GM to players: Hang on a second, I have to get some more dice ...

GM to players: Hang on a second, I have handouts for this run.

"I flamethrower him."

"What all do you have with you?"
"I've got my assault rifle and katana"
"...................Didn't you get to the meet by bus?"
"Um... yeah..."

~J

GM rolls dice.

GM: Uh oh...

That's never good.

Another favorite of mine, which sometimes happens and makes us cringe.

Player: Offers to do something really stupid.
GM: Looks confused, ask PC if PC understands the situation.
Player: nods yes.
GA: Are you SURE you want to "insert something stupid here"
Player: nods yes and grabs his dice.
All other players: *cringe*

Sunday

Player says: "Hey, I'm going to try something I heard about on dumpshock ..."

(something I do to my players regularly)

GM: Roll Initiative, everyone.
*players roll*
*GM rolls 4 dice and writes down some numbers*
*again*
*and again*
*and about 8 more times*
Players: Uuuuum ...... where was that exit again?

Hey, everyone has a right to be paranoid.

Or, from an IC PoV:

Mage: What do you mean a pentagram only has FIVE sides?

**********

Newbie: *hands character sheet to the GM* How much starting ammo do my guns come with?

**********

Samari: My weapon seems to have no effect?
GM: That's right, it bounces off harmlessly.
Samari: Oh, okay. So I pull out a bigger weapon and swing at the statue again.

**********

Rigger: My vehicle comes with a gas can, right?

**********

GM: I don't think that's a lifestyle expense, bud.

**********


That's all I can think of that's humorous for now.

GM: Everybody roll Quickness.
Six players roll dice... Results:

Lead Troll trips.
Math Prof trips.
Mage #1 trips.
Mage #2 trips.
Mage #3 trips.
PhysAd walks into pile of bodies.

Edit: Oh, and, did I mention we were in a sewer with hardly a way of seeing?

Yeah, thought so...

Edit #2: Yes. We had three mages/shamans in the group. #2 was the Cat Shaman who forgot she had Levitate Person, so kept having to cast "Clean" and other such spells on herself.

GM: I didn't get any sleep at all last night...

"You do have the demolitions skill, don't you?"

-Siege

New player running a shaman: "Spells, I have spells?"

GM: "The bouncer asks if your character is carrying any guns into the bar."

Player: "Uh, he's got a light pistol."

GM: "The bouncer says 'That won't be enough' and hands you a heavy pistol."

GM: "You notice a sign over the Accounting department. It says 'Two drink minimum'"

~J

Player: I jack in and do a Graceful Logon.

GM: "Miss-ter And-dersen! Welcome back. Weeeeee've missssed you."

Actually heard ones, on Tuesday:

"Oh. Hey. I probably should have bought ammo for my guns, huh?"
(Of course, I let him have some.)

"I tell the guy we're interrogating 'We're going to kill you no matter what you say, but if you talk I'll kill you quickly.'"
He had a pain editor, lucky him.

One from my GM back in High School......

GM: Oh, by the way....three doors back.........

During character introductions:

Player: He's very short with blonde hair and pale skin.
--
The next line from the above player:
"He looks young and has a datajack but no deck"
or
"He has no cyberware and is wearing ceramic pendants under his FFBA"

"Teeth..." -- Mage returning from an astral scout before fainting

An old one: "Was that the GM rolling dice or did a thunderstorm pop up suddenly?"

"I can dikote it, right?"

"What's a lifestyle?"

Fixer asking Decker about his setup: "Yeah, it's a custom job, MPCP 8 rated 6/5/7/6 with Level 3 Hardening, Response Increase 2, Ten thousand MP of active memory, and a case that can stop a round from a Preditor." "Okay, what programs do you have?" "Programs?"

"What do you mean the CXII doesn't come with a detonator?"

And my personal favorite so far...

"The elf driving the van has long red hair pulled into a ponytail..."

The Abstruse One

"Oops."

(Always best with a GM screen)

"Damn, what are the odds of that?"

"No, seriously, who has a calculator?"

"Holy crap!"
---------------------------
"How many rounds left in your clip?"

"Huh?"
---------------------------
"I cast Toxic Wave/Urban Renewal/Turn to Goo."
---------------------------
"Before the rest of the team gets back I...."

Another good one was after the GM rolls a bunch of dice then proclaims:
'That wasnt supposed to happen.'

Hey Reaver, didn't Ice get up and go to the bathroom last time you said that?

"Ill take a shot at the jet."
"Your inside the blimp."
"Yea, I know."

