Is racism ok here if it's 6th world racism? I think I'll try it.

Where did the Ork Family go for thanksgiving? No where, McHughes isn't open on holidays.

What's the diference between an Ork and a Pizza? A pizza can feed a family of six.

How come Trolls are so fast? Cause all the slow ones are in prison.

Two Elves are walking down the street when one looks over and sees a large dog in a front yard hunched over and tenaciously licking himself. One elf says; "Wow, I shure wish I could do that!" The other elf says; "Me too! Maybe he'll let us if we pet him first."

OK, so these are just retreads, but someone here has to have some good sixth world humor.

Any takers?

Will I go to 6th World hell for laughing at all these jokes?

The Sixth World IS hell, so knock yourself out.

Here's some.

I've come up with a lot of Shadowrun jokes and especially jokes that aren't just new versions of existing jokes... The problem is that they're French word-play and can't be translated.

So post a couple. We can make a pass at understanding them.

Guy walks into a bar with a new set of cyber ears.
Waitress says "Hey Ned!! New hardware huh?"
Ned says, "Yep, brand new with all the bells and whistles. Select sound filter, high and low frequency, the works. Got em off my street doc at a great price."
Waitress says "Thats great. How much did they cost?"
Ned says "About 12:30... what's that buzzing sound?"

Guy walks into a bar with a box and a tiny little man on his shoulder. The little man is about a foot tall and wearing a miniature tuxedo. The guy pulls a stool up to the bar and orders a drink.
Bartender says "Hey Larry, what's with this little guy? Is he a gnome or somethin?."
Larry say "Not exactly. You know how custom illusions are all the rage now-a-days? Well I saved up my money and went and talked to ol' Ned and he quickened this little fella for me." Larry reaches into the box and pulls out a miniature piano. He sets it on the bar and the little man in the tux starts playing a beautiful concerto.
Bartender says "Wow thats great! Is ol' Ned still having issues with his cyber ears?"
Larry say "Yeah! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

Why do Trogs smell so bad?

So blind people can hate them, too!

An elf, human, and ork walk into a bar...the dwarf steps over them...

Adapted this one from Gran Torino.
A trog, halfer, and tusker walk into a bar. The bartender says, "get the fuck outta here!"

A drake, a technomancer, and a ghoul walk into a bar.

The GM says, "Oh Hell No. I didn't approve those."

Jesus saves.....somebody check those dice!

How many Lone Star officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Well, first you fill out the requisition to get the lightbulb from Supply.....

A human, a dwarf and an elf walk into a bar.....
The ork inside held the door closed.

My GM decided to remove anything dumpshockers didn't like about Shadowrun...we are now playing a group of guys who gather up the carts in a walmart parking lot.....

I don't like that.

Ok:
"What's a (meta)human with a yellow fur that smells like lemon? A victim of la GRUME." (The SURGE was translated to la GRIME ("se grimer" means "to disguise himself") and "agrume" is the French word for citrus)
" Two street samurais are paid by check. Le premier l'encaisse, le deuxième l'esquive." ("Encaisser" means "cash-in" as well as "take a blow")

Those are the most famous.

i remember a better version of this joke.

"What has eight legs, four arms, a dozen eyes, and venom dripping fangs?"

"I don't know... Hey, why are you running away?"
***
"So, I went to Chicago awhile back. It was a nice enough place, but terrible for picnics, the bugs were horrible."
***
"What do you get when the Johnson screws you in the end?"

"Business as usual."
***
"Ever hear of the Corp with good moral values? Nah, me neither."
***
"Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?"

"It was stapled to the Ork Punker's ear."
***
"What do you call eight Humanis members shot dead?"

"A good use of eight bullets."

Those really are funny.

here's a bit to waste time with
http://griffjon.com/sr2/?latest

And the Brave Boys in Body Armor....



A Lone Star Offider pulls an Elf over and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the Elf over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The Elf gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

***********************************

A Lone Star Officer stops an Ork and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing corrective lenses."

The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."

The Officer replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

***********************************

As for this last one, Forgive me if I don't know any other law enforcement companies in Shadowrun other than Lone Star. For some reason they get all the press in our games.
If anyone knows any other groups feel free to suggest them. Thanks.



The Lone Star, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. Dunkelzahn, tired of the endless bragging and arguments, decides to give them a deciding test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Lone Star goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten Troll. The Troll is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Johnny was a 'Runner
But Johnny is no more.
What he thought was water
Was H2SO4

They're not really talked about too much, but Knight-Errant, an Ares subsidiary.

Ryusukanku: Erm... there's Knight Errant, and ahm.... I don't know, local military forces? I think Knight Errant would be the ones to burn down the forest, we ARE talking about people who work for the corp that nuked Chicago.

Uh, HardCore or HardCorp. Something like that.

NYPD Inc, but they're in a limited area.

So that would make the joke....


Lone Star, HardCorp, and Knight Errant are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. Dunkelzahn, tired of the endless bragging and arguments, decides to give them a deciding test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

HardCorp goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

Knight Errant goes in. After two weeks with no leads they Nuke the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

Lone Star goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten Troll. The Troll is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"


I'd say this works.

I think the original is better, as it stereotypes the CIA and FBI (especially after some of the FBI fiascos) better. I don't see how they relate to HardCorp, or Knight Errant. ...well, maybe Knight Errant.

