now, but now I can't do as much at work w/ the internet. err... I think I've rambled enough, so instead of derailing your thread, just PM me.
Witness, that is probably one of the coolest SR fiction pieces I have ever read in my life. You really nailed down what makes Shadowrun ... Shadowrun . Great job chummer, if you lived near me I would buy you a beer or two.
. Great job chummer, if you lived near me I would buy you a beer or two.
Ah it's only a few thousand miles. I've travelled further for free beer.
I should probably big up my homie Robyn. I'm sure she made this a much better story than it originally was.
I should probably big up my homie Robyn. I'm sure she made this a much better story than it originally was.
| QUOTE (Witness) |
| I should probably big up my homie Robyn. I'm sure she made this a much better story than it originally was. |
Nah--it was a good story going in. I just cleaned up a few minor bits and asked for a few clarifications. Congratulations on a job nicely done!
Damn good stuff!
Hopefully more of your stories go up there.
Hopefully more of your stories go up there.
Enjoyed it a lot.
I Liked the play of emotions and range of motivation (even the suppressed motives).
I liked how the small boat "pilot" was cybered at least a bit, and possibly an old runner. Brought out the you never know what is going to happen, or even what is going on in SR.
I Liked the play of emotions and range of motivation (even the suppressed motives).
I liked how the small boat "pilot" was cybered at least a bit, and possibly an old runner. Brought out the you never know what is going to happen, or even what is going on in SR.
Good story. I'm from vancouver and I was wondering as I read it if the writer was as well. I guess not, but good job with the "name droping". I used to live right by Granville Island and I still have a bunch of friends who work there. its my favorite place to go and have a few drinks, so its nice to have it at least mentioned in a Shadowrun story.
Very nice!
Bye
Thanee
Bye
Thanee
| QUOTE (Demonseed Elite) |
| Hopefully more of your stories go up there. |
'His difficult second work.' Hmm.
Well I have a few ideas, so maybe.
| QUOTE (TheRedRightHand) |
| Good story. I'm from vancouver and I was wondering as I read it if the writer was as well. I guess not, but good job with the "name droping". I used to live right by Granville Island and I still have a bunch of friends who work there. its my favorite place to go and have a few drinks, so its nice to have it at least mentioned in a Shadowrun story. |
That's good to hear. I confess I've not actually been to Vancouver but I spent so much time looking at pictures and exploring it in Google Earth when I was detailing it for a SR campaign that I feel like I know it quite well! The 'Bleached Whale' is meant to be on Granville Island- under the overpass. The 'Skunkworks' is somewhere near or in McMath Park. And the 'Vancouver Ridge' basically runs the length of Comox Street, with the 'Vitus Grand' at the NW end overlooking Stanley Park. Oh and I couldn't bring myself to put this into the story but Monty's boat (when he was an NPC in my game) was called 'The Fraser Crane'. (Boo).
| QUOTE (Witness) |
| EDIT: Btw- fistandantilus3.0- you know that picture I was talking about wanting, but was being a bit cagey about the details? Still up for it? |
Hey, back then I completly missed thtat thread.
| QUOTE (Witness) |
| Oh and I couldn't bring myself to put this into the story but Monty's boat (when he was an NPC in my game) was called 'The Fraser Crane'. (Boo). |
That's funny, 'cause when I originally sent Adam the blurb for the webpage, I accidentally wrote 'Marty Crane' instead of 'Monty Crane.' When I corrected it, I said, "Guess I'm watching too much 'Frasier'..."
Good stuff, Witness.
Excellent story. One of the best official short fiction so far.
Im going to agree with that as well. Hands down a fantastic peice of SR lit. Its got a lot of feeling, and is still noir enough to be good classic shadowrun.
Well Effing done!
Well Effing done!
I'll get a big head, you know.
Where's SL James?
Where's SL James?
Right here. I have nothing to say right now since I've only read it once.
Ah ha. A thorough kicking. Excellent.