-=shoots through armored glass=-

Sad thing is, the troll hit both aircraft he shot at.


Heres another good one:
GM to player:
"Hey, whats your willpower?"

GM: "Okay, who has the highest <obscure skill no one has but appears to be critical to the group's survival>?"

<after a character had been hit by a brutal fireball, causing him to tumble down the side of a temple in the middle of the jungle, knocking him unconscious and nearly instakilling him>

"Oh....wait, you had all those incendiary grenades, didn't you...."

After the character shoots a Panther Assualt Cannon in a bio lab.

"You do realize that a round that size passes through a human body with little resistence, right?"

"How much Ruthinium Polymer do I need to cover the Light Military Armor and its Helmet?"

GM: "The pin has been pulled on the grenade in the unconcious guard's hand, 20 meters away under the fuel tank of the tiny airplane which is your only way out of the Amazon jungle that spreads for 1000 km in all directions. As the drugs take hold in the guard his hand muscles relax and the grenade starts to slip ..."

Player: "WAIT! My Dart Rifle fires pins. What's my target number to shoot a pin into the grenade?"

THat was actually done, in a Cyberpunk 2020 game. I'm dead serious, that entire setup *happened* to me. My answer?

A guy wearing Metal Gear (Heavy security armor, basically) had been killed with a punch to the face a bit earlier. I grabbed him, leapt with his body on top of the grenade, using him as a meat shield to muffle the blast.

Worked pretty well.

God, I loved that plane we stole.

From out oh nowhere GM just says:
Roll your body!

Both of you, Quickness test against TN 12, then roll Body if you fail.

~J

A black Mitsubishi Nightsky limo with tinted windows
pulls up in front of your apartment ...

Player: Oh, is that one of those "Social" skills? I don't have any social skills.

GM: Anybody here read Bug City or Universal Brotherhood yet?
Players: Nope.
GM: Good.

GM: Ok you see a guy over there that looks like the one that other guy you interrogated told you about. You look at him and he gives a dirty look.

Player: I go up to him

GM: Right here in Dante's?

Player: Yup!

GM: Ok, your character knows that he is probably a vampire right?

Player: Yes!

GM: and he has seven other people with him.

Player: SO!

GM: which are probably vampires too

Player: damn it yes!

GM: (Hint #5) and you are by yourself with no other weapon than unarmed combat and a sass mouth.

Player: So what's your point?

GM: no point really, say you still have that other character you rolled up with you right?

Player: yeah why?

GM: Just checking.



Player: Smooth, professional, what do you mean these words don't describe my character?!? I just rolled 6 successes on a called shot to the face with my heavy pistol! That Lone Star cop is dead and I have his car! I am the most professional shadowrunner there is!

GM: yeah now you just have to dodge that Wasp attack helicopter that is getting ready to open fire once you cross into Redmond.

Player: F**k that noise! I shoot at it while I am driving!

GM: you mean you are going to shoot with your left hand, your off-hand, out of the window with a pistol, behind you while not looking at your target, from a moving vehicle, at an armored helo, moving at 80 mph through a crowded city street.

Player: damn skippy!

GM: You know the helo is about 300 meters away from you?

Player: man I am willing to blow all my karma for this. so what's my target number

GM: Just roll, and hope its in the low twenties at least shooter

Player: yelling "I'm Tony Montana! Here come the pain!"

GM: (Counting the words) That's two Free Actions btw, and do you mind playing archetypes from the book? (An insult in our group, sort of like saying to a biker that he needs training wheels in order to ride.)

Player: I'm dead huh?

GM: No dead would imply that there is something left of the body to identify, for you I think obliterated is a more apt term for this situation.

The following always means trouble, beacause showing off and Shadowrunning just doesn't mix very well.

"Hey guys, watch this..."

Yes they do. Daredevil Edge!

GM: Ouch, rule of ones!
GM: You're using a flamethrower, right?
Player: Yes...
GM: YOU HAVE ACHIEVED BURNINATION!
Player: Oh, that's good! So I get the goon, right?
GM: No, no, the BURNINATION is you.

Player: "Yeah...or we could make the cow out of plastique!"

<<GM: YOU HAVE ACHIEVED BURNINATION!>>

Homestaurrr !! Runnour. Hehe

My Contribution-
GM: Hold on, I've got to draw a map.

GM: hey, lemme see your character sheet for a sec.

Which makes a good bridge to a line heard on Friday:

I'm stealthing my way out.
You're standing against a bare wall, and all the security cameras in the place are pointed in your direction.
(At which point the GM physically enacted a "starfish inching along against a wall" sequence ...)