Knight Errant and Lone Star both seem to fit that joke very well. The Chicago Nuke incident bears out the first, while the latter... well, I don't really need to say much.

Kind of what I posted, but what about CIA/HardCorp? The CIA and FBI are still around and the original makes sense all the way through. Waco, Ruby Ridge, etc..

Hehe... Whoops.
I guess I kind of missed that. Sad, because it was something like three millimeters above my post...
Hmm... What was the absolutely original, non-Shadowrun version of that joke? I've heard it in several places, but I'm not sure what the real joke actually is...

Hard Corps is where Knight Errant sends troublemaking discipline cases, officers who are too abusive and eager to get physical to fit the Knight Errant image, etc, etc. They're like the worst stereotypes of Lone Star, but worse. Ditto, Wolverine Security (though a different company, the same sort of image for eager brutality and poor discipline).

OK, i just had the "pleasure" to read a REALLY bad one on one of the german boards i frequent . .
this one is REALLY objectionable, so i'll spoiler

And that's why elves have long ears.

*wince*
In more ways than one... Nice joke, though!

Now tell that joke to some people you play with.
Then have them enter a bar.
When they come in, the last first thing they hear gets to be:"And that's why elves have long ears"
Bonus Points for Elves entering said bar ^^

Damn, I PLAY an elf... How many bonus points do I get?

None from me, i hate elves ^^
Well, okay, maybe i would give one for playing one when you hate them . .

e-mail one
Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader

e-mail two
Attention: Human Resources

Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

An elf walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join Saeder-Krupp. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this corp." The elf says O.K.

He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine ork men who are also trying to join. Then a naked troll woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.

The troll woman walks by again and again the elf's bell rings again. The manager says to the elf, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit to join Saeder-Krupp."

As the elf bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

Lady dwarf visits doctors"My fcukin fanny is killing me"
Doctor lifts her onto the trolley lifts her dress has a look then declares "Aha i see the problem" and reaching for his sissors starts to snip snip snip away,with a final snip he plops her back down on the floor and says "See what thats like".
She walks across the room and replies "Wow thats amazing no fcuking fanny pain" what did you do???
"Cut 2 inches of yer wellies" says the smiling doc.

I heard the second one about some monks or something once, I think. Nice one, though. The first, on the other hand, seems to fit S-K's Darth Vader School of Management really well, though...

A Northern Territory (Oz) farm hand (an Aboriginal) commlinks back to the farm manager.

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my Ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."

The manager says,"Ok, there's a .303 Rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said Boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the Bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on".

"Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager.

"Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch."

"... You there, Boss?"

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.


After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.


One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.


As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.


A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.


When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to he young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear:
>

>

>


"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

While I enjoyed the joke (I actually laughed), wasn't this whole thread supposed to be more related to SR?

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a GMC bulldog travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a piasma which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is an attack helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the piasma and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge troll 7 feet tall and 400 pounds and on the dole (fecking sponger). He's having a few beers when a short, well-dressed and Obviously gay elf walks in and sits beside him.

After 3 or 4 beers, the gay elf finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big troll. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers.

At this, the massive troll leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar.

Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.

Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says, "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big troll replies. "Something about a job."

*tears streaming*

Oh, oh, that's so WRONG! Oh, and on so many LEVELS!

This (a) kind of pisses me off, and (b) has nothing to do with Shadowrun.

Did you know the bagpipes were invented in Poland? No, really. A Pole was carelessly walking down the beach when he stepped on the bloated body of a dead goat. After hearing the noise it made, he realized he was onto something.

After several days of tinkering, he presented the new instrument to his wife and proceeded to demonstrate. In absolute horror, the woman grabbed the offending device and ran quickly to the shore and cast it into the sea.

Several weeks later, it washed up in the British Isles.

(Sorry, couldn't resist pulling your whiskers, and I figure this one had to offend somebody.)

It's Friday night in a prominent Seattle bar when a Dragon waltzes in through the door, his sheer bulk destroying the frame and making a mess of the bricks. The length of his body literally separates the people of the bar into two grops and prevents them from getting out the way he came in.
He proceeds to drink enough assorted boozes to fill a rainbarrel before swinging his massive head to the left and snarling out in a voice tinged with smoke and sulfur says "Everyone on this side of the bar are a batch of egg-sucking, stupid, mother-humping, useless apes. You got a problem with that?"

Of course nobody in their right mind, no matter how magical or cybered up is gonna disagree with a dragon in the same room with them. So they all just shake their heads and stay quiet.

The Dragon then proceeds to drink another rainbarrel's worth of booze before turning his great head to the right and eyeing the people there growls to them. "And you... everyone on THIS side of the bar... YOU'RE all a lot of Corpse-kissing, self-screwing, SINless, maggot eating batch of vermin. Anyone here got a problem with THAT?"

ANd again, nobody dares to disagree with the dragon... except one.

From out of the crowd an anemmic-looking elf walks up to the Dragon's face, causing the creature to raise an eyebrow.

"I have a problem with that." the elf says in a quiet voice.

"Yeah?" THe Dragon replies. "SO what are you gonna do about it, speck?"

"Ask you to move so I can get by. I'm on the wrong side of the bar."


Rimshot. Symbol Clash.