Well, since I didn't find anything so glaring and egregious as to deserve an immediate verbal asskicking, I'm having to dig deeper.
Nah, I just didn't read it that closely. It's a pretty damn tight story from what I gathered.
Nah, I just didn't read it that closely. It's a pretty damn tight story from what I gathered.
| QUOTE (SL James) |
| Well, since I didn't find anything so glaring and egregious as to deserve an immediate verbal asskicking, I'm having to dig deeper. |
Consider this the most positive comment you'll ever get by James.
| QUOTE (Grinder @ Sep 27 2006, 05:20 PM) | ||
Consider this the most positive comment you'll ever get by James. |
SL James - The Simon Cowell of Shadowrun.
"That was the...*mumble, mumble - when he can't find anything negative to say* that I have ever read."
OT: Wetwork for 20K. 4 people who are paid less than 5K each for the run they were on. OK... Can you tell me why we aren't stealing cars again?
The syndicates are controlling the market for stolen cars - and we don't want to be connected to a syn, don't we?
| QUOTE (Grinder @ Sep 27 2006, 04:20 AM) | ||
Consider this the most positive comment you'll ever get by James. |
meh. I'm not fishing for compliments. Just hungry for feedback. You know how it is when you write something. You want people to talk about it. Then you realize nobody cares even half as much as you do and you wind up feeling a bit stupid.
| QUOTE (toturi @ Sep 27 2006, 04:26 AM) |
| OT: Wetwork for 20K. 4 people who are paid less than 5K each for the run they were on. OK... Can you tell me why we aren't stealing cars again? |
Sorry. For some reason my eyes just slipped right over this comment before and didn't make sense of it (I guess it had been too long since I initially wrote the story
). But I'm more than happy to address it.When it came to coming up with that figure I looked at all the material I could find about rates of pay for shadowrunners, and that seemed more than reasonable.
At the end of the day:
a) Elf Girl and friends are after blueprints for their current job, yeah, but their current job isn't necessarily anything all that high-powered
b) yeah they're being asked to do wetwork, but it's not exactly at the level of a corporate assassination
c) the effects of the Crash might still be being felt- pay ain't what it used to be
d) this is Vancouver, not Seattle, and the shadowrun economy might set its own rate at different levels in different parts of the world, for different reasons
Actually this willingness to do wetwork relatively cheaply is one of the themes of the story I guess: Skunk could ask for cash for his blueprints. What could he expect to get then? 1k? 2k? Or he can get runners to do his dirty work. What would he have to pay people if he was paying people for that? 3k? 5k?
But Skunk has found that he can get the same work done for a fraction of the price it should cost (especially since he can just copy the blueprints and keep dishing them out), just because it sounds like a reasonable rate of exchange, a relatively easy job (for pro shadowrunners), and a morally acceptable one.
Crane's offer is kind of in keeping with that philosophy, IMO. Even if it isn't a huge amount of money, it seems like relatively easy money, and the apparent moral rewards will be bonus enough for a certain type of shadowrunner.
Mind you, I still can't decide if I want those guys to successfully finish Skunk, or fail.
reminds me of Disc World. The assassins guild believes life is precious, which is why they charge so much to take it away. To someone like their Johnson or Skunk, or even the runners, life comes cheap. But Monty's older, has been around the block more than his fair share, and probably nearly bitten the bullet a time or two. So it's more precios to him. Premiums change depending on your POV.
And I get what your saying about feedback. When I show someone something I drew, I hate hearing "I like that, it looks good." Or somethign to that effect. Better than "that sucks" sure. But what I'm really looking for is "I Like *enter something in particular*" or "you could have maybe *something that might have been interesting another way*". I prefer specifics of what people liked or disliked about what I do. Jsut a pat on the back, although definitely appreciated, doesn't help you progress.
And I get what your saying about feedback. When I show someone something I drew, I hate hearing "I like that, it looks good." Or somethign to that effect. Better than "that sucks" sure. But what I'm really looking for is "I Like *enter something in particular*" or "you could have maybe *something that might have been interesting another way*". I prefer specifics of what people liked or disliked about what I do. Jsut a pat on the back, although definitely appreciated, doesn't help you progress.
| QUOTE (Witness) |
| meh. I'm not fishing for compliments. Just hungry for feedback. You know how it is when you write something. You want people to talk about it. Then you realize nobody cares even half as much as you do and you wind up feeling a bit stupid. |
I understand completely.
well, a couple of details of things I liked, The self deprication and general darker humor of the story (such as the shedim not taking death lying down). The little descriptive details that don't bog down the story. Things like "the conflicted sea". Just more description that fits in without being too much.
I generally like more dialogue but I think it would have changed the flwo in the story. I do wonder at Monty's willing to take a chance at a group he knows nothing about and generally thinks ill of except for the girl, but it comes across pretty well as fed up desperation.
I'm trying to find some bad stuff to say, but then there's "then I remember the newfangled Linked Area Network", and it just makes me laugh. Waiting for him to call the elf a "whipper-snapper". Maybe a little to cliche old man language, but that's really just a nitpick.
Of course, I'm not exactly and english major, so I guess I should leave any real dissection to the people that are, but that's what Robyn's there for I guess. I still like it.
I generally like more dialogue but I think it would have changed the flwo in the story. I do wonder at Monty's willing to take a chance at a group he knows nothing about and generally thinks ill of except for the girl, but it comes across pretty well as fed up desperation.
I'm trying to find some bad stuff to say, but then there's "then I remember the newfangled Linked Area Network", and it just makes me laugh. Waiting for him to call the elf a "whipper-snapper". Maybe a little to cliche old man language, but that's really just a nitpick.
Of course, I'm not exactly and english major, so I guess I should leave any real dissection to the people that are, but that's what Robyn's there for I guess. I still like it.
Thanks.
| QUOTE (fistandantilus3.0) |
| I do wonder at Monty's willing to take a chance at a group he knows nothing about and generally thinks ill of except for the girl, but it comes across pretty well as fed up desperation. |
Yeah I think it's something that's been nagging at him for a while, but that studded ork reminds him of Razor, and I guess Elf Girl reminds him a little bit of Sounder, and her morality nags at him even as he takes the piss out of it. So circumstances conspire to make him confront the fact that by bringing these people to Skunk he's been part of the problem for a long time, and he doesn't want to live with that anymore.
well I liked the parallelism between Sounder's "how much is that worth?" and what happened to Skunk, kinda "If you can do what you said you wanted to do and instead you do something else, well, you actually want something else..."
I must say that I found the whole setting rather bleak and would have liked more detailed description, but that's just me, i always feel like I have to elaborate for people to understand me. (I work with high school kids, though)
I felt the story was powerful and effectively told, and had enough Shadowrun even though my take of the setting is different. Congratulations on a successful web shot!
Cheers,
Max
I must say that I found the whole setting rather bleak and would have liked more detailed description, but that's just me, i always feel like I have to elaborate for people to understand me. (I work with high school kids, though)
I felt the story was powerful and effectively told, and had enough Shadowrun even though my take of the setting is different. Congratulations on a successful web shot!
Cheers,
Max
Thanks Max. I tried to put in just enough description to allow fertile minds to ferment it but not so much it bogged things down. I hope it isn't 'bleak' in terms of 'descriptively sparse', but yeah it's certainly bleak in terms of theme. That's what they wanted, and that's probably what most SR stories should be. Could be so much worse. The next one I try and submit... if I get to it... may well be considerably bleaker still.
Sorry- was trying not to reply too much to this thread and bump it more than it deserves to be. But a month has gone by and sod it I've just had a pleasant evening full of beer, and I felt like responding, so there.
Sorry- was trying not to reply too much to this thread and bump it more than it deserves to be. But a month has gone by and sod it I've just had a pleasant evening full of beer, and I felt like responding, so there.
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